partner and sexuality?? 50.4 > 18

[Lola1986]

Hi all,

I got a hilariously negative response from Yi this morning when I asked:
Please advise me how to find a good male partner
50.4 > 18

Sounds very negative! I specified male because I have recently been seeing women as well which is quite new for me, but somewhere inside i think what I am wanting is a male partner - so no idea. Maybe something like I still need to do a lot of work on myself - like my expectations are way out? Or I shouldn't pursue someone just because I want a partner unless I really am able to fully commit?? Like really consider what the other person is offering and what I can offer before embarking on this?? Or because I'm in this experimental phase with my sexuality and sort of trying to figure it out then maybe I shouldn't get together with someone who wants a committed relationship?? I was interested in a bit older man who is not available at the moment for various reasons but might be in the future - and perhaps it is saying don't enter that unless you can definitely follow through?? Any advice please help! Maybe it was just a more general reading, which is actually what I was wanting.

I also wondered if this was kind of an admonishment, like stop obsessing about finding a partner. If I go about with such determination there will only be shame?? I have no idea. I have to say I've not had much luck in this department in recent years.

I then asked:
Please give me some insight into my sexuality
7.5 > 29

Sigh. Any insights much appreciated. There's potential here but I'm making the wrong choices - or??

I'm very confused.

Thanks

 

[dfreed]

I then asked: Please give me some insight into my sexuality: 7.5 > 29

Hello Lola. A quick question for you: are you asking here about your sexual preference, or preferences? Or are you asking about your sexual - or gender - identity? Or about something (or someone) else? Just wonderin'.

D.

 

[Lola1986]

Well, tbh I was just wondering why I got such a negative reading about wanting a male partner. And I was going through all the options of what it was that could have produced such a negative reading, and then I wondered whether it was the fact that I specified 'male'.

Hence I asked the second question - because I thought well perhaps I should have asked more openly, 'a partner'.

So the question about my sexuality is to do with my sexual preferences - I am bisexual and newly realising this and it's positive so far - but also very new. I am honest with everyone about it all and so far so good, no one has been hurt and neither have I. But of course partly I am asking this in order to prevent hurt, to myself and others. Similarly with the first question about a partner.

 

[dfreed]

Please advise me how to find a good male partner: 50.4 > 18

Thanks for your clarification. Line 50.4 says, in part, "The Cauldron breaks a leg and spills the duke's stew .... " (trans. S. Field)

I think this is describing - in perhaps a metaphorical way - your current quest for a 'good man' - or a good person: that you're stuck (e.g. 'legs broken') and it seems you're not getting much nourishment out of all this (the 'spilled stew')!

I think the trigrams (3-line figures) both describe this, and also are suggesting a fix, a 'how to': The upper trigrams are Flame (from Hex. 50) and Mountain (Hex. 18): This is describing your feelings of being stuck (mountain) - perhaps because you are not feeling clear (flame) about what or whom it is you want.

It is suggesting that you take the 'stuck-ness' of trigram Mountain and make use of it: that you stop (slow down, look inward ...) and consider what it is you really want. This then becomes the outward manifestation of lower (inner) trigram Wind, which is about looking and exploring in a gentle way - and thinking of this more in the long-term.

I don't see this as being 'negative', since the Yi very rarely (if ever !) leaves us hanging. I do think it is a bit humorous that Field's translation reads as if the non-sentient Cauldron has become a living being, capable of braking its legs and spilling food!

Also ... I ran the Chinese text of 50.4 thru a perhaps not-so-accurate online translator and got:

"The tripod breaks its foot
and overturns the pot of rice.
The shape of the pot is not good."

And here's my Commentary on the Line: Someone (or some being) named "Cauldron" broke one of its (his, her, or their) three feet, and overturned the rice pot. I'd feel pretty bent out of shape if I did this - but it's only human to feel this way sometimes, especially in matters of the heart.

Now that's humorous (at least to me)! And I wonder if this more positive interpretation of your reading makes the second question not as important?

I hope that's of some use to you. Best, D

 

[Changstein]

So you have the image of a total slob with egg in his beard and food stains on his shirt. Very attractive, right?! It's not a good sign if you are looking for a partner, but I don't know what it means for your question. Maybe are you looking for a project ("Work on What Has Been Spoiled")? Don't look for a project. Maybe are you a little bit sloppy yourself?

Mainly I think you are encouraged to read the signs. If the guy seems like he might be a mess, don't date him.

No. I don't think it makes the difference that you specified "male".

 

[Lola1986]

Ok, thats funny and helpful @changstein - thanks for the advice and you are totally right on point here that in the past I have gone for projects (hence why probably it hasn't worked out!) And most of these have been men but I hear what you're saying, that the sex/gender of the person isn't relevant. I'm not messy in a literal way...but my relationships have been in recent years.

It is also true that right now, to my surprise, the whole world of casual dating has suddenly opened up and is working quite well (I've NEVER been able to casually date before so this is very new and quite exciting even though indeed it might not be nourishing long term). And at the same time I long for a good long term partnership, and (which is why the messy stew bit makes sense) both that maybe I am quite confused (messy) atm, but definitely so far my taste (in men) hasn't been great, they've been messy and it's been a mess!

@dfreed
'It is suggesting that you take the 'stuck-ness' of trigram Mountain and make use of it: that you stop (slow down, look inward ...) and consider what it is you really want. This then becomes the outward manifestation of lower (inner) trigram Wind, which is about looking and exploring in a gentle way - and thinking of this more in the long-term.'

Yes I agree that really this is what I need to do and maybe am avoiding?? Partly because mid-30s suddenly casual dating is working and its fun as I said but I will take heed of this, that it is not nourishing, and that it may get messy, and also I particularly like the gentle exploring suggestion, not my strength and definitely something I'd like to allow myself to do more (rather than feeling I'm all in or nothing at all!)

Many thanks and can update in a few months if it seems relevant!

 

[Lola1986]

Also yes perhaps I am the cauldron that was tripped up (by my last relationship and myself in it although it was almost a year ago now) and then there's still stew spilled and that's still the case so i need to slow down in order to sort of gather myself again

 

[rosada]

I got 50.4 - 18 once when I asked about the benefit of doing a 5 day detox. The 50.4 seemed to reference how I'd abused my body over the years and 18. Work on What Has Been Spoiled encouraged me that the program would be worthwhile. I went a head enrolled in the program which turned out to be quite rejuvenating. I particularly think I benefited from a combination of herbs, particularly Mugwort, which I drank in a tea before bed that gave me a very good night's sleep. I felt I slept better, deeper than I ever had before and that somehow got me to the core of my being and re-aligned me with my core essence. Anyway, as to how this line might apply to your question I think it's significant that your experience with relationships has been somewhat chaotic or "messy" as you say. Perhaps you are being encouraged to follow your instincts to do some work on yourself, whatever you think that needs to be, so's you attract someone who has likewise been healing their own issues. And a 5 day detox couldn't hurt!

 

[Lola1986]

I got 50.4 - 18 once when I asked about the benefit of doing a 5 day detox. The 50.4 seemed to reference how I'd abused my body over the years and 18. Work on What Has Been Spoiled encouraged me that the program would be worthwhile. I went a head enrolled in the program which turned out to be quite rejuvenating. I particularly think I benefited from a combination of herbs, particularly Mugwort, which I drank in a tea before bed that gave me a very good night's sleep. I felt I slept better, deeper than I ever had before and that somehow got me to the core of my being and re-aligned me with my core essence. Anyway, as to how this line might apply to your question I think it's significant that your experience with relationships has been somewhat chaotic or "messy" as you say. Perhaps you are being encouraged to follow your instincts to do some work on yourself, whatever you think that needs to be, so's you attract someone who has likewise been healing their own issues. And a 5 day detox couldn't hurt!

Interesting - thanks. Well I'm booked for a meditation retreat but that's only in December - who knows how much stew might have been split by then! But yes I appreciate the suggestion and I have some mugwort so will give that a shot this week. Sleeping and swimming both definitely get me back to my core self so that's a helpful insight