Past relationship questions

[deusa]

Hi
My ex is trying to get near me again.
I am very afraid things get where they were before.

I asked the Yi:
What will happen if I get together with B again?
19.1 > 7

I got this before. Too late and too tired and maybe too stresses to understan anything...
Does the 8 month thing mean it will be back to what it was?
It was not terrible, but it was so terribly tense...

What hexagram would best define B?
21.1.2 > 64
It seems complicated... Not yet across... Again? Do i always find "not yet across" man???
And biting through... Maybe it means i have to accept him?

Help, i need clarity.
I exchange it for my clarity to somebody in need. I'm better at reading to other people!

 

[deusa]

I decided to ask:
What will happen if i DON'T get together with B?
22.3.6 > 24
Beauty > returning
...
What?

 

[Trojina]

Hi
My ex is trying to get near me again.
I am very afraid things get where they were before.

I asked the Yi:
What will happen if I get together with B again?
19.1 > 7

I got this before. Too late and too tired and maybe too stresses to understan anything...
Does the 8 month thing mean it will be back to what it was?
It was not terrible, but it was so terribly tense...

What hexagram would best define B?
21.1.2 > 64
It seems complicated... Not yet across... Again? Do i always find "not yet across" man???
And biting through... Maybe it means i have to accept him?

Help, i need clarity.
I exchange it for my clarity to somebody in need. I'm better at reading to other people!

No answer will ever mean that you 'have to' do anything....you can do as you choose.

We don't know what you feel for him, can't tell you on the basis of one cast if you should have him back.

I don't believe a person can be totally defined by a hexagram....since we are multifaceted always changing beings...21>64 looks like he's being punished in some way ....by you ? 19.1 looks like he may approach you well but it's not enough to go on to advise you.


You know if you want him back.....we don't. Do you love him....do you want him with you....only you have those answers

 

[deusa]

I lost a reply... What a pity.

I was saying i feel affection for him, but i am very afraid i find myself in exactly the same spot we were in when we finished.

I know people can not be defined by one hexagram, but this type of reading has been pretty useful to me in the past.

When i say "maybe it means i have to accept him" i was meaning accepting him as he is, not accept him back.
I don't want the Yi to tell me if i want or if i don't want. That is a feeling.

I know you are pretty strong when you comment readings on relationships, but don't exagerate please.
My question was "what will happen". That leaves me the choice, no? I want to understand what would be the consequences, or how should i proceed inside or outside of the relationship.

English is not my mothertongue so maybe i am bit inaccurate in the way of expressing myself. Sorry.

 

[kkappa]

I lost a reply... What a pity.

I was saying i feel affection for him, but i am very afraid i find myself in exactly the same spot we were in when we finished.

I know people can not be defined by one hexagram, but this type of reading has been pretty useful to me in the past.

When i say "maybe it means i have to accept him" i was meaning accepting him as he is, not accept him back.
I don't want the Yi to tell me if i want or if i don't want. That is a feeling.

I know you are pretty strong when you comment readings on relationships, but don't exagerate please.
My question was "what will happen". That leaves me the choice, no? I want to understand what would be the consequences, or how should i proceed inside or outside of the relationship.

English is not my mothertongue so maybe i am bit inaccurate in the way of expressing myself. Sorry.

The interesting thing that shines through in your sentences is the feeling that you don't have a choice and that this choice lies somewhere outside of you. Kind of like, if he is coming back, that means I have to let him back in even if the thought alone makes me tense. Forget the past and the future, and just focus on the now, so ask this question instead: What is my best course of action in relation to B? With this attitude you are already taking an active choice in how you let this perceived situation affect you (or not) NOW.

 

[deusa]

Well, my english! I better explain:
He IS back, meaning, he is in my life now, he is the father of our kids, we see each other often as we exchange care fo the kids.
I KNOW he wants to restart, so i COULD move towardss him, or not. It IS, quite probably, my decision.

He is the man i lived with for 10 years, not a bad person, but with a lot of things to solve in his life and person. I was the one working and taking money home, i was the one taking care of the kids, i was the one taking care of our home. He was the one complaining and criticizing all the time.
But he is also the father of my kids, and we used to be a family, do you see what i mean?

Of course the choice lies within me! It always does!
But i feel confused about what would be the best thing to do for me.
I don't want to hurt anybody, and I don't want to get hurted.
I don't know if things can actually change or not...

Is it worth the effort?

I want him to be happy, that much I know...
But i am not sure about what i feel... I always thought that when there are doubts, the best thing is to don't do it...

Kappha, i asked the question you suggested. Here is the answer:
20.3.4.5.6 > 62

Seing to small exceding...
So many changing lines! Gosh!

What i get from it right now is:
Just wait and see what grows. Calm down, there is no decision to take now.
Can't go further right now, but will let you know when i can.

 

[kkappa]

The fact that you have kids does shed more light on the situation. It's one thing to have some guy come back, but it's often more complicated when kids are involved.

I think all these changing lines simply reflect that this is a tense situation for you, there is a lot to understand to find your center in all of this.

20 asks you to see the bigger picture here, the interplay of things in your life.
20.3 you shouldn't try and see things only from your own standpoint, because whatever you do or think has consequences. For example, while you are aware of his weaknesses as a partner in life, what are yours that have contributed to things being tense?
20.4 you shouldn't see him as just a tool, someone who does the things for you that you want him to (I think this actually sounds a lot like what a lot of women struggle with when they complain of lazy men, not saying that this is your case, it's just what popped into mind as I'm typing), you should honor him for who he is and what he can bring to the table.
20.5 again, what has been your role in how things have played out between the two of you? it takes two to tango and equally so, to **** that dance up completely.
20.6 you're letting your ego get the best of you.
62 don't aspire for any big things right now, e.g. getting the family back together.

With this in mind, your initial reading of 19.1>7 in terms of getting back together is really saying that you need to get your head straight and it's okay to follow this upward trend of letting him back in, but don't get carried away by a fantasy of a happy family life again, if that is for example what is at the heart of all of this. But only you know what it is that can make you feel carried away in relation to B.

Light and love to you,
K

 

[canislulu]

Deusa,

What is standing out for me is that you have cast this pair 19:20.

You asked "What would happen if you got back with B?" and cast 19.1 > 7
You asked "What is your best course of action in relation to B?" and cast 20.3.4.5.6 > 62

19.1 > 7 seems to speak to what is happening now. He is "nearing/approaching" you. I am not sure that Yi can tell you more than that at this point because what will happen if you get back with him depends on a lot of things --- actions on your part, actions on his part... it all remains to be seen.

line 1 of 19: "Influence nearing. Constancy, good forutne." As Trojan said above, this seems good. no warnings about the approach in the line....

So what is your best course of action? 20.3.4.5.6 > 62 ...Viewing in Small Steps? If you want to get back with him then perhaps you could take it slowly and view what happens as you all begin to relate again.

Hilary says of the pair 19:20 "What is right for Nearing and Seeing: someone reaches out, someone Seeks" Perhaps it would help you to deeply consider this pair.

Are you aware of changes he has made for the better? If you think of the sequence of 18 to 19 --- when corruption has been dealt with, then nearing is possible. Perhaps you have also changed in a way that could make the interactions between you better.

I don't seem to see any red flags or warnings in the situation --- except perhaps Hexagram 62 ---- Small Exceeding ---- a need to be quite careful in a viewing of how things unfold to avoid the problems of the past?

And I find myself wondering as Trojan did about what you want. What is the Inner Truth for you? the 61-62 pair may be significant As well as the other relating figure for your first question 7 - 8. The Army and Seeking Union.

And to look more at 20. Hilary's translation says "Seeing. Washing hands, and not making the offering. There is truth and confidence like a Presense."

Sometimes I paraphrase 20 as "look without acting in order to gain the proper perspective" or I think of it as "Seeing and Being seen".

 

[long yi]

Hex 19.7 to 7

Six line layout
起卦时间：2013年02月24日01时29分
起卦农历：癸巳年正月十五日丑时

神煞：天乙—寅午　福星—巳　日禄—酉　羊刃—申　驿马—亥　桃花—午　华盖—丑
干支：癸巳年　甲寅月　辛酉日　己丑时
旬空：午未　　子丑　　子丑　　午未


六神　 伏神 　　　坤宫：地泽临　　　　　　　　　　坎宫：地水师（归魂）
　　　　　　　　　【本　卦】　　　　　　　　　　　【变　卦】
滕蛇　　　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　子孙癸酉金　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　子孙癸酉金　应
勾陈　　　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　妻财癸亥水　应　　　▅▅　▅▅　妻财癸亥水　　
朱雀　　　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　兄弟癸丑土　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　兄弟癸丑土　　
青龙　　　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　兄弟丁丑土　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　父母戊午火　世
玄武　　　　　　　▅▅▅▅▅　官鬼丁卯木　世　　　▅▅▅▅▅　兄弟戊辰土　　
白虎　　　　　　　▅▅▅▅▅　父母丁巳火　　○→　▅▅　▅▅　官鬼戊寅木　
Time
Year si fire (wu fire, wei earth)
Month yin wood (zi water, chou earth)
Day you metal (zi water, chou earth)
Hour chou earth (wu fire, wei earth)

Hex 19.1 to Hex 7
19.6. Child you metal; 7.6 child you metal
19.5 asset (wife) hai water (guest line); 7.5 asset (wife) hai water
19.4 sibling qui water chou earth; 7.4 sibling qui water chou earth;

19.3 sibling ding fire chou earth; 7.3 sibling Wu earth wu fire
19.2 officer mao wood (host); 7.2 sibling chen earth
19.1 parents si fire; change to; 7.1 officer yin wood.

You think of him (line 2). He thinks of you (line 5). Line 2/5 is yang/yin match.
Both individuals are at the same frequency about this situation.
Line 4 (He) is in conflict with the children.
Line 4 (He) is the empty element under the house of spouse.
You do not want a connection to him.

Line 1 change line. Relationship is strong in si fire year and you accept him (male yin wood = element of month of reading = yin wood).

Line 5 female (you) hai water is couple to line 1 him in a negative way. Both are yin lines, not much sincerity or will). 驿马—亥　 Movement – hai water at line 5 means you want out, perhaps before December 2013.

Line 7.3 is outcome of the relationship. Relationship wu fire is empty under the year. This will not stick. You do not plan with him for long. Wu fire is the empty element under the year, and also your hour (your body & soul) of the reading. You know that this will not work in 2013.

2014 is wu fire. It may work next year. This will be a rough 2013 for you.

Hexagram 7: there will be arguments. He is a male dominant type of person. Everything centers around him. This relationship will not last. Hexagram 7 is one yang line and 5 female yin line. He has other female friends. Hexagram 7 means preparing for war. The upper trigram is earth and suppresses the water trigram below. This means that it will take a long time to sort out the differences if you plan to stay together for a long time.

日禄—酉 you metal/career　means academic or work achievements of the children. They are important to you. They are your source of strength and happiness (metal produces water).

Find out what is his hidden agenda and know all the blind spots. There is more to him just walking back into your life.

By Aug (shen metal) and Sept (you metal), you will know what may happen. It is not good news. I hope that it is not an open dispute between him and the children. Hex 19 is not good for Aug/Sept.

Hex 7 = four of swords in Tarot:
Quote: In love tarot readings, the 4 of swords indicates the need to slow down and tend to one’s own needs. It can often be a sign that one’s relationship is at risk of becoming stagnant. The Four of Swords encourages you to not make any rash decisions or force you or your relationship into unnecessary action. Not only do you need a personal reprieve, your relationship may be in need one as well. Although there may be feelings of frustration, it’s important that you find neutrality in your current romantic situation. This is not the time to leap into action or make significant changes. You simply need to let things be.
Unquote

If you use Plum blossom Iching method, your layout looks as follows:


　　　地泽临　　　　　地雷复　　　　　地水师　　　　　天山遁　　　　　风地观　　　　　
　　▆▆　▆▆　　　▆▆　▆▆　　　▆▆　▆▆　　　▆▆▆▆▆　　　▆▆▆▆▆
体　▆▆　▆▆　　　▆▆　▆▆　　　▆▆　▆▆　　　▆▆▆▆▆　　　▆▆▆▆▆
　　▆▆　▆▆　　　▆▆　▆▆　　　▆▆　▆▆　　　▆▆▆▆▆　　　▆▆　▆▆
　　▆▆　▆▆　　　▆▆　▆▆　　　▆▆　▆▆　　　▆▆▆▆▆　　　▆▆　▆▆
用　▆▆▆▆▆　　　▆▆　▆▆　　　▆▆▆▆▆　　　▆▆　▆▆　　　▆▆　▆▆
　　▆▆▆▆▆　动　▆▆▆▆▆　　　▆▆　▆▆　　　▆▆　▆▆　　　▆▆　▆▆
　　　[本卦]　　　　　[互卦]　　　　　[变卦]　　　　　[错卦]　　　　　[综卦]
Hexagram 19.1
Reason for events hexagram: 24
Change hexagram: 7
Embedded danger & resolution hexagram: 33
Upside down hexagram: 20 (view from another angle).

Take sometime to learn more about hexgram 33.
Upper part is chien metal trigram, lower part is ken earth trigram.
Earth produces metal. This means he has to become the financial provider of all things and play a leadership role if this relationship has to work in front of the children and you.

If you read hexagram 20 (viewing from a different angle), there is very little chance for this relationship to work. It is sun wood over kun earth. You are the wood that suppresses the earth (his way of life). There is no co-operation or harmony.

I hope this explains your hexagram 20 from you multiple readings posted.

 

[meng]

Hi deusa,

I get what you mean by just accepting him as he is. Your first reading had a couple elements which work so completely together, the message I get, though not easy to do, requires the discipline and strength to do it. "Your mission, should you choose to accept it," is to do the work you deem needs to be done, mainly with and for your daughter's sake, but cherish your freedom and give your own life a chance to breath freely. Line 1, I believe, though it's done jointly, looks after him or herself, and that that's how it differs from line 2.

I think your readings encourage flourishing of you and your daughter, but keeping clear of being committed to and controlled by him.

It's right to do the right thing if it's for the right reasons, but the line between helping someone and enabling them can be thin. Don't sacrifice your beauty, inner and outer, for anyone.

 

[deusa]

i was considering writing you all privately but i will do it here.
thank you all, the 4 of you.
each and every answer is an insight.

basically you give voice to my unconscious doubts.

kkapa: we always have to consider one's responsability in what happens, specially in relationships. i am taking care of that, i am even doing therapy because i want to understand better what happened.

callingcrane: thanks for the assocations between trigrams. funny i have an whole sequence with this thread 19, 20, 21 and 22!!!
i'm going to read the sequence trying to understand the meaning of the "sentence"...

long Yi: uau! i always get amazed by your readings, and many things you write there are very very true... in what sense do you say it is going to be a tough 2013 for me? it is tough to get used to a new situation, yes. just thinking of the hollidays was making me queasy. i was never away from my kids for more then a couple o days... but we all will survive!! i will let you know how it goes...

meng: each time i read your answer i get tears in my eyes... you touch a spot in me, you are probably right in what you write. i need my space, my growth.
he is not a bad man, you know. he did and does the best he can, really. we all do, actually...

i will read all your answers again to get all i can get from them...
thanks again.

 

[meng]

Hi deusa,

I didn't get the impression from you that he's a bad man, however I do get the impression from Yi's answer that he does tend to be a bit punitive and at times, controlling, and line 2 gives me the sense that you are the tender meat that he can so easily bite through, not ripping and tearing but like biting into a slice of watermelon. He may not even be aware he's doing it at the time, hence the mild punishment of line 1. For that matter, you may not be aware of it either at the time. Those who do good pay for their imperfections.

That's why 19.1 oversees, but you don't get a whole lot of help from him, it seems; that's why line 1 requires your perseverance while everything furthers in line 2, because there, what is being built is built equally by both.

 

[deusa]

Meng, can you explain a little more what do you mean with this phrase:
"That's why 19.1 oversees, but you don't get a whole lot of help from him, it seems; that's why line 1 requires your perseverance while everything furthers in line 2, because there, what is being built is built equally by both."

You mean that if i want to build soemthing with him, all the effort will be on me, while if i had got line 2 would have been more balanced?

 

[meng]

I don't know about all the effort, but it will take perseverance on your part, which means patience and additional effort.

19 is an opportune time, but in no way is success guaranteed. There's plenty of work for all to be done during the window of opportunity, such as planting a crop in spring, tending it during summer, harvesting it during fall. If there's slacking off during that time, the harvest will not be ready, and may be killed to rot by the first frost.

So approach is the approaching of spring, and it's time to set to work. It progresses much easier with all hands jointly working toward the same harvest.

 

[deusa]

Ok, i understood.
You are asking me if i think it is worth the effort to proceed with a relationship where most of the work is on me.
And the answer is NO.

 

[meng]

Though I asked nothing of you, I think it's good that you are resolved in your own mind as to what is best.

 

[deusa]

I know you asked nothing, it was a way of saying, and i wanted to resume in one phrase.
Important to understand this, because i really don't want to be the one making the relationship move. Enough of that!

 

[deusa]

Hi
Always,about this relationship, i asked the diagnosis of it NOW:
59.4.6 > 47

I'm not very much at ease with these hex... Dispersing in a context of confinement?
It seems to tell me I was confined and I was able to "break the walls" and have the tree growing ahppily?
Any help?

 

[meng]

the lake has evaporated into clouds
settle down
let it rain