personality disorder Hex 25.4>42

[goddessliss]

I have a neighbour who is very kind - well sort of. It appears it's the only way she can get people to be friends with her. She doesn't appear to be a 'bad' person but she's a bit of a nuisance.

I'm starting to wonder if she has some sort of personality disorder.

What do her behaviours suggest about her personality

Hex 25.4>42

I'm not really sure at all about this answer but I'm happy if someone recognises the symptoms belowand can tell me what may be the disorder here besides the obvious OCD tendency.

lacks social cues in a big way
her conversation has to go in a particular order and she ticks off what she's talked to you about and if you distract her she goes back to the order she started with
her house is spotless and everything is in it's place
she thinks new people that she meets are potentially a new close friend
she maps her days, weeks and months
saying no to her or telling her to go away doesn't appear to offend her in anyway

thank you. I've never come across anyone like it.

Liss

 

[butterfly spider]

Liss
Your neighbour obviously has a few behaviour issues that could be symptoms of a personality disorder.
I think somehow that the reading is more to so with your reaction to her somehow - that as long as you deal with her normally and amiably all will be well. Perhaps that was your fear - having a neighbour who could cause you grief. From the reading I don't see that there is a problem here at all

I think it's saying that even if she may have a few issues then your reaction to them will be important.

 

[goddessliss]

Oh - thanks butterfly spider I didn't think of that.

I mostly find her frustrating because when I say no to her she persists as if I haven't spoken. She's sort of in my face a bit because she knows I'm on my own whereas the other neighbours are partnered or a family.
I became very, very sick when I was away but when I felt up to it I drove home which is quite a lengthy drive of 4-5 hours which when sick it feels like it takes forever.. I'm still quite unwell but she was on my doorstep first thing the following morning after the drive with a bag full of cast off she no longer wants and whilst I made it obvious I wasn't keen on chatting she just kept on until I started walking her out of my garden.
The next morning she's on the phone asking if I want to socialise with her that afternoon - What???? what part don't you get that I can hardly stand up let alone be out...anyway that's just the latest thing.
One morning she saw that my curtains were open 6am and she was knocking on the door wanting something.

 

[MoonCatcher]

Well... I empathise with this lady because my mum is a bit the same. She lives alone and gets overly friendly with any new neighbour. She overdoes things with people and doesn't recognise when people are uncomfortable. Though - she doesn't have the extreme OCD and other symptoms this lady has...

I think the reading (in accordance to your question) is saying that this lady unfortunately has complete lack of awareness... she seems to live in her own world. Yes there's for sure a personality disorder! But other than being extremely irritating she's harmless. I think you need to empathise with someone like this, who must be very lonely due to their antisocial behaviour. So rather than thinking she's inconsiderate - maybe take on board that she isn't normal so shouldn't be judged as a normal person.

 

[Trojina]

I'm wondering if she is picking up on your resistance and that makes her even more determined. Maybe if you went along with it spontaneously, not resisting it (25.4) she'd back off.

I have used such a tactic in similar situations. If someone wants a piece of you give them double helpings and soon they'll be backing out the door saying they have to run works every time. However sometimes you might find you get to like them during the process of pretending to go along with it. It can happen.

 

[goddessliss]

I do empathise MoonCatcher and allow behaviours from her I wouldn't normally tolerate but does that mean I have to be her best friend. I do take the time to spend with her sharing a cup of tea or a glass of wine sometimes but the more I give the more she clings on to me. She's actually a carer for her parents, living on the premises with them and she also has a boyfriend of 5 years but he lives quite a distance away so they stay at each others places when time and circumstances allow but when she's not with him she looks to me to fill that gap.
I don't dislike her but I don't really enjoy spending more than say half an hour with her and I don't wish to feel every time I open my curtains or go into my garden that in her mind that says I'm open to company.
Haha Trojina ah yes that can work in some circumstances for sure.

 

[rosada]

25.4 reads to me like the I Ching is saying there is no "personality disorder", this is just the way God made her.

But maybe even if she is all that "innocent" she still needs people around her to 42. Increase the good and not tolerate/encourage the bad.

Maybe a different question would be yield a more helpful response. Maybe something along the lines of, "Describe what an appropriate relationship with this neighbor would look like" or "How do I humanely extricate myself from these intrusions?"

Now just brain storming on how you might handle the situation:

How about making actual plans with her as in, "Oh hi neighbor. I'm not up for a visit today but why don't we get together tomorrow afternoon say around 4:30 or so? Give me a call first."

[My snarky side wants to quote an old New Yorker cartoon which shows the fellow on his phone in the office saying, "Tuesday's out. How about Never? Does Never work for you?"}

Is there a video you've been wanting to watch that might lead to an interesting discussion? Like youtube has all these talks by Wayne Dyer that are always kinda inspirational. Then when she wants to just hang with you you wouldn't feel you'd completely lost your afternoon and she might get some useful insights. Plus once she's happily parked in front of the computer you could slip away and do other things.

Similarly, perhaps you could loan her a book and say, "I really enjoyed this. I'd be very interested in your opinion." [as in "don't come back till you've read it"]

Ask the I Ching, "Why are we so good together?" I had a neighbor who was a bit too available but we did have great luck going to garage sales together.

Check out her astrological chart. My neighbor and I were both Cancerians. It was like our claws connected and we kept getting attached even when there was no desire to on either side. When I realized that it made it easier for me to recognize how I was contributing to the situation by what I did - like saying "See you soon!" when I should have said, "Let's talk again in a couple of days but call me first."

Meanwhile, I think you are a dear for giving this lost soul your time and attention.
Rosada

 

[butterfly spider]

I think that smiling is a really good way of dealing with people like your neighbour and waving...she sounds a bit lonely and alone which makes you an easy accessible companion. Have things to go to - preferably already booked - classes or work meetings. She will soon realise that you are busy. Walking fast helps I find - on the way somewhere. Arrange to meet say 10 days time for coffee - set a future date perhaps.
When we moved into a terraced house many years ago my 4 year old son told the neighbour that we had impetigo - we had caught it off some tigers we had met camping. I still have a feeling that she avoids us...

Seriously though your neighbour sounds OK - you just need to work on how you deal with her. I am a Libra so will go out of my way to keep the peace.not so good if you end up with a Scorpio neighbour however ....
X

 

[rosada]

"my son told the neighbor we had impetigo"

 

[goddessliss]

Thanks rosada and butterfly spider for your stories and ideas - too funny amd funnily enough she's a Libra and my ascendant is Libran.
From the moment she met me she decided we were soul sisters though I'm not sure why except that I offered to help her out with something that she couldn't do herself - little did I know eh!
She's someone that always makes excuses for others' behaviour to maintain the peace and takes everything at face value rather than thinking oh Liss has said NO 4 times in a row maybe that means stay away - she would think oh she's just busy this week or something like that.
I believe she thinks we're in similar circumstances so that must mean we should hang out together and that like her I've nothing to do with my time even though I've explained numerous times that I'm busy with this and that.
The thing is I don't wish to spend anytime with her at all but try and be kind and compassionate with where she's at.
Oh well as you say butterfly spider I just need to find the right and easy way to deal with her.
Liss

 

[goddessliss]

Yes good idea rosada for me to look at how I contribute to bringing us together.

 

[goddessliss]

Please show me the way to untangle myself from my present relationship with my neighbour

53.3.5>23

Yes removing the entanglement is what I'm after and it seems it was gradual progress for the relations to be where they are now and that I'm feeling quite 'vunerable' line 3 in terms of her not getting the message to back off.
LIne 5 appears to be saying that it will be slow progress but eventually she'll realise.

 

[rosada]

How to untangle myself from my present relationship?

53.3 Be bold about telling her when it's not a good time for a visit, because otherwise...
53.5 this problem could last for a long time, until you move or
23. Split.

 

[cornucopia63]

Cut it off.

 

[goddessliss]

How to untangle myself from my present relationship?

53.3 Be bold about telling her when it's not a good time for a visit, because otherwise...
53.5 this problem could last for a long time, until you move or
23. Split.

Oh dear ok I think I'll go with

Cut it off.

That way it's all said and done.

thanks everyone.