Please help, custody hearing tomorrow

[seeker]

I received a call from my attorney this morning letting me know my ex has filed for temporary relief for custody and child support, meaning he would take custody of our child and I would pay him support until our divorce is final, and with his possibly getting permanent custody. I had not checked my mail in several days, so did not get the paperwork stating the hearing is tomorrow.

Asked Yi:

What do I need to know about court tomorrow? 47.2.3.5

What do I to do about court tomorrow? 53.3.5

What are my prospects for court tomorrow? 53.4

Seems ok if I just stay calm and keep my head, but is there anything I am missing? I am just afraid he is going to blindside me with something I have not thought of. Neither the attorney nor I could figure out why he would do this or why he thinks he has a shot. I have had her since he left in Sept, he has not paid anything towards her support and is only working temporary. I work for the state, have been taking care of her, and I have been more than willing to allow her time with him. I just don't know why he is doing this.

 

[seeker]

Asked also why he is doing this, 8 unchanging???

 

[hilary]

About 8 unchanging: I would guess he feels he's overcome whatever difficulties he was going through and is in a position now to create a new life for himself - and wants to try to get in there now and make the child part of it.

Quick intuitions about 47 to 62 - do not expect/ rely on much communication or understanding with your ex. Think instead in terms of showing goodwill to the court in small ways. Again with 53 - steady progress in very small increments. Maybe a temporary arrangement tomorrow with more to be worked out later. Again from 53,3 comes the idea that the marriage is very, very 'ex' and it would be more realistic to set an objective of avoiding mutually destructive conflict, rather than reaching understanding.

I am sorry that this is so brief and incomplete - it's late and I'm not particularly with it. I hope it's better than nothing.

 

[calumet]

Seeker, sorry to hear you're going through this. I hate to see children caught in battles between their parents, and detest when those battles are dragged into the courts. It is brutal for everyone, especially the children. Is mediation an option? That's incrementally better.

Good luck tomorrow.

 

[yly2pg1]

The Tao is Hex16.

 

[jte]

Agreeing with much of what is said above.

On the 47.2.3.5, 47 is often a Hex where the querent has a good deal of control via their own attitude towards the situation. I'd advise that YOU try to be "2" and "5". Let him soak up the 3 aspect - sounds to me like he deserves it, frankly.

And it sounds like the session might be one of those things that "feels like" it takes forever - per 53. It sounds like you're pretty confident, and for the right reasons - try to be patient too, even if he does try to pull some unexpected unpleasantness.

- Jeff

 

[seeker]

Thanks for everyones help, had not had a chance to respond but I did read them and it helped. Thought you might want to know what happened. He is such a slimy toad. This whole thing was just to upset me and rattle my cage. He arranged the hearing by making a motion for custody and support, then comes in and says he will stipulate to my having custody, he just wants his visitation extended. He has 2 weekends a month until Sun at 6:00 and wants it extended to Mon morning w/his taking her to school. Sounds harmless (my attorney pointed out that they could saved everyone a lot of time had they just called and asked), but I am not thrilled about her spending more time with him. On her last visit she came back not having had a bath, brushed her teeth or changed her underwear for 2 days. He said she did not need a bath and she dressed herself so he assumed she changed her underwear. My attorney said just to document anything like that that happens, and we can go back to court if necessary. Her teacher, who is also a friend of mine and in a similar situation (husband also bipolar), said she will check her when he drops her off and will testify if necessary.

The whole thing was ludicrous, wasted 2 days taking time off from work and worrying myself sick for nothing. But of course, that was part of what he wanted, to get me all upset and rattled. He got his too, though. The judge went ahead and ordered him to pay child support to me effective immediately. So, at least I will have some more money coming in. And the ironic thing is that he will be paying almost as much to my child as he is to his other two combined. His first wife was stupid enough to agree to a lesser amount and has never requested a modification. So, anyway, turned out ok, at least I still have my daughter, and I will have some extra money coming in to boot. Thanks again for everyones help.

Btw, Calumet, mediation is not an option at this point, our only other issue is property and he is refusing to compromise on it at all. This hearing was ordered because he requested an emergency order, supposedly based on the fact that I had made statements I was moving out of the county (not true). But we already had a sort of mini mediation, called a case management meeting, and they determined that we might as well go to the judge, because neither of us is willing to compromise on the property. He wants his equity now, which I can't pay. The only option would be for us to sell it, which would be taking his childs home away. His suggestion was for me to make payments to him (though he has not paid me any support for her since he left) or for me to take out a larger mortgage loan, which would increase a payment I already have difficulty paying. Nice huh???