Please help:Should I contact to apologize or wait?

[viloletka]

Hello, I have had great fight with my boyfriend and am not sure if I want to continue this relationship, however I behaved horribly and feel extremely guilty. I want to appologize but at the same time I want to have time to think about whether I want to get back together or not.

The question was "should I apologize or wait" and the answer was 24.5.6->42.

I am also pregnant from my boyfriend and this is what makes the whole situation even more stressful for me. I am not sure we have strong enough love for each other to be parents together.

 

[meganj]

It says to go apologize.
and my own advice- figure out if this is really working for you, then make your decision.
And also please take with a grain of salt as i am in my first year of learning.

 

[meganj]

I think 24.5.6 is showing you through the lines what would happen. if you apologize or wait.. 5-is auspicious everybody makes mistakes, admit yours.
and 6-that in waiting you could be making the wrong decision, it could cause even more damage.
"For 10 years incapable of a rectifying expedition.".. I believe you know whats right.

 

[rosada]

It sounds like you have two issues entangled, apologizing and re-establishing the relationship. 24.5.6 certainly reads to me like you are being advised to apologize and the sooner the better. Perhaps this also means you should Return to the relationship but I feel you should ask a separate question about that.

By the way, you might find it useful to let the phrases, "I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank-you" run through your mind while you think about him. You may be very pleasantly surprised to find your unconscious figures out a way to weave all these ideas together for you so that when you actually do speak to him you find the right approach occurs easily and that he has already happy to put this all in the past.

Children are able to hear and understand even while in the womb (Shirley Temple's mother went to children's dance classes up to the day she was born - no wonder little Shirley was such a pro!) As you speak sanely to the father you are programing the baby to be sane too...

Best wishes,
Rosada

 

[anemos]

The question was "should I apologize or wait" and the answer was 24.5.6->42.

.

Hi
what I see in both 42 and 24 is a time of no-action. I don't mean don't apologize , just 42 in that case seems to be a time for self-reflection , a time to think what to imitate and what to get rid of as the image of 42 says. I see 24 , in the same lines too.

 

[precision grace]

I'm sorry if this comes over as harsh, I don't mean it as such, but surely you don't need Yi's advice to apologise when you know you've behaved badly. I'm going to chalk this lapse of judgment on your ranging maternal hormones Now, as others pointed out, the relationship issue is an entirely different kettle of fish.

 

[gnar]

If I were to ask your question, this is what I'd see:

line 5 -- It's never wrong to take things back. Our faults, or achievements, they don't necessarily define us forever. But who we are truly inside is what counts. After the successes, and faults, what remains is who we are. By apologizing, we are not submitting to insult, nor are we subduing ourselves. But recognizing the fact that we do make mistakes. And by being able to recognize this, we show greatness in us. There are a number, but there are two things I see if a person apologizes with dignity:

1. They are socially functional. They know it when they've hurt someone, and can imagine how it would feel if they were the one at the receiving end. And so they apologize. "Do unto others..." is a phrase here that describes being truly human. To not be insensitive, and show some heart to other people, as with one's self.

2. They are willing to grow, and do think of what they do. Their sense of responsibility to themselves and others in their lives. They realize they're a part of something bigger than themselves, and take responsibility knowing that each one affects another.

Line 6 -- This will remind me to have a true purpose in apologizing. If I did it as a mere scheme, it would be devastating to me and the other person. I must apologize for the proper reason, and that is what is stated above. To apologize because I know I've done him wrong, and it had no purpose at all. Feelings were hurt, mental torments, and what not for no good reason but just that.

So, yeah. If you have to apologize, these things might come in handy and beneficial to both you and him.

 

[viloletka]

Hi. I did not mean that I dont need to apologize. But maybe I should wait and think it through. Because I dont want apology to be taken as though I am together with him. Anyway, I did apologize and this is exactly the way it was taken.

I am also angered by the fact that I have never in my life received an apology from my boyfriend. Even if he feels sorry inside or knows he is not right he never apologizes or admits fault until a lot of time has passed. And I always apologize when I feel I have overstepped the lines. So i am starting to see that for him apologizing is sign of weakness. When we have fights he just waits some time and appears as if nothing has happened. and this is driving me totally crazy. For example, after our fight now he again left me alone without phone call, or a simple "how are u" or anything...


I did apologize briefly and he did put it all to hormones, but I didnt respond. I know that was not the only reason and his behavior is not what I expect or think is of a person who cares about the other person. I think it is very easy for men just to wave their hand and say that all negative female emotions are due to hormones, PMS, pregnancy, ovulation, climacterium or whatever. And never take a good look at any situation.

anyway, thank you for your help. I did apologize about my behavior but feel anger about his behavior.

 

[gnar]

To each his own, I guess. We just can't put a standard on people, you know. How they are supposed to be. How mature, how easy going, what to take seriously, what not, etc, etc.

It's all about the love. Enjoy living, enjoy your time together, love each other. After all, we're all gonna have to leave these all behind in the end.

 

[meganj]

m

Ahh i believe in 24.5 it says
"many people live to wash their dirty linen in public, it is telltale about them, not about you, you do your own washing up."
Dont be so worried about what he's doing, be the stronger person and try not to let stuff like that bother you. There's always going to be rude people, people who won't apologize because of pride or stubborness.. it's how you deal with that kind of stuff that shows who you are.

 

[rosada]

Congratulations on apologizing! Now you can leave this emotionally abusive man knowing that you did not violate any of your principles.
However, if you are wanting to try to make a go of it I hope you will not ignore his unacceptable, irresponsible behavior. You could consult the I Ching about this but I think you are in a very good position right now to have the key conversation. You could say things like, "I'm glad you accepted my apology - apologies are good, right? They clear the air and make us able to love each other. I want you to know that in the future when you do something that isn't right or hurts my feelings you don't need to be afraid to apologize to me. I will always want to hear you. So can we agree on this? When I mess up I'll apologize to you and when you mess up you'll apologize to me. Agreed?" If he doesn't agree you need to know and consciously decide if you agree to that. If he does agree and he then slips up and then tries to pick up as if nothing happened you simply remind him, "I need to hear an apology." Or, " You're calling me to ask how I'm doing? Is that a code phrase for "Oh my darling, please forgive me, it will never happen again?"
You don't need to be butt about this, you can do it with a smile.

In hexagrams 5 and 6 the I Ching specifically talks about how important it is we have these conversations, that we not just suck it up and say oh I'll love him and forgive him without saying a word, because that is not love, that's fear.
In 5.6 the I Ching says 3 uninvited guests arrive, honor them and there will be good fortune. Well how do we honor them? They've shown up at dinner without being invited. Maybe the way to honor them is to tell them exactly what the rules are. The next hexagram, 6. Conflict, says "the superior man carefully considers the beginning." And "A cautious halt halfway brings good fortune." So before inviting the guest in closer, into your home, into your heart, you have to get the rules straight. Otherwise, no matter how much outsiders agree you are right - "6.5 To contend before him (an outside judge) brings good fortune" - your friend, your "guest" will never play by rules he didn't agree to and as to the restored harmony between you, it wont last: "6.6 By the end of the morning it will be snatched away three times."

-rosada

 

[nicky_p]

Hun, I understand completely. Just had my baby 5 months ago and there are still hormones raging! But he better not tell me that, right? And he has. And we've argued, and nearly split up, and will probably do it again. There's stress and fear and excitement and love and those are all really powerful emotions each by themselves so having them all together...

Only you can decide if you want to stay together. But I would suggest you try to keep in mind that even if you do separate he will always be your baby's daddy. You will still have him in your life.

Take care of you and bump. Try and enjoy your pregnancy - the time goes by so quickly it's unbelievable.

So, didn't comment on your reading (looks like you acted on it already anyhow) but just to let you know I'm thinking of you.

Hugs, Nicky