Pls help with contradictory readings? (new to this)

[Water Man]

hi! its an honour to be here.

I am really struggling with understanding some of the hexagrams to my questions.as they seem to contradict?


your help and advice or help here in clarifying or possibly affirming my interpretation, would be greatly appreciated and of immense value for me!.




These are situations are ones which I cannot change or have no control over, yet I seem unable to accept, no matter the effort or non effort(wu wei) I put into it.




I will share two personal readings, that is indicative of my fate, or so it seems, and I am unable to reconcile or resolve this within myself. I see no future, within the known framework, and I just either do not have the ability or don't know how to reconcile and be at peace with the misfortune, or I am not interpreting these readings correctly?

Ok, Ill try to be as brief as possible.

to be more specific, in Dec of 2017 I went through a massive upheaval in my life due to a breakup, where I experience profound heartbreak, and loss. I never received closure. the love of my life left with no explanation, and never returned and did not respond to my attempts asking her kindly for some closure.we never spoke again, in the middle of the stage of the relationship when it was at its height of bliss for me.

Yet It is even a far more complex event than just the breakup, since this issue brought up other issues in me which compounded my situation.
~~~
my 1st reading:

this is one of many on the subject. asked now that I'm past the heartbreak.

will I ever find myself in a loving relationship which is loving, mutual and joyous, if I continue to grow physically and spiritually, taking time to be more happy within myself?

note: I understand that no other person can make me any happier than I am capable at any time. this was one of the lessons I learned during the heartbreak phase. That all happiness is what I choose to create and another does not make me any more happy. however I deeply loved her. and feel even after overcoming this loss that I may never love another, like I did with her, and there is a (false?)hope , which I logically cannot explain, that does NOT want to die, as it should...despite that I am ready to find another life partner. if it be the tao's destiny for me. It does not seem I have an optimistic fate.

the answer was this:

CHANGING TO

So this seems to be a consistent pattern, and I have been pulling hex 63 as well...which are not indicators of hope...
54 clearly states: 'Nothing furthers', as the outcome.
agreed it says passing trials but this is the future hexagram..., and it is still saying basically that my trials are passing indicating that the situation may never resolve...?
I am NOT ok with a future, where I am unable to establish human connection to another.



my understanding from your site and based intuitively on what I can read into this is, that there is NO HOPE?

I also know that the future does not OWE me a happy existence, and that I control internally through choice, how I react or create my internal circumstances(which is all there is).

thoughts?
~~~
also this would be very helpful if you could help with one other reading I did.

pls review this one reading? you will find it curious.​

T

his one would be of the greatest value to confirm or refute my interpretation. THANK YOU!!!​

I cast this as a 'curiosity reading' regarding the seeming lingering and perhaps false hope, not expecting this outcome...so now I am confused and it could set me back...
when I tie the two readings together it seems contradictory in my understanding? pls send me your thoughts?

I believe the yi-jing is saying(?) I will reunite with my ex lover?, at some point, but within the known framework, I cant trust this will happen, and in fact should not trust...for my health and sanity of hoping when its not appropriate to do so.

what do you believe is happening in this reading?



reading. I asked: Can I still expect the development of a love relationship between Jen and myself in the future?

it pulled 31 uc.

Am I incorrect in understanding the I ching as saying she will in fact come back to me? btw I asked if I should pursue her and the clearest reading said I should not.

"this course leads to marriage".

of 64 possible outcomes, I find it remarkable that this particular one came to me, about success and marriage, directly related to my question.

the odds are astounding that this would happen. I want to trust this message, but the idea of 'wishful thinking' comes into play.


I am afraid to trust this. and can the Tao, play games to hurt us?
I am confused...

Pls let me know your thoughts on this, it means a great deal to me, and Thank you so much for your time..
peace to you
Doug







​

​

 

[diamanda]

Hi Doug and welcome,

the answer was this:


CHANGING TO

I'm afraid it's not visible what the answer was or what it changes to. Can you please type it?

 

[Water Man]

Hi Diamanda,
my first question was: will I ever find myself in a loving relationship which is loving, mutual and joyous, if I continue to grow physically and spiritually, taking time to be more happy within myself?

​

I received 9 changing to 54.

the second question was: I asked: Can I still expect the development of a love relationship between Jen(my ex) and myself in the future?

​

it pulled 31 uc.​

​

very puzzling to me...
thank you for taking the time to read.
Water Man

 

[diamanda]

Thanks for typing it out.

will I ever find myself in a loving relationship which is loving, mutual and joyous, if I continue to grow physically and spiritually, taking time to be more happy within myself?
9.3.4.5.6 > 54
In short, no.
Because 54 does not describe a loving, mutual, joyous relationship.
So perhaps rethink your strategy towards this goal.
The lines of 9 describe a situation where a couple has an argument, then they manage to sort things out, mainly due to material benefits, and the argument gets settled. This leads to someone being "second best". So my guess here is that what you need to focus on is how you function during an argument. Are you too accommodating? Do you strive to always resolve it? Strange as it sounds, this leads you away from your goal.

Can I still expect the development of a love relationship between Jen(my ex) and myself in the future?
31 unchanging
In yes/no questions, for me 31 unchanging (actually most unchanging hexagrams) plays out as 'no'.

I understand that no other person can make me any happier than I am capable at any time. this was one of the lessons I learned during the heartbreak phase. That all happiness is what I choose to create and another does not make me any more happy.

That's not true. Anyone who has ever loved, or been in love, with someone, knows that your loved one(s) bring supreme happiness and enrich our lives. Especially being in love and being loved back, brightens up the world and promotes our survival. Of course it's essential to be comfortable and fine with who we are, in ourselves, but there are lots of people out there who could greatly improve your life, be them family, friends, or lover(s)/a partner. Human beings are not solitary creatures by nature.

 

[Water Man]

Hi diamanda, so basically your take on it is a no in both cases?
so basically I'm screwed...no hope.

as far as happiness goes, my experience is and studies now support it, that we have an emotional set point. so once the honeymoon phase of a relationship is over we return to the same place as we were before we met them.
I expect someone I'm with to treat me with respect . especially now.
I'm not an ass in arguments but I don't take BS from anyone either.

is there a way to ask the oracle 'why' I should be denied a loving union?
thanks for your interpretation
peace.

 

[diamanda]

No you're not screwed at all. You asked if a certain strategy (you being happy and spiritual) will bring you a certain result (a great relationship), and no, that particular strategy won't do that.

In my opinion ask "what can I do towards my goal of having a great loving relationship with someone?".

once the honeymoon phase of a relationship is over we return to the same place as we were before we met them

I disagree. Everyone I've ever known felt much better once they're in a stable relationship, in comparison to what they felt when they were single. I agree that the honeymoon phase does not last long, but still, coupled people feel overall much better than single ones. There are countless studies about this, even on the longevity of coupled people over that one of single ones (coupled people live longer than single ones). But, if you believe that being single and being coupled does not matter at all, then why do you bother asking these questions about you finding someone?

 

[Water Man]

hmmm...Maybe I wasn't clear in my communication on the question I asked. My strategy is simply to grow through my pain to become a better person, i.e. workout, get my self in top shape and learn from what happened. That's my strategy.
as far as being happy in a relationship, well I absolutely disagree considering the divorce rate is 50% and we have movements now such as MGTOW where men are opting out of relationships altogether. but I digress. I do not see many happy men or women in long term relationships. There are a few exceptions. but its rare, in my view, since I have personally witnessed, cuckery, cheating, open relationships, and

for men, most of the ones I know are miserable in marriages.​

There are so many pitfalls its impossible to really list them. its a miracle in this age that there are any monogamous relationships left. So much heartbreak that come with relationships.


btw tho, I never said having a relationship might not worth it in my post.

but since you asked...yes, I have considered 'why bother even having a relationship'... when the true (again my perspective) purpose of a sexual companion is to find a mirror. someone who is on your level, that can and is able to reciprocate the same respect and feelings. in doing so they make you grow better as a person. in fact

I have coined a​

term for such a person, as my 'beautiful mirror'.

conversely, the cliché that ' you have to be in a loving relationship with yourself before you can love another' is still valid because then its icing on the cake, but if someone is not able to love themselves then they cannot depend on some external love and validation from another being. and that will break down. I learned that the hard way.

and yes... it does beg the question: is it better to be single or to have a partner? this again reflects the duality of life on many levels.

for me personally, I have been in love 3 times. it is blissful during the initial stages. as the budhha says, paraphrased: I don't need a relationship. but if one comes along, I would be foolish to not enjoy it while it lasts. The problem as I stated is...that (outdated) romantic love, will never last. someone will leave, or die, or cheat etc. it is inevitable.

Of course, there is good inmho about having someone. There are the obvious benefits of having sexual intimacy. in the end relationships are a double edged sword in my opinion. but I would still choose to have one if it comes along...maybe...in time, when I am healed further, but all this is making me think.

do you ever re-ask the same questions after a certain time has passed?

 

[diamanda]

hmmm...Maybe I wasn't clear in my communication on the question I asked. My strategy is simply to grow through my pain to become a better person, i.e. workout, get my self in top shape and learn from what happened. That's my strategy.

And yet your exact question was:
will I ever find myself in a loving relationship which is loving, mutual and joyous, if I continue to grow physically and spiritually, taking time to be more happy within myself?

So your goal is actually a loving, mutual and joyous relationship, so no, no miscommunication. I repeat, if your strategy is that by becoming a better person, then that equals as a result finding a great relationship, then no, this is not the case.

Yes I know what you mean, that a lot of people within relationships are unhappy because their partner (the man usually) cheats and so on. And yes I agree that nowadays there are many movements which try to dress up male cheating in various pseudo-philosophical dressings. Oh well, whatever.

Please note here the immense difference between:
a) the desire to have romantic love
b) the desire to have a stable relationship
They are two totally different things.

If you desire a), then you'd need to ask for a strategy towards that.
If you desire b), you'd need a different strategy as there are a thousand compromises needed for that.

 

[diamanda]

do you ever re-ask the same questions after a certain time has passed

Yes, but the exact wording of the question is very important.
I also usually add a time-frame, e.g.
"what's the best thing I can do towards X-purpose in April?"

 

[Water Man]

Thanks for your input.

 

[MeltingPot247]

Thanks for typing it out.

will I ever find myself in a loving relationship which is loving, mutual and joyous, if I continue to grow physically and spiritually, taking time to be more happy within myself?
9.3.4.5.6 > 54
In short, no.
Because 54 does not describe a loving, mutual, joyous relationship.
So perhaps rethink your strategy towards this goal.
The lines of 9 describe a situation where a couple has an argument, then they manage to sort things out, mainly due to material benefits, and the argument gets settled. This leads to someone being "second best". So my guess here is that what you need to focus on is how you function during an argument. Are you too accommodating? Do you strive to always resolve it? Strange as it sounds, this leads you away from your goal.

Can I still expect the development of a love relationship between Jen(my ex) and myself in the future?
31 unchanging
In yes/no questions, for me 31 unchanging (actually most unchanging hexagrams) plays out as 'no'.


That's not true. Anyone who has ever loved, or been in love, with someone, knows that your loved one(s) bring supreme happiness and enrich our lives. Especially being in love and being loved back, brightens up the world and promotes our survival. Of course it's essential to be comfortable and fine with who we are, in ourselves, but there are lots of people out there who could greatly improve your life, be them family, friends, or lover(s)/a partner. Human beings are not solitary creatures by nature.

Diamanda - your response here was so beautiful. I just wanted to acknowledge that.

I asked a question of moving to another town for a fresh start to work on myself, try become a stronger individual instead of in my flip flop four year relationship - but I don't understand how the cast answers me in my circumstances and cast 9 > 54.

Perhaps it's not the solution as it implies there would only be a small taming of feeling subordinate or second best but not the inner healing I'm looking or hoping for.