Projection of guilt.. 44.1 to 1..some clarity.

[cosmic_delight]

Hello everyone,

Bit of an intro:

I just recently started using the I Ching...and from what I've noticed thus far, it's really a personal tool..and best used when you are in tune with yourself and your own intuition. The more introspective one is..the more it makes sense...I have tried extremely hard to not turn it into some sort of hokey yes or no divination tool.


I have reached a question where I am a bit stumped.

Long story short.. I am at a shaky part of a relationship where both of us are not sure where this is heading...we have taken space, and no real ultimatums have been set. Ideally this person is who I would like to spend the rest of my life with, no question about it..

In all honesty though, I haven't been a complete angel..I am after-all human. It's not that I have cheated.. it's that I haven't been as fully committed as possible, and have kept other options open (sexually)..Again, I have NOT acted on these..just always been in exploration of them. Recently I have had a lot of suspicious thoughts..is she cheating on me during this time of space, has she been cheating on me all along etc...

The question I asked was this:

How much are my suspicious thoughts about this person my own guilt projecting itself?

I got Hexagram 44, line 1..........changing to Hexagram 1

The reason I asked this is because I am aware of cause and effect, and also the basic psychology of projecting ones own guilt...which I can easily be doing. How much of these thoughts are just my own guilt from my sexual desires with other women...and are these thoughts/desires the cause for the current stagnation etc.


Thoughts, opinions..on the image painted, or perspective..would be much welcome!

Much Regards,

Long time watcher, first time poster!

 

[precision grace]

Hi

That's a really complicated question. You are asking Yi to quantify your thinking against another person's potential actual infidelity.

I think what you got was your own situation reflected back at you - you are constantly tempted by other women, but know that they are not right and thus don't pursue them, however they keep tempting you. Lise has a good line for this change: Do not underestimate harmless little vices: they can very well ruin the rest of your life. http://www.yijing.nl/i_ching/index.html
Hope that helps some.

 

[blue_angel]

"How much are my suspicious thoughts about this person, my own guilt projecting itself?"

First, I know you said you are taking a break. However, is it possible to ask the person, are they seeing other people? To set clear boundaries and expectations. Some good questions you could ask yi that might help are,
"How can I trust this person", "what is the general diagnosis of my relationship with this person", "what is the current image of me and persons relationship " or maybe even "how are my suspicious thoughts relevant towards person"

Either way you got 44 powerful woman (usually advises not to take woman) but remember it does not mean powerful woman literally. It can be saying your idea is off. Do not take this route or idea. But, line 1... seems to say to me look around, what do you see?
And one site says, (as stated above) in line 1 "do not underestimate harmless little vices: they can very well ruin the rest of your life" another site says "if you are tempted into meeting with unscrupulous people acknowledge your own part in this mistake and remove yourself. Do not allow harmful influences to affect your relationship." Hmmmm. Then there's hexagram 1 creative force "what is great, correct, firm"
"Perseverance brings favorable results to he who is firm and unyielding. Take charge and be resolute."
Hope it helps, or at least gives you some direction, things to think about

 

[blue_angel]

And... just out of my own curiosity... you said this is the person you would like to spend the rest of your life with, no doubt about it... why not see what you can do to come together with them, work on what issues you "know" exist. Something factual. What you want,need, desire, and hope from and for each other. Where are the real issues? Yes, you are human, but I would think if you are keeping options open for other women, then you must not be so sure this is the person you want to be with. I don't know your situation. That's just what I get. What's keeping you from fully committing? Maybe then ask how can I commit myself to this person? Or if you don't know what's holding you back... ask, whats keeping me from committing to this person. There is definitely a good chance your thoughts and desires are the cause of stagnation.

 

[cosmic_delight]

Thanks for the input guys, much appreciated.

blue_angel: Keep in mind, I am not seeking these other women for relationships..just sex. So it's not about keeping my options open relationship wise..... it's just the sexual temptation.

The issue of the break is something external from us... although nothing is ever external..as within so without!

Basically her mother (who pre judged me from the beginning, and hasn't even met me haha) told her to cut me off last month. The relationship has been long distance for the last few months as well (she moved for work). Last saw each other late December....since I found out about the mother wanting me cut out.. I didn't reach back out to her until this past Friday with an e-mail, because I am respectful of space..and it gave us both time to dwell on this. Besides, if this is to be a long term thing..the last thing I would want to do is be encroaching and smothering. Worked on myself whole heartily, and had to see if what I felt was real....it's so real. All through my inner guidance, and the guidance received from the I Ching.

The ball is in her court now, and it's the waiting game for me...I am now the receiver, and must open my heart up again to receive. I have yet to hear from the horse's mouth directly (her, only have heard from her mother and sister regarding this issue). Sometimes people need time apart to see parts of themselves that could be adjusted, and to really see if everything was true..or just infatuation. With no holidays like Christmas coming up, she wasn't going to be back last month or this month regardless..it would have been the same mundane way of communicating. Perhaps this break has been a blessing in disguise if this is to work out long term..added some spice, and the chance for inner reflection?

This last month has been the most "spiritual" month for me in the longest time..noticing/meditation daily, sensory deprivation tank sessions etc..clearing a lot of subconscious junk.

The last few days have been quite tempting sexually with other women though....and this morning is when I had this rush of suspicious thoughts of what she MIGHT be doing, or has done. A big part of me was screaming that it was just my ego projecting my own guilt onto her. So I specified the question down to see how much of these thoughts were caused through my own projection of guilt. Nevertheless, this month been a huge test for me, and I'm grateful for the lessons I am learning on a daily basis. It has been tough not knowing where things stand..which is partially why it is so easy to be lured into sexual temptation.

I'm assuming that keeping to myself, keeping true, and open is part of the persevering. Trust, in general, has been my biggest lesson the last 6 months or so..and I have come to realize that it starts from within..trusting yourself.

Hope that helped clear out the situation a bit!

Any more input would be welcome as well

 

[blue_angel]

So you reached out to her already? Letting her know your feelings, commitment, and what you would like to happen between the two of you? And this is only time apart to see where you both are at? Not an actual break up? If yes, then the ball really is in her court. Sexual temptation often seems to creep up whenever our hearts make a commitment. As least that's what happens with me. Stay true to yourself is the only advice I can give. True to your heart. It sounds like it was a projection. It also sounds like what you desire orbwish for is what you will get. So if you ultimately wish for her, then stay clear of temptation.

 

[cosmic_delight]

So you reached out to her already? Letting her know your feelings, commitment, and what you would like to happen between the two of you? And this is only time apart to see where you both are at? Not an actual break up? If yes, then the ball really is in her court. Sexual temptation often seems to creep up whenever our hearts make a commitment. As least that's what happens with me. Stay true to yourself is the only advice I can give. True to your heart. It sounds like it was a projection. It also sounds like what you desire orbwish for is what you will get. So if you ultimately wish for her, then stay clear of temptation.

I basically felt as if I was abandoned..The only communication I received was from her Mother and her Sister directly through phone..basically telling me to scram and leave her alone.

So I said very well..and respected their opinion..creating the space we have had..it hasn't been an "official" break up, because I've yet to know her own opinion.....my inner guidance has been, and is screaming that it is just space and a bump on the road, although who knows. She is quite dramatic as well..so it could very much be her unconscious way of "spicing" things up..

I have yet to hear from the horse's mouth (her)..and Friday was the first time I decided to get back in touch.... I sent out a feeler through e-mail, basically stating that I had to take her out of my mind's eye to see if my love for her was true..and what I have come to realize is that it was even stronger than I had initially imagined etc. It was sincere, short..and to the point... not encroaching or clingy, yet very warm and open.

I felt like the timing was right..and I needed to express how I felt... I would assume she probably thought I would be fuming. I know from all the inner work and weeding out of stuff I have done that she loves me profoundly.. I am sure a big part of her is quite scared of the next step as well... it is in her court....and I shall do my best to be receptive, persevering and open to receiving it.

 

[blue_angel]

I don't know why this is ringing out for me... maybe my own experience but you sent an "email" you can't call her? Or speak face to face? Something like this... you need to hear each others voices. Emails get lost, not sent, sent to wrong person. I'm a bit of a romantic. When I truly love, I will do whatever I can for that love. So since you haven't actually talked to her, I'm sure her mom, sister have her best interest at heart. They have concern. But you need to talk to her. She is an adult right?

 

[cosmic_delight]

I don't know why this is ringing out for me... maybe my own experience but you sent an "email" you can't call her? Or speak face to face? Something like this... you need to hear each others voices. Emails get lost, not sent, sent to wrong person. I'm a bit of a romantic. When I truly love, I will do whatever I can for that love. So since you haven't actually talked to her, I'm sure her mom, sister have her best interest at heart. They have concern. But you need to talk to her. She is an adult right?

A) As stated earlier, the last few months have been long distance...other side of the country, so face to face is impossible

B) Whenever she is there, we always communicate through e-mail, when we see each other (which was once a week when she was here, and then once per month the last few months..it was magical). So it's not about the e-mail getting lost etc. She hasn't had her cell-phone since moving there and uses skype with her family.

She is a texter/email type.

I have already set my intentions and poured my soul out through words, it was strong, sweet and short. I understand we need to talk, when the situation is cloudy..it's best to poke and see how the other person feels first than to just encroach....especially if there has been that much space between already. If the I ching has taught me one thing, it's patience..and that everything happens on it's own accord.

As you can see now, my hands were tied.....all I could have done, and can do now is inner work.. and whatever happens, happens.

Would love some more opinions

 

[cosmic_delight]

Bump! Would love to hear some more opinions

:bows:

 

[susannah]

Update?

Have there been any developments?
Updates are so useful and, sadly, so rare. Before this gets lost in the mists of time, have the last few weeks provided any further insight that you can share? Thanks, Susannah

 

[meng]

How much are my suspicious thoughts about this person my own guilt projecting itself?

I got Hexagram 44, line 1..........changing to Hexagram 1

Chances are, a lot! You create one by creating the other. Think unfaithfully, and you will suspect the other of being unfaithful.