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readings regarding a woman

alexb

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Hi everyone, I am new here, but I must say that this site is GREAT!

Anyway I am having a little difficulty understanding a few related readings about a girl/woman (call her R) I was dating who we had plans to get married and then everything fell apart, inexplicably (to me). She is dating someone else right now, and I have been having trouble letting her go since not too long ago we were planning on what our wedding would be like! I still have some hope left for us, and wanted to know if it is justified.

[I use the method from Alfred Huang's book for choosing which of the changing lines to read]

These are the readings I did:

1) "Sometime in the future will me and R get back together and have a relationship that can last a lifetime?"

25.1 --> 35​

2) "How well do we matchup as a loving couple, as lovers?"

25.5 --> 21​

3) "Is R worth how much I desire to be with her? Is she in my best interest(s)? Would us being together be good enough to warrant this desire?"

35.6 --> 16​

Thank you all SO MUCH in advance I really appreciate it! And am looking for to learning more as we go along. If you all have any questiosn about any more details, please just ask.

Thanks.
 

autumn

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There's kind of a bias in these kinds of readings, because they're so common. 9 times out of 10 when someone wants to know, "will he/she come back, will he/she leave so and so, will we be together again", the answer is no. It's unfortuante that there aren't more questions posed when the relationship is in its beginning stages, or in the middle stages, instead of after it's been over for a long time.

Do you mean 25.1 (12) ?
The original impulses of the heart are always good, so that we may follow them confidently, assured of good fortune and achievement of our aims.

That's about you.

The fan yao of this line is 12.1 (25), "When ribbon grass is pulled up, the sod comes with it. Each according to his kind. Perseverance brings good fortune and success." The fan yao line is the inverse meaning of the one you drew in your reading. In 12.1, the man retires from those he doesn't belong with voluntarily, and dis-entangles himself from their influence (25) (hexagram 12 is about removing oneself from people with whom you do not belong). In 25.1, you move forward without restrictions, with pure motives, alone, presumably because you have gotten it, and catch on to the idea, and your natural, forward-moving state is highly auspicious (but is without the assistance of others- resulting hex 12). Bradford says of this line, "with no pretense; to go forward is promising".

How do we match as lovers? 25.5 (21). You were not to blame in this break-up. You are getting a clear message that you haven't contributed to anything that was wrong in your relationship (the un-encumbered state of 25, without complications). So, probably, you would have worked well had she really meshed with you, and become attached and involved. 25 describes such a lack of complication and attachment, that I wonder whether this was all surface for her, and about the fun of planning the wedding, instead of about a profound attachment to you.

35.6 (16)
You can't make someone cooperate. You can't make someone be with you, either. In 35, let the Sun continue to move over the horizon, and allow her to go.
 

alexb

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Oh sorry for the confusion autumn on the firts of my readings:

It was 25.1.5 -> 35, in Alfred Huang's translation he talks about a method to choose only one of the changing lines, so as to know which one is IMPORTANT, I guess you never read his book! Anyhow the resulting hex was not 12 but 35 which seems much more auspicious.

Thanks so much, I am learning a ton from reading all of your posts.
 

dobro p

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"1) "Sometime in the future will me and R get back together and have a relationship that can last a lifetime?"

25.1 --> 35

25.1 talks about spontaneity that lets go of entanglement, and moving on. Applied to your situation and your question that means either letting go of the entanglement of the relationship with R and moving on, or letting go of the entanglement of asking questions like 'will we get back together?'.

2) "How well do we matchup as a loving couple, as lovers?"

25.5 --> 21

Hex 25 again! I think you're really entangled in this issue! 25.5 talks about how in the process of freeing yourself of some sort of entanglement (again, this would refer to either your relationship with R, or the asking of questions like you're asking) some sort of afflicted emotion arises - maybe anger, or distress, or self-pity, or self-hate, or fear. Yet 25.5 also says that no special remedy is required in order to get to happiness. You'll come out of this with a smile, in other words, as long as you work at freeing yourself from it.

3) "Is R worth how much I desire to be with her? Is she in my best interest(s)? Would us being together be good enough to warrant this desire?"

35.6 --> 16

This is three questions, so I'm not going to read it.
 

dobro p

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Now, do me a favor and ask this question of the Yi: "What do I need to know about how to handle the situation with R?"
 

autumn

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25.1.5. (35) contains everything you needed to know about this is in the very first question, then, since you've gotten 25 line 5 twice, and hexagram 35 twice.

What 25 and 35 have in common is not allowing another person to poison your inner state. Allowing them to be. 35 is moving forward in the sun- for all to see, no hidden motives. 25 is complete naturalness.

Your message is to not allow this situation to poision you, because you are not at fault. Allow her to be, and to make her choices. There is nothing in the nature of the hexagrams that suggests a reunion to me, but at the same time, nothing that suggests heartache. It's kind of like a balloon sailing up into the sky, and you just sort of watch it go.

My reading- maybe others see something different.
 

alexb

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Ok, "What do I need to know about how to handle the situation with R?"
39​

Obstruction. The southwest furthers.
The northeast does not further.
It furthers one to see the great man.
Perseverance brings good fortune.
 

autumn

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Your choices for movement are limited. There is only one direction open to you to move forward.
 

alexb

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Thanks for your help. I have an interesting spin for this: what would a few different readings look like that would be saying that we would get back together? For a learning exercise so to speak?
 

autumn

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You should ask Chris Lofting that. He will give you a list of long-lost-lover reunion hexagrams to meditate on by explaining the binding/bounding processes.

I don't really know what would show up, but I can guess-
31, of course. 58. 24. 49-even, maybe, for discarding the old lover and revealing her heart.
 

mudpie

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The classic "meant-to-be-together-after-estrangement" lines/hexes that I can think of would be 13.5, 53.5

11.5 also bodes well for union, and 54.4 implies the right timing coming eventually after a disappointment. I also love 41.5 because that means a decrease of some kind will inevitably produce a great blessing which nothing can deter.
 

dobro p

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"Ok, "What do I need to know about how to handle the situation with R?"

39

Figures. I render 39 as 'limping'. It seems to me that the Yi's telling you something like this: "You're moving forward through this issue, but your advance is difficult, hampered - you're limping. Reach for support now, don't take on challenges. Two things are useful to you now: maintaining connection with some sort of guide or guidance in your life (somebody you can talk to about this, somebody who knows how to listen, somebody who knows something about the heart), and carrying out what you think is the right thing to do - you can trust your own judgement here to know what's right for you.

Limping isn't the best time a person can have in this life, but it's one of the hexagrams of the Yi for a very good reason, which is this: there are times in life when you find yourself limping. So look for support and guidance; it's what's required now.
 

willowfox

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Hi alexb,

Ok, "What do I need to know about how to handle the situation with R?"
39

hex 39 says that the obstacles here are your continued thoughts of R which are preventing you from moving on. It is both, an emotional as well as a physical obstacle, thinking about her and a desire to be with her. You cannot overcome this situation by moving toward her, you have to stay still and think carefully about what you have to do. You have to dig down deep within yourself to get the answer of how to overcome the obstruction. Learn from this experience, and you will gain good insight about how to deal with future situations like this one, should they occur. Get yourself, some help and advice here, listen to others. Now is the time to release your thoughts about what you had in the past with R, as they no longer serve a useful purpose, in fact they are now an obstruction to your future advancement and happiness.
 

willowfox

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Hi alex,

1) "Sometime in the future will me and R get back together and have a relationship that can last a lifetime?"

hex 25.1 says that you must be sincere in yourself if you wish to move on.
hex 25.5 says that you are suffering from emotional problems which are directly related to R. Ignore them, be patient as a solution to your illness will soon come.

hex 35 says that you are now coming out from the darkness caused by the breakup, and you are starting to see the situation more clearly. R has clouded your thoughts, so you need to cleanse the negative thoughts from your mind, shine a light in there, time for house cleaning. You should not be jealous or selfish in your thoughts, you should think about what R wants, do the right thing, think about others and not yourself. Otherwise, your progress will be hindered by your own wishes and desires. The more you run after R, the further she will get from you.
 
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lightofreason

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autumn said:
You should ask Chris Lofting that. He will give you a list of long-lost-lover reunion hexagrams to meditate on by explaining the binding/bounding processes.

I don't really know what would show up, but I can guess-
31, of course. 58. 24. 49-even, maybe, for discarding the old lover and revealing her heart.

;-) you rang?

31, 58 - in the right ballpark but not bind/bound, all BOND.

Bond covers the notion of sharing space with another/others. In its contractive form it is reflected in Mountain (grief, sorrow, suffering, loss of love or failure to attain a love (it is imagined, out of reach etc) Bond means it is difficult/painful to 'cut' the bond - there will be residue left behind - the two have been 'superglued' at the bond position ;-)

BIND deals with sharing of TIME as in a social contract, the FORMAL marriage contract that is dissolved on divorce but the BOND of two through love can lead to 'hate' and that is difficult to seperate even well after the original 'break'.

BIND covers wind and thunder. So as an example, note the mix of contractive bind + contractive bond in 53 - "with/from self-restraint comes becoming influencial" the focus is on (a) sharing space and (b) sharing time. The result is 'gradual progress' aka maturing.

In its expansive form BOND is reflected (!) in Lake.

Mountain BASED hexagrams cover self-restraint (stopping, blocking - something done when sharing space, we have to consider 'others' etc)
Mountain TOPPED hexagrams cover self-restraint doubled - this gets into discernment, we turn the reactive into the proactive, to our advantage where the consideration of 'others' includes lost loves that we can learn from in the form of quality control etc.

The intense top line of the trigram represents all 'mind' focus and all else is 'still'. The suffering focus links to Buddhism (self-suffering) and it can cover Christianity but "someone else suffered for you"!

Lake BASED hexagrams cover self-reflection (literal and metaphoric)
Lake TOPPED hexagrams cover self-reflection doubled - this gets into intensity in reflection and covers mirroring, mimic, copy, replication and so joy/sexual love. It is NOW and present as compared to mountain that is more past/future (imagined) oriented.

Lake leads us into 'show biz', the celebration of, idolation of, someone (pop star etc) as well as looking behind the mirror (e.g. we get around opposition by using a mirror so 'they' see themselves 'in' the reflection in the mirror.)

Mountain BASED hexagrams in binary order:

15, 52, 39, 53, 62, 56, 31, 33

note such pairs as 62,56 with a focus on loyalty. 31,33 pair covers a focus on enticement etc.

Mountain TOPPED hexagrams in order:

23, 52, 04, 18, 27, 22, 41, 26

For LAKE we have:

BASE : 19, 41, 60, 61, 54, 38, 58, 10

TOP : 45, 31, 47, 28, 17, 49, 58, 43

Chris.
 

alexb

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Hi ladies and gentlemen :)

Things have moved along a little since my last readings about R, she broke up with "That douche" and I have talked to her some. I just asked three questions and would love some extra insight into them! I have been using bradford_h's i-ching translation a lot lately.

A) Is R worth me pursuing as a lifemate?

6.2 -> 12

Seems to be saying that no matter how I try to contend with the arguing between us about why we broke up and such with good common sense it isn't going to amount to much, so gotta give up, and well hex 12 to me is one of the worst in the book, so that doesn't seem to bode well... Actually it answers the question quite directly: "Separating oneself from inferior people. those not worth the young noble's loyalty. Greatness departs, smallness arrives.".. disharmony, discord, lots of dis- words...​

B) What is the best that can happen with regards to R-and-me?

48.3.5.6 -> 4, but in the way I do the readings changing line 5 is the one that is read since it is the middle of the three

In short: We can both learn a lot about life from it, maybe you guys have something move indepth to add to this...

C) What is best for me to do to realise my dream of having a truly fulfilling relationship that can also endure over time as we grow together and play together in love?

60.4.6 -> 10 (again 4 is the one I read because out of the two yin changing lines it is first)

This one is confusing to me but let me attempt: the changing line four seems centrally significant "Content with the boundaries. Fulfillment." 60 and 10 emphasise knowing boundaries in life and walking the path of life one step at a time. So enjoying myself contentedly while I walk my path one day at a time is the best way to get that truly fulfilling relationship!?!?!??! Sounds good to me what do you all think?​

I would love if you have anymore DEEPER stuff to add! Of maybe I am totally offbase here.

All the Best :bows:
 

autumn

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Alex,
The last question was about you in general, right? If it is just about you, that was a good question. It has been my experience that in 1-2 line change hexagrams both lines have something to teach you. Looking at hexagram 60 in the context of your question, you will find success through self-imposed limitations. It suggests to me you should be more discriminating in your choice of women. This is also a theme of hexagram 10, knowing how to play the rules of the game and behave appropriately in any given situation.

Hexagram 60 is the skeleton, or if you're familiar with Astrology, Saturn. In line 4, you recognize the natural limitations of any given situation. The transitional hexagram is 58, joy, sexual love, and exchange with others. You have appropriate boundaries in relationship with others. In line 6, the entire process of setting up limits has reached its limit. It becomes time to step away from rules, from legalistic thinking, and understand how being over-structured kills the spirit, relating hexagram 61. Hexagram 61 fills the skeleton of 60. It is the soul. You will have success through two processes. One, be discriminating in who you choose, and choose those who by nature live according to your standards, but also be wary of too much structure. Don't "parent" your partners, and don't seek partners that need to be parented.

As for your first question, is she worth pursuing as a lifemate, the I-ching warns of involving others who don't belong in the picture in a contentious, difficult, emotional situation. Just seeing 6.2, which is referencing 12- those who don't belong- I wonder if she really has broken up with the Sanitary Product you mentioned. I believe this is probably showing you that you will not get that far with her, and you will be in conflict again soon.

The best thing that can happen between you and she is that one of you recognize the source of love he or she is walking away from, (48 line 3) and understand their mistake (relating hexagram 4). The judgement of 6.2 suggests that a mistake will be made on someone's part.
 

heylise

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Chris, could you please give me the link to "top- and bottom" trigrams in your website? None of the links I have seem to work anymore, and the link on your old one, which should redirect me, doesn't either.

Lise
 
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lightofreason

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heylise said:
Chris, could you please give me the link to "top- and bottom" trigrams in your website? None of the links I have seem to work anymore, and the link on your old one, which should redirect me, doesn't either.

Lise

http://members.iimetro.com.au/~lofting/IChingPlus/t1.html
http://members.iimetro.com.au/~lofting/IChingPlus/t2.html
http://members.iimetro.com.au/~lofting/IChingPlus/t3.html
http://members.iimetro.com.au/~lofting/IChingPlus/t4.html
http://members.iimetro.com.au/~lofting/IChingPlus/t5.html
http://members.iimetro.com.au/~lofting/IChingPlus/t6.html
http://members.iimetro.com.au/~lofting/IChingPlus/t7.html
http://members.iimetro.com.au/~lofting/IChingPlus/t8.html

IF you are viewing these with any browser OTHER THAN Internet Explorer then DO NOT click on the 'show' link. These are available without the 'show' by replacing IChingPlus/ in the above urls with myweb/lofting/

Chris.
 
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alexb

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Anyone else have anything to add to these readings? Any further depth of meaning would be appreciated!

Alex
 

willowfox

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Hi alexb,

A) Is R worth me pursuing as a lifemate?

6.2 -> 12

hex 6.2 says to retreat, withdraw before any bad trouble arises. R is too strong for you to handle.

hex 12 says standstill, withdraw, this way avoids all future problems to do with the question of this relationship.
This again confirms the answer that I gave you for the following question;
1) "Sometime in the future will me and R get back together and have a relationship that can last a lifetime?"
Both of these questions are asking the same thing, 6.2>12 answers very clearly this time.

B) What is the best that can happen with regards to R-and-me?

hex 48.3 you take no notice of the advice already given.
hex 48.5 listen to the advice given.
hex 48.6 No one is stopping you taking advice, it is freely given for you to use.

hex 4 youthful folly. Acting like a teenager.

C) What is best for me to do to realise my dream of having a truly fulfilling relationship that can also endure over time as we grow together and play together in love?

hex 60.4 think carefully because this relationship will put limitations on you.
hex 60.6 the limitations that this relationship would place on you would be too much for you, it would all end in tears.

hex 10 this relationship would be like treading on eggs, disaster just around the corner.
 
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