Really could use some help...Seeing!

[Mira72]

Dear people of clear seeing,

I could really really really use some help...

Obviously it is something *I* need to be able to do it for myself...But I am simply unable to.

I have gotten 20.5.6 to 2 a few times now.

I don't know how to present the situation...may be just the tail end mess...that has left me now for a long while holding the 'dirty basket' so to speak...

The situation involves someone who might be what is considered as a 'twin flame'...our arc is now over half our lives...we have a very in-depth connection...we both seem to know and feel each other's thoughts...there is a sense of pure completion when we can meet in pure love at the heart...but we both seem to have trust issues...we have never really been together...it has always been sort of 'hit and run'...

I don't really fully understand our dynamic...I can't fully conclude if he wants to 'win' or love...I might have been the one that got away for him...I was able to put my life together in a positive way, for my conscience was clean. I simply concluded he was 'dead' to me, when I found that he had married someone...but it seems that he might have been 'tricked' into it.

So now we have a rather wounded type person, who seems to want to gain a better sense of himself, by sucking me into his life somehow (energetically)...in the last couple of years, we kept meeting and I kept getting stranded in his hometown (floods, plane crashes...I mean really 'big' events that would ground me near him...and looking back over the entire span, every road seemed to lead me to where he was, without my having then known to be the case)...

So clearly at some cosmic level, the big person up there is bringing us together...but the little people inside us, seem to not quite get the message and let 'it' happen whatever it might be...

The final tally at it stands is...he is not talking to me...which is amazing because, it was he who told me he still had feelings for me...which made my entire body go cold...because i mean, he is still married...and sure enough it was just a way to somehow suck me into his world...it was as though he needed me to take the flak for his wife...and i have...

and it is so yuck all over...it is as though we have exchanged our inner states...me feeling radiant and grateful for all that was, just the way it was with his bittersweetness and futility...

i am now switching between wrathfulness and not wanting *anything* at all to do with him with a good dose of wanting him to suffer for all that he has put me through...to realising that I am just having to 'wash' his karma out...knowingly or unknowingly i had taken upon myself...i mean there is nowhere else to put it, is there?

In seeing his life and mine, I see that everything he has judged me for, he had had to go through it himself, and everything I have left him for, I have had to experience them in my own life and found them lacking too...he seems to be a little behind me, in life's path...

but what am i to do???

oh it would be so great to just go to town on him!!! but i think i have to reign in the kali somehow...i *have* to be receptive but *not* a doormat or a dumping ground....i resent how i have been treated by him...it *is* so very wrong...I *should* have not waded into his projections...but i did...and now i am the one left feeling so besmirched and dirtied...and for no wrong, except a wrong sense of compassion...and helpfulness...and yes, love. The big Love by a very small person.

oh boy.

And and all your kind prayers and helpful insight, so very welcome.

I am drowning...in quagmire...between this on one side, and my terrible family on the other...one wonders was one Jesus christ not enough for this world? Why have I run into where angels fear thread?

SEEING. Learning. TO. BE. Receptive.

I want my cosmic mommy. But I really really want what is right with the Beloved.

 

[diamanda]

Hi Mira,

I have gotten 20.5.6 to 2 a few times now

Look at your life (20.5), compare it with other people's lives (20.6) and accept the situation (2).
Your life is hurt. His life is to be hurtful (to you, to his wife). This is what it is, try to accept it.

Obviously you're in love with him. But sadly he's not in love with you.
Unfortunately it happens a lot...
And there's no other cure for it than moving on and looking for someone who returns your feelings.
Wishing you good luck in finding that new person soon!

 

[oceangirl]

Hi Mira72 I just got the exact same reading when I asked a question about something very confusing in my life right now - the interpretation on this thread resonated with me.

https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?17214-How-to-proceed-Hexagram-20-5-6-gt-2

 

[Mira72]

Hi Mira,

I have gotten 20.5.6 to 2 a few times now

Look at your life (20.5), compare it with other people's lives (20.6) and accept the situation (2).
Your life is hurt. His life is to be hurtful (to you, to his wife). This is what it is, try to accept it.

Obviously you're in love with him. But sadly he's not in love with you.
Unfortunately it happens a lot...
And there's no other cure for it than moving on and looking for someone who returns your feelings.
Wishing you good luck in finding that new person soon!

Thank you Diamonda...It is true that my life is hurt. But I know he is hurt too...he has not been very mature about it...communication (verbal) has not been his strong point. The person from our youth was a very good person...kind...sensitive. His marriage from when I got a glimpse at it nearly ten years ago...was very sterile, with the woman, very removed, aloof and quite controlling in a quiet way (I actually could see a lot of *my* biological mother in her)...with extreme possessiveness and self-absorbtion.

He was not wearing his ring these past few 'miraculous' meetings we found ourselves in..when i asked about it, he said it was not worth the effort...but our failed communication might have actually made him go back to her. Either way, if my suffering made it little less for him, may be that too was worth it, in the long run. But my guilt was that I somehow botched it...for I was very nervous when I kept accidentally meeting him.

writing it out on the forum, itself makes me feel a little light. gives me a certain remove. a release, so to speak. surrendering to life. i would never want a happiness at the expense of another's. it had seemed that our getting together would have been 'right' for everyone...but it had to have been 'done' the right way...which was not. (we ddi not 'do' anything, so to speak..but could have)

i can not help but feel that i 'sabotaged' it...we both did...we are both good people, who put others happiness ahead of ours. but may be in a masochistic way...which we may yet to learn to let go of. we both come together usually (atleast from life) when I am letting go of all the falseness in relationships in life...so it is definitely a cosmic lesson type relationship on self love.

Thank you ocean girl...for your pointer.

Rosada. are you there?

 

[Mira72]

Incredible!

After spending the past few hours after writing it out into the forum and getting a bit of remove, so to speak, I just now asked the yi again, "what is he in my life, now"...(in the past 'he' was consistently 30uc (which also gave the 'twin flame' idea some run)...and later hex 2)...

The yi answered, to my question, awkward phrasing notwithstanding...

20.6 ->8

Somewhere else on another 20.5.6 thread...Chris had some wonderful insight about 6 being about a calling for 'unconditionality' in love....

Yeah..I suppose if I 'learn' that great lesson, this too would be most certainly worthwhile...

 

[radiofreewill]

Hi Mira72,

20.6 to 8 ~ Seeing over the mountain to the promised land, and sharing it with friends.

The cosmic answer that you are looking for is not to be found in your relationships to others, but rather in your relationship to your own experience.

The yi, imho, is encouraging you to look past materiality ~ past the story of ‘my’ body from birth until death ~ and past the coincidences of intersections with other peoples’ stories, too ~ in order to ‘see’ a greater spiritual truth for yourself…which you can then share with friends…including this guy.

If you found a release from existential angst for yourself, then what else would be left for you to do, other than to share it with others, too?

I highly recommend Michael Singer’s “The Untethered Soul” as a fabulous guidebook for ‘seeing over the mountain’…

All best!

 

[Mira72]

Hi Mira72,

20.6 to 8 ~ Seeing over the mountain to the promised land, and sharing it with friends.

The cosmic answer that you are looking for is not to be found in your relationships to others, but rather in your relationship to your own experience.

The yi, imho, is encouraging you to look past materiality ~ past the story of ‘my’ body from birth until death ~ and past the coincidences of intersections with other peoples’ stories, too ~ in order to ‘see’ a greater spiritual truth for yourself…which you can then share with friends…including this guy.

If you found a release from existential angst for yourself, then what else would be left for you to do, other than to share it with others, too?

I highly recommend Michael Singer’s “The Untethered Soul” as a fabulous guidebook for ‘seeing over the mountain’…

All best!

Thanks radio...you know i usually agree with you...but in this case, I am not sure that it is so much about 'materiality' or 'stories'...the transcendent narrative is itself a 'story' when the immanent is not honoured.

I think it is more along the lines of honouring our inter-relatedness in a way that is apt...sometimes the mountain is the promised land.

I just had a profound insight :-0

is this the sound of one hand clapping?

https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/images/smilies/duh.gif

 

[Mira72]

I just saw this description for 20.5.6...

I think it is beautiful.

***
20.5.6 -> 2

20.5 and 20.6 represent two hearts, viewing each other ... a timeless divine love.

***

(Even though, all you lovely folks probably think I am deluding myself

And to keep up the theme, I just received 20.5...apropos nothing...or just this moment...

The whole thing feels like we are both stranded in some parallel universes and are alternately struggling and longing to find ourselves in the same reality...and stay there.