relationship and 2.5>8

[kiri]

I think it is quite interesting for the 5th line in hexagram 2 with regards to a relationship. I was looking for past readings on that but to no avail

This is regarding me and my guy. I felt our relationship was too emtionally tumultous, and I didnt want to return to the old ways, so I just backed off. I wanted to know, how did he feel about my withdrawal? I don't know what it really means. But the resuting hexagram is 8, so it sounds like he wants a union?

When I want to get closer to him, he backs off, so I have decided to give up on it for a while. But what happens is he probably tries to get closer. But I am still very confused.

Thanks if anyone can help.

 

[philish]

Kiri,

If you look under the search function, you'll find discussions about this line reading. Lots of different approaches to the image of the yellow garment.

One that stands out in my memory is the notion that yellow is the color of the golden mean --that point of perfect balance that draws both form (good looks) and function (but does it work?) into one package.

This is what Hilary has provided in the Wiki Wing (worth the subscription!):

2 zhi Hexagram 8, Earth Seeking Union. The noble is guided by the desire to find the best place where he can be of service. The lovers seek union with one another. Perhaps the yellow skirt is a sign of willingness to join together.

[Italics mine]

So I'll give this a partial shot: you've been see-sawing back and forth trying to find a good balance between the attractiveness of the potential relationship and it's function. Hex 2 says a lot about being both receptive and responsive to the leading of others, the time, the circumstances, etc. In other words, you're not in charge here.

But it's a lovely image isn't it, this line? Perhaps you'd find something there if you thing about the common goals you share. Certainly the emphasis on looking out for how you can serve another person better.

Hex. 8.5 is an image about letting everyone find their own place naturally. "If you love someone, set them free..." sort of image. I think this image is a little more proactive, but along the same theme of releasing others in a way that allows them to choose to be with you for all the right reasons. If I got this line, I'd ask myself how I can be of service to him in this way? In what way am I getting in the way? And how can I find balance and beauty here?

 

[philish]

I missed the point that you'd asked about his point of view. Okay. You'll hear from lots of folks on this board that asking about things in someone else's head can give you dodgy answers, if only because you're too emotionally involved to have any hope of objectivity.

But if I had to guess, he's receptive (Hex 2) to this strategy to find balance and harmony in the union. He needs to be drawn toward the shape of this relationship AND it's purpose.

Since you haven't shared more about the relationship, that's about all I would venture to guess now.

Anyone else want a whack at this?

 

[willowfox]

Line 2.5 is about showing reserve, not going over the top in your show of feelings, and coupled with Hex 8, indicated to him that you were not into him anymore, so he felt that you didn't actually want a relationship.
Now, he is unwilling to let you back because he feels that you have not changed your underlying attitude towards him, as he wants all or nothing.

 

[kiri]

Thank you both Philish and Willowfox. I really appreciate your responses.
I don't quite know how to reply to them, though, as really, the relationship circumstances are pretty delicate and basically I don't really know his next move.

Willowfox, actually, what you mentioned does sound like me more than him. I am unwilling to let him in again due to past disappointments. I do love the person, but not his behaviour. He was the one who wanted his cake and ate it too --as in, he wanted to go daily like a relationship, but when it comes down to it, he would still not fully commit. Interestingly, it may be I who is unwilling to commit, but it was him pulling away at the beginning. He was the one who'd pull away when things got deeper.

Philish, I think yu got something there. He seems to enjoy me withdrawing. Because when I withdraw, then he comes closer. My purpose of withdrawal is because, in my mind, I realised that things wont work out between us. And I thought maybe he would drop me as well. But the result isthat he moved closer, like hex 2.

And yes, we are responsive to external form and circumstances.. totally not in charge; its like waiting to see whats happening next.

 

[philish]

Kiri,

You don't sound as if you're having much fun where you're at. But I think the Yi is giving some good advice about finding internal and external balance in the pursuit of healthy love.

Here are few thoughts, borrowed from Rob Brezney, which may give you something positive to consider in your circumstances. I think they illustrate well the ideas inherent in 2.5 --they certainly gave me some pause when I got myself stuck in a push me/pull you relationship. Just found them again today, and MAN, are they still relevant! Except now I can say that their application actually helped! No, I don't have a situation I can accurately predict, but I do like myself much better --and I think I've given the other parties a healthier view of me, too. And that's definitely more attractive!

If I ever produce a self-help manual called The Reverse Psychology of Getting Everything You Want, it will discuss the following paradoxes:
a. People are more willing to accommodate your longings if you're not greedy or grasping.
b. A good way to achieve your desires is to cultivate the feeling that you've already achieved them.
c. Whatever you're longing for has been changed by your pursuit of it. It's not the same as it was when you felt the first pangs of desire. In order to make it yours, then, you will have to modify your ideas about it.
d. Be careful what you wish for because if your wish does materialize it will require you to change in ways you didn't foresee.

Review your own life and identify experiences that exemplify these four principles.

Best to you.