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purpledawn

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I have been struggling for some time in my relationship, as well as struggling to make a conclusive decision about remaining in or leaving it.

My latest readings are as follows:

What would happen for me if we get back together? 8.2.4 changing to 47
Is it a good idea for us to resume the relationship? 15 unchanging
What can he offer me long-term? 21.5 changing to 25
Can I trust him again? 63.2 changing to 5

Any interpretations would be greatly welcomed.

Blessings abound.
 

gene

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Hi purpledawn

As far as the first reading, it seems to describe the situation very well, and leaves the decision up to you. It seems to be saying that in this relationship you are inclined to depression, and that in order to make it work you are really going to have to work on it. The second line says, "hold to him inwardly," and the fourth says, "hold to him outwardly." This leads me to believe you would have to give it all you have. But is that a bad thing? Only you can decide whether it is worth it or not.

As far as 15 goes, all I can say is that one definition for this hexagram is that of "two eyes working together as a pair." If one refuses to use the other, or refuses to cooperate, then there is a problem. The problem is resolved when we cooperate. Who is mostly not cooperating? Maybe that is something to look at.

Hexagram sixty three line two seems to be giving an indirect answer as well, in that the commentary is saying, "Not receiving the confidence that he needs." The line is yin and I think refers to you. For some reason there is a lack of confidence. Will that change? I do not know. I get the feeling here that there is also a lack of the "right type" of communication. Be careful about using inappropriate means of gaining attention. That will not work for you. The commentary says, "wait quietly and develop your personal worth by your own merits." In other words, work first on yourself, then you will see more clearly to work on the relationship.

Gene
 

pocossin

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What would happen for me if we get back together? 8.2.4 changing to 47
It would be temporary.

Is it a good idea for us to resume the relationship? 15 unchanging
Depends on what you want and can do. Can you assume a more dominant role?

What can he offer me long-term? 21.5 changing to 25
Well, 21 is associated with trouble, line 5 with "Perseveringly aware of danger," and 25 with surprising developments. Expect the past to reoccur.

Can I trust him again? 63.2 changing to 5
No. You know he's tricky, so stay on guard.
 

purpledawn

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Thank you Gene & Pocossin for your thoughtful responses.

It is definitely worth holding to someone inwardly and outwardly, and I have been offering this for the most of our relationship. But it has been wavering because of the inconsistencies in his behavior and his limited willingness to clarify the issues. Also, in an earlier thread, Gene, you interpreted the response as indicating this relationship wouldn't result to much, so I have been taking that into consideration. I am struggling with my decision because I have been so focused on being in a long-term relationship and realize now I have maybe become enchanted with a concept versus reality.

He & I definitely have different styles of communication which I try to respect. Yet, I feel he is shirking his responsibilities and playing mind-games. We are 3 years into the relationship and he has lied to me about his faithfulness, position at work, birth month, whereabouts, last names, and family associations. For example, he told me he didn't have anyone to invite to our wedding (which didn't take place), yet he just told me he has a sister here. Upon confronting him with this, he said it really wasn't a lie because I knew the truth about him having family here already upon asking him if he did or not!

He is severely secretive and explains his general mistrust of people for the reasons behind his lies and/or vagueries to me. But, it just doesn't make sense. Why move-in with me after a short courting period talking of a joint future when he doesn't even trust me?! In my attempts to seek clarity the other evening, he then told me I was to blame partially and needed to take responsibility because I decided to stay in the relationship so long knowing he had been lying to me! Such strange, hurtful logic.

You are correct that I need to work on myself which I have been refocusing on. I feel the need to find back to my inner strength and equilibrium. All of this nonsense he has introduced into the relationship has resulted in my being depressed, confused, and angry.

Gene, what do you mean by my using inappropriate means of communication to gain attention?

Any further thoughts from either of you with all I have shared now?

Kindest regards.
 

gene

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purpledawn

I was just looking at the commentary on the line and quoting it. It may not be you that is using inappropriate means. You did mention though that you have different communication styles. And that you can't trust him. So he may be the one doing that. The line also says, "The woman loses the curtain of her carriage." In other words, she may feel a little exposed. Is it possible you feel that way in the sense that he is making you uncomfortable?

I am not sure what else to say right now. I would like to hear how things come out.

Gene
 

purpledawn

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Yes, Gene, I have been feeling uncomfortable since I discovered these lies and realizing I have been making life plans with a dishonest man.

I will offer an update at a later time.

Purpledawn
 

troubadour

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Purpledawn if I am correct you wrote in an earlier thread that your first six months in the relationship were "magical" and thereafter things degenerated unaccountably, leaving you experiencing obscure emotions that destablizied and confused you. I nearly wrote then that in a nutshell you were describing an encounter with the type of person some would call a narcissist. There are whole websites devoted to describing these tricky fellers by those who have survived them. I don't honestly have a fair basis to suggest you are another survivor but that "magical" made the hair stand up on the back of my neck and I thought I should add this comment here and now.
 

ginnie

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Yes, Gene, I have been feeling uncomfortable since I discovered these lies and realizing I have been making life plans with a dishonest man.
Did you ever get 8.3 for this relationship?
:)
 

purpledawn

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Hello,

Ginnie, not that I recall. I did receive the following reading on 10/06 which I posted here: Is it a good idea for us to get back together? 29.2 changing to 8. Also on 10/18 I received the following reading which is in this thread: What would happen for me if we get back together? 8.2.4 changing to 47. Please elaborate.

Troubadour, thank you very much for offering your insightful intuitions into my situation. Your willingness to share your reaction & insights is much appreciated, and perfectly timed.

Purpledawn
 

sailor

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If the Sage was talking directly to you about your relationship with this person, would the Sage use these hexagrams and changing lines to describe your situation to you?

Hex 8 line 2 seems to say, "study him and determine if he is the right kind of guy". (so you don't end up holding with the wrong sort of person). Hex 8 line 4 seems to say "follow him around and see if he does the right kind of things". (so you will know if you are compatible)

Hex 47 seems to be saying "If you want it so bad you can taste it then it might be worth the energy suck on your life that is required to make this relationship happen."

Do you want to invest yourself to the point there is nothing to do but put out fires and prevent disintegration? That is exhausting but some women swear that their marriage was worth just such a struggle. Only you can know if that is right. But if you haven't studied him from a distance and then followed him around for awhile (dated or hung out) you don't really have the research part of the relationship finished yet. If he is that hot, then its worth the time to find out all you can about him and how that fits with you.

When I get hexagram 15 unchanging its feels like I am being told "just keep doing a good job and don't quit." Above that, don't martyr yourself and stay balanced. In regard to personal relationships it screams "half way, no more and no less". Any long term relationship has to be built a mutual ground. It is wrong to be doing all the giving and none of the getting. Wrong for both parties.

21.5 says to me that this person is willing to get some morals if they are sugar fed to him. Not sure how deep that would go but it is positive if not all that potentially fulfilling.

63.2 says to me that he may have seen you in the wrong light. If you clean up your act from his point of view then something solid could be built. But you have to know his point of view.

That changes to hex 5, calculated waiting. There is a window of time when relationships "quicken". Too much too soon ruins it but so does doing too little for too long. There is a right time and the secret to when that is can only be unlocked if its genuine love. If not, you are bound to miss your mark.

GOOD LUCK TO YOU!
 

purpledawn

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Sayler,

You offer some interesting interpretations which resonate with the majority of others' readings. Thanks for expanding so much on your ideas.

What do you mean in the last reading (63.2) that he may have seen me in the wrong light? I am far from perfect, but have conducted myself appropriately and with good intentions in this relationship. Please share more if possible, so I can understand better.

Purpledawn
 

ginnie

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I did receive the following reading on 10/06 which I posted here: Is it a good idea for us to get back together? 29.2 changing to 8. Also on 10/18 I received the following reading which is in this thread: What would happen for me if we get back together? 8.2.4 changing to 47. Please elaborate.
Well, I was thinking that if he were really very dishonest or screwed up, Yi would have given you 8.3: "He joins himself with evil-doers.... If we do this, how can we fail to suffer for it?"

What about the 8.2 and the 8.4 combination? I'm not sure, because it seems to be contradictory, but maybe it's saying that it would be better to find someone with whom you are already more familiar, but since you have formed an alliance with this outsider, then "righteous persistence will bring good fortune."

Maybe he is no more dishonest than the average fellow and you, by contrast, are a lot more high-minded and righteous than the average woman. In other words, since Yi did not give you line 8.3, then maybe his lapses in the area of morals are not so serious as you believe they are. His behavior strikes you as offensive sometimes but maybe you are easily offended due to your being a very discriminating individual.
:)
 

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