Relationship questions

[moonrise]

Hi, everyone,

I was asking about this much older man who misunderstood my intentions.
I aksed Yi Jing what will happen if I send him an email in which I explain things, I got 30 unchanging.

I don't know what it means...should I cling to my proper principles or to being humble? And just wait that things get cleared by themseleves?

I feel misunderstood but then I asked Yi Jing if that was really the case, did he really misunderstand me, is my vision correct; I got 50.1 -> 14

I don't understand this first line: I should behave differently as I did? In which way? Is this maybe really all my fault?

And then I just aksed how to react, what to do concerning this man, and I got: 59.4.6 ->47

Now I feel I shouldn't write and poke into this any more. What does 59.4 mean? That I should not focus so much on him?

Please help if you can.
Thank you!

 

[peace]

Moonrise;
Line 4 is representing the minister who is trying to work with the king for the greatest good. He knows not to be selfish and this is good fortune.
It also applies to obtaining a strong understanding of interrelationships.

It seems to me that it is best to focus on as you said:
-------------
cling to my proper principles or to being humble? And just wait that things get cleared by themseleves?
-------------
I don't know that things will get better by themselves. I think proper principles and being humble make sense.

This is exhausting (47) but probably well worth it.

Why does it matter if he misunderstands?
I would think it's more important that you understand who you are and why you do what you do.
In many places the I Ching says that people need their own space to understand in their own time!

Take good care.
Rosalie

 

[moonrise]

Hi, thank you very much for your response.

I asked Yi Jing how is our relationship going to evolve?
I got 30.9->55

Can you plese comment? What does that 9th line mean? Should I do something, write anyway? Because now I am in that let go phase, I feel I should just drop everything, but I am sad because I feel I lost a very valuable friend.

I feel I love him and I feel things got so messed up...If he hadn't misunderstood me, maybe we could still be friends. Now he doesn't want to talk to me any more.

Thank you for your input.

 

[moonrise]

Ups, I am sorry, it isn't 9th line, it is 6th line of course, but I got 9 when I cast my coins.

 

[peace]

I would respect his decision and wait until he contacts you. In the meantime, you can learn from mistakes you believe you might have been responsible for.

 

[moonrise]

Thank you for the advice.
You are right, except that he will not contact me. He was always just answering my emails, never sending them on his own.
We will meet in some place soon, but I know that if I don't come to him, the contact will not be reestablished. He will not come to me, at best he will be willing to respond if I come to him. And I don't know if I should.

I should just let all go, I guess.

 

[luz]

Moonrise,

I do think you should let it go for now.

It seems to me he is not very sensitive to your feelings. From what I understand, he was actually upset when he thought that you had romantic feelings for him. He should have be flattered! You sound like a very sweet girl and he, well, he could be your grandfather!

I understand that you love him and would like to at least clarify things between the two of you but I really think he doesn't deserve your efforts to that effect. 59 to 47 sounds to me like you should detach yourself a bit more from this relationship. Let him approach you when the two of you meet. Maybe you will be able to be friends again but if that is not the case, I just think he wasn't worth it.

I know this is difficult for you to see, maybe because you saw him as a spiritual guide. But dont' forget that he's just human, like you and me. He might be wise but that doesn't mean he's not flawed.

Best wishes,

 

[moonrise]

Hi, Lightangel,

thank you very much for your response.
I have done mistakes...I expressed my feelings to openly, but it was simply because I felt safe that he would not misunderstand.
And I guess I was a little too much. I can understand him.

But still...it hurts me to loose him as my friend.

You are right, he is just human and he makes mistakes, too. And he is so sure that he is right, he is stubborn. This is what I wanted to tell him, write him. He was pushing me away because he thought I wanted to be with him, when I was just simply expressing happiness to see him.
He never let me explain or even more, he said that I was decieving myself, that I was lying when I claimed that I didn't want to be with him.

This hurts me actually. I feel he didn't respect me. Just because he is so convinced that he is right all the time.
But he was nice to me, he was helping me a lot, he is a good person. That is why I am so hurt to loose him as my friend.

I looked at the line 6 in hex30 in the I ching book of the moon; it goes like this:

"In order to make an idea visible for others, one has to make a show. Only truth is often too dim for others to become inspired. Do not deceive them, but make a theatre of what you have to say."

Doesn't it say that I should express how I feel? He will not understand just on his own.

I am so confused, I don't know what to do. I am afraid he will just ignore me when we meet and that I can never write him again.

Maybe I should risk it and tell him.

 

[moonrise]

it is also true that line 4 of hex59 says:

" When a group has no strict rules or borders, no dogma’s, it is open for many people. Trust others to take responsibility themselves, and reckon with their way of thinking, then existing contacts will improve, and many new contacts are made possible"

This does say that he will maybe understand and let me approach him on his own?

I am so cofused and because I am hurt I cannot think clearly.Can you help me, please?

 

[jesed]

Hi moonrise

Just in case the commentarie could be useful (and I hope I can explain myself well)

When something in reality "shocks" us (like a double thunder as 51 said), we fell confuse, we lose our center, we cann't see with clarity.

This events come into our life when we are alredy missing some lessons. It's a hard but needed way to learn. And when we learn the lesson, we feel gratefull for what happened. But one needs to get a higer picture of it's own life to do that. It means: one need to take distance from the concrete facts that shocks us, and review innerly it's own life.

Reading your posts: the conflict with this man is shocking you. It would be more usefull for you put the concret conflict aside, and search what aspects of YOUR OWN life are needed to review.

I would sugesst doing JUST ONE question in this time of emotionaly confusion: what should I learn at this Time to improve my emotional life?

And work with that answer before doing more questions.

Best wishes

 

[moonrise]

Hi,

thank you,
you are right. I should learn a lot from this, about being true to myself and especially about self respect.

He is such a strong man, he can be so harsh. And I am afraid to assert myself. Even if I do, then I fall into softness again. I am so weak in comparison to him.

But, I did write him. A long and well, soft letter. I did remind him of his mistakes too, gently and with respect.

It is a long letter. He can get angry about it, that I am taking too much of his time.

I did everything I could. I explained. If he refuses to meet me here, then there is nothing I can do.

Thank you for your help and support.

 

[luz]

Hi Moonrise,

I do believe that expressing your feelings is very important, mostly for yourself. If he doesn't understand or doesn't want to take the time to read the long letter, that should not make a difference. You did what you could to clarify things and you expressed your feelings. Good for you.

I do hope that you are able to get some sort of closure with this person, since it seems so important to you. And I also agree with Jessed that this is a lesson for you. I hope you only get stronger because of this.

If he ignores your letter and ignores you when you meet, just let go, okay? The issue is no longer about you. If he acts this way, he must have issues of his own that are perhaps not for you to understand.

I wish you all the best.

 

[rosada]

Hi Moonrise,

What will happen if I send the letter?
30 Clarity. No change line. You'll clear up misconceptions. But this could mean his responce or non-responce will make it clear how he feels.

Did he misunderstand me?
50.1 Removal of stagnating stuff. Yeah, sounds like there are some misunderstandings to be cleared up
14. After the misunderstandings have been cleared up this suggests you'll feel really good - no matter what.

How to react?
59.4.6 Dispersing your focus.
47.If he doesn't appreciate you "remain cheerful despite it all"!

How will the relationship evolve?
30.6 This sounds like it continues..

Okay, that's all I have to say. I haven't said anything new here, but you particularly asked me for a comment on the other thread and I didn't want you to think I was ignoring you!


Rosada.

 

[moonrise]

Thank you all, you've been very kind.

I admit, I am afraid of his reaction, he can easily say that he never wants to talk to me again or just to leave him alredy alone or something...this matter is not so important to him, so he might feel just overburdened.

I don't mean to impose on him, but I did need to explain.

Whatever happens.

Thank you again, you've been very helpful. Lightangel, thank you for understanding me and reassuring me.

Best wishes,
moonrise

 

[peace]

Moonrise:

I looked up 30 unchanging and found:

"Time to align all aspects of your life - if it is going to be where you want to be." (RL Wing)
---------
Why are you so afraid of this man?
To be cliche: How does he remind you of your father?

Why is it so important for you to get validation or even acknowledgement from a man who you are so afraid you will be a burden to - just because you ask him to take the time to write a letter???

Why is he worth all this mental anguish you are going through?

What do you tell yourself about your self-worth if he ignores you?

Why is he capable of 59.4,6 - dispersing your focus?

All the best,
Rosalie

 

[moonrise]

Hi, Rosalie,

you are right on track here and I've been aware of this for a long time. He is an authority figure for me - not that he wants to be. I am making him.

It is true that I depend on his opinion about me, on his appreciation.

And yes, my father is absent from my life, I just established a contact which is very remote. Otherwise he was not there at all, completely missing.

This older friend of mine knows that and he was reminding me of father projections.

Well, now I wrote to him, I told him that he did misunderstand me and misjudged me - and what a reaction I got! He is hurt, angry and he told me to go on and think whatever I want of him. He said that some things I said only to hurt him.
And of course in the end he said to go and find someone else to nag.

In Yi Jing I was all the time getting lines which were telling me that my intentions are good but they are misunderstood.
I've never felt more misunderstood in my life and that from a man I love and trust more than anything.

But I just feel blank now...I am giving up, if he sees me that way, there is nothing I can do. Of course I will reply to him, but just to say goodbye.

It was a good lesson though, I need to be, as you say, focused, and independent. And less naive, I guess.

Thank you all for your help.