Resulting hex 38 three times in a row?Attitude to family

[bluelight]

I have a little sister in the country I'm from. We grew up pretty much apart but we stay in touch. Overall, my family situation is really toxic. I recently started working and thought she could come stay with me for summer (she legally can, and I thought it would be nice to spend time together, work during the day and go outside, work out together, etc.) So the problems started with both of my parents unwilling to pay for her flight even (and I asked the expense money too). It was some crazy drama I was sucked in once again, never materializing divorce and debts my parents talk about. Then, I technically could pay for my sister to come here and absorb the food costs. Then suddenly, I got into an argument with my sister as well – my mom would tell me how lazy and unproactive she is, and then I noticed that she is really like that. I'd ask her to do some tasks and she won't, or I would question her about something my mom complained and my sister would deny anything. Even things she said a minute earlier, so I can screenshot the conversation and show her... That pissed me off and I told her that kinda attitude is a no-go, to which she got offended and started acting very sarcastic and entitled, told me I am not a millionaire to tell her anything. Basically, it went badly and I lost my hopes in helping her in any way... Same goes with my parents, my mom is helpless and is often passive-aggressive or in denial.

I still feel bad for my sister being there so I made some castings.

1) What if my sister comes here 21.2>38

Wilhelm/Baynes: Bites through tender meat, so that his nose disappears. No blame. The whole combination sounds bad. From what I've read on the unchanging 21, sounds like some type of struggle is involved, the person is clueless and irresponsible (exactly how she is).

2) What if she doesn't (so stays at home where she is) 50.1.3>38

"Sacrificial Vessel"..Food..
Line 1. Legge: The first line, magnetic, shows the cauldron overthrown and its feet turned up. But there will be advantage in getting rid of what was bad in it. Or it shows us the concubine whose position is improved by means of her son. There will be no error.

Line 3. Wilhelm/Baynes: The handle of the cauldron is altered. One is impeded in his way of life. The fat of the pheasant is not eaten. Once rain falls, remorse is spent. Good fortune comes in the end.

Resulting 38... So, maybe she will work on something or we would but in the end it's kinda fruitless?

3) How can I make the situation between us better? 42.3>37

Wilhelm/Baynes: One is enriched through unfortunate events. No blame, if you are sincere and walk in the middle, and report with a seal to the prince.

42 - Increase. What do I increase though, especially in connection with the next reading?

4) What attitude should I adopt towards my family? 10.5>38

Line 5. Wilhelm/Baynes: Resolute conduct. Perseverance with awareness of danger.
Tread carefully, aware of danger, but tread carefully towards what if it ends in estrangement?

"Confucius/Legge: In Mutual Alienation we see fire ascending and water descending. We see two sisters living together whose wills move in opposite directions. However, the lower trigram of Cheerfulness is attached to the upper trigram of Clarity, and the magnetic fifth line is responded to by the dynamic second line; these are signs that there can still be good fortune in small matters. Heaven and earth are separate and apart, but the work which they do is the same." By family I also meant my mom who I'm in touch with.. But basically 38 is the opposite of family...

How do I make sense of this? Do I mend it with my sister? She's quite a lot of work and she is obviously a sponge for toxic personalities and patterns of my patterns...I feel very bad for her but at the same time I don't feel like I have enough resources to help her out, and she might be entitled/ungrateful. I do want to see her though.


Thank you

 

[bluelight]

Anyone?

 

[kzena7]

Hello! It is a delicate situation indeed. I'll give my 2 cents on your readings but you should know better what is true for your situation.

A lot of compromises will have to made if she comes to live with you (21.2) but this will strengthen your relationship with her, as she will feel she can rely on you (42.3). It seems that if ends up staying home (50.1.3) the entire situation will be `out of your hands`, it will be not your responsibility anymore. Maybe it will still bug you but there won’t be much you can do anymore.

Regarding the attitude towards your family (10.5), hexagram 10 and its changing line seem to suggest you should follow the etiquette and stay in the `mental box` they provided for you so that they will stay in the one you have for them… if that makes sense.

It’s very interesting you got 38 three times in a row as a related hexagram. The second hexagram could be a distant perspective on your situation. In your case, it seems that no matter how far you are looking at things, you will keep seeing and feeling the same thing – opposition/squinting. Maybe seeing the 38 ideogram would help you interpret it better? Here it is !


Best of luck!

 

[rosada]

I see 38 as emphasizing that she is your sister and not your child so much as you would like to provide her with the home you think she deserves, there is only a limited amount you can do. You asked what you could do to make things better and got the line about being enriched by unfortunate events. This makes me think how you share the same crazy parents and perhaps you can bond over that, share stories, It sounds like she is not ready to venture out and perhaps feels threatened by your offers. Maybe the I Ching is urging you to strengthen her where she is right now. Like you could send her an online interpretation of her astrological chart as these often encourage a person to feel their life makes sense after all!
As for the attitude to adopt towards your family, I see 10.5 as representing the tribe and then 38 as saying now that you are grown you should treat each other as brothers and sisters, equal tribe members, rather than parents having the ultimate authority.

 

[my_key]

You ask "How do I make sense of this?" at the end of your post and one way might just be to take a step back from the detail of all your casts. The context of 3 of your readings - what if she comes?; what if she stays? and what attitude to family? all indicate a current context of 38 Opposition.

The original meaning of 38 Kui is ' eyes that do not look at each other'. So in these readings, I'd suggest, you are not going to see eye to eye with the people around you for a little while if you walk down these paths.
So before you can see eye to eye a long vigourous campaign of action is required (21>38), where civilised behaviour is going to have to be established (50>38) and each step of the way is going to have to be carefully navigated: a risky business, indeed!(10>38).

However when you ask 'How can I make the situation between us better?' the context of your reading shows as 37 the theme of which is about having order and peace in the family. The reading 42.3>37 calls for you to maintain your principles and be especially careful in how you conduct yourself to ensure that you are doing the right thing.

So I'd kind of see the melee that is going on around you to be something that in the short term you cannot fix ( all those 38's) however if you focus on you and your attitude and lining up the good advice of the two hexagrams in your one clear reading then you'll get some chance to improve your circumstances

Hex 42 - Thus the superior person, when he sees the good, imitates it; when he has faults, corrects himself.
Through
Hex 37 - Thus the superior person ensures that his words have substance and his deeds constancy.

Notice where you may have been going wrong and what has produce positive results in the past, Do less of the former and more of the latter. You can enhance your situation through being principled and remaining consistant in the new things you say and new ways you act.
..........Or it may be nothing like this at all.

Good Luck

 

[bluelight]

Regarding the attitude towards your family (10.5), hexagram 10 and its changing line seem to suggest you should follow the etiquette and stay in the `mental box` they provided for you so that they will stay in the one you have for them… if that makes sense.

As for the attitude to adopt towards your family, I see 10.5 as representing the tribe and then 38 as saying now that you are grown you should treat each other as brothers and sisters, equal tribe members, rather than parents having the ultimate authority.

However when you ask 'How can I make the situation between us better?' the context of your reading shows as 37 the theme of which is about having order and peace in the family. The reading 42.3>37 calls for you to maintain your principles and be especially careful in how you conduct yourself to ensure that you are doing the right thing.

Yes with all of yours interpretations it seems pretty straightforward. Maintain boundaries, be principles and it doesn't seem like we are going to be close to each other very much. I guess Hex 38 feels worse to me than you described. I have never gotten it before this month, not only in these readings but others too. I feel like it has to do something with geographical distance, with people stuck on different continents and travel limited, people going in opposite directions... But yes there is not a particularly 'right' way to act with my family, only maintain boundaries...

 

[diamanda]

Wilhelm's comment on 38 is so apt here.

"This hexagram is composed of the trigram Li above, i. e. , flame, which burns upward, and Tui below, i. e. , the lake, which seeps downward. These two movements are in direct contrast. Furthermore, Li is the second daughter and Tui the youngest daughter, and although they live in the same house they belong to different men; hence their wills are not the same but are divergently directed."

You and your sister are very different. She gaslights and manipulates, you don't. How can you ever look eye-to-eye? You can't. It pains me so much that others have to go through this too. 38 shows eyes each looking elsewhere, maybe turning a blind eye. You can't have an honest relationship with her.

What if my sister comes here 21.2 > 38
You'll feel rightfully angry, you'll tell her off, and you'll split.

What if she doesn't (so stays at home where she is) 50.1.3 > 38
She'll find a lover, they'll split, you will still be divergent from each other.

How can I make the situation between us better? 42.3 > 37
You'll be there for each other only when a disaster strikes the family.
Otherwise drop it, you can't be friends, only be there during disaster times.

What attitude should I adopt towards my family? 10.5 > 38
They're all bullies, stay away.

Really sorry you have to go through this gut-wrenching family experience...