Rift with daughter 40.4 and 17.4.6

[twilightshadow]

A couple of months ago my daughter and I had a bit of a falling out that resulted in her blocking me on her phone. After a few weeks she unblocked me, but still wouldn’t respond. I sent multiple texts trying to explain and resolve the issues as well as just continuing to share things as I normally would. A few days before Thanksgiving she posted something on Instagram that indicated she was depressed (she suffers from both anxiety and depression), and I shared several things with her to try and help, some encouraging and some humorous, as well as telling her I loved her and hoped she was doing better. I then texted that if she ever wanted to talk about the argument I was willing to do so, but that I felt I’d covered everything and I was going to move on. On Thanksgiving Day she finally texted Happy Thanksgiving, love you. I thought that meant we were finally moving forward, but though I’ve continued texting her and sharing things I think she’d like, she hasn’t responded since, not even to a text asking if we could make plans to attend the new Spider-Man movie that comes out later this month. She lives in Tn, and I’m in Ga, so I gave her the option of choosing there or here.

I asked Yi How will she react to us getting together this month? 40.4
Line 4: deliver yourself from your big toe and friends will come. I’ve always interpreted this as getting rid of something undesirable, which may or may not be people, which then allows association with others.

Thinking I could be the big toe or the friend who comes after I asked for an image of myself in that reading. 17.4.6
I have difficulty with both lines because the translations and interpretations are somewhat inconsistent.
Line 4 mentions sincerity, but some translations refer to misfortune in having adherents, while seem to say perseverance in following brings misfortune. My best guess is a warning of being too attached to others’ feelings or opinions, which could apply, but I’m open to other thoughts.
Line 6 refers to either sincerity or allegiance, but it seems to be others’ allegiance to the subject of the question, in this case me.There are also mentions of a king, being bound, offerings, and Western Mountains. In some the king makes offerings to me or to the mountains; in others he introduces me to the mountains. I interpret being bound as a duty or service, which fits with the interpretations that indicate the subject has qualifications or wisdom to be shared with others. I’ve seen others, however, that interpret it as advice to be open to another’s wisdom or to return with a fresh perspective to then be shared. In relation to my question, I can’t quite grasp what it’s saying. So, any thoughts would be appreciated.

 

[ZeroPoint]

Big toe imagery makes me think of aggression, of being forward. Are you trying to force a reconciliation or are you willing to let her come to it? 40 implies no force, and you have been persistent. You can be sincere without being right. She's not your adherent, at the moment, and what you are interpreting as service to her (or from her?) may not look like service or help.

I'm using what you're offering, and I'm sorry about the situation. I'd be happy to be wrong...

 

[IrfanK]

Hi Twighlight,

You didn't say what the rift was about, but this line seems to be saying you have to give up something that's important to you, part of your identity, to heal it. I don't think you are the big toe, but maybe it's an attitude or belief that you hold, one that is creating the conflict.

 

[Plutonian]

Hi twilight.
You asked about how she'll react when you get together this month.
May I suggest you re-conceptualize the question?
To know how she'll react isn't of much help. It's static knowledge.
A dynamic question can be more efficient in interpreting the answer without having to make a ton of analogies that sometimes make the interpretation much more difficult.

Maybe a question like: "What is the Yi's opinion about our encounter?".

Yet, and I might be wrong (sorry if so), I think the real question you might be stating is "How do I approach it?", or "What would be a wise approach to solve the problem with my daughter?", or "What can I do to clear the way between my daughter and I, to reconnect with her, to move out of this conflict?". Sometimes I just ask: "I don't understand this situation, please help me understand."

You got 40.4 -> 7.
The line goes like this:
解 release, relax, let go, untangle, loosen
而 your
拇 big toe。
朋 companion, friend, allies, associates
至 approach, arrive, come
斯 them this (also indicates emphasis)
孚 trust, believe, rely; have faith, confidence (veracity, authenticity, sincerity, a true heart)。
(1)

朋至斯孚 This, I think, can either be interpretated as: "companion comes, trust them", or "companion comes, be sincere with them", or "companion comes sincerely". In other words... If you want the answer to your question, it could be here. How will she react? Your daughter (companion) comes (your encounter) with sincerity, trueness of hearth. But, again, this only feeds hope on something you will know when you get together. I think the line also is suggesting a consideration on your current modus operandi.

Let's take a quick look:
About the 4th line: the line is firm, located on an even position. So, it is not correct. It is on the beginning of trigram thunder, so its dao is to move forward, but it is also on the center of trigram kan, which means danger, to be entangled, and also sincerity, to be true of heart. But, it is also on the top line of trigram li, which means clarity, intelligence (disentanglement). Plus, there are no obstacles ahead, so the conditions are rather optimal for liberation.

I'm most certain you are not a big toe. Unless, of course, that is your rapper name. Just joking.
Wilhelm interprets the "big toe" as the inferior people (line 1, resonating with line 4) that make themselves essential to the noble one. Personally, I think the "big toe" refers to the first line of hexagram thunder. The big toe is the beginning of movement, where movement starts. But to move, you need to disentangle your big toe. If you don't, then you can't move.

So, interpreting all of this, it seems to me the Yi is saying: "Stop trying to advance with your feet entangled. You are not positioned on a correct spot to do so. Disentangle your own feet (or disentangle yourself from your daughter, namely, stop trying to connect to the first line, stop further entangling the situation by trying to solve it and not letting it be what it is, disentangle also can mean leave space for things to unfold). In doing so, instead of going towards your daughter, your daughter will come towards you. Since arguments are always two sided, do what is in your hands, and be open, sincere, true of heart with her when you join (or, she will be sincere when you join)."

I feel that acting upon the situation with your big toe entangled will only lead to a defective advancement. In some way, the Yi could be telling you to turn yourself off, to stop sending things to her to try and solve things. But again, you said she suffered from anxiety and depression. So maybe you don't want to leave her on her own because of this. I don't know all the nuances about the matter, but this is what i can interpret out of reasoning on your question.
Be good.
J.

(1) Bradford Hatcher

EDIT: "Stop trying to advance towards your daughter, she will come to you with sincerity."

 

[rosada]

"How will she react to us getting together this month?"
She will deliver herself from her big toe, the person she used to feel obligated to follow, you, and spend the time with her friends instead.

(Sorry)

 

[redoleander]

I’m sorry you had a falling out with your daughter. 17.4.6 seems like you need to follow your own path. Attraction not promotion. And deal with the ups and downs of the relationship and your own feelings. If the fight is to be resolved it would need to be truly resolved, especially if she is that upset. Giving her more space is a theme of both castings.

 

[rosada]

Sadly Twilghlight has not come back to read our interpretations. Curious how often people who have problems with relationships don’t respond to the help that’s offered, not even a single “thank you” click...

 

[moss elk]

The character 拇 mu3 means toe and it means Thumb. (I don't think the Zhou had a separate word for finger, we have altogether twenty mu3 with two of them being the 'biggest' : our thumbs)

If it were a 'toe' it should be in a line 1 position as it is in 21.1, 22.1, 31.1, 34.1, 43.1, & 52.1 (or in other words:
everywhere else 'toe' is refered to.)

At position 4 , we are at a different, higher body position.

I think it means Thumb in this line.

If we Release our opposable thumb,
we are releasing our grasp...
on a situation.

not controlling or trying to control
it anymore.

Also to support this: is the 7 in the background: Armies control, order, and force.

 

[IrfanK]

The character 拇 mu3 means toe and it means Thumb. (I don't think the Zhou had a separate word for finger, we have altogether twenty mu3 with two of them being the 'biggest' : our thumbs)

If it were a 'toe' it should be in a line 1 position as it is in 21.1, 22.1, 31.1, 34.1, 43.1, & 52.1 (or in other words:
everywhere else 'toe' is refered to.)

At position 4 , we are at a different, higher body position.

it means Thumb in this line.

If we Release our opposable thumb,
we are releasing our grasp...
on a situation.

not controlling or trying to control
it anymore.

Also to support this: is the 7 in the background: Armies control, order, and force.

Well, I'd like to hear more about that! Yes, toes always seem to be line 1, and head is much more likely to be 6 than anywhere else. Shaughnessey did a little analysis of that, showing that "head" was most likely to be 6, followed by 3. He suggested that the fact that 3 was slightly associated with head was evidence of consciousness of trigrams from the very earliest period, in the top position of the lower trigram.

 

[moss elk]

EDIT: "Stop trying to advance towards your daughter, she will come to you with sincerity."

Yes, this works too.

And I'm convinced someone made a mistake in the centuries between Zhou and Han.

 

[Plutonian]

I think it means Thumb in this line.

This is actually pretty refreshing, it could mean "thumb", by all means, yes. Instead of thinking of the "big toe" of the foot, move the thumb to our hand. It is a simple yet very refreshing interpretation.

On the other hand, what do you think of this?:
1. The 4th line is on the first line of trigram Zhen, which could explain why the "big toe" of the foot.
2. It is connected with the first position of the hexagram, which, could be restraining him from moving forward (release your big toe from the first position).
3. The commentary says: "Release the big toe/thumb: not yet in the right position." Makes sense: a strong line occupying a weak spot, it should move on.

On the other hand, when we see the 4th line of hexagram 2, which I take as archetypical, we read: "bag well closed". So, the "thumb" not being released could also be related to this: it is closing something which, in this case, should be opened.

About the MU3 character
I did a little research, and found this:
拇 is composed of: 手 ( 扌when used as left radical) and 母
手 means hand,
母 means mother, female animal, origin.
¿female hands? might refer to the feet.
So, if we ought to think analogically, the feet are "motherly" (yin, close to the ground, roots) and the hands are "fatherly" (yang, interacting with objects, going out). So, it could be more linked to the feet (or to the palm of the hand?)

Similar characters show the same logic:
晦 means "last day of a lunar month" (last day is yin, first day is yang); it also means "dark, unclear, obscure" (yin, darkness, yang, daylight)
姆 means "female tutor" (female, yin)...

well, i'm only speculating here! But I hope my speculations serve the purpose of helping us think about this.
saludos!
j.