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Rollercoaster relationship / 7 uc, 13 uc, 29.1.6>61, 60.2.5>24 and 40.2>16

WindRose

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Hi everyone!

During the past months I've had a kind of "relationship" with a guy I really, really liked. It has been like a ride on a rollercoaster, sometimes I was so happy for the connection we had, sometimes I felt broken hearted.

It was mostly a virtual relationship. We saw each other just twice and it was an on-off: two great months, then he told me he didn't miss me and I let him go. Two months later he comes back for other two months before disappearing again after a date. Than he contacted me again, asking how I was, sending me songs... As soon as I was less cold with him and accepted him back, he disappeared again.

In the beginning I thought we couldn't see each other more for reasonable reasons and thought he was just unstable but now I think that he has some issues with relationships. He probably wants badly to fall in love and feel loved, but just cannot do it, so, since I have similar issues too, it's better to move on and stop thinking about him.

It could sound silly, but I really had a connection with him and it seemed to be the same for him. He told me he never felt that way, he never had that complicity. Sometimes he was also obsessive with me and that should be a red flag but it kinda confirmed I was special to him. Often I found him rereading our messages or checking if I was online and we chatted everyday and everynight for hours. Sometimes, when I was busy, he waited for hours till I was back to chat with him.

During these months I've done a lot of castings. Too many. I cannot even count them. But I felt Yi was helping me through confusion and pain.

I would like your opinion on my last castings. I know I should move forward and I'm trying too. I really feel better now, but I'm the kind of person who needs to sectionate everything, to understand every detail, in order to really move on.
I know I shouldn't, but please don't judge me.

So, I understood from facebook he met (mostly online I think) a lot of girls during the past two years. I don't think they were truly important because of a lot of reasons I won't tell you otherwise you'll think I'm a stalker :ROFLMAO: but sometimes I feel insecure.

So I asked: was our relationship really special to him as he told me? 7 unchanging
I read 7 uc could mean to be in between conflict and union. And this is correct, but didn't really answer my question. Or was it and advice?
I asked fo an insight because I really didn't understand 7 uc > 13 unchanging

I then asked what I represented to him > 29.1.6>61
Sometimes, when I ask about him, Yi answers to me anyways with advice and I don't understand if this is the case. It could mean I know he's a danger to me, but also that I know he sacrificed intimacy because of fear? That he was afraid of me, of us?

I asked if he would come back to me (my brain hopes not, but my pride, in a certain way, hopes so) > 60.2.5>24
Line two show someone close in his gate. I don't really understand line 5. 24 always puzzles me because I don't understand if it means return to someone or to ourselves.

What's the situation between us? 40.2>16
Could it mean I should free myself from him?

I would really appreciate your opinions. I feel confused and too involved to understand these castings.

Thanks to everyone who'll try to help!
 

Trojina

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So I asked: was our relationship really special to him as he told me? 7 unchanging
I read 7 uc could mean to be in between conflict and union. And this is correct, but didn't really answer my question. Or was it and advice?
I don't think there is any answer to your question outside of what he told you and what you feel. No answer is going to be able to confirm what you're asking. I feel 7 is an underlying intent....which makes sense as you say between conflict and union. It's Shadow (explanation in ED sticky here) is 58, one might think this is something to be openly expressed, to find out through open exchange, but what you need to focus on is the sense of intent. Look at his intentions and whether he carried them through. If you mean something you will have an intent about it


Reading through I think the answers to your questions might be also be more fully addressed through research online so you get to understand the dynamics of what was happening. Was this love or limerence? Useful to look up limerence, useful to look up what his behaviour was saying, if you got addicted to his 'no show' look up 'The crappy childhood fairy' and things like that. These are all well known patterns, it's not just something that happened between you and him. It sounds like a dance, which could also be said to be a 7/58 thing. He needed to know you were there but when you were there he felt free to go off which makes me think it's worth you researching attachment patterns. I heard someone talking last night about the more secure a toddler feels the more she will feel free to wander off and explore. He made me think of that a bit.

I then asked what I represented to him > 29.1.6>61
Sometimes, when I ask about him, Yi answers to me anyways with advice and I don't understand if this is the case. It could mean I know he's a danger to me, but also that I know he sacrificed intimacy because of fear? That he was afraid of me, of us?
It's not the best way to get the insight you want by asking from his point of view. Who can speak for him. I think this answer might show you are in rocky territory in heading this way but you can fall back on what you feel to be true inside (61). Yes it does look like taking a risk for the sake of what one feels to be true.

I asked if he would come back to me (my brain hopes not, but my pride, in a certain way, hopes so) > 60.2.5>24
Line two show someone close in his gate. I don't really understand line 5. 24 always puzzles me because I don't understand if it means return to someone or to ourselves.
It looks like in line 5 you perhaps manage to maintain ann occasional friendly, measured kind of interaction? 24 can be return of something/someone but most often it is return to one's usual state of life, it's like coming back in to yourself. 60.2 clearly shows someone not making a move. You have 29/30 change patterns here too. Where 29 is there are quite treacherous emotional waters. But this looks to be quite a calm cast eventually, a way through that (30 yin pattern) It might feel okay and you may get over it better if you can fall into a friendship kind of pattern. I like 60.5 it's respectful of boundaries, both parties can be happy with how things are set up. I think if you could establish a kind of routine of friendship it would help. Most relationships do rely on some kind of pattern of routine otherwise one can not be at peace with it. Like if my friend calls me every 3 weeks I don't worry if I haven't heard from her after 2 weeks. By keeping you hanging, never really knowing what to expect he's actually made you addicted to him. If he withdrew fully or if he were fully there you wouldn't be preoccupied with him, but he's fed you a bit of sugar, you give up then he feeds you a bit more. You got hooked.

And also the 30 yin pattern there reminds me of my earlier suggestion to research the meaning of his behaviours because you will find people discussing it all over the place, you can get clarity over what was happening.

What's the situation between us? 40.2>16
Could it mean I should free myself from him?
This is where you catch deceptions that have held you and confused you and you get free of them. So that could be in the relationship you both destroy the deceptions and so on but from from what you've said it's already gone and it was never really there to start with. I suggest you have been deceived/manipulated but not necessarily deliberately, or even by him. Two people can act out highly manipulative behaviours without even knowing they are doing so. So I am not saying he didn't love you but you are asking all these questions because deep down you know somewhere you haven't known the truth about what happened for you. 40.2 is a great answer for getting to the truth that really releases you from bondage to thinking about him. It certainly looks like he was acting out h is own patterns of insecure attachments and you were on the receiving end wondering what was going on and becoming more addicted and more helpless.
 
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redoleander

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It’s not silly at all. You have strong feelings for this person and, regardless of their behavior, you still need to process and resolve things.

For now I will interpret just two of these, the first and the last, 7UC I think speaks more to needing to approach this from a mature, austere perspective that is willing to experience loss. Your feelings are totally valid but I think 7UC is a clear message that this a situation to grieve, to learn from, and to call on your highest abilities to pull yourself toward a more directed goal. 40.2 > 16 as your connection is, in my opinion, not positive. I received this line a lot to describe my marriage. Obviously that’s just one experience but I don’t think anyone wants to be in a relationship as tricky as this line. There is evasion, or half-truths, here I think. Whether it’s intentional lying or just not being direct or lying by omission, it’s like you’ll constantly need to be on the hunt to get at what’s really going on because it’s not direct. I think the challenge is that this line comes with positives too, of course, there’s something alluring about the situation. I think getting to the center of it is most important and that’s really hard to do right away and without distance. All your feelings are valid, he probably just isn’t the person to bring them to. Maybe others can help you process this. It’s also an opportunity to understand what this dynamic and your role served for you as well. 60 > 24 sounds like boundaries and needing to come back to yourself. 29.1.6 > 61, to me, is an example of a reading that isn’t answering your question but urging you to come back to your own truth. I think most of these answers are in that vein, essentially. It’s normal to go deeper into obsession when someone won’t give you real answers, it’s part of the dynamic. I think, though, that overall Yi doesn’t place the same importance on him that you do and is more interested in you returning to your own truth. I don’t know if these casts tell us much about what he thinks but they do let us know that you have a lot of your own answers and maybe those are most important. And, again, this will take time. This type of relationship makes you think the person is more than they really are because unavailability creates an addictive patterning somewhat. It’s going to make you feel all these things no matter if your mind says you should know better.

Wishing you a lot of healing and growth. What you’re going through is significant and if you give yourself space to feel everything I bet you will learn a lot and heal some more long-standing things as well. Then you can have different types of connections in the future.
 
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Atalanta

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So your questions for 29 >61, 60 > 24, 40 > 16 are all leading me towards him having a disorganized (aka fearful-avoidant) attachment style. Maybe look it up and see if it resonates with you. 40>16 is saying your intuition of this being about fear of intimacy is right. 29 > 61 is his subjective experience of the situation. Terrifying, overwhelming.

60 >24 importantly, is counseling you to protect your heart. I have a disorganized attachment style. It's almost impossible to fix without professional help. He is going to keep hurting you, not because he's evil or mean but because he can't help himself, he can't be what you need him to be. Be careful.
 

WindRose

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Thank you so much for taking the time to help me :)

Reading through I think the answers to your questions might be also be more fully addressed through research online so you get to understand the dynamics of what was happening. Was this love or limerence? Useful to look up limerence, useful to look up what his behaviour was saying, if you got addicted to his 'no show' look up 'The crappy childhood fairy' and things like that. These are all well known patterns, it's not just something that happened between you and him. It sounds like a dance, which could also be said to be a 7/58 thing. He needed to know you were there but when you were there he felt free to go off which makes me think it's worth you researching attachment patterns. I heard someone talking last night about the more secure a toddler feels the more she will feel free to wander off and explore. He made me think of that a bit.

I know something about these kind of patterns because I've done it a lot of times. I have attachment issues that I'm trying to solve, but it's very difficoult.
I'll definitely follow your advice to make some research online. It could help me sort this situation out and also me with my issues.

It's not the best way to get the insight you want by asking from his point of view. Who can speak for him. I think this answer might show you are in rocky territory in heading this way but you can fall back on what you feel to be true inside (61). Yes it does look like taking a risk for the sake of what one feels to be true.


It looks like in line 5 you perhaps manage to maintain ann occasional friendly, measured kind of interaction? 24 can be return of something/someone but most often it is return to one's usual state of life, it's like coming back in to yourself. 60.2 clearly shows someone not making a move. You have 29/30 change patterns here too. Where 29 is there are quite treacherous emotional waters. But this looks to be quite a calm cast eventually, a way through that (30 yin pattern) It might feel okay and you may get over it better if you can fall into a friendship kind of pattern. I like 60.5 it's respectful of boundaries, both parties can be happy with how things are set up. I think if you could establish a kind of routine of friendship it would help. Most relationships do rely on some kind of pattern of routine otherwise one can not be at peace with it. Like if my friend calls me every 3 weeks I don't worry if I haven't heard from her after 2 weeks. By keeping you hanging, never really knowing what to expect he's actually made you addicted to him. If he withdrew fully or if he were fully there you wouldn't be preoccupied with him, but he's fed you a bit of sugar, you give up then he feeds you a bit more. You got hooked.

At this point I'm starting to detache from this situation and from him so I don't think I'll contact him again. I think he also moved on and he's trying to get to know other girls, so I don't think he'll contact me again too. If he will, maybe you're right, a friendship with boundaries could be a way.

I feel he hasn't told me everything. He has really weird sexual fantasies and I thought he told me everything about them, but I'm not sure anymore. I'm still sure we had a true connection and I really feel I was important to him. This is why I still can't fully understand what happened.

I often ran away from guys when I felt I was starting to have feelings or I found ways to start a fight in order to have an excuse to leave them or to make them leave. I wasn't really aware of this pattern but now I understand it was sort of a "I'll give him a reason to leave me before he finds one....". But I never really looked for relationships, they just happened. Instead, he's really looking for a relationship of some kind because he has a subsctiption to tinder, so... I'm not sure he has problems that are similar to mine.

It’s not silly at all. You have strong feelings for this person and, regardless of their behavior, you still need to process and resolve things.

Thank you so much. I really do... Even though I'm moving on, I still feel there's something I need to process. Maybe I just need to be sure it wasn't just something superficial... That I were important to him...

40.2 > 16 as your connection is, in my opinion, not positive. I received this line a lot to describe my marriage. Obviously that’s just one experience but I don’t think anyone wants to be in a relationship as tricky as this line. There is evasion, or half-truths, here I think. Whether it’s intentional lying or just not being direct or lying by omission, it’s like you’ll constantly need to be on the hunt to get at what’s really going on because it’s not direct. I think the challenge is that this line comes with positives too, of course, there’s something alluring about the situation.

Yes, this is how I felt sometimes with him. I don't think it was intentional but I think he doesn't trust other people. He seems like someone that's truly open, but he's not. Howewer, he told me I was the first one he told his sexsual fantasies to because he felt a strong connection with me, but the truth is that everytime we got closer, he ran away and it was just like black and white.

It’s normal to go deeper into obsession when someone won’t give you real answers, it’s part of the dynamic. I think, though, that overall Yi doesn’t place the same importance on him that you do and is more interested in you returning to your own truth. I don’t know if these casts tell us much about what he thinks but they do let us know that you have a lot of your own answers and maybe those are most important. And, again, this will take time. This type of relationship makes you think the person is more than they really are because unavailability creates an addictive patterning somewhat. It’s going to make you feel all these things no matter if your mind says you should know better.

This is true. It's somehow addictive... Also, since I have attachment issues too, with him I also felt safe. Sometimes he was obsessive, but he never pushed me to give more as every single boyfriend I've had in the past. He never complained because I was working so much that we couldn't see each other and also I've always felt like he could disappear from one day to another and I know it's weird, but this meant I felt no pressure.

This whole situation, these kind of things that should have been red flags and instead made me feel safe...... I understood more about myself...

So your questions for 29 >61, 60 > 24, 40 > 16 are all leading me towards him having a disorganized (aka fearful-avoidant) attachment style. Maybe look it up and see if it resonates with you. 40>16 is saying your intuition of this being about fear of intimacy is right. 29 > 61 is his subjective experience of the situation. Terrifying, overwhelming.

60 >24 importantly, is counseling you to protect your heart. I have a disorganized attachment style. It's almost impossible to fix without professional help. He is going to keep hurting you, not because he's evil or mean but because he can't help himself, he can't be what you need him to be. Be careful.

How do you understand from 40>16 my intuition is right?

I think I have a disorganized attachment style too and I've started to go to therapy. I truly hope I'll fix some of my issues, At least to the point I can have a "normal" relationship. I feel good being single, but I'm thinking I'm losing an important part of life.
Since I have this issues and I know I've hurt some guys in the past and I'm not an evil person, I don't think he's evil, but I think he's totally unaware of having a problem. So, I think you're right... I'll be hurting everyone unless he fixes his issues.

Can I ask you somethink personal? Are you going to therapy too? Is it working with you?

Thank you again form helping me. I really, really appreciate it!
 

Atalanta

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For 40>16, I'm going by James DeKorne's interpretation.

I've known something was seriously wrong with my attachment style (albeit not in those words) since I hit puberty, so I'm always a little perplexed at how in denial some can be. Some people really don't want to think about these things.

I have been in intense therapy for 18 months now, yes. I've been doing weekly EMDR. I think I've grown and learned a ton, but only because staying the same was more painful than taking a hard look in the mirror. Change is possible, but not easy or fast. My situation was basically "change or die" and I picked change.

But I haven't gotten into a relationship recently so I don't know how it will work out once I do. I guess it's about honesty, communication, mindfulness, patience. Life is too short for fair-weather friends who think they can order your personality a la carte. But it's also too short to enable someone who isn't ready to change. I'm 33, I'm too old and too exhausted for that mess.
 

WindRose

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Sorry if I'm answering only now. Thanks for sharing your experience. I think I'm at this point too. My unability to let myself trust and get emotionally closer to someone is just too much. I've started seeing a therapist and hope for the better.

For this post I've got some updates. When I asked if he would come back, I received 60.2.5>24. I still don't really completely understand this answer, but I think it could mean he would come back but with limitations or that i had to put some limitations.

He contacted me again, but things didn't go well. I'll open another post since I've don other castings on the "evolution" of the situation.

Thanks again!
 

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