Seed point of my social awkwardness 19.2>24

[Florafauna]

It happens all the time. The cashier at the gas station appears to be in good spirits, open and chatting...until I approach the counter, and the change in energy is palatable, she becomes sullen, shut down, resentful. This is just one example of a dynamic I have noticed happens so frequently that I have become paranoid of going anywhere, approaching anyone, because I'm willing to believe that I am somehow a negative influence. Paranoid that I provoke fear, resentment at worst and discomfort at the least harmful postition on the spectrum of how my very presence affects others. I truly don't understand. My inner landscape is calm, gentle, polite...though at this point I'm almost desperate to understand and change my presentation of myself to help others be more comfortable with interacting with me. I can't just go on with my day and ignore it because I truly do care and if there are adjustments I can make in amending my behavior, I will do it immediately.
So I asked what is the seed point of my social awkwardness, because something so simple as going to a gas station to purchase cigarettes, which to me is one of the things that a gas station is there for, has become such a problem for me. I feel, if those people are doing well before I arrive, then not doing well as I arrive, then I should do the human thing and let them be happy by not approaching. But I see where that mindset leads me, to complete isolation and ineffectiveness, a place I really don't want to reside in.
The answer was 19.2>24.
I may be too emotionally involved to interpret this accurately so I kindly request any assistance. Am I being bolstered my the I ching, am I being provided advice on how to chance this recurring dynamic, is yi talking about what my approach causes another to feel? I feel very hex 4, the ignoramus in the envelopes darkness, who is oblivious to what everyone else knows so adeptly, it's causing paranoia and a thought that I'm just not self aware enough to be a safe fit for human interaction.

 

[Matali]

Hello,
First of all, rest assured, there is no question of paranoia in the answer, nor of people transformed by you in a negative way when you meet them.
19.2 – 24 looks like a phase of your life in which you grow up 19. And when you approach "others," it's a common approach for you and for them. 24 is the return to your center, stay centered, in reality. Do conscious breaths for example, or any other activity that helps you stay on your way while meeting people, naturally. Be yourself, be confident in yourself, it is also the starting point to build new authentic relationships.

 

[redoleander]

19.2 might be about finding the point of connection. It makes me wonder if this is, to some degree, about perception. People who have experienced certain trauma have been shown to interpret neutral facial cues as negative, for example. It can happen over time, for lots of reasons, and then can become reality when often it may not be. For example, that person who was laughing with the cashier might have seen a frown when they first walked up, but then a moment of chatting changed that. Or maybe they interacted a different day when the cashier was in a good mood, then upon recognizing them the cashier smiles again. Many factors which are not related to you or your person are possibly being interpreted as something you are responsible for or causing. Social anxiety is very challenging, I'm not in any way minimizing it, but I bet there are strategies you can employ to work on this. I would get a helper! A therapist who specializes in this, for example. I think this is about finding connection, yet in order to do that I think you need to return to the source of yourself (24) and re-evaluate some of the patterning and assumptions. Purely intellectual won't work, it will need to be felt. There are lots of tools out there and without knowing you we might not be able to say exactly what you need, but the possibility of connection is there and there is perhaps a reframing and slow rebuilding of self-esteem that needs to happen to access it.

 

[misswasabi]

I agree with the previous comments. To me, this cast speaks of approaching others, but in a friendly, caring warm manner. Sometimes we are not aware of it, but may act in a distant sort of way that can be misinterpreted to mean we are arrogant (I'm not implying that it is your case; it's just an example.) And, as redoleander has already pointed out, you have to be completely frank in these interactions. That could mean that, even though you are determined to have "normal" human interactions with people, what you should aim is to make friends. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you have to become friends with the cashier at the gas station, or the waiters, your neighbors or your work mates. But I do think it's good to approach that people we see so often with a friendly mindset which, to me, means turning your attention to caring for who they are, what are their names or whether there is something you could do for them. The thing is, even if they're people we have not specifically chosen to be part of our life, they are, and it's good to invest a bit of ourselves on those casual interactions. In order to do this in a genuine way first you have to trust others. In a nutshell, I think you should strive for building trust in others, and your attitude will become a positive reflection of your inner kindness.

 

[Florafauna]

Thank you. You have all given me lots to think about, things I have thought and felt myself.
A thought and feeling comes to my mind when I ponder on these interactions...those videos where a cougar or heron is trapped in a trap or tangled up in fishing lines and someone takes the effort, time and risk to free them. It's like I see them struggling and I want to help, but they are snarling at me. To me, that is a boundary not to be crossed. For an animal or person in physical danger, sure, do all you can to free them. For a person in emotional or mental struggle, there are so many layers and entanglements, that I may greatly harm them and/or myself by attempting to help. And I often get the message that they are feeling "how dare you" towards me when I smile or say thank you.
So I asked a clarification question...what is the appropriate response when I experience that? And I got 56 unchanging. You are only passing through, you don't belong here, your creative involvement is limited. It doesn't affect who I am. Don't interfere in arguments someone is having within themselves, it's none of my business. In the way I see the world right now, it is clear I am meant to be a hermit, and I am enthusiastic about it. There is room in this world for both massive herds of buffalo, and for the solitary lynx. And they are both perfect.

 

[Matali]

Thank you. You have all given me lots to think about, things I have thought and felt myself.
A thought and feeling comes to my mind when I ponder on these interactions...those videos where a cougar or heron is trapped in a trap or tangled up in fishing lines and someone takes the effort, time and risk to free them. It's like I see them struggling and I want to help, but they are snarling at me. To me, that is a boundary not to be crossed. For an animal or person in physical danger, sure, do all you can to free them. For a person in emotional or mental struggle, there are so many layers and entanglements, that I may greatly harm them and/or myself by attempting to help. And I often get the message that they are feeling "how dare you" towards me when I smile or say thank you.
So I asked a clarification question...what is the appropriate response when I experience that? And I got 56 unchanging. You are only passing through, you don't belong here, your creative involvement is limited. It doesn't affect who I am. Don't interfere in arguments someone is having within themselves, it's none of my business. In the way I see the world right now, it is clear I am meant to be a hermit, and I am enthusiastic about it. There is room in this world for both massive herds of buffalo, and for the solitary lynx. And they are both perfect

You're right, you're perfect don't worry about everyday social relationships. Indeed, 56 is somewhat similar to 19.2-24 in the sense that they are passing relationships. If you feel the urge to help others, you may have the soul of a therapist, who knows ! The important thing is to find your serenity, moments in the day to relax...

 

[Florafauna]

You're right, you're perfect don't worry about everyday social relationships. Indeed, 56 is somewhat similar to 19.2-24 in the sense that they are passing relationships. If you feel the urge to help others, you may have the soul of a therapist, who knows ! The important thing is to find your serenity, moments in the day to relax...

Oh! You are so kind! I had a thought of what my medicine would be if I was a incognito amateur therapist...seeing the goddess (cashier) withdrawn in her cave...and I flailing about in the most silliest dance til she erupts into laughter...

 

[Matali]

Oh! You are so kind! I had a thought of what my medicine would be if I was a incognito amateur therapist...seeing the goddess (cashier) withdrawn in her cave...and I flailing about in the most silliest dance til she erupts into laughter...