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Series of unchanging hexigrams on the same topic


Dec 8, 2009
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I've had a series of unchanging hexigrams when I've asked the I ching about a "friendship" that I have. It's a bit frustrating, so I thought I would post it here and see what you think.

Basically I think the series of unchanging hexigrams is I Ching saying that there is pretty much little I can do (which I what I have thought about the situation). But because of the hexigram 42.6 >3 I got in the "your personal I ching reading" forum I was worried that I was being given a warning relating to my friend.

The situation: my friend, who I know through a past work event, moved across the world to the city where I live a year ago. He asked and I gave advice on jobs and moving etc, and since he has arrived we have spent time together (along with our partners) and done social things together.

My friend is fun and a very gregarous kind of person - but unfortunately not at all able to return phone calls/reply to emails when invited to events. He is constantly VERY late, commits to overseas travel trips but then never replies or gives an indication he can't come anymore, and has done a whole series of things.

For example, he asked for a packet of sweets from our home country when I was travelling there and I got them for him. But a text message from me telling him I had them and would love to give them to him and catch up sometime soon was completely ignored. No response. AT ALL.

He became really hard work, and I saw no point in it. So a few months ago I stopped have anything to do with him (not with malice just a retreat).

However, on the weekend he initited contact and said he wanted to come to a dinner I had organised (despite not RSVPing when I quite nicely invited him in Oct). This was on THE DAY of the dinner, so I was quite annoyed. But I told him of the correct time and place. At 6pm (an hour and a half before the dinner) he said they would give the dinner "a miss but how about catching up for a beer on monday or tuesday night".

I was quite angry, and didn't reply to that text. I resolved not to have much to do with him - it may seem a petty responce but this is the latest in a whole series of incidences that I have found distressing and very annoying.

I asked the I ching: Explain the situation with x (my friend) = 18

Deep seated behaviours that are grounded in his upbringing (which makes excellent sense) and also I imagine this relates also to my own upbringing. That I am the unmovable and unflexible force that has come up against his more free movement (and considerations of time!)

I asked what would be the outcome if I had little to do with x (my friend) = 40

Very clearly - the relaxation of bonds. I would feel free from the binding of this (quite hard work and frustrating) person.

How would the superior person act towards x ( my friend) = 24

Allowing friends to come and go without judgement. I also wonder if this is the I ching saying ENOUGH ALREADY!

Phew! What a missive!

I would be very appreciative for any thoughts. :)


Clarity Supporter
Jun 3, 2006
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How incredibly annoying! I suspect you are not the only one he treats this way. I get the impression he's been flitting about like this all his life and people have just tolerated it. I don't see any encouragement from these readings that he's about to change. Actually this sort of behavior is not all that uncommon. People in general I find are much more lax about keeping appointments and rsvping in a timely manner and yet we still love our friends and are delighted when someone calls and says, "Hey I'm in town for the night, any chance you guys are available?" You should probably recognize this is how he is and tell him if he's ever in town to stop by and just leave it at that.

If 42.6 - 3 is a comment about your friend I interpret it this way:

He brings increase to no one.
(Well duh, he says he's going to do something and then he doesn't).
Indeed, someone even strikes him.
(He's making someone very angry - you?)
He does not keep his heart constantly steady.
(I bet he makes dates and then changes them when he gets a better offer)
(Not good, he's gonna end up losing your friendship.)

Difficulty at the Beginning
The superior man brings order out of confusion.

Although in this day and age it is common for women to have male friends it is still a bit unorthodox. Perhaps your being the one to seek him out has given the impression you are looking for something more than is appropriate given that you are both in committed relationships. Perhaps this has created confusion. By telling him that you AND YOUR PARTNER will welcome him should he ever be in town you are making it clear where you are coming from : that is, that you see him as a friend of the family and also that the ball is in his court if he wishes to continue this link.



Dec 8, 2009
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Hi Rosada,

Thanks for that reply - things just clicked "yes!" when I read what you wrote.

I think you are right: the 42.6 > 3 relates to him.

And I thought I was being kind by inviting him and his girlfriend into some of our events - but instead I am seen quite differently as things are not clear as you say.

Sheesh, it feels a bit unfair though. Her boyfriend was not in any danger from me. My own boyfriend tried to become friends with him, but because my friend was a bit of an idiot gave up.

Annoyingly, I found his girlfriend suspicious of me without cause when the four of us would meet up. She thought I had lived in x city for example (which I never have), but when I said I had never lived there she regarded me with narrowed suspicious eyes. I was quite taken aback, and I had no idea of how to respond. It's simply wasn't true, I'd never claimed it was the case, and it was clear she had already decided against me.

I had invited her to girly events (she expressed a loneliness to me and a desire to make friends) in the beginning to get to know her better, but her acceptance was later withdraw because of "sickness". I thought her sweet but a quiet and quite insecure person - on reflection I think he threw off the party because she didn't want to go/ wanted to spend time with him herself.

Which, given in light of what you say makes sense.

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