Severe self esteem issues (multiple readings)

[floranova]

Feel free to let me know if I'm posting too much or anything like that, I'm an over enthusiastic newbie with a lot of questions but I don't want to clog up the forum.

Anyway, I've always had very mixed, alternating feelings about the way I look. I doubt that I'm *ugly* but I know for sure I'm not *drop dead gorgeous* either. There are times where I feel pretty or even beautiful but I always come back to telling myself I was delusional for feeling that way. In recent years my hyper awareness of the way I look has intesified to a crippling extent. I can't step out of the house for 5 minutes without hair and makeup done, which takes me about an hour or so to do at minimum. Every time I pass a mirror or reflective surface I have to stop and adjust things, and this is noticable enough that people have mentioned it to me. I can physically feel when the light is hitting my face at an unflattering angle, I suck in my stomach and press my tongue up against to roof of my mouth to slim my jawline, I resist smiling with my teeth, I know every surgery/cosmetic procedure I would "need", I go through life like there are hidden cameras on me everywhere. I wasn't exaggerating when I said it's crippling.

Naturally, I bug yi about it like a little kid. I've definitely asked way too many times so I've narrowed it down to these readings, but even this is probably too much. It's just such a painful and burdensome thing for me. The people I've talked to about this seem to think it's trivial but I feel genuinely subhuman sometimes.

First, we have "am I as ugly as I think I am?" 61.6 > 60
This strikes me as saying I've overestimated myself in some way.

"Have I overestimated my appearance?" 36.2.4 > 34
This one feels like a no, but with the rooster line in the previous reading, I'm not sure.

How do others view my appearance? 8.4 > 45
Huh, this is pretty positive. It doesn't scream "beauty" but maybe people see me as confident and aloof? I do put on a false air of confidence sometimes (️)

How to cope with my appearance 55.4
Maybe it's telling me to talk to people and ask them what they think? I've isolated myself to the point where the only friend I've had in the last 2 years is my ex boyfriend.

Do I try too hard to alter my appearance (makeup, clothes, the like) 22.2.3 > 41
I love it when the responses are so perfectly on topic. Based on the main and relating hexagram alone it sounds like a yes. The changing lines are pretty positive though, so

Is there some purpose to me not being as beautiful as I wanted? 54.1.2.5.6 > 12
This could mean a lot of things and my mind is going to a lot of negative places so I'm just going to leave it here and see what you guys think.

How could anyone love me when I look like this? 54uc
My first thought is "they'd have to be willing to settle for less" which... ouch. It kills me that I'm not the dream girl. Hardly anyone is though.

Once again, I apologize for this absolute mess of a post. I get that it seems like a shallow and unimportant thing to a lot of people but I'm suffering horribly. Thanks in advance

 

[Liselle]

Hi Floranova. I won't get to all of the readings, but I think the first one went awry and maybe straightening it out will affect a few of the others.

"am I as ugly as I think I am?" 61.6 > 60

'Cockcrow rises toward heaven.
Constancy, pitfall.'

You said you think it means you overestimated yourself. I don't think that's what it says at all. I think Yi's saying you can insist you're ugly all you want, but that doesn't make it true. Just like the rooster really believes he makes the sun come up - he works really hard at crowing to make the sun come up - but that's not true, either. His perception has nothing to do with reality, and since that's Yi's answer to your question, your perception has nothing to do with reality, either.

 

[floranova]

Hi Floranova. I won't get to all of the readings, but I think the first one went awry and maybe straightening it out will affect a few of the others.


'Cockcrow rises toward heaven.
Constancy, pitfall.'

You said you think it means you overestimated yourself. I don't think that's what it says at all. I think Yi's saying you can insist you're ugly all you want, but that doesn't make it true. Just like the rooster really believes he makes the sun come up - he works really hard at crowing to make the sun come up - but that's not true, either. His perception has nothing to do with reality, and since that's Yi's answer to your question, your perception has nothing to do with reality, either.

Oh my gosh, I think yi was roasting me for whining thank you! This is why it's a good idea to get opinions from people who are less emotionally invested

 

[my_key]

Hi floranova
There are way too many readings here for me to even contemplate replying, and I suspect others too have been put off for similar reasons.

The danger here is not so much clogging up the forum, more like clogging up your ability to make any true sense of the divinations. Your insights in many of them do look wayward and superficial. This will improve in time, I have no doubt about that.

The best divination messages are received through the quality of your interpretations rather than the quantity of your questions. Less is more. As an overenthusiastic newbie I would advocate that to improve your relationship with Yi you spend more time on the interpretation and attempt to understand better what it is saying rather than, what appears to be, aligning matters with your existing beliefs. By all means, carry on in this way, if that is what you truly want.

I appreciate that this subject matter carries deep emotional wounds for you that you are looking to gain clarity on. In that respect, I refer you to Hex 4 and your Hex 33 unchanging divination for 2024 for further reflection and insight.

Good Luck

 

[Henry Zahir]

Feel free to let me know if I'm posting too much or anything like that, I'm an over enthusiastic newbie with a lot of questions but I don't want to clog up the forum.

Anyway, I've always had very mixed, alternating feelings about the way I look. I doubt that I'm *ugly* but I know for sure I'm not *drop dead gorgeous* either. There are times where I feel pretty or even beautiful but I always come back to telling myself I was delusional for feeling that way. In recent years my hyper awareness of the way I look has intesified to a crippling extent. I can't step out of the house for 5 minutes without hair and makeup done, which takes me about an hour or so to do at minimum. Every time I pass a mirror or reflective surface I have to stop and adjust things, and this is noticable enough that people have mentioned it to me. I can physically feel when the light is hitting my face at an unflattering angle, I suck in my stomach and press my tongue up against to roof of my mouth to slim my jawline, I resist smiling with my teeth, I know every surgery/cosmetic procedure I would "need", I go through life like there are hidden cameras on me everywhere. I wasn't exaggerating when I said it's crippling.

Naturally, I bug yi about it like a little kid. I've definitely asked way too many times so I've narrowed it down to these readings, but even this is probably too much. It's just such a painful and burdensome thing for me. The people I've talked to about this seem to think it's trivial but I feel genuinely subhuman sometimes.

First, we have "am I as ugly as I think I am?" 61.6 > 60
This strikes me as saying I've overestimated myself in some way.

"Have I overestimated my appearance?" 36.2.4 > 34
This one feels like a no, but with the rooster line in the previous reading, I'm not sure.

How do others view my appearance? 8.4 > 45
Huh, this is pretty positive. It doesn't scream "beauty" but maybe people see me as confident and aloof? I do put on a false air of confidence sometimes (️)

How to cope with my appearance 55.4
Maybe it's telling me to talk to people and ask them what they think? I've isolated myself to the point where the only friend I've had in the last 2 years is my ex boyfriend.

Do I try too hard to alter my appearance (makeup, clothes, the like) 22.2.3 > 41
I love it when the responses are so perfectly on topic. Based on the main and relating hexagram alone it sounds like a yes. The changing lines are pretty positive though, so

Is there some purpose to me not being as beautiful as I wanted? 54.1.2.5.6 > 12
This could mean a lot of things and my mind is going to a lot of negative places so I'm just going to leave it here and see what you guys think.

How could anyone love me when I look like this? 54uc
My first thought is "they'd have to be willing to settle for less" which... ouch. It kills me that I'm not the dream girl. Hardly anyone is though.

Once again, I apologize for this absolute mess of a post. I get that it seems like a shallow and unimportant thing to a lot of people but I'm suffering horribly. Thanks in advance

"am I as ugly as I think I am?" no
"Have I overestimated my appearance?" yes
"How do others view my appearance? they like you!
How to cope with my appearance : too late for that, see next question
Do I try too hard to alter my appearance (makeup, clothes, the like) yes
Is there some purpose to me not being as beautiful as I wanted? yes
How could anyone love me when I look like this? there you have it, the purpose

good questions. salú

 

[VeronicaV]

Hi Floranova,

Thanks for posting all of those questions! I don't know any of your other posts, sorry for that. I can totally relate to doing stuff like this (doing a ton of castings when I probably shouldn't and then trying to understand them all) and also feeling the way you feel, this is like life or death here, I get it, it's soo important, all these inquiries...

Here's my take on a few of your questions that I felt comfortable responding to, since I'm no expert at all.

Do I try too hard to alter my appearance (makeup, clothes, the like) 22.2.3 > 41
I love it when the responses are so perfectly on topic. Based on the main and relating hexagram alone it sounds like a yes. The changing lines are pretty positive though, so

Hex 22, so fake that beauty…you’re being soo fake. All that adornment isn’t real beauty. So the answer is YES. Remember, you want someone to like you for you....so just be yourself.

Is there some purpose to me not being as beautiful as I wanted? 54.1.2.5.6 > 12

Hex 12 – STOP thinking that way, you are beautiful. And actually, real beauty is inside, not on the outside. No purpose in making yourself like the 2nd wife and concubine who is not worthy or truly seen (hex 54), step out of that by stopping this kind of thinking completely and then you will gain the recognition for the natural beauty that you do have!

How to cope with my appearance 55.4
Maybe it's telling me to talk to people and ask them what they think? I've isolated myself to the point where the only friend I've had in the last 2 years is my ex boyfriend.

Abundance….you’re overflowing…definitely don’t ask others! They can’t validate that for you. It comes from within pretty girl….Wilhelm says, “ Here the darkness is already decreasing! (yay, c’mon, you knoooow you’re pretty physically! Let’s be real! No one looks like the women in the music videos, or their instagram posts, that’s faaaake) Here too, the compliment must be found (freaking compliment yourself girl, start with something you know is decent, say a positive affirmation for the things you’re not sure about….wake up in the morning and say, thank you god, how did you make me this beautiful! Just affirm your beauty and fake it til you make it! But you must start speaking and thinking more positively about yourself!!) – the necessary wisdom to complement joy of action. Then everything will go well. The complementary factor postulated here is the reverse of the one in the first line. In the latter, wisdom is to be complemented with energy, while here energy is complimented with wisdom. So be wise ! Stop dissing yourself, stop trying to make up with fake beauty and start recognizing what is truly beautiful about your inner self and watch how that starts to make you see your outer beauty more clearly.

Your other answer already lets you know that people think you’re hot ! You are. The make up and vanity is unattractive, not you. This is never going to change for you, this huuuge self esteem issue unless you change your mind, change your thoughts, and then change your actions.

You got this! and I'm suuuuure, you're gorgeous. Women are hot, all for different reasons and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So, you have to see your own beauty before anyone else ever will.

Easier said than done, but you have to start working in this direction.

 

[floranova]

Hi Floranova,

Thanks for posting all of those questions! I don't know any of your other posts, sorry for that. I can totally relate to doing stuff like this (doing a ton of castings when I probably shouldn't and then trying to understand them all) and also feeling the way you feel, this is like life or death here, I get it, it's soo important, all these inquiries...

Here's my take on a few of your questions that I felt comfortable responding to, since I'm no expert at all.

Do I try too hard to alter my appearance (makeup, clothes, the like) 22.2.3 > 41
I love it when the responses are so perfectly on topic. Based on the main and relating hexagram alone it sounds like a yes. The changing lines are pretty positive though, so

Hex 22, so fake that beauty…you’re being soo fake. All that adornment isn’t real beauty. So the answer is YES. Remember, you want someone to like you for you....so just be yourself.

Is there some purpose to me not being as beautiful as I wanted? 54.1.2.5.6 > 12

Hex 12 – STOP thinking that way, you are beautiful. And actually, real beauty is inside, not on the outside. No purpose in making yourself like the 2nd wife and concubine who is not worthy or truly seen (hex 54), step out of that by stopping this kind of thinking completely and then you will gain the recognition for the natural beauty that you do have!

How to cope with my appearance 55.4
Maybe it's telling me to talk to people and ask them what they think? I've isolated myself to the point where the only friend I've had in the last 2 years is my ex boyfriend.

Abundance….you’re overflowing…definitely don’t ask others! They can’t validate that for you. It comes from within pretty girl….Wilhelm says, “ Here the darkness is already decreasing! (yay, c’mon, you knoooow you’re pretty physically! Let’s be real! No one looks like the women in the music videos, or their instagram posts, that’s faaaake) Here too, the compliment must be found (freaking compliment yourself girl, start with something you know is decent, say a positive affirmation for the things you’re not sure about….wake up in the morning and say, thank you god, how did you make me this beautiful! Just affirm your beauty and fake it til you make it! But you must start speaking and thinking more positively about yourself!!) – the necessary wisdom to complement joy of action. Then everything will go well. The complementary factor postulated here is the reverse of the one in the first line. In the latter, wisdom is to be complemented with energy, while here energy is complimented with wisdom. So be wise ! Stop dissing yourself, stop trying to make up with fake beauty and start recognizing what is truly beautiful about your inner self and watch how that starts to make you see your outer beauty more clearly.

Your other answer already lets you know that people think you’re hot ! You are. The make up and vanity is unattractive, not you. This is never going to change for you, this huuuge self esteem issue unless you change your mind, change your thoughts, and then change your actions.

You got this! and I'm suuuuure, you're gorgeous. Women are hot, all for different reasons and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So, you have to see your own beauty before anyone else ever will.

Easier said than done, but you have to start working in this direction.

You're so kind Veronica I have a fear of overestimating myself because of events in my recent past so I really hesitate to allow myself to feel beautiful so I don't embarrass myself again. I'll keep in mind that I shouldn't try so hard to "make" myself beautiful but to remember that someone might see me that way without me having to try, as incomprehensible as that is to me. What a burden it is to feel like I need to look pretty every second of every day. Completely exhausting. I really appreciate your response, you seem like such a ray of sunshine

 

[VeronicaV]

You're so kind Veronica I have a fear of overestimating myself because of events in my recent past so I really hesitate to allow myself to feel beautiful so I don't embarrass myself again. I'll keep in mind that I shouldn't try so hard to "make" myself beautiful but to remember that someone might see me that way without me having to try, as incomprehensible as that is to me. What a burden it is to feel like I need to look pretty every second of every day. Completely exhausting. I really appreciate your response, you seem like such a ray of sunshine

Floranova, those people or that person was cruel and can't be used to measure your beauty anymore. There will always be another cruel person who will then determine how you feel about yourself....until you decide and know your own beauty. It's fine to adorn yourself and provide upkeep, that's a form of self-care, but the one(s) you really want to notice you and spend time with, will see your natural beauty without any of that extra work. Plus, they will think it's attractive that you have self-confidence, this alone will make you even more beautiful, instantly! Yes, please keep it in mind that you already are beautiful, just the way you are. Keep thinking that, you will start to really know it, believe it, and be able to easily share it. You are correct, it is completely exhausting. Imagine using all that energy to benefit yourself in some way instead. Let's use our time wisely, since you are obviously smart, we just can't measure our beauty anymore from outside sources even though society and people constantly make us think we should.

 

[tigerofshaolin812]

Hello floranova. It’s nice to meet you! I have struggled with similar types of concerns and have been able to make a lot of progress towards being happy with my appearance. So I can relate. I think 54>12 is pointing out that you’re kinda stuck on something right now and not in a position to lead your best life right now. But you can still play a part in life and make some progress(line 1) and still have some ability and perspective(line 2). Line 5 I think is saying that it’s not so important how you adorn yourself and dress and line 6 I would take to be pointing to the importance of substance. As far as the point to it I think it’s suggesting that it is so you place value on substance over appearance. Now, I’m not especially attractive myself. Overweight and aging as well. But I have been told many times how beautiful my eyes are. People have often stopped and just stared at them. And then complimented me. I have gotten used to it but it’s taken some time. I have felt a little shy about it. And I’ve learned to appreciate more that I’m not too attractive because I’m sure I wouldn’t want more attention like that. So there’s that. Also, I don’t care if someone is especially attractive. It’s what’s in the inside that counts. And realizing that has helped me care less about not being especially attractive. Also, recently I met someone with a problem with their right eye. It looks off to one side. They are so attractive to me though! I just adore them! To me he’s the most attractive man on the planet. I think he is perfect! I’m not an expert, but I hope that helps somehow. All good people are beautiful! It’s what’s on the inside that counts.