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Shall I move out? Hex 59.2 to 20

bea123

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Hi guys, I would be grateful if you could give me your thoughts on this reading as I'm finding it a struggle (don't seem to be able to clear my head recently).

My partner with whom i've lived for about a year started saying recently that he needs to move abroad for a few years to start afresh as he is not happy in London. I have to stay here as I'm a mature student half way through a full time studying (another 3 years to go). I would like to start trying for a child, he has 2 kids from his previous marriage. He seems to be going ahead with his plan (moving away by March) without thinking about me at all (when I brought it up yesterday he said that if I have a child he doesn't need to be around when the baby is small as I won't need him anyway). Because of his plan everyone around him is stressed out including me and his children. This affects the way I treat the kids as well, they feel this and the whole situation is becoming unbearable. I think that overall he does love me but he is acting selfishly (or is it me being selfish thinking about my needs?). He is very confused i think, and going through a bit of a midlife cricis at 45.

At the end of the day I think he should do what he wants to do if he feels that strongly about it but I am so stressed out at the moment that I don't think I can just go with the flow and see what happens. Therefore I've started thinking about moving out as we are no longer looking in the same direction. I asked I Ching "What if I moved out of X appartment?" to which I got hex 59.2 changing to 20. Does "all the breaking up of solid things restores flow" described once by Hilary mean that by moving out he will realise what havoc he is causing in my life and we will be able to restore peace in our relationship or is the changing line describing my behaviour as selfish and the need to relax, forgive him and accept whatever comes??? I would be really grateful for your comments on this....
 

stuart

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Looks like he needs time to contemplate his future.hex 20 is a time of taking a step back to see the bigger picture.Hopefully he will not be gone for to long.
 

bradford_h

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Hi Bea-
You didn't say what you would be leaving behind, or whether or not your education could be continued elsewhere. It could make a big difference in the interpretation here. If moving isn't a huge cost to your own life, like leaving family, or the only place you can study what you're studying, my first reaction is to read this as being about your own insecurities. But if this location is something you just cannot surrender, I would be making plans sooner than later to make a new home nearby.
More than once I've had to leave someone I cared for because they couldn't leave a place that was intolerable for me. It was a self-preservation instinct and too hard to violate. Thriving is important.
 
J

jesed

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Hi Bea

Just in case the commentarie could be useful

According with traditional teachings:

You should take away the idea of separation and tie yourself firmly to you soporter(line 2). In order to achieve this, you should do some meditation (get a bigger picture of the situation)

Best wishes
 

bea123

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In answer to your question Brad (if by "moving" you mean me moving out of his appartment rather me moving abroad with him) moving would not be a huge cost to my own life as I could still continue studying so the reading it seems (supported also by Jesed's comment) is about my insecurities. Am I right in assuming then that I should stay where I am, try to relax, meditate and see a bigger picture and things will work themselves out?
 

void

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Hi Bea, I personally would read this as things are dissolving and you need to go to that which supports you. He clearly is not supporting you, you say he does not seem to have taken you into account at all. I have to say though even without the advice of the Yi Jing I'd say the same thing. I see it that you are not neurotic for feeling insecure, you are actually insecure and need to find safe base.
Thats just my opinion... BTW is he thinking of leaving his kids with you if he goes ?
 
M

micheline

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agreeing with Void, get yourself to a supportive place and don't belittle yourself by thinking that you are "insecure" for wanting more from a man. he seems very focused only on his own needs.
MIcheline
 
P

peace

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Hi Bea;

You have been supportive of this man and he is not seeming to care what is best for you or what you want. You need to be honest with yourself about the situation. I believe your hexagrams say to not make a rash decision but to think. You know the answers.

Good luck.
Rosalie
 

bea123

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Thank you guys. I guess you are right. I did speak to him about this yesterday, he says he is doing this to build the future for us (i.e. go abroad and earn money to build a house in Spain or somewhere) but I'm not sure. All I know is that I do need to find stability and security in my life soon as I don't think I can take this much longer. There are however financial implications for moving out as well, I hardly have any money at the mo as I'm still studying so I don't know what I should do. I feel completely stuck and that's what is causing part of the stress as well. I always try to stay true to myself and be with my partner for the right reasons.

You've been great as usual guys...
 
J

jesed

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Dear Bea
who is giving suport and who is not? (is he thinking only in himself? am I only thinking in myself?)

Isn't this question the center of the doubt in your intrepretation?

In my past post I was not telling you "don't move out"; neither "move out". According with traditional teachings, the answer doesn't responds "move" or "not move", but is giving you an advice about how to take your decision:

if you take apart the idea of separation (and its fears, hopes, wishes and angries) and tie yourself firmly to you soporter, you will be in better conditions to a get a bigger picture of the situation.

If you can do this, you will take the best decision (I don't know if this best decision will be to move o will be not move; you'll find out by yourself).
 
M

micheline

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Good luck Bea.....and maybe the message of the line is to simply think of what support you need now, and be true to that. If money is a real obstacle to moving out, you might decide to stay with the support for now for self-nurturing reasons.
If he moves away,does he want you to go with him? or will he continue to support you there,leave hs kids with you(?) If so, you will have time and a little distance from him to see things clearly. So will he.

With the clarity from this towerlike overview -20- you will begin to feel unstuck, see your choices, see your life stretching out into future possibilities

My only caveat: Personally, It would find it hard to agree with his idea that you won't need him if you have a baby. that's a situation in which you would really need his support emotionally. That I would see as non-negotiable, and not selfish.
 

angela

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Bea

IMO you absolutely must not have a child with this man. This is nothing to do with the IC. It's just plain common sense. It will not do you, him, or the baby any good. It will not make him face up to his responsibilities. In fact, because of the state he's in, it would probably be one more reason to make him run. On top of that it will stop you studying. I have tried to study whilst caring for kids and unless you have total support from your partner or another source it is nigh on impossible. From your partner's point of view, sometimes, as Brad says, you just have to jump ship for the sake of your own sanity. I really don't think you can prevent that happening. I know it's hard, but maybe you should just let him get on with it and face up to the possibility that he might never come back.
 

bea123

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You are right Angela and Micheline, I musnt even contemplate having a child until I feel that I really matter in this relationship. If I man trully loves a woman would he not want to be with her and their new child anyway instead of running away abroad?

What if I do, as you guys say, jump ship..? What if I will then be alone for the rest of my life? That would just be tragic. Would it be ok to ask I Ching how to meet the right person in my life (Yi must surely be really bored of this question by now...)
 

void

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You can be more alone in an unhappy relationship than you would being single. Lots of us have been alone for a long time as in without partner - we do not see this condition as tragic. It is more tragic to give in to the absurd demands of a selfish partner simply through fear of being alone, much more tragic, since it speaks of desperation and low self worth.

One time a guy tried to convince me to have his baby yet told me he did not actually want to stay with me, although he loved me ? For a while I just about considered this was a reasonable proposal - until thankfully my sister said this was the biggest load of bull**** she had ever heard and shocked me out of it. I'm glad I didn't, he wasn't a bad guy he just wasn't being real and neither was I. And when I'd woken out of the spell I realised again love is what it does, as far as I'm concerned anyway.

Good luck in asking how to meet the right person but Yi will tend to keep returning to your relationship with your self - I think.
 
P

peace

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I have learned (the hard way)like most of you that love is more than a feeling. Guys fall madly in love - it's about having the courage to take the actions. (Who gives a sh...-the board just censored the word - if they had a lousy childhood, that they're shy, that the last woman deceived them, that they need a little more time to get it together and be the best they can be for us?) They are not children and neither are we!

Good luck Bea. This man does not sound responsible or accountable to you - and certainly I would question his ability to be a good father to your child. If he's responsible - let him prove it to you first by being with you and making a home and a life with you.

Rosalie
 
J

jesed

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Hi Bea

I like to transcript the interpretation according Master Joseph Yu's Book, in case it could be useful

PRESENT: Wind on water. Related to romance issues means "Love can withstand wathever test"

FUTURE: Wind on earth. Related to romance issues means: "Since the right person is there, be firm and persistent and you will succeed"
 

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