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Should I Contact Him?

trueblue

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Hi Everyone,

I've consulted the I Ching about a few issues this week as I'm trying to get my life in order, tie up loose ends and move ahead on every front.

Today I asked about contacting a person from my past whom I dated and was friends with, but whom I now no longer talk to. I feel like the way things ended with us was very immature (on both sides), where I felt like he was blowing me off but instead of confronting him directly about it I instead de-friended him on Facebook and cut him out entirely. I had some built up anger towards him about some things that had happened in the past, and I think it just all came out at once with me taking drastic action. We haven't spoken since. This was about 5 months ago. I've had some time to stop stewing about it and now realize I could/should have handled things much more gracefully and communicatively...so I'm left with unresolved feelings about it since I feel I jumped the gun with cutting him out of my life before I'd clarified what was going on and actually discussing the things I was pissed off about. Again, very immature, I know. I've grown a lot since this all happened.

I wouldn't really want the relationship/friendship we once had again, but would like to feel like things are "okay" between us and maybe start slowly rebuilding the trust again if he's open to it.

I asked the I Ching:

What does X think of me? I got 17.2 Following --> 58 The Joyous Lake.

How would X likely respond if I contacted him in the near future? I got 59.1.3 Dispersion --> 9 Taming Power of the Small

I'd love to hear people's thoughts!
 

literunner

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I think the Yi might be saying if you contact him to smooth things over, with your new self awareness and more mature judgment (losing the child) it might do you both good to clear up the misunderstandings, yes (59.1). And that by doing this, he would see you are putting what's best for the relationship before yourself and your own ego (59.3) -- and it will, at least in small ways for now, (hx 9) help smooth things out again with your relationship.
I think one aspect will be to share with him how you jumped the gun and were acting out of anger but that you value him and your relationship. This goes with what you said you want -- to slowly rebuild the trust -- which is what hx 9 is all about, gradual success through restraint.
Hope that helps,
LR
 

elias

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What does X think of me? I got 17.2 Following --> 58 The Joyous Lake.
Alas, you've made a classic beginner's mistake -- trying to get into someone else's head. Best approach is to take this as a reflection of where you are now:

17 is about developing your sensibilities, maturing in your outlook, as your post seems to indicate you have been doing. 17.2 and that child... are you clinging to some childish notion of what romance is? or what this relationship could be, based on what you experienced in the past? You've moved on, he's moved on, whatever happens next needs to unfold in its own time and way and will be anything except what you hope & expect it will be.

58 is quite encouraging, again so long as you permit the relationship to grow freely, unencumbered by your wants and expectations.

How would X likely respond if I contacted him in the near future? I got 59.1.3 Dispersion --> 9 Taming Power of the Small
You've framed your question a bit better, though still tangled up in ego. Suppose you asked "what would be the consequence of contacting X?"

59 Dispersion: Several approaches to this hex - it either indicates the dissolving of hard feelings, resentments, etc (the more contemporary view) or the dissolution of a stagnant order, followed by the return to a more wholesome situation. Either way, it's quite optimistic.

59.3 (highest changing yin) rules this reading: dissolve your self and your ego; find a common goal to work toward if possible, again without attempting to dominate or direct the action as it unfolds.

9: Slow progress, one small step at a time....

Overall, these seem favorable for restarting things so long as there is openness, honesty, clarity, flexibility...
 

arabella

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I don't see a mysterious depth here to be honest. You asked a simple question and got a simple answer.

The first casting, I agree is about you, not him. I think you'd feel better if you contacted him and at least made the effort. You'd like to clear the air and that would clear your mind a bit. You feel it was all silly. The second casting -- I think he feels it was pretty silly too. In any case, there's nothing to lose by letting him know you think it was a mistake. If he isn't gracious about that olive branch, more fool him.
 
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