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SHould I contact him?

pembs

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Hi everyone

It's that time again when I could use your help with 3 readings . .

It's been 9 months now since my estranged husband and I last spoke and the last conversation was an angry outburst after I had started divorce proceedings, which I only did to prove a point, as I previously explained - it's a very complicated situation! We still live in opposite ends of the country but a day doesn't go by when I don't think of him and I still miss him terribly. I would love to have a conversation with him but I am terrified of looking a fool so I have done nothing to initiate communication between us - and neither has he. So - I earlier asked:-

" Is it worth me spending my energy on x?" (in terms of my thoughts)
Hex 50 with no changing lines

"What if I contact him?"
Hex 51.3 to 55

"HOw will contacting x transform our relationship from its current state?"
Hex 38.4.6 to 19

What are your thoughts on me making the first move?

Warmest Wishes
Claire
 

pembs

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Hi Twilight
Many thanks for taking the time to reply.
I would be very grateful if you could let me know if your answer is based on logic and common sense or do the hexagrams indicate this?
Look forward to hearing from you . .
Best WIshes
Claire
 

diamanda

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Hello,

"What if I contact him?"
Hex 51.3 to 55
It sounds to me that the contact will cause shock, most likely to both of you.
55 tells you 'be not sad, there will be a lot of (other) opportunities'.
Perhaps with him, or maybe perhaps with someone new.
(it's quite often that people get a 55 just after a break-up, yours truly
included...).

"How will contacting x transform our relationship from its current state?"
Hex 38.4.6 to 19
It will bring you closer. 38:4 - he probably feels the same way, ie, he
would like some form of contact with you. One of you, or probably both,
see each other as the most horrible person, or maybe he will see you
like that when you approach him. Perhaps he will think that you have a
hidden agenda, or want to 'attack' him, etc. But all this misunderstanding
will clear out.
19 tells you that the contact will bring you two a bit closer, however it
will create new problems. What if you, or he, or both, do not intend to
get back together? Would you then be comfortable with just some
polite/friendly contact now and again? What if one of you finds a partner
in the future? 19 tells you - be forearmed, because there will be trouble
ahead.

"Is it worth me spending my energy on x?" (in terms of my thoughts)
Hex 50 with no changing lines
Success will come to you, and this will be done only by taking things
slowly. You must know in your heart if it is possible for you two to
reconnect. Think of the reason why you separated. Do you think it's
something that can be remedied? Think of what you would truly
treasure in your life - think of an ideal situation (but also a realistic
one, one which can, logically, be done). And spend your energy in
that. 50's message is: "cook it slowly". If it can be done, (whatever
'that' is), then continue to nurture it in you, and spend your energy
on it. But make sure it is something realistic! Nobody would ever
think to cook, eg a table lamp! Make sure it can be cooked before
you start cooking it. As you said, there must have been a very strong
reason why you were angry with him, and started divorce proceedings.

Whatever you decide, good luck!
 

pembs

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Hi Diamanda
Well - don't quite know what to say - you absolutely nailed the whole situation - so much so that its scary!!
I love the re-connect term you used as opposed to my own reconcile or get back together! I decided to ask
"Is it possible for us to reconnect?"
Hex 29.1 to 60
I know that this is a dangerous situation which has its limitations but I am not sure whether I am being advised not to act (in terms of contacting him) or whether its okay to act, providing I am aware of the dangers and providing that I take a different approach.

I would be soooo grateful for your thoughts!
Warmest Wishes
Claire
 

diamanda

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Oh dear... i wish i could tell you otherwise, but it doesn't sound very good.

Change 1 says you have grown "used to what is dangerous", you have
"allowed it to become part of you". You are "familiar with it and used
to evil. Misfortune is the natural result". You are in great danger and
yet you want to advance, which would lead to more danger. Legge also
notes that the subject of this line "has no correlate above, no helper,
that is, beyond itself." And "He will by his efforts only involve himself more
deeply in danger".

The answer gives me the impression of a strong warning - that, the
matter here is not if it is possible (it might be), but if this is
something you should be wishing for. Whatever his faults were,
they are obviously not going to go away. Think, do you really want
those back into your life?

Try to remember not his good points, not your good moments (im sure
they did exist too, but it's not the time for that now). Try to remember
why you had to leave him. Even if there is a reconnection, it will be
very limited, and/or you should limit yourself in general regarding this.
I feel for you, i know it's too difficult to remember the bad points once
craving sets in... some good advice someone gave me once is write
down
the bad points and keep the list handy. Sad but useful...

Change 1 sounds a bit like 'better the devil you know'....
Keep in mind though that the world does not contain only devils! :)
 
J

jesed

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Hi pembs

Just in case the comment could be useful

I agree with Twilight in this. And it's comment is based on the text of 51.3

I would add that hex 50, wich comes after 49, is often a time to consolidate the new aspects that arised with the revolution. Since here the revolution was the separation; seem like you rather consolidate whatever that separation arised (if you decided to divorce, I guess you had reasons to do it; isn't?) instead of attempt to coming back to the previous situation

Best
 

pembs

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Thanks Diamanda for yet more very useful feedback. "Craving" is exactly how I feel! I am going to write down the reasons for the separation - although much of the blame initially lay at my door.

Jessed - thanks to you too for taking the time to comment and yes, I think you're right about focusing on the 'revolution' and moving forward. Easier said than done though!!

Thanks all 3 of you so much for your valuable comments!
Warmest WIshes
Claire
 

pembs

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Hope it's okay to pick up where we left off and ask for a little bit more advice from you all . . . I wanted to ask a couple of additional questions to be clearer in my mind about the previous ones relating to communicating with my ex, so today I asked,
" Why shouldn't I contact him?"
Hex 50 (again!).2.5 to 33

"What if I wait for him to come to me?"
Hex 27.4.6 to 51 (51 was previously the relating hex as above)

Just before I tossed my coins I went on to Ewald's website and used the online facility to divine and when I asked the above question I received 51.2.5 to 58 which seems quite fitting don't you think?

So sorry to bother you again but would be grateful for your always valuable feedback. . .
Warmest Wishes
Claire
 

diamanda

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Hi Pembs!

Why shouldn't I contact him? Hex 50, 2 and 5, to 33

You seem to be departing from 50 (consolidating, as someone
else so greatly put it recently). Change 2 shows someone who
is cooking something, and so much wants to protect it, that
he/she is only concentrating on the 'food', and tries to stay
away, resist, someone who would spoil that. "'My enemy dislikes
me, but he cannot approach me". Change 5 speaks of someone
who is supported greatly by the people around him/her. And
33 means only one thing, someone who retreats. I don't know
who of the two of you should be doing all this (probably you)
but for sure one of you is bad for the other, and spoils the
other's progress and happiness and success in general. Only
you know which of the two of you this is! You said in another
post that you were partially to blame, but it seems to me you
really need to clear things in your head, to see who of the two is
the 'enemy' to the other. In any case, whoever the enemy is,
contact with him sounds highly inadvisable, the way i see it :-/

What if I wait for him to come to me? 27. 4 and 6, to 51
I don't want to start speculating, and the explanation of this
would depend on one thing - do you have children together?
 

pembs

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Hi Diamanda - thank you so much for getting back to me!
I have one child from a previous marriage and he has one child from a previous relationship but we don't have any children together.
With regard to hex 50 - I think he is the one desperate to stay away - he has always said the he can't come back because of self-preservation and he also told me 6 months after separating that I had ruined his life. He became very unhappy and chose to turn to drugs and he definitely now runs with the wrong crowd whereas he didn't previously. Does this info help with reading hex 27?
Warmest Wishes
Claire
 

diamanda

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That explains a lot of things, and especially the persistence
of the idea of 'nourishment'! I was thinking if you have
children together, just because of the person described in
line 1, of 27 (yes i know you didn't get line 1, but i'll explain
what i mean).

This line (1) describes someone who is totally unable to look
after themselves, someone incredibly weak and insufficient
in themselves, who is passively ("with lower jaw hanging")
looking around in order to see who can nourish it. So, i
didn't know what to make out of this, so i thought it might
be a child, unable to feed itself. But now everything falls
into place!

So on to line 4, of 27. This line wants the best for everyone,
and wants to work for the best of everyone: "bent on nourishing
and training all below" (again that's why i thought of a child).
Line 4 is actually looking at line 1 "with intense desire", like a
hungry tiger. I think line 4 symbolises you, line 1 is him.

Line 6 is the "master or tutor to all under heaven". It's the
greatest and highest form of nourishment. It might symbolise
the I Ching. So, it looks a bit like, if you wait for him to
contact you, you've got one eye down to mr lower jaw hanging,
and another eye to the highest form of nourishment, and the
result is 51.

51 is misfortune from without. It's not something you cause,
it's not something you bring about with your actions. Your actions
are good (27:4 is free of error), heartfelt and sincere, and you do
have everyone's good in mind. However, this man sounds to be
the source of danger, misfortune, and shock (no matter what he
claims about you...!).

Im now thinking that 50>33 might refer to him, as much as to
you... Drugs are a form of 'nourishment', and the nature of
addiction is to make the person feel that they cannot live without
the drug. That the drug is the most precious and dear thing they
have, and they'd do anything, anything to continue taking it.
Perhaps he feels threatened by you - he's supported by the crowd
you described - he can continue doing that with them, but i bet
you wouldn't accept that, so he has to retreat from you?

On the other hand, you seem to value other things in life (and
rightly so in my opinion), and you should remember what they
are, and think how you can get them. You are obviously really
looking for 27:6. It's not necessarily the I Ching, it could be
anything that you feel is the highest form of nourishment. For
most people this means love and companionship, as being the
motion power behind all the rest of their achievements. When
we feel nourished, and secure, and loved, not only can we face
problems more easily, but we can also thrive in what we choose.

Oops just realised this ended up as an epic...
Anyway, hope all this helps a bit!
 

pembs

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Honestly Diamanda, I am amazed at your outstanding abilities to 'read' the I Ching so accurately, and you do it with such a natural flow!! I really don't understand why you have described yourself as a 'junior member' as you're certainly far from junior!

I also can't thank you enough for your time and the effort you have put into my readings! It makes absolute sense. I get very confused about who the I Ching is referring to so I mainly take it to be me.

Thanks again!
Warmest Wishes
Claire
 

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