Should I file for a divorce? 44.3.5.6>40

[tubinluv]

My marriage has been pretty rocky in the past few years, my family advised me to just rip off the band aid. I really want to move on with my life and I have been relying to Yi's advice heavily because I don't want to make any regrettable mistakes. I asked if I should file for a divorce and got 44.3.5.6>40. I'm confused about this reading and would like to get help in this reading.

My take on this is to let go of the powerful thought, temptation. Things are tough as indicated in line 3 and line 6 is that I just want get away or be separated from this person, but line 5 talks about a hidden melon, a blessing from heaven? So i wonder if the advice is to hold off on this thought and wait for things to unfold? What do you think?

 

[liquidity]

This is the problem with phrasing the question this way. Better to ask, really, "what if I do divorce him?" and "what if I don't divorce him?" OR ask simply "What should I do?" Because now the answer is somewhat ambiguous... it's unclear if it's saying "if you divorce him this is what happens..." or "this is your situation generally...."

Anyhow, 44 is a powerful, destabilizing force, that has to do with temptation and even sexual temptation. When you mention your rocky marriage, that's what it makes me think of.

(WB trans)
.3: "There is no skin on his thighs, and walking comes hard. If one is mindful of the danger, no great mistake is made.
.5: "A melon covered with willow leaves. Hidden lines. Then it drops down to one from heaven.
.6: "He comes to meet with his horns. Humiliation. No blame.

To me in a way this suggests your whole situation. You've got a problematic marriage. Things are full of difficulty and complexity, and every day is difficult (.3). There is conflict (.6).

But the situation is not ripened yet (.5). That's why you're confused.

Let go (40) of your need to control the situation and to make a decision now. Walk forward, neither deciding to divorce NOR not to divorce, but wait for the situation to mature. Simply go forward, and it will eventually become crystal clear what needs to be done.

 

[rosada]

44.3 Agreeing with Liquidity that this line seems to acknowledge things have been difficult. After that everything seems like they could go one way or the other. "If one is mindful to the danger, no mistake is made".
Does this mean that if you can be aware of what triggers problems then they can be handled and you won't make the mistake of leaving?
Or does it mean if you realize just how impossible the situation is then you won't make the mistake of staying?

44.5 Does this line refer to those calms in the eye of the storm when things are good and you realize it's best to stay?
Or does it mean that in the middle of the troubles you recognize a golden opportunity to leave?

44.6 Are you being warned that if you file for divorce you better be prepared to be strong?
Or are you being counseled to tell family to back off, you're gonna stick with him even if he's not always a prince?

40. Says it's good to release tension so I see this reading as advising you to do something!

 

[tubinluv]

Thank you so much Liquidity and Rosada for your thoughts. I've been so lost and wanted to move on with my life so badly like everyone else in similar situations, but I feel that through IC's advice, there's a "mandate" on my part to be a "bigger person", I don't know why but for some reason, I wholehearted trust the advice(s) and therefore still hang on to this painful marriage, although the pain has subsided quite a bit.

I took Liquidity's advice by asking:
1- what if I file for a divorce, pls prov guidance if there’s any regrettable mistake in taking this path”. 13.2.6>43. Line 2 is about the image I’m trying to keep as a family and by doing this, it’s suffocating me, shame on me for doing this. Line 6 talks about harmony at a bigger space, where we don’t have to have a close relationship but we will still be in harmony or at least with less friction. I need to make a decision, similar to what Rosada pointed out in the previous reading (hex 40)

2- what if I don’t file for a divorce, what is a regrettable mistake in taking this path. 26UC. I got this paragraph from Hilary's interpretation. "This enables you to go beyond your habitual boundaries and nourish yourself on new experience. You can go where more will be asked of you and your gifts will be of greater service; you can sustain values beyond mere survival. The aim is not to achieve perfect control, staying home and accumulating as an end in itself: whatever you accumulate becomes a springboard to new commitments and explorations. Great Taming cultivates the resources for life on a larger scale."

I guess based on the readings, there isn't any regrettable mistake but rather images of each path and it's up to me to decide which path to take. Although, I'm still confused because in the past years, along the way, I got the advice something to the effect that to detach myself from him, living our own separate lives but not necessarily getting a divorce. If you see the pros and cons in each option, I would very much love to hear from you. Thank you in advance for your time.

 

[rosada]

I see 13.2 as saying often people are bonded because they have issues that they are both needing to work on. Like a victim needing a persecutor. 13.6 could mean then that you recognize your role in this scenario and thus are able to proclaim, “I release the need to suffer!” and move on. And moving on wouldn’t necessarily mean divorce. As Liquidity suggested maybe things aren’t ripe for a decision yet. Maybe 26. Is suggesting you take a class, meet new people, hear new stories. Maybe you need some space but you don’t know how much yet. Maybe not so much as you think.

 

[liquidity]

I'd strongly suggest maybe getting a good therapist or counselor to help you work out some of these options, since it is a tough decision and a very emotional one. The 13 and 26 in your new readings both suggest perhaps needing to draw on the resources of other people -- people outside your usual mindset, and outside your family. Here is of course a good start, but a therapist could be very useful.

If you google a 'psychoanalytic institute' in your area, they should be able to refer you to someone good. By talking it out with a therapist for a while, you should come to greater clarity.

 

[tubinluv]

wow, a different angle of 13.2 and 13.6, thank you Rosada!

Thank you for your suggestion Liquidity, I did try a few therapists but hadn't found a "good" one yet, the one that clicks. I had a few sessions with each one, I know I have to be patient and need to give them a chance to connect with me but I didn't feel like I got anything out of them after the 3rd session, so I stopped going. I will try to google per your suggestion.

Thank you for a great community and a lotus for Rosada and Liquidity!