Should I stay or should I go?

[rosada]

My brother-in-law sent out a general email announcing he was giving a surprise party for his wife, my deceased husband's sister who is going to be 75 in June. It was a pretty weak invitation - they live in Florida I'm across the country in California - but he wanted me and my kids to know about it on the off chance someone might be up for making the trip. I sent him a note thanking him for thinking of me but bowing out and saying I intended to see them when I know they will be on the west coast in September. Well…it turns out my kids (who are adults, btw) are all up for the adventure and are flying there from all parts of the country for this big one weekend whoopdedo. So now I'm thinking am I missing out on the reunion of a life time? They might not even come out in September and of course their adult kids and grandkids wouldn't be with them. Still it's a looong plane ride, car rental, motel fees plus I'd want to bring my new partner to meet all the family and while he is willing to pay his own way it seems like a lot to ask… On the plus side I'd get to see family members and who knows when we'll all be together like this again?

Why I should go?
40.4 - 7

Release changing to The Army.
Line 4 is about releasing old ways of holding things. Perhaps releasing my reasons for not going and 7.The Army being about being a member of the Army/Team. Maybe emphasizing that by going I am affirming that even though my sister=in=law's brother, my deceased husband, in no longer living I am still a member of that family?

Why should I not go?
54.6 - 38

This is the line about going through some ceremony that has no meaning and then it changes to the hexagram about sisters. So it says to me that I shouldn't go if all those years of being a member of their family - a sister - had no meaning. Auugh. That's terrible! Or could it be saying that this birthday party isn't the all important event I'm making it out to be and we'll still be sisters after all if I don't go???

The thing is we haven't been close but I don't want to miss a reunion with my kids who I don't see together all that often. Maybe there are different questions I should ask? Maybe just should I stay or should I go? Gonna try that, I'll be right back…

Okay, I got 46. Pushing Upward, no change lines. sounds like I should look more closely into the possibilities of going - maybe it will become clearer what I should do…

Any thoughts most appreciated!

 

[sooo]

Hi Rosada,

No right or wrong answer to your question. Both release. The first will require discipline, effort and work, but it is not a mandatory (military) action, the army need not attack the situation. If you want to, go; if you want to let it go, let it go. The second lets the frozen water thaw, or lets the heat cool off. Your call.

My philosophy is, it's not enough to "do the right thing" (what the conscience deems), I must also do it for the right reasons. It isn't always the most popular decision, but it's the right one for me.

 

[sooo]

Huh? Must be my oldtimers acting up. I could swear you received 59.6-29 for not going.

Well, 54.6-38 would be a deal breaker for me. Form only, only supporting my prior comment of going only for the right reasons, which clearly 54.6 is not.

 

[sooo]

46 is just pushing the issue.

 

[rosada]

Dear Senior sittin'zen (I like that Sooo much!)

Thanks for your insight. I'm not sure what I'll do yet but you've helped strengthen me in committing to make it MY decision.

 

[Trojina]

A completely non Yi related answer is you sound like you really don't want to go

okay...a bit Yi related

40.4 you don't always have to do things the way you think they should be done. You don't have to go to this to see your kids in a get together...there can be other ways to get together

OR

you could approach this another way

whatever, I find 40.4 comes up when I think there is one way to do things and then I see a whole load of other ways that would relieve me (and others) of a lot of pressure.

54.6 don't do this out of duty...it will be an empty gesture


Not very deep I'm afraid but not clear thinking today.


Try my trick Rosada to find if you want to go

write one piece of paper saying 'go' and one piece of paper saying 'don't go'. Screw up into balls and toss in the air all the while telling yourself the one you pick you must do. Pick up one ball, see what it says and see if you feel relief or not according to the answer. That tells you how you really feel. (you don't really have to do what it says but make believe you do whilst doing the trick)

 

[pocossin]

Why I should go?
40.4 > 7

who knows when we'll all be together like this again?

You won't, so do it now. Release (Hatcher) suggests flight through the air. Army suggests a get together. Plus, you are dying to show off your new partner, right?

 

[Trojina]

Plus, you are dying to show off your new partner, right?

why would Rosada be dying to show off her new partner to her deceased husband's family ??

At least that is how I read the relationship.

My brother-in-law sent out a general email announcing he was giving a surprise party for his wife, my deceased husband's sister who is going to be 75 in June.

The party is being given for the sister of Rosada's late husband. In that scenario I hardly think she'd be aching to show her deceased husbands family her new guy do you ? I mean I'm sure it would all be friendly enough but I just don't understand your comment that she'd be dying to show off her new man in this situation.

 

[pocossin]

I just don't understand your comment that she'd be dying to show off her new man in this situation.

Don't hide your partner under a bushel.

 

[rosada]

Thank you all so much for helping me sort out my feelings about all this.
I'm really doing a 46. Pushing Upward here because I am going back and forth but each step is offering me important realizations.

Bruce and Trojan, your encouragements that I needn't go out of obligation helped me recognize that was exactly what I was feeling and to recognize that not only was I not obligated, but also that it was that feeling of obligation that was making me feel too tired to go. I was feeling as if the trip was going to be like slogging through a river of mud!

I think that illuminates the message of 40.4 - a commandment to release the way I was holding the idea.

Hexagram 7.The Army first made me think going meant I was a good soldier following orders but then I remembered The Army always makes me think of the expression, "Boots on the ground," as in you can't know what something is like until you are there in person and I do know that when ever I've been with my in-laws it's always been a good experience once I get there.

Then Tom you really gave me a perspective I'd never considered and it's changed my whole attitude. I didn't have any feeling to go just because it was somebody's birthday (I come from a background of overachievers where somebody was always getting an award or having a ceremony or doing something that required me to cancel my life and sit in the audience…), but as you say, and as I now think 54.6 says, don't hide your partner under a bushel, if this is a real partnership and if these in-laws are really my family I should take him there and introduce him.

Trojina, yes, certainly it would be weird to fly cross country to "show-off" if that meant showing off in the sense of saying, "I've got something better," but I think Tom meant showing off like you'd show off a new baby and ask everyone to welcome him. By taking the trouble to take him there I'm saying, "You my family are so important to me and I want you to continue to be a part of my life and Carl - my new partner - is my life."

Anyway, to go there because I have a mission (and not because I'm a pathetic old widow they are obligated to include) changes everything. So as of today I'm Pushing Upward towards going.

Interesting aside - just as I got clear on that, Carl, announced he knows someone who will look after the cats!

Another side note, thanks for the wadded paper trick Trojina. I hadn't heard that idea before. And incidentally, you are correct, when I first consulted the I Ching I was leaning towards not wanting to go.

Thanks everyone,
Rosada