Should I stay with my husband or leave? 24.1.6 > 23

[zebrelle]

Hi,

Long story short: My husband and I have been married for 8 years and have been together for 9 years. When we met, he wanted to have kids while I was more on the fence. We agreed after we got married that we'd get pets instead and he never mentioned kids again since then until recently. Now, after almost 10 years without talking about it, he wants to separate because he really can't stand the idea of not having kids. I have to decide if I'm ready to have some or move on. I'm not completely closed off to having kids, but I'm honestly scared and have a lot of worries. I am a very anxious person who tends to overthink everything. Our marriage has had a lot of ups and down and he's not always the easiest person to deal with, but I do love him. I just do not know what to do and I do not know if I can interpret these readings with neutrality.

With that in mind, I asked the following questions:
What's the best option for me: stay with him and have kids(s) or leave and start a new life? 24.1.6 > 23
How will my life evolve if I stay and have kids(s) with my husband? 34.4 > 11
How will my life evolve if I leave and start a new life? 58.4 > 60

Any insight would really be appreciated!
Thank you.

 

[Trojina]

Now, after almost 10 years without talking about it, he wants to separate because he really can't stand the idea of not having kids. I have to decide if I'm ready to have some or move on. I'm not completely closed off to having kids, but I'm honestly scared and have a lot of worries.

My first thought, not Yi related, is really?

It just sounds like there's a lot more to it than that. I mean after 10 years he woke up and said 'I have to be with a woman who wants kids' ? In your shoes I might want to re-examine that.

It's all a bit unreal because even if you split up there is no guarantee he'd meet someone else to have kids with. So are there more underlying issues here and the having kids thing is the thing he pulled out as 'the reason' to split? So there's no guarantee at all that if you split up he will have kids yet he is willing to sacrifice your relationship for the mere possibility of having them with someone else?

And are you really seeing this as simply a case of 'if I have kids I can stay but if I don't I have to go'? It just sounds very disconnected from the real actual human beings that you both are somehow.

What's the best option for me: stay with him and have kids(s) or leave and start a new life? 24.1.6 > 23

This reading isn't a picture of patching things up, it's quite radical. It seems too late to go back an old vision of how things might be. However that old vision could be either your perception of a 'new life' or fitting in to his visions for you. It's hard to say as you asked 2 questions in 1 although even if you hadn't it's such a massive question I wouldn't feel able to just pick an option, it's too big of a deal and there is so much more going on here that you know about and we don't it's not possible to say IMO.

How will my life evolve if I stay and have kids(s) with my husband? 34.4 > 11

Fruitfully and strongly by the look of it. Impediments vanish, life is able to move forward. It evolves your life and others lives presumably.

How will my life evolve if I leave and start a new life? 58.4 > 60

This is just an answer describing the anxiety of weighing options.

Do you really feel you have options here? I mean I know we're meant to feel we always have options according to modern thinking but overall I kind of feel you're already half feeling you don't? Feels like you'd be more drawn to having a child with him than not.

Is a 'new life' without him in it appealing ? Is being pressured to separate because you don't want kids an emotionally just/fair/valid ultimatum?

 

[zebrelle]

My first thought, not Yi related, is really?

It just sounds like there's a lot more to it than that. I mean after 10 years he woke up and said 'I have to be with a woman who wants kids' ? In your shoes I might want to re-examine that.

It's all a bit unreal because even if you split up there is no guarantee he'd meet someone else to have kids with. So are there more underlying issues here and the having kids thing is the thing he pulled out as 'the reason' to split? So there's no guarantee at all that if you split up he will have kids yet he is willing to sacrifice your relationship for the mere possibility of having them with someone else?

And are you really seeing this as simply a case of 'if I have kids I can stay but if I don't I have to go'? It just sounds very disconnected from the real actual human beings that you both are somehow.


This reading isn't a picture of patching things up, it's quite radical. It seems too late to go back an old vision of how things might be. However that old vision could be either your perception of a 'new life' or fitting in to his visions for you. It's hard to say as you asked 2 questions in 1 although even if you hadn't it's such a massive question I wouldn't feel able to just pick an option, it's too big of a deal and there is so much more going on here that you know about and we don't it's not possible to say IMO.


Fruitfully and strongly by the look of it. Impediments vanish, life is able to move forward. It evolves your life and others lives presumably.



This is just an answer describing the anxiety of weighing options.

Do you really feel you have options here? I mean I know we're meant to feel we always have options according to modern thinking but overall I kind of feel you're already half feeling you don't? Feels like you'd be more drawn to having a child with him than not.

Is a 'new life' without him in it appealing ? Is being pressured to separate because you don't want kids an emotionally just/fair/valid ultimatum?

Thank you for your point of view. You are correct that there is more to it and that there are other issues. I definitely had the same thoughts when, after 10 years, he randomly told me that we didn't have the same goal. It was a shock. Apparently, he was keeping it all inside. I asked him the same questions. What if he never meets anybody else? What if we did try to have kids, but somehow one of us couldn't? Would he still leave me? It never made sense to me. I married him because I loved him.

Initially, after he told me that he wanted to separate, I told him that I was reconsidering having kids. I thought that I was okay with it. We separated for a month and I was ready to move on. I was only waited for him to deal with the paperwork. He never did. Instead, he came back and said he wanted to try again. And, right away, he wanted us to try to have kids, but he was still acting cold towards me. It still didn't feel right. The truth is that I just can't see myself with one, but maybe I'm trying to convince myself still.

 

[rosada]

24.1 Return from a short distance.
You and your partner separated briefly but then he returned claiming he wanted to try again.
24.6 Deluded return.
He came back but he wasn't able to stay on track. His desire for kids emerged again.
And thus once again the thought of..
23. Splitting Apart.

34.4 - 11. Great strength and dedication required.
Are you up for it?

58.4 - 60. Discussion - Limited.
Well, if you leave I guess you wont be haggling over having a child with him anymore!

 

[redoleander]

What's the best option for me: stay with him and have kids(s) or leave and start a new life? 24.1.6 > 23

24.1.6 > 23 looks like maybe you’re too far apart to come back together. I’m hesitant to say that because obviously this is just one reading and it’s a big decision; I don’t think it’s telling you to do one or the other, more just showing the confusion of returning to you own path (line 1) and then getting pulled back in a confusing return (line 6). For what it’s worth the hidden line 2.6 which sounds a lot like the battle between the old and new you’re describing. I don’t think a realistic solution for staying together has been presented yet. Doesn’t mean it’s impossible but the current options aren’t great. it would need to be reframed more as working together than battling; i think there is something more difficult to work through here than what’s being immediately presented.


How will my life evolve if I stay and have kids(s) with my husband? 34.4 > 11

Is it possible this is showing you won’t actually do this? 34.4 has always tended to mean actually breaking free, for me. Obviously that won’t always be the case but I wonder if, again, that’s not as realistic an option as it seems. Seems like addressing the coldness is actually the first order of business. Having a kid with someone who you don’t currently feel supported by might be skipping a step. Could you do something that “breaks through” like go to counseling and understand better what’s really going on. (I know this goes without saying but having a child together raises the chance of divorce statistically. Parenting is challenging and often people have children to stay together and end up divorcing anyway. If you were the one with your heart fully set on a child that would be different to me but since you’re not I’d think about how you’d feel if you had a child together and then ended up needing to break free of the relationship anyway. 34.4 is a tricky one because I feel like it can mean that if you’re really, truly strong and steady eventually you’d break through the obstacles but that could just as easily mean you end up on a better path by breaking free of the situation altogether.)

How will my life evolve if I leave and start a new life? 58.4 > 60

I think this is in keeping with the above; you’re not actually leaving yet so it’s encouraging you to discuss more openly (less of a battle, more of just putting everything on the table to be assessed) so you can set the desires boundaries and limits you’ll need. The real expectations for the relationship that are actually possible. (60) I could see this as some kind of mediation, but that could of course be counseling and not automatically divorce. Honesty and bluntness aren’t appealing when you’re trying to hold something fragile together but this crossroads seems to require it it; if you can both truly hear each other see if you if what you each genuinely want has enough overlap without demanding a particular outcome that might be ideal.

 

[zebrelle]

Thank you so much to all of you for your interpretations. This is really helping seeing things differently. I've re-read all of them a few times.