Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).
They teach me when the only thing that I need from them is to listen and maybe just say “I hear you. I’m sorry you going through this. If you want my two cents, I’m happy to offer it.” Not to jump into a tirade of how they would have handled things if they were in the situation I’m discussing with them at that moment.
No. All female. There was one male who I briefly dated. But all girls. Especially one of them who I considered my best friend. But lately every time I talk to her I feel like sh””” to the point of having a panic attack.vikk, I must ask:
Are these male friends?
because this is an extremely common complaint that women have about men.
Dfreed, thank you for your input! I appreciate it!It makes me wonder if perhaps your friend's over-critical nature is a way of keeping things from changing, and perhaps a way of controlling things (and you) - so they and you don't change?
Thank you for your suggestion. It is definitely something to think about. I was totally entertaining the idea of talking to her and telling her how I feel about our interactions. I just feel like it will be a start of bad blood between us because she needs to be in control and how come this “child” aka me is speaking out.Or, what if you were to 'expose' yourself to your friend - and tell them that you don't want to be continuously criticized?
You are right. I do second guess myself. Partly because I am subconsciously afraid of making a wrong move and be criticize by those people. This fear clouds my judgement....and also what you need to do - are correct, but that you may be second-guessing yourself - ('repeated divinations are confusing ...') perhaps because of your depression: 'I don't like what they're saying or how they're treating me, but ... it's me, or ... they're only trying to help ....' (Note: these are just examples and possibilities - and your particulars may be different.)
I wonder too if you do have a good sense of what you need to do - both about your friend and about your depression - but you second-guess - or don't pay attention to - that as well?
Thank you for this great suggestion. Getting “cleaned up” from negative thoughts, people and get moving is an ultimate recipe to getting better.In a nutshell: knock down the dodder (criticism, depression, etc.), scrape the barnacles off the bottom of your boat and start flowing again.
I discuss with her everything from my apartment search, my separation from my spouse, my general crappy state, etc. And it is more just that I need a listening ear, not an advice. I just need to vent. However, a lot of times the conversation winds down to be her moment to teach about life.
I feel like I am being treated like a little girl who can't get anything right. And the vitriol is just starting to become unbearable.
Another opinion she voiced was that I didn't choose convincing enough words to avoid rent increase. I feel like I am being treated like a little girl who can't get anything right. And the vitriol is just starting to become unbearable.
My friend's behavior reminded me about other people in my life (friends, acquaintances, family members) that would offer their unsolicited opinion turn vitriol. Am I attracting these kind of individuals? How do I combat that? What should I change in myself to stop being treated that way? Sometimes I "fight" back and that gets dismissed as me overacting to a kind hearted word of advice. What could be an effective method to stop this, get a word of advice when I truly need it?
I casted, and IChing offered the following answer:
what should I change in myself to stop attracting people who teach me how to live life?
4 5.6 >29
Vikk, if this is the situation you’re putting your friend in, then the main issue here is not your friends, but your depression! You may not like me telling you what to do, but you need go get professional help immediately!....I keep eyeing that small kitchen knife with a blue handle to possibly cut my wrists, ....
Hi Trojina, thank you for your input!But it costs a person to sit and listen to someone's problems. ... Possibly tell them less of what your problems are?
I just told her what happened during my week, Yet again she offered unsolicited and this time uninformed advice which turned to be about brilliant me who would have handle things differently. She suggested that my landlady should not be upping the rent completely disregarding the fact that I did research and learnt that even with the price increase I will be paying for two bedroom what is normally charged for one. I guess she was judging the situation equipped with 7 year old knowledge - that was the last time she looked for a place, and a place in a neighboring state where rents are much cheaper then in five boroughs. I could have told her all of that and turn our conversation into an argument, but I just chuckled “Here she goes again with her lecture” and tried shoving negative feelings down inside of me.So you were worried about a rent increase and possibly your friend felt frustrated that you were complaining about it but you could have done more to help yourself ?
I'm not sure it's a realistic expectation to tell friends all your problems and not expect then to offer advice. I think it can be empowering to keep some problems completely private then you won't get advice and can sort it out yourself.
In purely pragmatic terms either your expectation of them changes if you want to retain them in your life or you let them go.
Perhaps rather than present yourself to them as needing help you present yourself as someone who is just going to take it as it comes, learn as she goes along.
I guess I will not be saying anything anymore to her and others and just be patient and try pass it over me without emotional disturbance next time they jump into a rant/unsolicited advice/I know it all. Lol... so it's telling you not to beat them up for their ignorance or their incapacity to bear with you. 29 here I guess is the fluctuating and unpredictable emotion around this.
Thank you so much for the concern! I finally started to come to grips that I do need professional help. I don’t think I’ll be able to do without. So I’m working on that.Vikk, if this is the situation you’re putting your friend in, then the main issue here is not your friends, but your depression! You may not like me telling you what to do, but you need go get professional help immediately!
Cheers diamant, Vikk I was speaking from experience because I used to do similar things and the reading reflects what I said.@vikk I believe the interpretation of @becalm nailed it. You're an adult, but somehow you're in an infantilised-adult position. This is something which is taught to someone by their parents.
Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).