Single again. Why do I keep pushing people away? Hex 58 uc

[dancingfox]

I am going through a rough patch. Two months ago I became single again. Now that the aftershock of breaking up is fading away I find myself lost. I had to move back in with my dad who lives a quiet hermit life. Part of me embraces the solitude while another part of me wants to reach out and connect, talk, cry, laugh... have fun with other people. I have gotten opportunities to do just that. I commit for dinner, a party or a concert and then when the day arrives I feel conflicted, even anxious about the whole plan and cancel the whole thing. Not every time, but more then I'd like. I disappointed a couple of friends already. To be honest this is not something new for me, I feel extremely selfconscious about it. It gets worse when I feel insecure or frightened, like right now.

I asked Yi: Single again. Why do I keep pushing people away? Hex 58 uc
This hex seems to embody the very essence of everything I feel I am lacking right now. A pat on the shoulder from uncle Yi, perhaps

What do you guys think?

 

[radiofreewill]

Hi dancingfox,

Kari Hohne's "Essential i-Ching" has readings for unchanging hexagrams ~ which are frequently very different than the changing line readings.

Here's her reading for 58UC:

"Unchanging: Self sufficiency leads to isolation = encouragement is infectious. We sometimes become so self sufficient that we cut ourselves off from the joy of sharing our experiences with others. People who give us gifts get pleasure from doing so and we deny them that pleasure if we are not able to receive. In the same way, we can experience more joy in life by giving to others without any thought of what we get in return. If you are gentle and accepting of others, recognizing their divine suchness, you can celebrate all of life. If you are feeling judged, it is because you are probably judging others. Joy in its unchanging form can be a message of encouragement to see beyond the obvious where joy might exist. At the same time, you may be hoping for something that is not really right for you and might understand this later. You might be called to encourage others even when they are not able to ask for your support. Exchanging information, opening and letting go of resentments can be at play. Someone around you may need encouragement. Like the sun, rise each day activating your subtle power of expansion to set off a chain reaction of abundance. Be the light of joy for others in their times of darkness."

I think there are a lot of people who make plans and then have anticipatory dread ~ and cancel at the slightest sign of a complication or problem ~ but, but, but, if they power through their resistance and actually go out anyway ~ oftentimes they have a good time.

My advice is to stay socially active ~ let your friends help you ~ because, one of these days, they're going to need your help, too.

I hope this helps!

 

[maggie may]

It occurred to me that 2 months is not really a long time to get over a break up. Everyone has their own time and space for these things and there is no time limit. Perhaps, once the grieving is over and you feel more settled, your focus can be more on the things that interest you and bring you joy. So much emphasis is put on finding a partner and socializing in our society. Perhaps you are simply at a place to explore other options. I also thought that perhaps you are not in the place for social gatherings, which can sometime be superficial feeling in the exchange. Maybe orchestrate your own social agenda, so you can be comfortable with the boundaries. For example, meet up with just one or two friends rather than a dinner party. In any case, I would say to be easy on yourself. Just because you had a break up and do not feel like going to parties does mean you are "pushing people away." I am an introvert myself and so greatly value time alone. I am very careful how I spend social time. I wish you all the best.

 

[dancingfox]

"58 unchanging": Self sufficiency leads to isolation = encouragement is infectious.

I should write that on a post-it and hang it above my bed or something Words to live by!

 

[dancingfox]

Hi Maggie

(and sorry for the late replies everyone, I've been busy with my finals)

Maybe orchestrate your own social agenda, so you can be comfortable with the boundaries.

Yes, I keep looking for balance when setting my boundaries. Sometimes it is difficult to say no and when I try to do it anyway I can come off as blunt. How, when and with whom to spend my time feels like practicing how to walk on a tight rope. It is always nice to be remindend that I am not alone in this exercise <3