Sleeping around Hex 37

[becalm]

It’s come to light that in this small town and beyond there’s a RUMOUR I sleep with other women’s husbands.
Ironic really considering that’s what happened to me re my husband sleeping with other women.
This is extremely unfounded, untrue and almost laughable considering there’s only one person (a single woman) in town that actually takes the time to get to know me.

What can I do to Dispel this rumour Hex 37 un
Not sure what this means except maybe to just keep to myself.

From Hilary: On a individual level, it’s the secure inner light that permeates everything you do and are, and becomes a source of strength and confidence in the world.

Later today I decided to put a notice on the towns local shop notice board anonymously written and not naming anyone but suggesting they stop the BS and maybe come and apologise. I did it for myself, to make a stand and don’t expect it will make any difference but I have asked -
What do I need to know about my notice changing the situation for the better
Hex 42.5>27
It was the right thing to do for myself.

 

[marybluesky]

Sorry.

Maybe it points to having a family/being around family as a way to avoid people making such rumours?

 

[becalm]

Thanks. Wish that was possible. I don’t really know anyone here. It’s definitely a weird Hex to get.

 

[legume]

ouch, sorry this happened

judgment: The perseverance of the woman furthers and image: Thus the superior man has substance in his words And duration in his way of life.

if i remember correctly, you do yoga and from the previous avatar you had i could deduct you look very young! imo they're just envious and insecure. i'd understand 37 here as go on unfazed, live your life as you normally would, don't let this situation be a setback in maintaining peace in your own home.

42.5 > 27 If in truth you have a kind heart, ask not. Supreme good fortune. Truly, kindness will be recognized as your virtue.

i think Yi is supportive of you here and now that you put it up it maybe prompts you not to look at the issue anymore, just stay true to yourself and take care of your nourishment (mind, body and soul).

 

[dfreed]

What can I do to Dispel this rumour Hex 37 un

Hmm, that seems like a very difficult situation, and one that may be hard to overcome - since what people think about you is out of your control- and it may not matter what the reality of the situation is.

(Even though it's not really happening, for me, it's interesting to notice that these women are not saying 'my man is sleeping with another woman; but that you are sleeping with their men - as if the 'men' have nothing to do with the situation or any responsibility for creating it - as if it were actually real in the first place!) ....

Looking at 37, Wilhelm's translation for Hex. 37 is The perseverance of the woman furthers. Rutt's is Augury (omen, etc.) favorable for women.

But does that help? I'm not sure, except if you are seeing it as an omen, it suggest a favorable outcome. Looking at the trigrams, with Hex 37 you have;

Fire below: perhaps that you need to create a safe space for yourself (the trigram Fire being associated with crabs, turtles and creatures with protective shells above and below). It also could be emphasizing the need to be clear - maybe within yourself about what you need, and also - perhaps more importantly - what caused this situation, and what can you reasonably expect as an outcome.

Wind above: this situation may take a long time to be resolved, and you need to be gentle and patient to get through it.

Sorry, but that's about all I can offer at this point.

Best, D

 

[becalm]

Legume, Thankyou!! I appreciate you taking the time to respond.
Yes I’ve been lucky to have received good genes and often get told I look like I’m in my 40’s. I remember thinking, when my mum was about my age, that I hope I look that good too when I get there.
Unfortunately society often judges WHO WE ARE on our looks and I get asked Why are you still single ?

Thanks for putting it in perspective re that side of things....

I realised I was quickly falling into making this a setback but as you say the Yi says Don’t do that to yourself.

 

[becalm]

Thanks D - interesting I live by the sea where there are plenty of crabs and turtles and bring them into my Kids Yoga poses.
I know what caused her to start the rumour but also know in the bigger picture it’s got nothing to do with me but it’s her own personal issues. However that doesn’t stop it from being upsetting and creating disharmony for me.
When you’re driving and random men start waving or the women in the local shop serve you with a thunderous expression....well as you say it’s a difficult situation. None of these people actually know me.
I’m assuming it will never be resolved in my favour so all I can do is protect my own inner self.

 

[legume]

thinking more about the woman symbol in 37... in Chinese culture it's still quite common to understand the role of a woman as creative and nourishing and that of a man as more controlling (this understanding comes from 5 elements cycles as well as from my Chinese teacher's commentary to it ). so other than nourishment, creative expression can be profoundly healing. and not trying to control the outcome would also make sense here.

and another female power that comes to mind is compassion (that's not to say men aren't capable of it, just that it's possibly more of a yin trait rather than yang and we're all a mixture of both) so if you understand what caused the rumour maybe some loving-kindness (meditation) towards whomever might have started it (as also maybe advised in 42.5 it seems) may help? or even if somehow confronted with that person, why not simply say what you stated here - how unfounded and how hurtful it is considering you've been on the other side of it - not demanding her compassion, but just out of compassion for yourself. hope this passes soon and you'll feel home at home again.

 

[becalm]

I’m not sure she understands her behaviours in any way.
It started because her and her husband started using my electricity which I can’t really prevent because the power point is outside and there is no way to put it under lock and key. I told them they don’t have the right to use it but they insisted they did. I tried a blocking method twice after that but they found the way to unblock it and continued to use it and she still continued to be friendly as if that was okay.
In the end I spoke to the landlord who's incidentally her brother-in-law and he sorted it out AND paid for the first month of my power bill.
She started telling the neighbours what a drama queen I am and that I’ve got serious issues because of not letting them use my power but the neighbours continued to say hi and maybe chat if they saw me.
My understanding is her husband and her had to think of a way to make me feel uncomfortable so I’d move out and that’s apparently what they came up with and it’s had the desired effect of not only the neighbours shunning me but a domino affect of the men and women in the town reacting to the rumour as well. Also the only 2 married men around my home either glare at me or turn the other way whereas before we’d have a chat and a laugh.
So as you can tell confronting them would be like trying to reason with a 3 year old.
I feel sorry for her tbh because she appears to have ‘no life’ her husband is gone nearly 12 hours 5 days a week and on the weekend he mows the lawn and watches TV taking her to the grocery store at the same time every Sunday morning to do their shopping. She does have a car but rarely goes out.

 

[legume]

aah, okay, i see how the talking probably wouldn't be of much value. though showing some vulnerability could potentially serve as icebreaker, though i understand how difficult it would be and i'm kinda talking our of my a** here, as personally this would be a pass for me as well. but good on you for standing up for yourself and getting the bill sorted! and maybe if they see how you just go on about your day, doing yoga, being creative, staying hot and minding your own business is all that's needed here

 

[becalm]

I think it was my potential ‘vulnerability’ as a single woman that started this in the first place. If there was a man around would they have tried the electricity thing???? Hmmm makes you wonder!!

 

[legume]

i see what you mean, especially when it comes to house maintenance / renovation things (i know of horrible stories of mistreatment, women being treated like idiots by some workers who think they can either charge more or make weird suggestions etc., this coming from my mother and closest friends and i'm about to get a place for myself and it kinda scares me). on the other hand can't deny that being vulnerable helped me convince my own landlord to rent the place i'm in now, so there's always some pros and cons. and i meant more the actual vulnerability or openness, not the potential, if / when confronting the other woman, but as said, i totally understand your concerns and reluctance, as most likely would rather withdraw myself when in your shoes (though sometimes i wish i had the courage to take my own advice hehe)

 

[becalm]

Bigger picture...this situation is about me getting comfortable with my new Self Empowerment.
My history is one of dealing differently with toxic people and situations, letting them taking advantage, living in fear or taking flight only to find myself in a similar situation.
Not saying that they’re not being childish and they’re obviously so unaware of the real possible repercussions this could have ie. a man actually trying to assault me if I was in a social situation and he thought I was an easy target or being harassed by a group of women because of what they’d heard.
I plan to start travelling anyway with my Kids Yoga, taking it to wherever I feel like going, staying for as long as people are interested then travelling some more.
What I didn’t want was to leave because I’m forced to but in all honesty they’ve done me a favour. They’re still the same unhappy people they were before this happened and I’m sure they’ll never change....

 

[Trojina]

Later today I decided to put a notice on the towns local shop notice board anonymously written and not naming anyone but suggesting they stop the BS and maybe come and apologise. I did it for myself, to make a stand and don’t expect it will make any difference but I have asked -
What do I need to know about my notice changing the situation for the better
Hex 42.5>27
It was the right thing to do for myself.

That worries me. You say you used no name but you put your name in surely or no one would know what the notice was about. Whichever way this seems like a very bad idea, I mean people just don't post such things like that on public notice boards do they ?

I don't think it can possibly change things for the better as it would surely make people doubt your sanity ? Don't get me wrong I'm not saying you're insane but it doesn't seem a very sane thing to do.

I think 42.5 does indicate there's no harm done anyway but I don't get why you'd do that ?

 

[Trojina]

It’s come to light that in this small town and beyond there’s a RUMOUR I sleep with other women’s husbands.

My first thought would be 'how has this come to light' ? Where's this information coming from ? I think the source of the information has the most to answer for and that is the person you need to tackle. I think 37 might even indicate you keep this close to home rather than go posting public notices.

 

[becalm]

I didn’t use my name and I did it because it made me feel better.
The town has a population of 300 people and a reputation for clique ness and gossip. If someone reads the note and ‘the shoe fits’....
No point in confronting the person who started it, it would only fuel their fire. You can’t change small town mentality.
It’s about how I handle the situation from my perspective and that’s all I care about.

 

[becalm]

I've realised there is someone closer to home who I could talk to about this matter....

What if I tell this person Hex 53.3.5>23

I'm not sure about this response - In one way it says yes it's a good idea but don't blurt it out all at once.....

 

[Trojina]

I'd still be wondering about the person who told you about the rumours.

If ever someone tells you some bad things other people said about you you have to wonder why they don't keep their mouth shut. In telling you they unsettle you. I also think rumours like these, which seem both of a bygone era and are unsubstantiated are not worth the energy of refuting.

If the one who told you cannot say who specifically said what they should keep quiet. If no one woman can say that you actually slept with her husband then it's a puff of smoke more than a rumour.

I say it seems of a bygone era because, I don't know, it sounds like an accusation from the 1950s, or maybe it's like that in that village, where housewives in hair rollers gossiped over fences about a woman stealing their men. I mean these days if a wife wants to check out her husband's fidelity she doesn't rely on rumours of neighbours she checks his phone, his emails, his bank account, stuff like that.

As I said the person I'd be bothered about is the one who thought it a good idea to tell me other people were saying things. I can't see why anyone would do that unless they want to spread more discord, also it doesn't sound realistic in 2021.

 

[Liselle]

For what it's worth, 37's Ideal hexagram is 43, so I was quite astonished to see that Becalm got to it spontaneously, posting the notice.

(An Ideal hexagram is an experimental context hexagram proposed by Stephen Karcher - his explanation is here https://ichinglivingchange.org/room-using-change-nuts-bolts/ - scroll down to the "Ideal and Shadow" pdf. Hilary has also created a course about it in the Change Circle Library - mostly about its companion the Shadow hexagram, but she covers both.

"For what it's worth" isn't much, even to me - I have no notions for how or why 43 would be 37's Ideal.)

 

[becalm]

For what it's worth, 37's Ideal hexagram is 43, so I was quite astonished to see that Liss got to it spontaneously, posting the notice.

Why are you Astonished? I got Hex 42

 

[Liselle]

This one

What can I do to Dispel this rumour Hex 37 un

 

[rosada]

He: Why are you still single?

She: Just lucky I guess.