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Some questions around having a kid

julie

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All my life I've wanted to have kids. Lots of things have interfered. I'm now 44, very happily married, with a moderately controlled health condition and a career that's really going places. I still very much want to have a child. At the same time, I have an overall sense that my life is not my own, that I'm here to serve in whatever way that I'm called, and I recognize that that may not be through having a child. Rationally, it's extremely unlikely: I'm old, we've been trying for more than two years... But it's still very hard for me to let it go.

Will I have a kid? 28.1,2,3 to 17

I read that as No. Too stressful. Your body can't handle it. Follow where your life is taking you.

Oof.

Then I asked, So, then, what do I do with this longing? 53.6 to 39

I read that as, Be patient. Your calling in this life is something beyond having a kid.

I guess I'd just like a second opinion.
 
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mulberry

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You got lines 2 and 3 in 28 and you think it's a firm "no"? I wouldn't read that as a definite no by any means. In 28, things are delicate, fragile, stressful, they require great care to succeed... in Line 1 those are the "white rushes" (cushions, basically). You're going to need to take extra careful measures to have a chance with this, but Yi's not saying it's impossible. I received this hexagram a lot in the early days of dating the man who is now my husband-- and we didn't even have much conflict, just a lot of adjusting to getting to know each other and our new lives together. Stressful, yes, but certainly not bad!

Line 2 is actually very auspicious in your circumstances-- have you read the lines? Go reread them. An old man takes a younger wife. A dry tree sprouts. That's all about fertility!

Line 3 is yes, more troubling. Something breaks after being pushed too far. But it's hard to say what that means exactly in your place. It could be psychological, it could foretell health problems, it could just be saying the pressure of this decision and desire needs to be shifted or it'll cause a collapse. It could be you giving up. Which would, I think, be the wrong thing to do. It doesn't sound like you're in menopause-- the window is still open.

17's a nice one to have in this case; Following is a bit of a hard one for me to read most of the time, but it's not negative. You have a wish and it's not wrong to pursue it.

In terms of 53.6, you asked what to do with your desire and yes it shows you transforming it into something else. But you're the one putting "something beyond having a kid" onto that reading. It could very well mean taking a larger view of fate and purpose in life, that doesn't preclude also having a child. The oracle could simply be saying, take a wide view and don't focus as much on this. Again, not by any means a no.

All that said, here's my unsolicited practical advice, apologies in advance: have you been to a fertility doctor? If not, book an appointment right away (line 28.1, you need to take careful measures for this to succeed). Are you charting and temping to track ovulation? The #1 cause of infertility (before people have been to doctors to diagnose other issues) is having sex at the wrong time or not frequently enough. There's only about 24-36 hours every cycle, when you're older, that the window is even open. That's 12 days a year! Not much.

Finally, try preseed: https://www.amazon.com/Pre-Seed-Personal-Lubricant-1-4-Oz/dp/B004382GWK?th=1 It's not a miracle gel and it won't resolve hormonal, egg/ovulation, or uterine problems. BUT: it does help resolve two pesky but very common issues, not enough cervical mucus and low sperm count. For $20, very much worth a shot. It's helped many women conceive. (You have to use it during those 12 days a year though!!)

Again, 28.1 shows pretty clearly that you need assistance with this-- some kind of aid or cushion to make this work. Yi is often literal. I take it to mean anything from something like Preseed, to fertility meds from a doctor, or expert advice. 17 also implies following advice or someone else's lead.

All my best to you.
 
N

nAstWr

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Julie, I really sympathize you.
I am 44 years old and I know the longing of having your own children. Please accept a piece of advice from me. You need to clam down. I know friends of mine who were at the same situation. They were trying and they were so worried about, the pregrancy came when they stop thinking it.
In addition to your casts: hex 28 especially line 3 shows that you are worried too much. I ching gives me the line 28.3 when I feel really depressed and devastated. Moreover, the 6th line of hex 53 to 39 shows that you have to stop being worried, stop thinking about it and enjoy your life.
You don't need to ask I ching anymore. Just relax. Forget about that and focus on your life. You have a wonderful husband a career. Appreciate what you have. Nowadays it's too difficult to have a healthy relationship let alone a stable career. Be grateful and enjoy it. Keep trying, your miracle will come. My best wishes to you :)
 

julie

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Thank you both.

Just bought pre-seed -- I hadn't heard of it, but it makes a lot of sense. Timing isn't the problem, and I've gone to a fertility specialist, but the only options at this point are invasive fertility treatments, and that doesn't feel right to us. That really feels like line 3. I did acupuncture for quite a while, and I've taken various supplements that are supposed to help. Beyond that, I haven't seen what kind of help to get.

And you're right, no menopause signs yet.

And nAstWr, I'm actually not super stressed about this. I'm mostly focused on all the wonderful stuff in my life -- but I'm also paying attention to my feelings about this, tuning in from time to time, feeling my way forward with it. Line 3 clearly indicates too much stress, but I don't think it's from worrying.

My book is coming out in May, and that's a super big deal in my life. If I had all the time in the world, I'd wait 9 months or so before getting pregnant, so that the book is launched and I've had a chance to settle into whatever that will bring -- perhaps little change in my life, perhaps a lot.

Part of why line 3 had such a huge impact on me is that at the moment, the idea of being pregnant DOES feel like too much stress. I already have to put so much energy into my body, and I worry that being pregnant, particularly for the first trimester, could leave me mostly non-functional. Plus, my husband is in the midst of a career transition, and I worry that the financial stress of a baby would shut that process down for him, leaving him feeling like he has to do what he can to bring in enough money, the longings of his heart career-wise be damned. We have many friends who love us, but we don't have family to turn to. I wish I could figure out how to create more support for us, a la Line 1, but I've been thinking on that for a long time now and haven't come up with anything.

In any case, this is all quite helpful, and I'll hold the reading more lightly, with more space around it.
 

julie

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To follow up on this, I asked the Yi, What direction should I look for more support in having a kid? I got 19.1 to 7. Thoughts?
 

julie

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And one more question, that seems to be leading me somewhere: I asked, "What about assuming I'll get pregnant after the book comes out, and in the meantime looking for help in that in a relaxed, easy way?" I got 46.2.6 to 52. Sounds like an endorsement to me.

Also sounds like the 18 lurking in 46.6 is worth paying attention to -- there's some corruption playing a role here.
 

moss elk

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Will I have a kid? 28.1,2,3 to 17

I read that as No. Too stressful. Your body can't handle it. Follow where your life is taking you.
Oof.
I agree with your take on this.
28: too stressful, remain alone and undaunted by it.
line 1: be extraordinarily cautious about this (because there are risks.)
line 2: I think this is your wish for a biological child.
line 3: ominous warning, too much stress.
17: Follow the natural cycles of life,
of the time.

Then I asked, So, then, what do I do with this longing? 53.6 to 39
[/QUOTE]
A couple thoughts about line 6:
1-your window for a healthy pregnancy may be 'over' (the geese have left, we have their feathers)
2-adoption is an option, many children already here need loving homes, It is an honorable, and dare I say it:
sacred thing to help another in need.
 

mulberry

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19.1 says to me you should look towards someone else, a partner-- probably your husband, or maybe a sympathetic healer/doctor. "Joint approach," "approach with sincerity," "affectionate approach." Working on this with someone who is loving and sincere. With 7 as the background hexagram, I think to get the outcome you want you're going to need organization, discipline, and a mustering of resources. A plan, really. I don't think just relaxing or letting things take their course is going to give you the outcome of a pregnancy or child in this case. 19.1, you need to do this with someone else, and 7, you need resources and strategy. This could apply to Moss Elk's suggestion of adoption, too; that also requires planning and strategy, as well as sincere partnership with people like case workers and your family and friends (to provide references).
 

Rosiie

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If you get to the place of considering the idea again you might want to research 'Inositol' to increase fertility.... ? It works.
 

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