Start divorce proceedings 61.2.6 to 3

[curious1]

It is said there is a very fine line between bravery and stupidity. I think the same fine line may exist between "gut feel" and "need/want".

After 18 months of deeply emotional struggle, I recently removed myself from my marriage after looking at it very realistically how it stagnated. I have done everything I can, and feel that living on my own, is the best thing for me right now. Nevertheless, everytime I start thinking of initiating divorce proceedings, I have "gut" feelings that I should hold back, that it's not all over yet. My head and heat seems to clash to I asked Yi :

What outcome is likely, what can I expect if I start divorce proceedings : 61.2.6 to 3

I read a number of translations but they all seem different and I am struggling to understand the reply.

61 inner sincerity
61.2 a sincere reliance on my integrity will go a long way and I need to centre myself.
61.6 Do not dissect truth too much in words or ideas. Before you realize it, you live up to great words instead of simple intuition, to beautiful ideas instead of simple experience. Give your emotions a fair chance to live life without giving it names.

3 it will be difficult to do this in the beginning.

Can someone please help me see how this relates to my question please:

 

[Trojina]

Well the Image of 61 actually says ;

"A noble one deliberates over legal proceedings and delays executions" (from Hilary's book)

so that alone suggests your statement of feeling here

I have "gut" feelings that I should hold back, that it's not all over yet.

is indeed correct.

61.2 suggests continued good feeling of some kind, some connection remains which is not broken.

and the I Ching says for 61.6 "Cockcrow rises to heaven. Constancy. Pitfall" (from Hilary's book)

I say 'the I Ching says' because what you have been looking at is people's commentaries, and whilst they may be helpful it is also a good idea to first see how the actual translation strikes you.

A cock is crowing as if by crowing he can get to heaven perhaps...this line is full of idealised outcomes, it's not realistic. It's sincere yes but misguided. So your attitude to divorce is likened to a cock thinking he can reach heaven just by crowing.

I reckon this is a clear answer that you could actually salvage the marriage...or if that sounds absurd to you then just take it that no it really isn't a good idea to divorce yetanyway. One is advised to delay executions and legal preocedures so this is really clear advice.

Hexagram 3 is not a prediction, it's showing that the whole background atmosphere and situation here is quite confused, there's difficulty and some help is needed.


This just doesn't look like it's over and also 61.6 shows you may need to adjust your perspective.....divorce won't bring what you imagine at this point in time Hexagram 3 makes me wonder if the pair of you could use some kind of help or support together ? Do you as a couple need family help or relationship counselling ? Hexagram 3 suggests finding helpers. Maybe you both needed help in difficult circumstances

61.2 is spiritual love BTW.....I cannot see it as a line favouring divorce. It would seem that on a deep inner level you still do love each other ?

 

[Trojina]

Oh also looking at the change patterns...where one looks at the pattern you get if the all change lines are yang we have hexagram 4 suggesting this has all come about through not knowing, being somewhat in the dark...not understanding and the yin change pattern, where all change lines are made yin, the way through and out of the situation is hexagram 49, revolution/moulting

Maybe the relationship needs a total overhaul.. change and letting old patterns go is needed but that doesn't seem to = divorce at the moment

 

[wind]

I really <3 Trojan ! I can always count on what you have to say as being true and sincere.

I poked my head in here being I am going through a divorce myself. After my husband moved out from the home we share with our children and left to live with his "significant other"; I gave him the chance to come back and work things out. After three weeks, it was a bust simple because he was still carrying on with the other woman.

Why am i telling you this? Simply because I have much insight to offer you and perhaps what I tell you might save a marriage or a family from breaking apart.

I have never been a person to let something alone until I know I put my entire heart and soul into something. For years, I over compensated for what my husband was not doing as a husband and a father. I took this as my cue to step up and lessen the slack for the sake of his happiness and the children. In this all, I lost myself. While I was so worried about everyone else and their happiness, I forgot that I need to be happy too. And no one, not even myself was paying mind to me. But, I was happy to see my family happy and that is all that mattered.

The more I did, the less he did. I assumed a new role and wore more hats than I should have ever. So, he remained silent and I continued until exhaustion. Our communication totally died. Soon he was sleeping around with other women and eventually fell in love with one of them.

Do not make any life changing decisions without finding a means to open up to one another. Try counseling.

Try making 20 minutes a day where you and your spouse lock yourself away from the world in your bedroom and simply TALK. No sexual contact, no tv blaring and no kids, phone calls, text messages or computer. Just start talking.

Make appointments to have a date night once every two weeks minimally. STICK TO IT! In the last 11 years of being a mother, my husband took me out all but three times. No wonder we lost touch. We had no time together to look forward to. I wanted to go out all the time. He didn't.

Think about all and anything your spouse may have asked for over the years and DO IT. Have they asked for help in chores? Do it. Are they worried about having no life insurance? Go get it. Do they want to go back to school or have any other dream they wish to fulfill? Contribute to it.

I have asked my husband why he thinks he loves our kids. His answer was simple— "They're my kids. It's natural to love them." That's the wrong answer. Parents love their children because the love they receive is a reflection of what that parent put into their kids. All relationships work the same way. Ask yourself, "What am I putting into this marriage?" Don't worry about what they are putting into it. That part will come around once you set the lead.

Lastly, learn how to truly forgive another. You should never walk through life with the transgressions of others burdening your soul. Not just your spouse... anyone that you feel wrong done you. Once you learn to forgive, any resentment you might be holding on to can be freed.

I hope my advise to you was of some help. I know I was doing the right thing in my situation. I became the person I was buried under the misery... much like a butterfly emerging from the cocoon. As for my marriage, I had no control of a situation that was a lie to begin with. He should have never came home knowing he was still with someone else. I take full responsibility for letting him back in, just to leave again. I hurt my children in doing so. But know they also know that i did all that I could and I am happy with the person I am.

I wish you the best of luck. Be patient and invest the time in fixing your relationship. If you start to lose hope, think back to how you got here to begin with... it all started with you both falling in love with one another. It's a good place to start.

 

[Trojina]

Thanks Wind. Just wanted to stress I don't have any particular views on marriage, sometimes it seems best to end it, sometimes it doesn't....so I was going purely on Curious's reading here of 61.2.6>3. I just can't see 61.2 as 'get a divorce now'. Others may see it differently.

For you divorce was the thing to do as you say here,

I know I was doing the right thing in my situation. I became the person I was buried under the misery... much like a butterfly emerging from the cocoon

Yes, sometimes no amount of 'doing' anything will fix things, the relationship has served it's purpose, it's simply outgrown, each person needs to go their own way to carry on with their own growth.

it''s just with this particular reading, although they have broken up....Yi still doesn't seem to indicate divorce is the way to go here.

 

[curious1]

Thank you Trojan, you are wonderful. I love your readings. You hope you realize that you are really doing this community a huge service. I hope that I can learn enough to give back later what I've received here.

I believe we truly fell in love with the essence of each other and connected at soul level. But when the baggage and defenses start bumping up against each other, then all hell breaks loose.

I realised also how I enabled my partner, made excuses for her and how I become unstable (in an attempt to be accommodating) when she shifted or became unstable. I am stopping that today. It is impossible (for me) to relate to someone with a victim mentality. I will not start divorce proceedings, but I will also not go back until I am more stable in myself. I will continue to work on myself, use iChing for direction and help and centre myself.

Namaste

 

[curious1]

Ok I am totally boggled tonight. I did not start divorce proceedings, but my spouse did. She moved in with someone else and seems very settled and content. The divorce is in progress and getting very rocky with some hectic events this week.

So I asked Yi : Where is the relationship with J going? Low and behold, I get this very same reading. Hex 61.2.6 to 3.

What am I suppose to do about this ?? Hex 58.5 to 54.

The commentary from Ginne I found, reads : In 58.5 something is deteriorating or being stripped away. If I were you, I'd stay alert to any signs of something like that happening ... It does seem to be a line indicating misplaced trust. Have you thoroughly considered the deeper character of the one you love? You know how it is: Love is blind.

The track it's on and what I read here are so very different. I am at a loss here again and would appreciate some help please.