Stimulating the growth of a new romance 17.1.3 - 31

[Solstice]

I have a new-born romantic relationship with a man in my life at the moment which has been developing over the last two or three months. I asked "What can I do in order to have X engage in activities with me outside the contest of one-on-one intimacy"?
What I had in mind was spending more time together in the open, among other people, doing more or less casual things which would also occasionally include the presence of my child... Things like taking a walk to the park together or going out for an ice cream or normal stuff like that...
I got hexagram 17.1.3 changing to 31

I'm not sure on how to interpret the directions given within these hexagrams. They definitely do reflect the context of my desire, i.e. going out and associating with people while remaining true to ones values (line 1) and moving the relationship up to a higher level (line 3). But what are the directions - the answer to my how-to question, within these lines and hexagram?

:bows:

 

[sooo]

But what are the directions - the answer to my how-to question, within these lines and hexagram?

Hi Solstice

First, nice handle. Second, I think your direction of wanting to 'move around on the outside' with him, socializing and such, is a very healthy component of a budding relationship. Third, I'm not sure just what a "contest of one-on-one intimacy" is or means. The word contest throws me, unless you mean the contest is to give it a rest and go outside, as you have then mentioned.

The answer to how is contained in exactly what you choose to follow. Seems like you're following your inner direction and drive, which coincides with 17 in general. I think you understand lines 1 and 3, and 31 well enough. Just do it. One meaning of 31 is to woo, so woo him out the door. How could you do that, without it being a contest of wills? Create situations with your friends and tell him you would like to introduce him to them, you're proud of him and want to show him off. Roosters have such big egos you know. Use your charm rather than letting it be a contest. If he refuses your wish to go outside, I'd have to question your compatibility, and possibly even his motives. This sounds like you're being smothered, and you also need to learn more about things like, is he the jealous type, does his personality change in social scenarios, etc. He also needs to learn the same about you. Seems like these things should happen before private intimacy. Change the standard, as line 1 says.

Good luck.

 

[Solstice]

Hi sooo and thanks for the great advice. I just realized I made a typo there! What I meant to write was "context" and not "contest" Hihi
I definitely agree with getting to know each other better in social scenarios. It's quite a crucial factor to any relationship, being familiar with the other person's ways in social circumstances and sharing those moments.

Actually we've been out together in social scenarios, that's how we met to begin with and we've got quite a few friends in common. But we could do more of it for sure and we're still not too familiar with each other within that context. What I'm looking for is more engagement on his (and my) behalf, towards this potential relationship, starting with small, basic things like going out together in public, doing whatever we feel like doing, as I mentioned above. Normal stuff that helps to cultivate any potential relationship. We live in a small town where everyone kind of knows everyone so that definitely changes our situation a little bit.

If he refuses to go outside then I definitely will, as you said, question his motives and our compatibility and smoothly and rapidly move on without him

 

[sooo]

That's funny. I accidentally wrote context for where you wrote contest, went back and edited it.

I'll venture another guess that his personality seems more gregarious in public and more serious when alone with you, and that you'd enjoy sharing that fun loving side with him more. This also leads me to think that he may be on the young side and that he's really digging intimacy with you, and "girls just wanna have fun" kind of thing is what you're wanting more of from him. That brings back some early memories, so part of me empathizes with him. Ah, young love - 31.

 

[taoscopy]

What can I do in order to have X engage in activities with me outside the contest of one-on-one intimacy"?

17: it's about having fun, recreational activities

line 1: you can take some interest into his activities, even if you don't like them particularly, you may learn interesting things in the process

line 3: you can read it simply, that it's better to take interest into his activities, but you can also ask the two follow-up-questions:

what is the best?
what is the least?

31: suggests that you help him/encourage him to practice his recreational activities.

Maybe he is embarrassed to tell you about them so if you make him comfortable with them then that would benefit your romance.

17 - To guide

When one rejoices others, they join with them.

1 - If one talks without bias, the opinions of others will be useful.

3 - When one prefers the best, the least goes away.
In the making
31 - Impulse

When one helps others, they come.

 

[Tim K]

What can you do? 17.1 → 45.3 → 31

Slowly inspire him(17) to go out more(45), by opening yourself up (31).

I take 45 here as erasing boundaries, being whole, being one.
This is the opposite of 26, accumulation of something. So sharing is the key.
31 - show that you are open to new ideas/advice, being receptive in general.

Share more details of your life with him (45), make him feel safe and accepted into your circle and life in general (45.3, he may be reluctant to commit because of your son). Talk about all sorts of things, your son's grades at school for example.
Invite him to dinner with someone else present at the table.