strange relationship phase

[rosada]

I have re-read this thread and now realize some things that had escaped my attention the first time around:

I see now that M is not married to the man she is living with. I thought she was.
On the one hand this makes me feel less uncomfortable discussing with you the prospects for you two having a relationship, but it also makes me think this woman has more problems than I at first realized. Why is she staying with a man who is emotionally abusive? Why was it so magical when you were her "teacher" but it fell apart when you wanted to become her equal? Why is her mother still able to have such a strong influence? Sounds like she has some issues about authority!

I also see that the test M's daughter is preparing to take is the SAT. This is a test that is not administered until the student is almost ready to graduate. I thought the daughter was a small child and therefore I could see you having a point that it was not good if the live in boyfriend had no strong feeling for the little girl. However, it now appears we're talking about an full grown teenager! I don't think you can fault the man for not having a close relationship here.

Further thoughts re the grandmother: The SAT is an extremely important test that has a lot to do with determining if a person will go to college. SAT scores can effect your whole life. Therefore I would not feel the grandmother was being intrusive urging M to keep calm in the home while the girl is preparing for this all important test nor would I feel the mother is hiding behind these tests as a smoke screen to not move out. These tests really do matter and everything should be done to insure the child has a chance to do her best.

Incidentally for about $15 you can get a book called 10 REAL SAT's. By practicing taking these tests at home studies have shown students raise their test scores an average of 100 points!

Anyway, I think your friend has a very legitimate reason to keep things as they are for now, but if she continues to find excuses not to make changes after the tests then I think you should question if she really wants a partnership relationship with you. That she continues to rant to you about her frustrations with the boyfriend is not a good sign. If she were indeed clear that she intends to leave she would have nothing but sympathy for him. The fact that she still finds him irritating indicates she is still attached. The fact that she wants to talk to you about it says she still wants authority figures to make her decisions for her.

I'm not sure how all of this fits in with the I Ching, but maybe it's helpful to know how outsiders see your situation anyway. Hope so!

R.

 

[maremaria]

You mean post 2 here or your post 2 here - I can't see where you mean. Hmm anyway the main thing is I misunderstood that statement - good, i was worried you were suggesting a team of 'experts' here decide who the Yi did and did not want to converse with

Nope, no way. Its scary isn't it ?

(post #2 : This thread post number 2)

 

[magus007]

Hi Rosada

Her daughter is 11 and is going to do her SATS on May 12. M is worried about these because the daughter is not doing well with SAT mock exams and since these decide the stream she will be in secondary school she is worried that she will fall in with a bad crowd because she will be classed as remedial. In the girl's case she is right to be worried because the girl is very intelligent (probably too much), social and mature but simply hates school and is very stubborn about it. She seems to have the same attitudes to authority that her mother does Ironically I would be suggesting that both stay in that house until the exams are over too... the only thing is that I would have m's partner know what was going on between her and me and her free to develop this.
I don't think the m's mother has influence in that respect... just that she accessed M's own fear and guilt.
Her partner is not an emotional abuser... just emotionally autistic. I would have no problem with him being in my universe for the daughter if both of them wanted that. My gut feeling is that he will not and I think M knows this.
The magical relationship thing is a bit of a more complex problem. It remains a magical relationship in that in such relationships you expect darkness to erupt around the weakest points of your psyche and the other person is supposed to be there for them. This took a bit of a canning with us because really she was supposed to be there for me when I left my wife and she wasn't. However since I am supposed to be the more experienced in this I suppose I should be the patent one and wait for her to work out her shadow stuff. All the divinations made over this issue both by me, and others, have indicated it works out positively in the end and it ends up with us together. This is sort of why I see it as a transition.
So do you still see him as the 'Lord' in this hex?

 

[rosada]

Oh my goodness, what a shame that so much is decided about their futures when the kids are only 11! Well, May 12 is not far off...

Yes, I still see "lord" as applying to the boyfriend as I see "lord" as referring to someone who holds some sort of authority and if she is unwilling to tell him about the full extent of her relationship with you than she is making him some sort of an authority figure. However, I am strictly going by Wilhelm's translation so I don't see this line as meaning he is some sort of superior being as other translations seem to imply.

Perhaps the "narrow street" could be referring their meetings with the counsellor. Perhaps this space gives her a chance to see/express how she really feels. And this is not necessarily a bad thing for your interests. Perhaps having the nerve to tell him how she really feels means she will be able to "Bite Through" any illusions he's had that their relationship could be lasting and this is what it will take for her to be able to leave.

38.2 Certainly seems to assure us that those who are meant to be together will ultimately be together.

Maybe you can get back to us a bit later on down the line and report how things really did finally all sort out.

 

[Trojina]

In 38.2 I haven't found in my own readings the 'lord' to indicate someone in authority or someone of any special quality though it can be. It can just as easily apply to any friend or associate so I think you are paying too much attention to the 'superiority' of this word magus. For me in my own readings its even meant a causal aquantaince i needed to meet or connect with for some reason and they certainly had no especial status.

I am assuming btw the man she lives with is not the childs father - you haven't said explicitly, maybe i missed it.

Theres a contradiction in that if this man is so indifferent to the child why is it so important he stays around. Maybe the kid would prefer he went and would do better in the exams if he wasn't there - did anyone ask her if she cared one way or the other.

Lol sorry this is no longer much Yi related and a bit of a soap opera discussion -

 

[magus007]

Soap

Yeah he is not the father of the child The reason is that ever since she can remember he has been that figure around her for the last five years. He is a waste of air to me.. but to M's muggle friends he is a 'good bloke'.
It is a bit of a soap opera ;-) one of the reasons I was thinking of writing it as a novel when the story shows where it is supposed to be going