Struggling to move forward - Hex 43.6 to 1

[veronica]

Hi guys, some of you may be vaguely familiar with my situation (and probably bored of it by now) but I am really struggling to move forward and unable to make a decision. For 1.5 years now I have been separated from my ex partner and we have a child together, Oli who is 2.5 years old now. Following months of first bullying and threats, then pleads and begging to get me back to the relationship I am now faced with the fact that I cannot take this for much longer but what prevents me from moving forward is this debilitating fear of having to share my son with my ex if I dont get back with him. The vision of not seeing my boy every other weekend, every other christmas, every other holiday fills me with dread, to the point where I would rather go back to the relationship to avoid having nights without my son. Maybe if he was a little older I would not find it so hard but he is still so little and misses me but my ex would not accept it and demands shared custody if I don't get back to him. A part of me was hoping that my ex would walk away and leave us in peace eventually but this does not seem to be the case.

I have therefore asked how best to deal with this situation (when it comes to arranging the visitations, to make the situation bearable) and I got Hex 43.6 moving to 1. (Just as a background I have asked recently "What if I go back to P"? for which I got Hex 11.4 moving to 34, which is unusually positive, I used to get a lot of conflict whenever I would ask that in the past - Hex 6)

Hundreds of thoughts running through my head, I cannot think straight any more and feel like cutting my head off and sending it off somewhere to get some rest>

Please guys let me have your thoughts.

Many thanks,
Beata

 

[veronica]

Oh just another background reading I got recently which may be of help was "What is the best course of action to achieve stability and happiness for me and my son?" - I got Hex 57.1.5 to 26....

 

[willowfox]

"What if I go back to P"? for which I got Hex 11.4 moving to 34,

Under the circumstances I see this as very negative because for a start you are virtually being forced into it and secondly, Hex 34 is very powerful, so it not only indicates the potential for fights and arguments but more serious bullying as well when he doesn't get his way.
Power can be used for good or bad and thus in the wrong hands it corrupts, so be warned of the potential danger that lies ahead.

 

[knotxx]

please take this wtih a grain of salt as I know nothing of your situation, but I usually take 43.6 to mean that in the midst of some overwhelming situation, I should have cried out -- spoken the truth of my heart, or called for help, or something -- but I did not; I stifled myself instead. Do you feel comfortable speaking frankly and honestly to your ex? If not, that seems like a potential real problem to me. Also, have you thought of talking to a counselor, or an attorney?

 

[veronica]

Thank you Willowfox, I understand what you are saying but my fear is that I cannot free myself from this man either way as he will bully me whether I am with him or not as he has rights as a father to my son and I know what emotional bullying he excercises on his two kids from the previous relationship and what hard time he gives his ex wife so if I go back with him then hopefully I will be able to shield my son and manage the situation a little better. I am scared of his threats and bullying, I know if I tell my ex that I definitely don't want to go back with him he will start fighting for shared custody. All i want is a peaceful life for me and my son and maybe there is just not a perfect way out of this situation but a matter of choosing a less damaging option, especially for my son.

You are right Knot, 43.6 describes the main reason why we broke up in the first place. The question now is whether I am now strong enough to deal with him differently but getting 43.6 indicates that possibly not.

 

[willowfox]

I understand your situation but I would take the lesser of the 2 evils, living with him again would be pure hell not only for you but your son as well, as he would be exposed to the fighting and bullying first hand.
Its a pity that you can't secretly emigrate to New Zealand or Australia, some place far away.

I think you need to fight back on this, Hex 1, take him to court, get legal aid or whatever, get witnesses, contact those social welfare people and explain that the guy is a nasty piece of work when life upsets him and therefore will not make a good father to the boy. Look at line 43.6, it says not crying out will cause misfortune, so cry out to the court/judge/welfare services etc. The law is on your side so go and fight.
I believe that is what your answer is about(43.6 > 1), be smart and go to court and fight that is how you will achieve victory over him.

 

[rony]

Your son has the right to see his father! Regardless of the situation between you to (your ex end you) he is still the father, no? Unless he is a threat to his son he has the right to see him and most importantly your son has the right to see his father!

 

[willowfox]

Your son has the right to see his father! Regardless of the situation between you to (your ex end you) he is still the father, no? Unless he is a threat to his son he has the right to see him and most importantly your son has the right to see his father!

That is indeed correct, a son has a right to see his father and his father has a right to see his son.

Unless the father is a threat/problem/bad influence then what?

 

[bamboo]

what happened to the legal aid help you were getting a few threads back, V?? Just curious if you are still getting help with this.

take a deep breathe. It is not as awful as it seems. You said awhile back that your son adores his dad......that gives me comfort and it should give you comfort too. if your husband has visitation rights, he will most likely not be abusive to the boy......and you can always be mindful...sometimes, if worst comes to worst, everyother weekend off from mothering is NOT so bad......I know how you feel, I was there, it felt like torture to consider losing holidays, parting, my daughter calling me up crying since she missed me, sometimes we even drove off to escape the exchange! BUt all in all, it was never as bad as in my torturous visions...have some trust...take it day by day, and keep getting legal counsel

 

[tigerintheboat]

Peace and the Wings of a Bird

I have therefore asked how best to deal with this situation (when it comes to arranging the visitations, to make the situation bearable) and I got Hex 43.6 moving to 1. (Just as a background I have asked recently "What if I go back to P"? for which I got Hex 11.4 moving to 34, which is unusually positive, I used to get a lot of conflict whenever I would ask that in the past - Hex 6)

It is hard to believe, given your description of your sorrows, but 11.4 -- 34 is a very positive reading, about the possibility that he will now have a light touch, like the wings of a bird, and that you have Great Power (H34). Note that you want to retreat and but Yi did not tell you to retreat: Yi is telling you that you have the power. Perhaps it is your use of your power that could keep him in check if you got back together; if you can find that power.

As for H43.6, it is very interesting (to me!) that H43 and H1 have only one line different, Line 6. Line 6 is a weak line, and by getting rid of that weak line, you have H1, Dynamic Creative Power. Is it possible that you do not need to be weak, and that by crying out (getting legal help, denouncing evil as soon as you see it) that you can create resolution and transform the situation. Either way, Yi seems to be saying that you can have resolution, not by retreat, but by power and action. Also, you must be vigilant; as soon as you close your eyes to the problems again, they will win out.

Forgive me because I have not followed your troubles, and I know there is a great deal of background here I don't know. But the two readings seem strongly complementary to each other, and strongly suggestive of your power and your ability to act, not the need to run and hide.

Tiger

 

[veronica]

Oh this is all so confusing...

I've cast hexagram 43.6 to 1 with a view of not going back to my ex and asking for the best possible way to resolve visitations of my son (In answer to your comment Rony I would never deny my ex access to his son). I find the oracle of Hexagram 43 quite confusing:
'Deciding, tell it in the king's chambers.
With truth, cry out, there is danger.
Notify your own city.
No harvest in taking up arms;
Harvest in having a direction to go.'
King's chambers - does it mean we might end up in court? (which I would rather avoid especially as I think the advice is not to take up arms (No harvest in taking up arms) but by communicating with the ex to get a solution? What does "With truth, cry out, there is danger" mean?? I thought line 6 indicates that not crying out means misfortune so is there a contradiction here?

 

[Peter Belt]

Hi Veronica, juste a bottle out to the ocean here. Your last post was 9 years ago. The meaning of that last hexagram seems pretty clear to me, but was just wondering how your situation was 9 years later, and if you took the advice of that last I Ching reading (go to court, your ex is a toxic person!).
All the best.