Stuggle

[malka]

I am still struggling with the decision to move. This has been one of the most difficult periods in my life.

Over a year ago I lost my job weeks after buying my dream home. Since then life has been a tailspin that's included financial ruin, poor choices in relationships, depression, health concerns, etc. The temp to hire position I got earlier this fall didn't work out, and as much as I needed the money, and as good as the opportunity sounded on paper, the truth is the company just wasn't a fit with who I am and what I want for my life. I do have a part-time job that I love (only one day a week) but there are no opportunities for more hours. I'm out of money and can't pay my bills.

Another aspect to the struggle is my family, who live far away. I'm worried I'm wasting my parents last healthy years living far away and wonder, will I have regrets? Yet they live in an awful climate in a small town that also just doesn't feed my soul in any way. I want to live here where I am. I want to do my work and be successful. But life just hasn't been working out that way.

I went ahead and quit my part-time job, giving a month's notice. But suddenly, another company I'd been playing phone tag with since last summer finally scheduled an appointment with me. THEY WANT TO HIRE ME FOR A PROJECT. No specifics yet, nothing will happen after the new year. Now I am miserable. I do not want to move. But my other boss likely won't allow me to stay because I think she's already found someone. And, this project won't pay me anything for awhile, and I don't know how long it will go on. A few weeks? A year? Both are possible. It would be my dream project. I feel that I SHOULD move anyway, because after all, I don't have the money to support myself. I must move in with my parents. But my siblings are already making my life a hell and I'm not even there yet. They are using this as a power and control opportunity, and are already treating me like a second class citizen. (My friends have been more supportive to me than my siblings. Never once have they offered me assistance, sent a care package, or tried to help in any way. They only yelled at me for eating off the government when I admitted I was on food stamps!) I just do not want to move into this toxic environment. It's not worth it. And yet, do they get to determine my life? I'd like to spend more time with my parents, and if I were earning the kind of money I used to, I could travel to be with them more often. I am in a total un-ending swirl .....................

I talked to Yi this evening and here's what happened:

What about moving to be with family? (Yes, essentially the same question asked a couple weeks ago in another thread, and a similar answer, too.) 54.2 becomes 51

What about moving to a studio apartment here, and renting my house? 37.1.2.5 becomes 57

What about me and the project? 60.5 becomes 19

I'm too close to make anything of this mess. I do not know what to do. I am afraid of making a wrong choice. I just can't see clearly any more on this issue. Please help.

Blessings,
Malka

 

[stuart]

I think the 37 1-2-5.;could be refering to taking in lodgers.laying down rules.preparing food etc ,and the head of the family or household.

 

[jte]

Malka, I feel sympathy for your situation - they must be very difficult circumstances indeed. Because of this, I feel hesitant to interpret for worry that if it's wrong I will have made a bad situation worse. I sincerely hope that does not become the case!

What I see in your readings is that all of your ideas are okay, but none are (at this point) the complete "way out" of your situation.

Move in with family: acceptable solution that leads to later movement - Hex 51, so it eventually becomes a bigger deal than it seemed at first. (But whether that is a good or bad bigger deal I don't know.)

Studio apt/rent house: this should be effective per the Hex 37 lines. BTW, 37.1.2.5 becomes 18, Arresting Decay. I'd say this is a start to fixing your situation - but there's more to do after that.

Project: a success per 60.5, but temporary per 19.

Putting the pieces together, it sounds to me like doing both the apartment rental and the project might work as a temporary solution. For long term, clearly there's the issue of finding steadier work.

A final thought not based on your readings: might I suggest renting one or more rooms in your house but continuing to live there - that way you'd generate income to help pay your bills, but not have the additional expense of an apartment. Just a thought...

Hope this helps and that you can find ways to overcome these very difficult obstacles!

- Jeff

 

[candid]

Hi Malka,

That's an interesting predicament you're in.

1) You have a perfect project (for you) offering no immediate security, but great future potential.

2) You have a job you don?t want, in a place where you don?t want to live, and with a family wanting to treat you like a child.

3) You also have a place to live and food.

It's times like this that really tests our will, faith and priorities, doesn't it?

?What about moving to be with family? (Yes, essentially the same question asked a couple weeks ago in another thread, and a similar answer, too.) 54.2 becomes 51?

This is a picture of you alone in the crowd. You will not be understood. There will not be a sense of true support. Yet, you will be able to remain true to yourself in that environment.

?What about moving to a studio apartment here, and renting my house? 37.1.2.5 becomes 57 ?

This option provides a unified method of having control of your life and allowing your influence to be realized.

?What about me and the project? 60.5 becomes 19?

This looks very promising. You gracefully accept your lifestyle limits so that you may carry out your destiny, which is your bliss, your joy and pleasure ? your will.

Doesn't sound easy no matter which path you choose, but it does seem pretty obvious what you desire most.

 

[malka]

Thank you everyone for your feedback. I do understand this is a very difficult situation, and Jte please know that I take sole responsibility for the decisions I'll make. No worries there.

It's clear to me that moving in with family I will not be supported or understood. I will be the same outcast that I was as a child. The difference here, is that I'm no longer a child and yes, I do believe I can now support MYSELF through the experience. Does this make it worthwhile for me to go there? Is there healing to be done? Maybe. But I will be miserable. And, I will enjoy having people around as they can sometimes be fun to be with.

Jeff,
My intutiion about the 51 is that it is a big deal indeed, and I also don't know in what way. But with that constant 54 in the picture, it doesn't look good. My siblings will resent me being there and make life hell for me and my parents. I can feel it now.

Yes, the apartment and renting my house is probably an OK situation. I almost did this over the summer, but when I advertised my house I received no responses. I took this as a sign it wasn't the right road. I really should sell, but in this market that will take 4-6 months, and I'd rather rent then put on the market to sell with someone in here paying the mortgage for me. Renting out rooms isn't really an option for reasons I won't go into at this point.

Candid,
You're #2 isn't quite right -- I don't have a job that I don't want (there was that contract job this fall but it has ended, and there is no actual job offer for me in the other town.) Or, did I misunderstand and where you interpreting my readings there?

This is a difficult situation. Someone wrote to me privately and gently pondered if I'd created this situation myself. Well, I lost my job which was a very visible position in the community, at the same time of a major significant relationship break-up, and on the tails of having lost most of my life savings in the stock market because I refused to sell and it all kept going lower and lower ... until I had to sell to pay bills with it all. I definitely pulled away from life, become gun-shy about every decision I've made since, moved through health issues (I'm ok in that area now) had a recovered memory about my childhood molestation, etc. It's been an incredible couple of years. I'm here, I've survivied, but what now?? Maybe instead of an apartment, I should just rent a room in someone elses house? I just don't know ..........

 

[candid]

Malka, my mistake. I thought there was a job if you moved.

Is there any chance of an advance from the project people? Or perhaps a personal loan until the project provides income?

 

[martin]

Malka, I'm sorry to hear that life is so difficult for you at the moment. To me it sounds like you are having one or more astrological transits. Did you already look at what happens from that perspective? It might shed more light on what is going on.
I don't know how familiar you are with astrology but if you are interested and need help, let me know.

 

[tashij]

just wish to add my support here, too,... care about you, Malka, and wish the way to open for you....

 

[kevin]

Malka

Adding my support

Wishing you the best

Warmly

--Kevin

 

[luz]

One question, something is not completely clear to me. If you take this short-term, non-paying project, do you have to move or do you have to stay?

 

[malka]

Thank you all for the notes here and for the several private notes. Your caring means very much to me. What I have decided to do for now, is to move forward with renting my home for Feb 1. Then, I'll see what happens in the next couple of weeks, either with the project here, or with a job in the new city, and perhaps I'll even look for a room to rent here for a couple months just until I see what's what. All this does mean that I'm moving forward with giving up my home. Painful.

Luz,
The consulting project would be PAID, it's located here in the town where I currently live, only I do not yet know the details: the scope of the project, the amount of money, the length, and in fact it could also be multiple projects. I would have to STAY to do this work. Win't know anything more for a couple weeks.

Martin,
I know little about astrology, but if you feel there is something there that could be helpful then I am all for it. Feel free to write to me offline and we can discuss. Thank you.

Candid,
There may be a chance for an advance, or a "retainer" but I won't be meeting with the decision maker again for a couple weeks. Could I get money right then and there? Slight chance. I'm guessing it's more likely 4-6 weeks before I see anything. This is all so tense and a tight time frame. If it's good money, well then maybe I could stay in my place for another month. But I've said that over and over again, continuing to feel / believe that this couldn't possibly keep going on. Something must be around the corner.

To all of you, Tashij, Kevin, and others you know who you are, thank you for your support, it's much welcomed. Although it does not change my situation, it does help lower my stress level and this in turn makes it a little easier for me to keep my head on straight and do what needs to be done!

I'm just kicking myself for having quit the part-time job here. My boss is on vacation for the next week so by the time she gets back perhaps I'll have a better sense of what I want. Gosh, I still feel this tug when I think about my family. I want to spend time with my parents. I do not want to be near my siblings, their attitude, or deal with the power issues that I KNOW will arise once I'm living in the same town. Argh!

Blessings,
Malka

 

[gene]

Malka

You know from private email some things I have been through. I have learned from personal experience though, that there is always a way. Anyone who knows me well knows I have been from job to job, I do this, I do that, and a rolling stone gathers no moss. Yet, through it all, there has always been a way, and I am not talking about charity, or such, but always a way. The universe does take care of us if we do our part. One requirement though is that we do not stress over it, for when we stress, we are thinking about what we don't want, and are more likely to bring that to us. We must always keep mindful of what we do want. It doesn't happen immediately, but it does happen. Sit back, enjoy the ride, and follow the principle of "nonresistance," as taught by the Buddhists, the Taoists, and esoteric Christianity. I know this may seem fairy tailish, maybe even childish, but I have found it a workable solution all my life. Just let "whatever happens be okay." Not easy, I know. Believe me, I do know, and can empathize with what you are going through.

Gene

 

[seeker]

I can't add much to the readings, but I can empathize. When I divorced my first husband, I lost my job at the same time. Everyone told me I should move out and sell or rent it, but I felt like I had lost everything and just could not face losing my home too. I am glad to see you are taking the action I could not bring myself to and are therefore, avoiding the mistakes I made. I eventually lost my house, my parents took it over when I faced foreclosure, and now my cousin rents it from them. Anyway, just thought I would add my condolenceses and let you know that someone else has been there too, and it does get better. I think this new projust is going to work out well for you. A couple of suggestions for getting through until you can get that first paycheck, if you haven't already, a garage sale might bring you enough to pay your first months rent. Ask your new renter for first and last months rent or a deposit, that extra month will help you now. See if they have renters asst in your area. I work public asst, and some agencies will help you with a months rent if you can show that you will be going to work and can pay the following months. Also, do not let your siblings make you feel bad about taking asst. People like you are who it is supposed to help. You are a hard working person, looking for a job, just in a temporarily bad situation. I deal all day long with people who have baby after baby and are on the system perpetually letting the government take care of them. Those are the people abusing the system. You are using it the way it was intended, and you have absolutely nothing to apologize for. I will keep you in my thoughts and send you some positive energy. In the meantime, tell you siblings to stick it where the sun don't shine

 

[jerryd]

Malka; I do not know of your strengths or weaknss's. I have posed you question to Yi without solicitation and have a result. If you wish I will post it here for you on your request.

I cannot see your advantage in moving to relatives as you loose a home you love.

If you rent your home you have it but still have to leave it.

The promis of a paying job is a positive but it is not concrete.

You have your life and I presume your health so live both and leave as much worry as you can in the hands of fate. Do what you must to survive as there is no shame in this struggle.

This is from the man who climbs stairs and then jumps into the void. It is scary but it works.

 

[malka]

Seeker,
Thank you, especially for reminding me that assistance was made for people like me, those who are in a temporary (hopefully!!) bad situation. Thank you. Thank you.

Jerryd,
Sure, you can share with me whatever you've posed to Yi, and I'll welcome whatever insights may be there for me. As for no shame in this struggle, the only shame I do feel results from the depression aspect I have experienced, and at times this has contributed to my not trying as hard or following through as timely and accurately as I would have otherwise. This probably has made my situation worse, and for this I feel some shame, but also compassion. I couldn't have done anything different than I've done it. It has been as it has been. Jumping into the void sounds good to me. Free falling.......

Gene,
Thank you also for the reminders, and I agree with you about the factor of stress. Surprisingly, this has probably been one of my best lessons in all this: allowing and being. My capacity for being has certainly increased, because after all, what else is there to do?? I do feel tension with ambiguity and it isn't comfortable, but I'm feeling it. At the same time, I do need to come up with some cash soon to pay for some things, and I'm hopeful this cash will manifest as needed.

Everyone,
My siblings (excuse me for this) are Republicans in the worst sense (not all are this way, I do know!!!!!!!!) and believe I am mooching off the government because I can't get it together, and that I am an example of what's wrong with this country. Needless to say, the few hundred dollars in food stamps and energy assistance I have received isn't contributing to this country's problems, but in my opinion, their narrow attitudes certainly are!

Update: my parents have generously offered to help me out financially so that I can stay in my home another month without renting it, in order to see how this project pans out. They know it's work that I want to do, and they know that work is important to me and I'm good at it. I feel grateful and feel some ease to know I can allow this situation to play out through January, and see where it all goes. I also expressed to my parents my concerns about moving in with them in such a weak position, how demoralizing I felt and would feel, etc. and they surprisingly understood and agreed that it wasn't the ideal and hoped for me this next month would turn things around. I feel blessed, and it was a good reminder they can be wiser and more supportive than I sometime give them credit for being. But, the siblings, well that's a whole other story!

Someone wrote to me offline about my astrological chart, suggesting that a wacky transit has just left my chart TODAY, and that I should start to feel release from much of this. Yes, I welcome this all being true. May it be true.

Thank you all for the virtual and spiritual support. May it all come back to you tenfold.

Blessings,
Malka

 

[jerryd]

Malka, I too am with the albatros of republician relatives who are imbued with christian beliefs, sad it is to watch them watch the world sink in their democratic quagmire.

Your reading is one which has given me pause.

Yi leaves me with
Hex 16>62
change line in Hex 16-3>

16 gives me a feeling of strength in you quest as you persue the least line of resistance. You have a mentor male in you life which may offer strength in the future. It would seem that you persuit of materialism clouds your path.

Yu means prepariation as well as enthuaisam, move slowly but firmly ahead with confidence.

Hex 62 is a silent on guard request from my interpertation. As you are in transition, caution will be advised, this being the meaning of "the preponderence of the small"
Success will follow perseverence, you cannot expect large changes but steady forward is the key. Quiet messages from within and outside are perhaps you keys, to rise to quickley is bad, seeking a lesser god requires devotion.