The old "I love you" phrase

[candida]

Hi there gang, Please if you all would shed some clarity on something that is very important to me.
I asked if "I would ever hear the 3 little words I love you come out of _____'s mouth"? and received: 61 lines 2/3/5
22 no lines

I thought that this might be a good reading, but it seems impossible to be true at this time, perhaps in the near future?

 

[soshin]

Hello, Candida!

First of all, why are those three little words so important to you? If he ACTS lovingly and caring, that should be sufficient.
To the reading: IMO it is a quite good one, saying that you both would be (or are) a good couple. The second and the fifth moving lines especially seem to encourage a relationship with him because of the possibility to share heart and mind with him. It encourages you to be yourself as much as possible with him.
On the other hand the third line seems to say, dependence on him (or dependence on something he might say) would not be good. Maybe you are focussed a little bit too much on the relationship.
Alhough this relationship should be mostly good for you, it should not become the center of your being. 22 seems to say, that this relationship should be an adornment of your life, but should not become the central meaning of it.

Just my two cents...

I wish you the very best for a good future, with or without him.

Yours,

Soshin

 

[frandoch]

Hi there,

I agree with Soshin's interpretation in general. I feel that Line 3 is very important in that it ties in with Hex 22.

<FONT COLOR="0000ff">Hex 61 Line 3: IF YOU RELY ON OTHERS - YOU?RE AT THEIR MERCY. If you rely on external influences for your peace of mind, you will be like a cork being tossed by the wind and tides. You will have no control of yourself. You will be dependent. To avoid this, follow your path independent of the good or bad opinion of others. Do what you think is right and let the outcome care for itself. Allow no-one power over you and wish for power over no-one. This is the independent way.

Hex 22

Relationships: You may, at this time, be entertaining idealistic, ego-based concepts of love. This is harmless, in itself, but in the real world of relationships, do not expect your ideals to be realised. Besides, your partner?s ideals may very well be different from yours. Be accepting of others and be gentle.</FONT>

Soshin writes "First of all, why are those three little words so important to you? If he ACTS lovingly and caring, that should be sufficient."

As my response to that is off topic, I will post it in Open Space under the title 'Modalities'.

Michael F.

 

[hilary]

Hello Candida,

61 as a first hexagram often seems to mean something like 'truth to...' or 'true in...' the second hexagram. Inner truth in Beauty suggests to me that what your eyes and ears tell you about his feelings is the reality - no more, no less. Perhaps it could be advice against searching for hidden meanings. And perhaps if he sends mixed messages (line 3), this is just a true reflection of his changing feelings?

I see Michael has started his 'Modalities' thread - it might be very useful to you if yours and his are different.

 

[joang]

Hi Candida,
What I intuit from this reading is that he does love you but is cautious about saying so. This caution may be the result of some past experience of his own or someone else?s. Those three little words can change the dynamics of a relationship, such as a shift in the balance of power, whereby the master becomes the slave. A declaration of love can also lead to expectations and commitments that he may not yet be ready to fulfill. Or, he may have some other reason for his reticence. IMO, it would be unwise to push for a declaration. ?Any deliberate intention of an effect would only destroy the possibility of producing it.?

?The crane need not show itself on a high hill.? If he loves you, you will know it. You already know it, don?t you? Rejoice in that. Don?t let your happiness depend on hearing him say it. What he feels in his heart is what matters, not the three little words. The words are just an adornment.

Namaste,
Joan G.

 

[yoda]

The inner truth (61) is that you need to back off from expecting him to say the three magic words. Emptiness (61) of expectations from him is required so that your mind is open to the possibility of others being able to (someday) speak the three little words to you. You should be open to others who share common goals with you and bring joy to a relationship (61/2). Because you (somehow) gave away your power in the relationship, you now experience happiness/sadness according to his state of mind (61/3). You have the power/mental clarity to attract those that will have the ability to speak the three little words (61/5). The present relationship can continue and outer improvements (house/furniture/car/etc.) can be made, but this is not the essence of a deep relationship (22).....so what do you want, the relationship as it is or one with less baggage where each of you can freely say "I love you"? Is it worth the upset and new search? You must decide.....

 

[gene]

Hi Candida

Not to change anything that has been said above, it is all good, just add to it. Line three indicates to me that you are putting too much emphasis on little things that he does without looking at the bigger picture. (This is something lovers often do due to a need to be reassured.) The reading is giving you that reassurance, and recommending that you don't let every little thing destroy your center of balance, (inner truth) and that you stabilize your emotions regarding this. You received a very positive reading overall. And...no one else can know your time table for when it is right to be told something. Only you know that.

Gene

 

[candida]

Good afternoon to all. As always the insight here is just tremendous and thanks for taking time for sharing it. We all need understanding in our lives, don't we.
Well, as Soshin asked, "why are those 3 little words so important to you" when I explain, one will know. Some of you have seen my initial posting about a relationship I've had. I know that one doesn't absolutely have to explain here everything in their hearts, or that anyone would want to hear it, but somehow just in my telling it is a catharsis for me. I'm a married woman who still loves her husband(he is in fairly bad health), but through exceptional circumstances was brought into contact with another man (my doctor). I've always believed that fate brought the doctor and I together because of a sign (too long to go into here)that I believe God gave to me. A few months ago, the doctor told me that he really really liked me and after reading Michaels modalities thread I believe that he meant it cause it was it was not only said but conveyed in visual mode because his eyes spoke volumes that day. However, since then, the doctor told me that he was dating someone off and on, but he wanted me to still keep in close touch(I had been corasponding by sending letters of encouragement, but he can't respond in kind because of his position, but he let me know that he was sincerely sorry he couldn't do so) I replied that if he was in a relationship with someone else,, then maybe I should stop corrosponding, but he said he still wanted me to) needless to say, I was devastated cause I didn't want him to share with someone else the heart connection we both had developed and why should I continue to write to him not knowing if there would ever be anything in it for me. selfish attitude on my part, heh? I realize that he is lonely and needs a companion too. The reason I needed to hear (as Michael intimated that I might need to hear them)these 3 little words, "I love you" was so important cause I felt threatened that I was going to lose something so special now that another woman had entered the scene. Yoda said that I needed to back off from expecting him saying these 3 little words and I truly do understand that, but I was desparate cause even though ours was never a physically sexual affair(we never touched) it was truly one of the heart. Yoda also said "Because you somehow gave away your power in the relationship( I can clearly understand that I did)you now experience happiness/sadness according to his state of mind."
Amazing! And finally, often I have received the same answer from Ching(can't remember which hex) that in the future he and I would meet and blend our sincere desires together and that all would come out well. So, it does sound promising even if there is someone else in the picture to influence him. So I guess it would be advisable for me to live my life(joyfully take care of and for my husband)(but often this is hard to do)and let fate take the course its meant to do. You are a grand bunch of people and thank you for not being judgemental towards me in telling the truth. If I'm still blind to a thought
here,don't hesitate in saying so. Peace and love....

 

[joang]

Well Candida, that was quite a revelation, and it certainly makes perfectly clear his reason for not saying those three little words and not answering your letters. Not only are you married, you are married to a sick man who is his patient. It would be unethical for him to be romantically involved with you, and might also raise the question of a possible conflict of interest should your husband die while under his care, God forbid. By putting some distance between you, he is doing the only thing he can to protect himself and his professional career. Surely, if you love him, you will understand that.

Namaste,
Joan G.

 

[gene]

I think Joan has some valid things to say. I might add that there is no reason under these circumstances for the doctor to say those words. If he did, they would probably be empty. "Rooster crowing to heaven." No substance in the words. Sorry, Candida, no judgment intended here, just logic and common sense. The fact that something is going on in our minds is no reason to believe that the same is going on in theirs. It sounds like the doctor's real interest is keeping you hanging on just in case there is a change in his and your future circumstances. Under those conditions, he is not likely to say those three words.

Gene

 

[candida]

Gene, you said " The fact that something is going on in our minds is no reason to believe that the same is going on in theirs" Yes, you are absolutely right, but he did tell me that he really REALLY (for emphasis) liked me and he did flirt with me and confided in me about his life to some degree. I know he was very lonely(50 yrs. old never been married, although lived with a woman a few yrs. ago). I never looked for a relationship with him or any other man ever because I took my marriage vows extremely serious and I love my husband; but something quite lovely and wonderful happens when the two of us exchange thoughts. I'd never been in love before, honestly! When I married my husband I loved him but I never was in love. This was hard for me to figure out, but there is a difference between being in love, loving someone and lusting. I know that our site here is not a lonely hearts column, but what are we put here on earth for if we can't help each other by telling the truth in love, just as you all are doing here?
Namaste said above "Not only are you married, your husband is a sick man and a patient of his" and that it would be unetheical for him to be involved romantically with you" Yes, this is very true, but he was involved with me and he would have to admit it himself if he is an honest man. By the way, I am also a patient of his. I told my husband that I would find another doctor(my husband is aware that the doctor has feelings for me because he could tell, told me so)but my husband said, "no, he treats us both well and good health care is hard to find. As Namaste said, putting distance between us is the only way for him to save himself and his career and if I love him I should understand that. You know, you all are extremely on target and I'm glad that you told me these things. I knew this, but didn't want to believe it. I am going to keep my distance(scouts honor) from him in any way I can. If he is meant to be in my life in a romantic way, it will only be if fate means it to be; but the handwriting is on the wall what I must do, back off, live life to the fullest, love my husband still and go on from here. If he is there is the future, ok, if not then ok, Thanks all, have a great and wonderful day.

 

[gene]

Hi Candida

Sounds like you have a good plan there. Romantic relationships can be very confusing, I do understand that. I'll tell you, Candida, there have been several times in the past when I have interpreted a reading for someone, then I find out the rest of the story, and if I had known the rest of the story, I might have interpreted the lines very differently. Not such a big problem here, but it does put a little different light on it. In sixty one, lines 2 & 5 are both yang. This can be an indication that two men are involved. The yin line could be you. Something that didn't cross my mind until you told me the rest of the story. The nice part about this is it sounds like everyone is very understanding about the whole situation and dealing with it as well as they can. It sounds like you could all sit down at dinner time, and all be very accepting of each other, even knowing the situation.

Hoping life treats you well.
Gene

 

[candida]

Gene, thank you for your thoughts on this subject and your kindness. I say kindess because not everyone hearing my story likes what they heard, but in the Bible the woman at the well waws an adulterer and Christ said for anybody who is without sin to cast the first stone. I most certainly don't advocate adultery at all. Just wanted everyone to know that.

 

[joang]

Candida,
Who cast any stones at you or said anything about sin or adultery? The issue was professional ethics, the violation of which could get the good doctor into a heap of trouble. That is not a judgement, it is a fact, is it not?

Namaste (which means: The Spirit within me honors the Spirit within you),
Joan G.

 

[candida]

Joan, no-one here actually said they were condemning me, but it was the tone of your previous post(or what I percieved it to be)in the sentence "Well, Candida, that was quite a revelation"....Then the body of your posting seemed to convey some judgement too, but perhaps it was just my guilt coming through. By the way, I am glad to finally understand what Namaste means. Is that in the French language?

 

[soshin]

;-) Candida...
Namaste is a Sanskrit word which survived into modern Hindi and Nepali (spoken in India and Nepal), literally meaning "greating God within you". It is used almost only in Nepal anymore.

Namaste,

Soshin

 

[joang]

Candida,
the edge you detected in my tone was my reaction to your less than candid original question in this thread. My feeling was that we had been "had"... that by withholding highly relevant information, you had drawn us into devoting our time and efforts toward helping you answer a question to which you already knew the answer. Apparently, you knew even before questioning the Oracle, what was preventing him from uttering those three little words, and why it was likely to continue. If I seemed judgmental, it was only because of that, not because of your feelings for the doctor or his for you. I think you needed to be consoled and encouraged, and I can understand that. I have no ill will toward you, and I am no longer even feeling that initial annoyance. In fact, as I look back on this episode, I see that it actually provided us with an opportunity to test our skills; and it turned out pretty well. So, all things considered, it was a good thing. Thank you. I wish you well.

Namaste,
Joan G.

 

[willow]

Candida,
Sorry, I'm doing a bit of skimming, so I might have missed something, but I wonder if it would be helpful to make a distinction between hearing "I love YOU," and "I love THIS."

It sounds like both of you are experiencing new and different things that are outside the structures that have evolved in your lives, but are very valid parts of human experience. Can either or both of you honor that? What each of you seems to have discovered is a deeper dimension of love than you knew before. That can be honored without insisting that it fit into the smallish container of a particular relationship. And if you don't insist on squeezing it in, perhaps it will enter on its own.

Here's a whimsical image to illustrate - you're an upstanding citizen in a port town. A disaster befalls the town and your rescue involves being spirited away on a pirate ship. While you're on the ship, the context changes, the pirates operate by different rules, open themselves to different passions, have different ideas of adornment. They excite you, and you excite them, yet you have trouble fathoming each other's motives. But they're still people, just like you. Inner Truth, deep down, is the same for them as for anyone else. Now you've gotten to the safe place, a new and different place, that is not your old town, and also not the high seas. You and the pirates are about to go ashore. When contemplating how to comport yourselves (adorn yourselves) here, neither of you can insist that the mold of one past experience only is right for both. If you do, you're lost before you start. But if each of you makes an effort to consult Inner Truth ("I love THIS"), then you may be in for a very entertaining and collaborative time together.

 

[dalizzybitch]

Candida,
I would not have asked the question. Love (sb) is when your wick is lit, and you would do anything for an other. sb = state of being. If someone has their wick lit for you, it is palpable; if it ain't coming in, it ain't there; only the uneducated would ask.
Love (v) means "be nice to"; it is something you do, not something you feel; the v = verb. This use of "love" computes well when you stick it in the Bible's "love your neighbor" = "be nice to your neighbor". It computes every time.
I define Good Will = when you indulge yourself in the desire God has put in your heart, to be nice to others, both people and animals. Do this and you can't stop smiling". I find that smile worth $1,000,000.
People laugh in your face when you say this to them. You can get their attention putting "Good Will" into the "Rambo Format" - "You're gonna have to kiss our Goddamned Asses to stop our being nice to you".
This sells to both men and women. Problem solved!