Time question 56.4

[catfish]

Hello,

I've had a bad falling out with someone who I've had a long complicated relationship with. We've hurt each other in different ways, mostly unintentionally because of poor communication. I've seen indications in other readings I've done that we will be able to make amends. Unfortunately, he was so angry with me that he totally cut me off, so if there is reconciliation he will have to be the one to initiate it.

I was wondering, if he is to contact me, how long it would be before I hear from him. I asked, "When will X contact me?" I got 56.4 changing to 52.


I am fairly new to the IC and find it fascinating. I don't know how to read time questions yet and I'm wondering if someone could help me. Also, when you are asking a time question, do the hexagrams just comment on time, or do you take into account the meanings of the hexagrams as well? If so, 56.4 looks like he might not contact me at all.

Thanks for any comments you might have.

 

[foxx777]

Interesting reading. In terms of the change to 52, I think it is telling you to "be still", and as you say, wait for him to come back. It means to accept the time , the waiting, with stillness instead of agitation, which will not help matters and will only make you feel worse.

As far as the main hex and changing line:

H56.4 :

56. The Traveler

Line 4:

The traveler has a place to stay.
He obtains some properties and an ax.
"My heart is not cheerful."

As a stranger, managing to get ones needs met, but not being really contented.

I somehow feel this is HIM. That is my intuition: He has "traveled" away from you, but does not feel good about doing so. He is OK, but feels discontent in his heart about the way matters ended. Hence, he will likely return. Just an intuition from the reading. It could also be you, but I do not think so. I do not think it is referring to you, as you are already fully aware that you do not feel cheerful about the matter. :bows:

Again, from another translation:

9 at 4: The wanderer is in a resting place and obtains his traveling-expenses. My heart is not pleased.Again, he has wandered away from you after the dispute. He has all he needs to go on, but there is a haunting sense regarding the matter.

As far as "time" goes: I do not think the I Ching can really tell you WHEN he will contact you. Only that there is a sense of being unsettled. To me, this would seem to indicate that there will be contact when the time is right. Otherwise, he would have gone on cheerfully, glad to finally have put you behind him, which this reading does NOT seem to indicate.

 

[mryou1]

The way I see it is that the I Ching is being very blunt, and kinda sarcastic, with you here. I mean, look at the subject of your question "X", and the answer - from wanderer to keeping still. A complete reversal of direction. Unless this "X" is prone to completely changing/reversing his mind on a whim, you're hoping he'll do a 180 here, and that just probably ain't gonna happen (again, unless he tends to do that sort of thing). Sorry.

 

[ginnie]

I don't know how to read time questions yet and I'm wondering if someone could help me.

As far as I know, the I Ching does not answer time questions. When you ask it "WHEN," it points out something else that bears mentioning.

In responses with many moving lines, you may assume that the lower moving lines will happen before the higher moving lines -- usually.

I know several people feel that there's a system whereby the I Ching answers time questions, but they have not worked for me.

 

[catfish]

Thank you all- foxx, mryou, and ginnie. I wish I could give more details about the relationship, but it's such a long, weird story. We only "hooked up" casually years ago, but there was a connection there. We were never able to get together again because the timing was always off. Although we have stayed aware of each other over the years, we've both moved on with other people. He is definitely someone I think I should let go of, as I have never quite been able to get him out of my mind.

foxx: What I've gotten from other readings is the part about waiting, as you said perfectly. It's like I need to let go for the time being and there may be a reconciliation down the road, but not to worry about it now. When you said i should wait in stillness without "agitation" it made perfect sense to me because I've been so upset since the falling out. He said things that were so hurtful and shocking to me and then he cut me off from the social network where we communicated. He did it without haste, and I can't imagine he could feel very good about the way things ended after he cools down. It's possible, though, that he was ready to let go, just as I should. I'd like to keep a friendship, but that may not be possible for us.

mryou: You may be right about him having to do a 180 to change his mind, because the way he treated me was a 180 from his usual personality. It may be ALL about me letting go. That is definitely part of the lesson of this relationship for me, so in that way asking a timing question wouldn't make sense if the IC is just telling me to let go.

ginnie: I have seen readings in the archives where people have connected the hexagrams with different months or seasons and I was just wondering about it. It's interesting that it hasn't worked well for you. Thanks for the info on the changing lines- I didn't know that.

Thank you again for your thoughts!

 

[mirian]

Hello Catfish,

I went through a phase many years ago when I used to get a lot of Hex 56 So, for me it has always made a lot of sense to describe a person who has not yet found his/her place in world. It could be literally a place/city/country to live or something emotional/spiritual or someone still looking for a path or a purpose in life. Sometimes, the Wanderer seems to have settled (4th changing line) but is still not happy because deep down he/she knows that this is just a temporary arrangement. So, for obvious reasons this is not a good scenario for relationships in general, let alone love or commitment.
In my experience, Hex 56 is not so good for communication either, as The Wanderer still has lots of sorting to do in his/her own mind. And with Hex 52 as a relating hexagram connecting with other people does not get any easier.
In my understanding, this is what the Ching is trying to show you with your reading. I do not see any prediction there in terms of time. To be honest, I have never had any reading with a "time answer". Yes, you are right, there are references to time in some hexagrams (like Hex 19 and the 8th month) and there are already useful threads that you could read to understand how they should be interpreted.

Hope that helps.

 

[catfish]

Thank you Mirian! That makes so much sense. X and I are an example of how opposites attract. He is such wanderer in that way. He lives a very free lifestyle without committments. He definitely has a place, a group of people, he feels very comfortable with. He is a musician in a rock band and hangs out with people who are younger kind of wild crowd. Not to be judgemental of people who choose that life, but his particular group values superficiality- coolness and sexiness etc (which I never really fit into). He is very uncomfortable with getting older and is trying to cling to his youth. The people in his group love him and constantly stroke his ego, so he's comfortable there. But I feel like he's got a lot of learning to do and that in his heart he will eventually find emptiness in his situation, which seems to be what line 4 is saying.

The basis of our falling out was that we are such opposites. I really wanted a family life and ended up marrying a man who is a great husband and father. I know this is what I'm supposed to be doing. Although I've had my own struggles with "settling down" as a wife and mother, I wouldn't trade my family for anything. X basically told me I "sold out" and "settled" by going the conventional route. I saw a mean side to him I've never known. He told me I was weak because of my choices. I know the things he said about me aren't true, but I was hoping he might come around and apologize for being so hurtful. If he really is such a mean person, I guess I don't want him in my life anyway. Maybe I only want him there so I can remember having that kind of connection with someone. I admit, I don't have that kind of connection with my husband, but we have a great partnership in so many other ways. So maybe it's impossible to be friends with someone like X.

I also asked: How does X really feel about me? I got 22.4 changing to 30.

22.4 says something about the allure of glamour and fame not lasting. I think I represent that lesson for him and that is why he ended up verbally attacking me.

As for my lesson- well I think it's mostly about letting go of X and dealing with my very unglamourous, yet fulfilling life.

 

[foxx777]

Thank you Mirian! That makes so much sense. X and I are an example of how opposites attract. He is such wanderer in that way. He lives a very free lifestyle without committments. He definitely has a place, a group of people, he feels very comfortable with. He is a musician in a rock band and hangs out with people who are younger kind of wild crowd. Not to be judgemental of people who choose that life, but his particular group values superficiality- coolness and sexiness etc (which I never really fit into). He is very uncomfortable with getting older and is trying to cling to his youth. The people in his group love him and constantly stroke his ego, so he's comfortable there. But I feel like he's got a lot of learning to do and that in his heart he will eventually find emptiness in his situation, which seems to be what line 4 is saying.

The basis of our falling out was that we are such opposites. I really wanted a family life and ended up marrying a man who is a great husband and father. I know this is what I'm supposed to be doing. Although I've had my own struggles with "settling down" as a wife and mother, I wouldn't trade my family for anything. X basically told me I "sold out" and "settled" by going the conventional route. I saw a mean side to him I've never known. He told me I was weak because of my choices. I know the things he said about me aren't true, but I was hoping he might come around and apologize for being so hurtful. If he really is such a mean person, I guess I don't want him in my life anyway. Maybe I only want him there so I can remember having that kind of connection with someone. I admit, I don't have that kind of connection with my husband, but we have a great partnership in so many other ways. So maybe it's impossible to be friends with someone like X.

I also asked: How does X really feel about me? I got 22.4 changing to 30.

22.4 says something about the allure of glamour and fame not lasting. I think I represent that lesson for him and that is why he ended up verbally attacking me.

As for my lesson- well I think it's mostly about letting go of X and dealing with my very unglamourous, yet fulfilling life.

I think you nailed it. He wants to live with that shimmering, eternal youth always beckoning. He calls you a "sell out" because your marriage is a terrible reminder to him, that youth does not last, people do make lasting commitments, and he has not been able to. One can almost feel sorry for him, as his meanness to you sounds as though it was born of panic. Now that I know more, I think he is genuinely ill at ease, and you became the target for obvious reasons. I think he is the more vulnerable , really, of the two of you. How old is he, if you do not mind my asking?

 

[catfish]

I think you nailed it. He wants to live with that shimmering, eternal youth always beckoning. He calls you a "sell out" because your marriage is a terrible reminder to him, that youth does not last, people do make lasting commitments, and he has not been able to. One can almost feel sorry for him, as his meanness to you sounds as though it was born of panic. Now that I know more, I think he is genuinely ill at ease, and you became the target for obvious reasons. I think he is the more vulnerable , really, of the two of you. How old is he, if you do not mind my asking?

He is 38. Not terribly old, but to the group he hangs out with it is. I'm 41, so I even represent aging, as I am slightly older than him.

 

[foxx777]

He is 38. Not terribly old, but to the group he hangs out with it is. I'm 41, so I even represent aging, as I am slightly older than him.

Well, I am 52, and I think I worried far MORE about aging in my 30s than I do now: In one's 30s, one is still young enough to worry about the loss of youth. At 50, you cannot lose what you don't have! So I can definitely see him worrying about aging at 38 (especially if he likes the glamour-music world) and your representing aging at 41 - because, as I said, there is still relative youth in you both. Yes, in the end, I think he scapegoats you as a sell-out, because in the back of his mind, he is haunted by the fact that he has not "sold out", and is thus very insecure and vulnerable in his Peter Pan world. (altho admittedly it would be nice if we could all be eternally young).

 

[catfish]

Well, I am 52, and I think I worried far MORE about aging in my 30s than I do now: In one's 30s, one is still young enough to worry about the loss of youth. At 50, you cannot lose what you don't have! So I can definitely see him worrying about aging at 38 (especially if he likes the glamour-music world) and your representing aging at 41 - because, as I said, there is still relative youth in you both. Yes, in the end, I think he scapegoats you as a sell-out, because in the back of his mind, he is haunted by the fact that he has not "sold out", and is thus very insecure and vulnerable in his Peter Pan world. (altho admittedly it would be nice if we could all be eternally young).

Thank you for the validation, foxx- for your interpretation of his behavior AND calling me youthful at 41! (I know that age is just a number and I do feel youthful!). I'm feeling really angry with myself for not fighting back more when he lashed out at me. I still hope 56.4 means he will have a change of heart and apologize or at least give me a chance to stand up for myself. At the same time, maybe he really shouldn't be in my life. I feel guilty that he has been on my mind for all these years, even after I married. It's one of those strange karmic feeling relationships that feels like you are meant to bump up against each other, but you never really know why. I think it's probably a good thing that he's gone, for now anyway...

 

[foxx777]

Thank you for the validation, foxx- for your interpretation of his behavior AND calling me youthful at 41! (I know that age is just a number and I do feel youthful!). I'm feeling really angry with myself for not fighting back more when he lashed out at me. I still hope 56.4 means he will have a change of heart and apologize or at least give me a chance to stand up for myself. At the same time, maybe he really shouldn't be in my life. I feel guilty that he has been on my mind for all these years, even after I married. It's one of those strange karmic feeling relationships that feels like you are meant to bump up against each other, but you never really know why. I think it's probably a good thing that he's gone, for now anyway...

Yes, it probably is, but perhaps he has the potential to change, to feel remorse for his lashing out at you, and if you are meant to see each other again, maybe it can begin anew on a more positive note.