To live apart or to live with my boyfriend?

[thesillysabbath]

I've lived with my bf for more than 4 years, and we are now going into a big change in which we will move cities & convert statuses from students to professionals. The plan was always to live together, but some abrupt inner urge came upon me, and now I'm conflicted whether I should live with him (at least for one more year) or live alone & see each other in our spare times. I only had a few days to think about this decision and only have 1-2 more days left. My bf would prefer living together but is supportive of whatever I want.

If I live with him this time around, I will decide again after a year. So more clearly, the toss-up is to live together now & choose in 1 year's time, or choose *now.* There are pros and cons to each choice. Will spare all the details unless people ask.

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1) What would happen if I live with my bf at least just this time (for 1 year)? - 14.1.3.4.6 > 7

"Great Possession's Army" - It'd be fine, maybe even beneficial, as I'd be protecting/holding down a great asset (my bf) to me. The future isn't clear but my bf may even share my career vision with me. He's also helpful in terms of home life & emotional support. Alternatively, Yi could be indirectly advising that I should fight for my potential (hex 7), sacrifice & submit to what heaven wants from me (line 6), and to not give into the common paths of average individuals (line 3) (ie stability) and to not let anything contaminating get in the way (line 1).

2) Can I truly realise my potential living with my bf? - 31.3.4 > 8

Both lines could be referring to my urges to fly away and advising to remain with my bf. OR could mean to hold onto my urges to yield to comfort, security, and dependence (line 3) and make up my damn mind (line 4)!

3) Can I manage living alone? - 58.1 > 47

Yes, so long as I learn to open up with other people (e.g. my new workmates, or with tenants in a flatshare, if I choose to live separately from my bf)? Could also mean to stop focusing so much on ultra-independence and be open to sharing.

4) What would be the best decision for me? - 30.3.4.5 > 42

"Clarity Increasing" - Choose what would increase clarity about my identity and needs & what I look for in a partner. Lines 3 & 4 confuse me - maybe they could mean "Stop overthinking and just choose something! Neither will be bad and the turbulence of indecision will come to pass soon." Line 5 could refer to my feelings of sadness as I contemplate separation - perhaps those feelings will tell me that I do indeed want to live with my bf (30.5 >13) OR that these tears shall be necessary in the healing process of shedding off dependency & gaining clarity.

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So overall, I can see Yi favouring both ways. Perhaps it's just 50/50 and I need to decide now and amend later depending on what happens. It's fear of the future & potential failure/losses that's the real killer for me here.

Struggling with interpretation so if anyone has any insights, I'd be really grateful.

 

[thesillysabbath]

I feel sorry for your boyfriend.

Please do not judge me. I did not provide the full context, although I did at some point but deleted it as I feared people would not want to bother reading my post if it was too long. If you think it’s necessary to interpret the readings, then please do ask.

Also, how is this helping me in any way? I already feel sad as it is. I know what my heart wants but the head and what the readings are saying seem to say different things.

 

[Trojina]

I already feel sad as it is. I know what my heart wants but the head and what the readings are saying seem to say different things.

What does your heart want? How to interpret depends on that really I think.

I think I can sympathise because I think if you're a young woman who has gotten used to living with her boyfriend to leave and live alone seems hard and scary but also there's all kinds of voices saying 'it's good to be independent and dangerous to be too dependent' and so one can feel quite conflicted. There is also FOMO which is the curse of the young, that there might be something better

I think maybe Moss Elk you're reading it like it's all a very hard calculated decision but I don't think it's quite like that, I think it's that worry about dependence and if you begin living with someone when very young going off alone can be hard but you might think you 'ought to'.

This reading makes me think there isn't really a decision that's going to be made

4) What would be the best decision for me? - 30.3.4.5 > 42

You already have some clarity, you know more than you're telling yourself you know. 30.3 is quite a tickle in the ribs really, it invariably is advising the querent they need to stop acting or thinking like it's the end of the world and just enjoy what's there! 30.4 makes me think this decision is easily cast off, it's not really a choice you're going to make. Why won't you make that choice? Because you will cry and be sad (30.5)and it is that very sadness that brings you clarity. If you feel your heart breaking at leaving someone that's a good sign you don't want to go! Yang pattern 31, yin pattern 41, you could do to downplay the whole intensity around this decision, just chill out a bit with it.

The other questions

2) Can I truly realise my potential living with my bf? - 31.3.4 > 8

Well 31.3 shows a bit too much clinging but that doesn't mean your boyfriend hinders your potential in fact looking at line 4 I wonder if your boyfriend is only too happy to support your potential if you would choose the direction he would go with it. I don't know what 31.3 is about here, generally it's a hard place to be since one is quite 'hooked on' something or someone, addicted, needing approval or something. Is it possible you could be more independent whilst still staying with your boyfriend? Like really make an effort to develop more independence from him without needing to leave him to do it?

3) Can I manage living alone? - 58.1 > 47

Well everyone can manage to live alone because often one has no choice so one learns to do it and it is a very good thing to know that you can do it since it gives you freedom since if you aren't scared of being alone you won't ever need to stay with people who hurt you just because you're afraid to be alone. 58.1 is not a lonely line though. This certainly isn't a 'no' but along with your other answers I'm not convinced you'll leave.

1) What would happen if I live with my bf at least just this time (for 1 year)? - 14.1.3.4.6 > 7

"Great Possession's Army" - It'd be fine, maybe even beneficial, as I'd be protecting/holding down a great asset (my bf) to me. The future isn't clear but my bf may even share my career vision with me. He's also helpful in terms of home life & emotional support. Alternatively, Yi could be indirectly advising that I should fight for my potential (hex 7), sacrifice & submit to what heaven wants from me (line 6), and to not give into the common paths of average individuals (line 3) (ie stability) and to not let anything contaminating get in the way (line 1).

Look at the yang change pattern, it's 30, the yin pattern 29. If you draw that answer you'll see if you make all those change lines yang there's a 30 pattern in the reading. There's a tension here between your clarity of knowing and the danger and fear of heading into the unknown. It looks to me like this reading is talking about your goals(7) coming to fruition/manifestation (14).

It might be easier just to commit to your boyfriend rather than sort of hover over the 'off' switch. I mean he could be the basis of your life and growth or you could be that for one another perhaps? I mean if you give one another emotional security it makes you stronger to achieve your goals.

There's no hard and fast answers here IMO and of course there is much backstory I don't know but I don't feel looking at the 30>42 answer that there really is a hard decision to take right now. I think you want to stay with him don't you?

 

[marybluesky]

The plan was always to live together, but some abrupt inner urge came upon me, and now I'm conflicted whether I should live with him

Pay attention to your inner resistance. You don't owe it to anyone to live with them. People meet, part ways, fall in & out of love, break up, change their minds.
My take is that you feel like having undermined your potential, not living up to it, and need a change, meanwhile are afraid that you can't stand on your own feet.

1) What would happen if I live with my bf at least just this time (for 1 year)? - 14.1.3.4.6 > 7
You'll possess many things, but there will be some type of conflict.

2) Can I truly realise my potential living with my bf? - 31.3.4 > 8
If you follow him blindly, no. If you speak your mind & persist on what you want, yes.

3) Can I manage living alone? - 58.1 > 47
Yes. Maybe you'll need some help.

4) What would be the best decision for me? - 30.3.4.5 > 42
Not sticking to old ways at any cost, letting go/burn/disappear what needs to do so, mourning it & being enlightened afterwards.

 

[diamant]

What would happen if I live with my bf at least just this time (for 1 year)?
14.1.3.4.6 > 7
One of the two of you cannot offer what the other one wants, there will be no substantial relation between you.

Can I truly realise my potential living with my bf?
31.3.4 > 8
Whoever of the two of you is cheating, or thinking of cheating, needs to stop. Only then you can remain together and have any potential.

Can I manage living alone?
58.1 > 47
You will end up feeling miserable living alone.

What would be the best decision for me?
30.3.4.5 > 42
There is an end to something, and many tears, especially because it ends way quicker than it seemed. This end will be to your benefit.

 

[Trojina]

Can I truly realise my potential living with my bf?
31.3.4 > 8
Whoever of the two of you is cheating, or thinking of cheating, needs to stop. Only then you can remain together and have any potential.

Can I please ask where you get that from to say so confidently that you know one of them is cheating? What has that cast got to do with cheating? Should you tell people other people are cheating when you really don't know that they are at all?

 

[Trojina]

Can I manage living alone?
58.1 > 47
You will end up feeling miserable living alone.

I don't know why you would say that to someone, it's really negative and it's not true from the reading anyway. I think these kind of predictions are harmful. It's just such a disempowering thing to say. How on earth can 58.1 mean 'you will end up miserable and alone'?

 

[marybluesky]

There is also FOMO which is the curse of the young, that there might be something better

I just searched FOMO. I didn't know this phenomenon is so common that there's a particular term to address it.
I feel FOMO almost all the time: that others have more fun, experience, gain...

 

[Trojina]

I think 58.4 is the line of FOMO.

The blessing is the neurosis of FOMO decreases with age

 

[redoleander]

I think that living alone would stretch you. It makes sense, leaving a relationship and living alone is not easy. 58.1 > 47. I think though, mostly, this line is simply literal. You’d be alone and creating your own joy, dependent on yourself, and getting your forces together.

31.3.4 > 8

I think you could potentially make it work, but only if your heart is in it. I have had this casting. You have attraction and union here. That’s certainly not doomed or anything. But there’s automaticity (line 3) and wavering (4) — it sounds like struggle and some unconscious forces. I think you’d still feel restless and unsure. If, in your heart, you think it’s truly worth working through those feelings to live together. There’s potential, but it doesn’t feel quite right. Do you want that to change? Or do you want to trust it? I think you have some choice but, mostly, feelings would be be similar to what you already feel now.

14.1.3.4.6 > 7

14.1 is such a tricky line! People translate it very differently. Some translations say that this is difficult but if you’re aware of the difficult you can get through it. Some say to just stay away from the difficulty. I think, all around, 14 and 7 are asking for discipline. It reminds me of the casting above, in a way. Do you want to do something that will require discipline and work and the un-fun parts of relationship? I don’t think there’s nothing there, but it’s not honeymoon-like.

So much here depends on what you want I think! Whatever you truly want is ok. Even if it’s not perfect. There will never be a perfect choice. You may just need to follow your heart and deal with the parts of the experience that hurt. Pain will be unavoidable. But so will joy. You’ll have some good times in either situation, too. Seems like you’re wondering about a more big picture alignment. 30.3.4.5 > 42 , to me, sounds like being very present and allowing whatever comes up to arise. Then mourning the loss of what you can’t have (since you can’t have both).

 

[Liselle]

Can I please ask where you get that from to say so confidently that you know one of them is cheating? What has that cast got to do with cheating? Should you tell people other people are cheating when you really don't know that they are at all?

Yes, Diamant, Trojina is correct about this. 31.3 can mean many things other than someone's cheating.

 

[Trojina]

I'm saying more actually. I'm saying it is actually unethical in readings to tell people their partner is cheating. No one knows that unless they are omniscient and they don't get it from the reading and actually the bottom line is they do not know!

It's wrong to plant such ideas in people's heads just as it is wrong to tell someone they cannot live alone and will be miserable!

And I see this thing of telling people their partners are cheating over and over again here in SR like it was a fact ! If you don't know what someone's partner is doing don't pretend you do! It causes harm and plants doubt. And besides there is no way 31.3 says 'your partner is cheating' anyway.

 

[Liselle]

I'm saying more actually.

And you're right about all of it.

It's one thing to wonder if something specific might be happening, it's completely different and wrong to state it as something Yi literally said beyond doubt.

 

[thesillysabbath]

Wow - thank you everyone for all your input into this thread! I can’t be anymore grateful I’ve also learned something new - the yang and yin change patterns which will certainly be useful for me to use in the future.

I will respond back to the different interpretations and update on my ultimate decision, but it’s almost Christmas, so I’m busy traveling at the moment. In case I can’t reply beforehand, Merry Christmas everyone!