Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).
Mandolin32
visitor
- Joined
- Jul 25, 2018
- Messages
- 6
- Reaction score
- 0
After two years, my partner and I have closed the book of our tumultuous relationship. Both of us relatively long in the tooth, well, middle aged anyway, neither married, though both have had relationships before (he had more long ones than me, though they are all married to other people now), no children, both set in our ways, independent, probably stubborn, and a bit selfish. I think he’s more selfish than me, but who’s to say. I would, wouldn’t I. We persevered and persevered, because of our great fondness for each other, and while he said I was the person he has loved most, my love for him was of a different kind, perhaps less euphoric, but nevertheless the richest and most sustained I have yet been part of. At times we could be sweetly and comfortably companionable but frequently we triggered great ruptures of resentment and fury in the other. Those have been our undoing and, finally, it was his worn patience which tore through at the end and he lost faith we could ever find a way to be more harmonious. It was an abrupt and disorientating ending and, while I see and feel the sense of it, am deeply uncertain whether it is right, though that may be irrelevant if he is as certain as he seems at present. He has quite brutally, I would say, disconnected. He has done that before, and come back, but this feels different in tone. I asked the I Ching if I should get in touch with him and received 55 changing to 2. I’m interested in the first line of 55 which suggests we are very similar, which it reminds me we are, but Legge’s translation makes the point that if we ‘seek to overpass this similarity’, which we did, there will be ‘calamity’. There was. But 55 seems to me to be saying be bold and do not grieve, and 2 as its companion seems to be saying hold to your own truth. The reading does not seem to give an indication of the future, and how could it, but neither does it seem to negatively reflect on the prospect of contacting him, but equally the general tenet of strength and the midday sun perhaps suggests I should allow myself to shine steadily in my own orbit for a while without being drawn into his. I have felt for a long time that aspects of his upbringing and personal history (suicide of brother, domineering father dying when he was 15, a refugee family which escaped traumatic circumstances and came here when he was a toddler, since when he has assimilated with extraordinary dexterity but perhaps with some fracturing if his inner and outer selves) have led to some deep difficulties with commitment and respect in close intimate relationships. He is nearly 50, I a few years younger. Every now and then he intimates he can be difficult but frequently denies that too. I am a wilful only child from early divorced parents, so neither of us can be said to have immediate childhood experience of happy relationships. At times we both acknowledged this and tried hard to communicate better, and trust more, but by the end we were overcome by mutual recriminations and bitter mistrust which caused us both great pain because we both acknowledged we had felt great love for each other and, at this stage of life, you know it when you find it. He can be a bit depressive with me but utterly charming to others, especially to his many female friends. He seems to need to be liked and spreads his energy and time thinly amongst a huge variety of people. I found that exhausting and deleterious to our relationship and its growth. Which I made clear. Which he found difficult.A bit of background!I would be very interested to hear people’s thoughts. Thank you.