Total Weirdness 15.6>52

[samoyedgrrl]

I still don't know what to make of what happened tonight - it was a mix of stalking and high school "I got a new girlfriend" antics that creeped me out. I had split from a man who I spent 7.5 years with (lived together) last December and apparently he's found out where I now reside. I cut all ties and kept my location secret from him as I knew he'd most likely stalk me in some fashion. Well, it happened tonight.

There is a back road behind where I live that is not traveled often, but intersects with a more major thoroughfare with shopping and restaurants. I am certain the ex-boyfriend saw me disappear down that road once to figure out that's where I live.

I was headed out and saw his truck (the only other vehicle on the road) creeping along slowly in my direction. The truck lurched ahead as he hit the gas and immediately he and his girlfriend (who, by the way is a married woman with three kids and a husband currently fighting overseas for our freedom in the Army) kissed in a very animated way, to ensure I saw them.

What made it even more creepy was that where I was headed and the time that I left was very predictable. For the most part of the year, the ex watched me leave each Wednesday evening for the past four years. He knows that schedule, and it was almost as if he were lying in wait for me to leave.

Um, that was odd. No hyperbole here, folks. This is exactly as it happened. The ex cheated on me while we were together and I had to find him out and call him on it to end the relationship last year. I wanted out and now after more reflection, I have reason to believe that this woman is not the first he's cheated on me with....but I can guarantee she was the last. I want nothing to do with him ever again. I even let him keep our home (after taking my share of the equity) that I loved so much - I just wanted away from him for good, as he abused me in many ways for too many years. I deserve so much better and will not ever go back to that kind of life again.

So, I casted the IC after my appointment tonight to see what that was all about and got 15.6>52. The only thing I can take away from this is that he is still unsettled, his soul is uneasy (perhaps because I'm not pining away for him as he had hoped?) and that perhaps it was a reminder to me how far I have come and how much peace I have found in my soul?

Any insight would be helpful, as I'm still dazed and confused as to why a man who is madly in love with someone would waste his time eight months into this relationship by parading her in front of an ex-girlfriend? I'm also confused as to why she would want to go along with it as well - wouldn't she wonder if he's still pining away for me instead of paying attention to her? If I were her, I'd think that way. Regardless, it's childish and for a man who is 41 years old and she, nearly 50 years old, it's time to grow up. Apparently, I'm the only one here who has moved on in the last eight months.

(And for those of you confused about this situation and who this man is, it isn't Terry, the gentle soul whose ex-wife did the same to him. We're still friendly, flirtatious and he's still trying to figure things out...)

 

[willowfox]

Your answer suggests this, that your ex is a "weak" man, quite immature by the sound of his antics, who obviously needs a shaking.

Hex 52 suggests that he is indeed thinking of you and very often as well, the stalking thing is a confirmation of that, but showing you how intimate he can be with the new woman is really a hurtful, childish sort of prank that teens do when they are 14 years old. Perhaps he is regressing mentally.

Anyway, as long as he doesn't physically interfere with you or your property, there's nothing that you can do from preventing him from being a total bozo. Try to ignore him is the best policy.

 

[rosada]

15.6
"...It is favorable to set armies marching. To chastise one's own city and one's country."

He got the whole army together to let you know he's not missing you at all. Are you suitably chastised?

52.
Keeping Still
"The superior man does not permit his thoughts to go beyond his situation."

Don't worry about it. And for heaven's sake don't contact him to discuss it. I think this line could also be reassurance that he will not try to come closer.

-Rosada

 

[samoyedgrrl]

I have to agree with you, Willowfox. He is definitely regressing mentally. Once he hit 39, things went downhill with him. It was a classic case of mid-life crisis, fueled by vanity and weakness. I believe he was (and may still be) taking steroids and all sorts of other body-building supplements that are clouding his mind and judgement. He threatened physical violence at the end of our relationship, something he never would have done previously. Who is his supplier of these products? Oh, that would be his new girlfriend.

Ironic, in an IC kind of way isn't it? The man that only has strength provided through a bottle and cheats on getting gradual results through persistence really has no strength at all. (Him showing that he's indeed "weak" tonight.) It is the knowledge of what he was/is taking that concerns me and hope that this was an isolated event, one that won't be happening again. However, if a restraining order is needed, I won't be shy about getting one quickly.

They always say that the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. It is true. I felt no hurt, no moment of my heart sinking to my toes tonight. I really don't care what he's doing and hope he finds someone to spend his time with, as he has an obsessive personality. I don't want him to focus on me. The main feeling I had tonight was best described as "icky" or "creepy". I just want him to go away.

This is my issue and something I have to deal with, obviously. I'm not going to tell Terry about this at all, as I know although he's a tender-hearted man, one who thinks his way through disagreements and wouldn't be one to bully or use his physical strength to fight his way out of one, he'd probably become very protective of me. That is one scenario I never want to imagine or much less be involved with. Our relationship is still in a state that I don't think it could endure the drama and dysfunction (nor should it) that the ex could bring by me sharing this with him.

Geesh, men can be such idiots at times, can't they? (Sorry "Clarity Guys", you're excluded from that last statement, as I appreciate and respect all of you)!

 

[samoyedgrrl]

He got the whole army together to let you know he's not missing you at all. Are you suitably chastised?

Rosada,
Oh, why yes, I think I most certainly have been chastised enough. Thank goodness he did that, since I apparently cannot get over him....oh, my pining ways!

That's awesome. No worries on me contacting him or even mentioning anything in a more public forum, like f***b**k or t**tter. Who knows what "friends" we could have in common that would tell him that it got some sort of reaction out of me.

A few minutes after whatever that was happened tonight, I got on the phone with a client and handled a little business...and mysteriously, I had an incoming call from a blocked number. I've been getting a lot of those during the past month or so. I don't answer blocked calls, as it's usually some company trying to sell me something (since my business number rolls to my cell phone). Makes me wonder if some of those blocked calls were him. Ugh.

I hope that 52 is also telling me that he won't be getting any closer (and I still hope it means he'll go away)! Thanks for the reminder and reassurance!

 

[willowfox]

Well, if Mr. Muscle tips his hand towards something physical then get the cops to cut him off at the legs, and it looks pretty sure the calls are coming form Mr.Steroid himself. Very annoying but try to rise above it by not feeding the troll.

 

[samoyedgrrl]

Thanks, Willowfox. I shall definitely stay vigilant, and if Mr. Steroid makes one move that the police could do something about, I definitely will make that call. Very juvenile. I mean, really, doesn't he have anything better to do than play high school games? Personally, I do. Thanks for being there for me - I really appreciate it!

 

[rosada]

Yes, 52.Keeping Still could be alerting you you might need to consider a restraining order.
-Rosada

 

[samoyedgrrl]

Just for clarification, I asked the IC today "Will I need to take out a restraining order against the ex?" and got a 18.4.6>32.

I take that to mean in line 18.4 he's living in the past and I'm just starting to see this behaviour out of him. His continuing in this way will bring humiliation, obviously.

18.6 I think is telling me to withdraw/ignore him and remain focused on the more important things in my life, my higher goals. And of course the ever so charming 32 says things will not change in this situation.

I think the IC is telling me that eventually it could mean I'll have to get one (his humiliation in 18.4), but it should not distract me from living my life and walking my path to enlightenment.

 

[my_key]

Just for clarification, I asked the IC today "Will I need to take out a restraining order against the ex?" and got a 18.4.6>32.

Hi Samoyedmom

Your question is phrased in a yes/ no answer manner which can sometimes make the interpretation awkward. For me the oracle seems to focus more on a picture of your needs.
Working on the things that are not right in the situation for you, by being firm and assertive when you need to be and not allowing yourself to be too yielding will take you to a place of strength. Seeing things as they are now and not through the 'mists of the past' will allow you to bring a flexibility and an insight into what is fair and right for the greater good of all. Plan for the future rather than allow the past to pull you back.
Whether this rings a chord with you and whether you feel you need to take out a restraining order is open to interpretation.

Be well

Mike

 

[willowfox]

Just for clarification, I asked the IC today "Will I need to take out a restraining order against the ex?" and got a 18.4.6>32.

Line 18.4 just says that old boyfriend is back and wants to play silly ass, but at the moment the issue is minor but if he decides to step up his antics, then a word with your local sheriff will most certainly be necessary.

Line 18.6 suggests that once the sheriff has been told and he passes the message on to Mr.Muscle, then any further action like an order will be unnecessary. But, first you have to wait and see if the ex gets more active in his stalking.

 

[samoyedgrrl]

my_key, thanks for your interpretation. I think the part of "being firm and assertive when you need to be and not allowing yourself to be too yielding will take you to a place of strength" resonates with me. In other words, don't let this go too far or too long and "nip it in the bud" so it will not get out of hand with him.

Thanks WIllowfox. Makes total sense to me, not only with the IC but with what I'm seeing in the outside world. I had totally forgotten that last week on the same day, same time as last night's incident, I saw Mr. Muscle with Mrs. Homewrecker. They suddenly appeared in my rear view mirror and I never knew where they were coming from (and this was two streets away from my residence).

They were behind me and when I made it to a stoplight prior to jumping on the freeway, they passed me to get onto it going the opposite direction. Looks like they were trying to pull this stunt a week ago. I had not thought anything of it until tonight, as the road I was on is full of stores and restaurants, somewhere a lot of people go.

However, putting two and two together, it looks like he's had this plan premeditated for quite some time. That's just even more creepy. I won't let this go very far before contacting the police. He may have the right to be on public roads, but stalking me to do PDAs with his squeeze to prove God only knows what is obviously harassment.

I really appreciate your interpretations here. It truly brings me peace to fully understand what is going on and that I'm on the right path to manage the situation so it does not get out of hand.

 

[willowfox]

I was wondering, what would happen to him if Mr. Army guy finds out that he's been "messing" with his wife?

 

[samoyedgrrl]

Well, after I got the "I don't know what I want" speech from the then boyfriend last October, I knew another woman was involved. Since the ex depended on me to help him with his business by handling a lot of the financial end of things, I had all of his passwords/logins for accounts, such as his cell phone bill.

Interesting to note that his company updates nearly real-time what's going on with his phone. I discovered that in a 24 hour period, Mr. Muscle and Mrs. Homewrecker were texting each other 750 times. Yes, that's 750 text messages PER DAY!

So, I did a little research and found her hubby and his email addy on the 'net. It's easy to find high ranking military contact info (he's a Colonel), and I sent him copies of the cellular phone bills, so he could see that the contact between them was not appropriate. Unfortunately, he's in Iraq right now and I don't know what would/will happen, but the day will come when he's brought back to the States and these two will have to face reality. They have split up two households for this liason they are currently enjoying.

As an outsider, I really do hope the Colonel divorces Mrs. Homewrecker. Their children deserve a better family situation and female role model than she apparently is. For the amount of time she spends with Mr. Muscle, that does not leave much time for her kids. They deserve better than that.

It would be hilarious to see Mr. Muscle have to deal with suddenly having her to support, since he hates to spend money on anything and she's a very high maintenance woman (I heard she had a "boob job" and tummy tuck last year and needs her nails and hair color done on a frequent basis, along with shopping trips to buy more spandex outfits. I'm not kidding, she's supposedly a "personal trainer" and most of her wardrobe consists of spandex.) I think it's a train wreck just waiting to happen.

But what do I know? I'm merely a bystander at this point.