Traveling (56)

[novht1]

I'm in a somewhat odd (or perhaps not?) situation. I am currently married, though it is an emotionally abusive relationship that I am working to get out of. Over the last few months, I have made a friend who has really come to mean the world to me. While I definitely have feelings for them, I'm not certain that it goes both ways. Sometimes I feel like there is a real, genuine connection there that could blossom into something more, and other times I feel pretty hopeless about the whole situation (for what it's worth when I've consulted Yi Jing about over the past few months it I've gotten a variety of results that all emphasize taking things slowly and letting the situation develop naturally despite things happening in the context of both internal and external challenges that need to be overcome, and moreover that this person and myself are in harmony and a great transition is coming -- make of all that what you will).

In any case, this person is soon going to be going overseas for a fairly long time (about a month and a half) and, given the circumstances, I'm not certain just how much opportunity there will be for communication between us, which has become one of the few things I have to look forward to.

So I've been feeling pretty worried that my relationship with this person (however defined) is going to begin to wither (or simply be revealed as something that existed mostly in my head). It's causing me a lot of fear and anxiety, both about the relationship itself and how I'm going to make it through those weeks without any real emotional support.

So today I asked "Where is my relationship with [this person] going during their trip?" The hexagram I received was 56 (Traveling) with no changing lines.

Despite the obvious resonance with the actual situation (my friend is going to be traveling), it seems to be telling me that, despite how hard it's going to be, and regardless what ultimately happens, I'm basically going to have to be self-reliant during this period and the outcome is uncertain; there's not much I can do to affect the situation one way or another and I'm basically going to be on my own for now.

For what it's worth, I've previously asked "What is the best way for me to cope with [this person] being gone?" and the result was Great Exceeding (28) with no changing lines.

None of this feels very reassuring, though I suppose reassurance isn't the point of the Yi Jing.

 

[lightafterdarkness]

Hexagram 56 is sometimes translated as the Wanderer. The person in question, seems to wander around the globe right now so in that sense it fits the description as it can be related to traveling.

The wanderer can also speak of change and needing flexibility to adapt. In old times, the wanderer or the nomad often wandered around; a lot of wandering requires to be open and free with your attachment to things. In this sense, it could mean that your feelings and fears are based on attachment and the I Ching is asking you to release some of that attachment.

Sometimes letting go is gaining something.

Another interpretation I've read about 56uc in particular is that there's no commitment in the situation in this time. Like the hanged man in tarot, it's in a limbo and you have to let go. However, if you are able to let things come and go as they please and release some attachment to the outcome the situation might become favorable.

My advice is, allow this person to be free and liberate yourself from your anxieties. It would be healthier for both you and the other persom if you're able to give the situation time to unfold.
The hexagram uc is asking you to let go of expectations and to remain open to the unfamiliar.

Seperations are possible, changes are too. However, this might manifest in multiple type of ways. The main energy here is to love and let go.

 

[rosada]

Best way to cope?
28. Collapse.
Perhaps use this time to focus on ending your marriage if that is indeed what you intend to do?

 

[novht1]

Best way to cope?
28. Collapse.
Perhaps use this time to focus on ending your marriage if that is indeed what you intend to do?

I’ve already begun figuring out how to go about it, actually. It’s a matter of when/how, not if.

 

[novht1]

My friend continues to travel. It's been emotionally rather difficult for me, and there have been times that I have fallen into a fairly serious depression - not just about her absence, but also about my decaying marriage and other things. Today was one of those days, and I fell into a deep, self-loathing despair. And when my friend tried talking with me, I was a bit testy and self-pitying. I guess I wanted more out of her communication than I ended up getting and was feeling bad about it. I didn't mean for my responses to be rude (and I don't think they were), but I think they could certainly be read as petulant. Either way she stopped responding and given the vast time zone difference she's asleep now while I'm sitting here feeling like I'd wronged her.

I eventually asked the oracle "What is the best way to deal with my confusion regarding [this person]?" and received 6.1.6 to 58. I suppose it's telling me that it was foolish to have acted the way that I did, but I'm a bit confused by the changing lines. 6.1 seems to be saying "let it drop and move on" while 6.6 seems to be saying "good job dummy: you "won" but you made yourself look like a jerk."

The change to 58 seems to point to needing to apologize in the morning, and so thinking on that I asked "How can I fix the mistakes I've made with [person]?" and got 36.1.4 to 46. 36.1 cautions against pushing ahead too recklessly - in Hillary's version "You know, absolutely, the intensity of your own feeling; you do not have the same understanding of your changing environment," which is about as apt a description of pretty much everything I'm going through with this person in general as I can imagine, but would seem a bit at odds with the idea of just saying sorry?

34.4, meanwhile, says "Persistence pays off. The barriers that trapped you are overcome; the past and all its patterns are left behind." Read narrowly, this would seem to indicate that, yes: saying sorry is the right thing to do here. More broadly, it tempts me to think that maybe I'm reaching a turning point in how I relate to this person entirely, which is a bit of a scary prospect, considering all the fears and doubts I've been having.

The change to 46 resonates with a lot of readings I've had regarding this person, which emphasize persistence and slow going leading to success. However, if I'm being honest, my own insecurities have me very much doubting such reassurances and I'm feeling increasingly hopeless about the whole thing (which is part of what set me off on my despair spiral this morning in the first placE).

Finally, since one of the previous respondents (rightly!) noted that much depends on extricating myself from the unhappy marriage I'm in, I also asked "How can I end my marriage in a responsible way?" which gave me 52, no changes, which I honestly find somewhat baffling. I'm not sure if it's counseling "stilling" myself by staying in the marriage (which is something I truly do not want) or by simply staying still and calm during the process.

Any insights about any of this would be most welcome, since for the past few months I've increasingly felt like the ground under my feet has been crumbling away and a major change is approaching, thought I don't know quite what it will look like (or if it will be even resemble something that is actually good).

 

[lightafterdarkness]

My friend continues to travel. It's been emotionally rather difficult for me, and there have been times that I have fallen into a fairly serious depression - not just about her absence, but also about my decaying marriage and other things. Today was one of those days, and I fell into a deep, self-loathing despair. And when my friend tried talking with me, I was a bit testy and self-pitying. I guess I wanted more out of her communication than I ended up getting and was feeling bad about it. I didn't mean for my responses to be rude (and I don't think they were), but I think they could certainly be read as petulant. Either way she stopped responding and given the vast time zone difference she's asleep now while I'm sitting here feeling like I'd wronged her.

I eventually asked the oracle "What is the best way to deal with my confusion regarding [this person]?" and received 6.1.6 to 58. I suppose it's telling me that it was foolish to have acted the way that I did, but I'm a bit confused by the changing lines. 6.1 seems to be saying "let it drop and move on" while 6.6 seems to be saying "good job dummy: you "won" but you made yourself look like a jerk."

The change to 58 seems to point to needing to apologize in the morning, and so thinking on that I asked "How can I fix the mistakes I've made with [person]?" and got 36.1.4 to 46. 36.1 cautions against pushing ahead too recklessly - in Hillary's version "You know, absolutely, the intensity of your own feeling; you do not have the same understanding of your changing environment," which is about as apt a description of pretty much everything I'm going through with this person in general as I can imagine, but would seem a bit at odds with the idea of just saying sorry?

34.4, meanwhile, says "Persistence pays off. The barriers that trapped you are overcome; the past and all its patterns are left behind." Read narrowly, this would seem to indicate that, yes: saying sorry is the right thing to do here. More broadly, it tempts me to think that maybe I'm reaching a turning point in how I relate to this person entirely, which is a bit of a scary prospect, considering all the fears and doubts I've been having.

The change to 46 resonates with a lot of readings I've had regarding this person, which emphasize persistence and slow going leading to success. However, if I'm being honest, my own insecurities have me very much doubting such reassurances and I'm feeling increasingly hopeless about the whole thing (which is part of what set me off on my despair spiral this morning in the first placE).

Finally, since one of the previous respondents (rightly!) noted that much depends on extricating myself from the unhappy marriage I'm in, I also asked "How can I end my marriage in a responsible way?" which gave me 52, no changes, which I honestly find somewhat baffling. I'm not sure if it's counseling "stilling" myself by staying in the marriage (which is something I truly do not want) or by simply staying still and calm during the process.

Any insights about any of this would be most welcome, since for the past few months I've increasingly felt like the ground under my feet has been crumbling away and a major change is approaching, thought I don't know quite what it will look like (or if it will be even resemble something that is actually good).

Remember Hexagram 56, it was telling you to love and let go. You are overanalyzing and overthinking your actions and on a subconscious level your friend might feel that energy.

There might be detachment needed in this situation, for you to liberate yourself from your worries and anxieties like I've said before. Until you are able to love and let go, to let things unfold naturally, you will probably keep yourself in a loop.

You want a certain outcome and overthink your actions, it's okay to reflect but in a way you should allow yourself to be free and feel confident in how you communicate to her. If you don't feel that way, then maybe there's something to unpack first.

I would respond to all your other hexagrams, but I think the initial energy related to whatever hexagram you have gotten is that either way you're not getting out of this what you want and you should move on.

Or you should try and perhaps apologize and communicate that you appreciate her presence and you're sorry if you came on strong.

But most of all, I think to try and unpack your own insecurities (and how your failing marriage might influence that and how focusing on this person might also stray you away from focus on other issues you have) is more important. Perhaps it's okay to focus on this person, but to deal with yourself and your own feelings, to be more grounded with your emotions and your approaches and to reflect on where your focus truly needs to go instead of anxiously holding onto a certain person.

Maybe the one you need to hold onto is yourself.
And maybe once you love & let go and work on the relationship you have with yourself and how your marriage might affect your insecurities right now, things will naturally gravitate to you as sometimes holding on damages while letting go allows things to freely flow in a natural state.

That does not mean you shouldn't take iniative, but perhaps the main focus should be on you and your own sense of self and state of mind first.

It seems like you are resisting a lot. Resisting life, natural flows of communication, resisting the focus on how your relationship fails and maybe (I might be wrong) you are avoiding how this makes you feel to a certain extent? What happens when you feel life crumbling under your feet, is that you grasp onto everything you can. This leaves claw marks. The ego wants to hold onto things and seeks security outside of itself.

A more conscious approach would be to try and allow life to change you. Life is crumbling your foundation and you can either resist it or embrace it, but beware that if you resist it you'll be resisting yourself. Which will cause anxiety, depression and feeling hopeless and powerless.

Acceptance means that you allow whatever is crumbling to crumble. You can reflect on what has caused things to crumble and learn from that. Do not blame yourself unnecessarily. Take what you can from it and try to change along with life. Understand that a crumbling of things is sometimes part of a natural process and no matter how hurtful it is, or how it can even feel like a part of you dies it's needed. The only thing one can be sure of is change. Try to find comfort in the contradiction of that.

Allow yourself to grieve. Allow yourself to sit with your anxieties. And try to reflect on whether you're trying to find security in things outside of yourself. If you catch yourself doing so, try to come back to yourself. This might build your confidence and as you become more conscious and grounded you will move more comsciously through your connections and tribulations of life too.

Good luck. I hope this helps.

 

[rosada]

Rather than reading 6.1 as meaning “Let it drop and move on,” I see it as saying not just dropping the issue but first agreeing with the other person, then dropping it. It’s a small issue now so just agree (or apologize) before it becomes a bigger problem.”
6.6 says that if you force this person to agree with you when they really don’t then the issue will come up again and again.
58. Encourages talking things over, back and forth, over and over.
So whatever is going on between you and your friend just keep saying “Yes, Dear”!

 

[novht1]

As it turned out, I apologized, which made me feel better about myself, and she didn't apparently pick up on my brusqueness to begin with.

The bigger problem seems to be my own insecurities and anxieties, which have a tendency to magnify the importance of stuff like this and making me feel terrible when there's no real reason to be.

 

[lightafterdarkness]

As it turned out, I apologized, which made me feel better about myself, and she didn't apparently pick up on my brusqueness to begin with.

The bigger problem seems to be my own insecurities and anxieties, which have a tendency to magnify the importance of stuff like this and making me feel terrible when there's no real reason to be.

Maybe it's interesting for you to look into anxious attachment style and see if you relate to that. There's a lot of stuff online that might help if this is something you relate to.

 

[novht1]

Remember Hexagram 56, it was telling you to love and let go. You are overanalyzing and overthinking your actions and on a subconscious level your friend might feel that energy.

There might be detachment needed in this situation, for you to liberate yourself from your worries and anxieties like I've said before. Until you are able to love and let go, to let things unfold naturally, you will probably keep yourself in a loop.

You want a certain outcome and overthink your actions, it's okay to reflect but in a way you should allow yourself to be free and feel confident in how you communicate to her. If you don't feel that way, then maybe there's something to unpack first.

I would respond to all your other hexagrams, but I think the initial energy related to whatever hexagram you have gotten is that either way you're not getting out of this what you want and you should move on.

Or you should try and perhaps apologize and communicate that you appreciate her presence and you're sorry if you came on strong.

But most of all, I think to try and unpack your own insecurities (and how your failing marriage might influence that and how focusing on this person might also stray you away from focus on other issues you have) is more important. Perhaps it's okay to focus on this person, but to deal with yourself and your own feelings, to be more grounded with your emotions and your approaches and to reflect on where your focus truly needs to go instead of anxiously holding onto a certain person.

Maybe the one you need to hold onto is yourself.
And maybe once you love & let go and work on the relationship you have with yourself and how your marriage might affect your insecurities right now, things will naturally gravitate to you as sometimes holding on damages while letting go allows things to freely flow in a natural state.

That does not mean you shouldn't take iniative, but perhaps the main focus should be on you and your own sense of self and state of mind first.

It seems like you are resisting a lot. Resisting life, natural flows of communication, resisting the focus on how your relationship fails and maybe (I might be wrong) you are avoiding how this makes you feel to a certain extent? What happens when you feel life crumbling under your feet, is that you grasp onto everything you can. This leaves claw marks. The ego wants to hold onto things and seeks security outside of itself.

A more conscious approach would be to try and allow life to change you. Life is crumbling your foundation and you can either resist it or embrace it, but beware that if you resist it you'll be resisting yourself. Which will cause anxiety, depression and feeling hopeless and powerless.

Acceptance means that you allow whatever is crumbling to crumble. You can reflect on what has caused things to crumble and learn from that. Do not blame yourself unnecessarily. Take what you can from it and try to change along with life. Understand that a crumbling of things is sometimes part of a natural process and no matter how hurtful it is, or how it can even feel like a part of you dies it's needed. The only thing one can be sure of is change. Try to find comfort in the contradiction of that.

Allow yourself to grieve. Allow yourself to sit with your anxieties. And try to reflect on whether you're trying to find security in things outside of yourself. If you catch yourself doing so, try to come back to yourself. This might build your confidence and as you become more conscious and grounded you will move more comsciously through your connections and tribulations of life too.

Good luck. I hope this helps.

This does help. It's increasingly clear to me that I have some underlying problems with anxiety, fear of abandonment, and that sort of thing, and it's manifesting in ways that are really damaging to me. I do need to work on those things a lot.

 

[lightafterdarkness]

This does help. It's increasingly clear to me that I have some underlying problems with anxiety, fear of abandonment, and that sort of thing, and it's manifesting in ways that are really damaging to me. I do need to work on those things a lot.

I'm glad it helps.

It might be helpful to check out what I mentioned before your last comment. There's multiple attachment styles but your attachment style might shed some light on your behaviors. Maybe try to trace back, if you relate, when and where it originated. (Childhood, messy relationship experiences, could be both) If you got the root of the problem you can create an understanding of why and it'll be easier to change your patterns but also your nervous system. It might be on high alert.

 

[novht1]

Definitely on high alert.