Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).
Anyway, I felt so guilty about doing that I could not feel any true intimacy unless I told her, and so I did. She went really, really mad at me even though I said that I was really sorry and that it was really stupid. The problem is that I realized too late that for her whatching porn is one of the most unethical and mysoginous thing one could possibly do. There are various reasons for believing that. To simplify, for her every porn is like a rape, no matter what. That kind of bad. Not only she was angry because of it, but also because I waited three days to tell her, as I wasn't sure if that was the right thing to do. For her, I told her only because that time I could not perform sexually (something which never happened, I'm healthy) for how guilty I was. I believe it's unfair to say that since I could have kept it too myself, nobody on earth knew that except me. I thought she would acknowledge my honesty for telling that... I couldn't make love with her if I knew I was keeping a secret. For a lot of people what I've done wouldn't count as cheating, but I realized that if you did something that your partner would be really upset knowing that you did it, that's cheating.
Right after she went back home, I asked I Ching how to let her know that I am sorry and that I loved her. I got 62.1.6 -> 30. Really bad omen I thought. So I realized that words won't be enough. In fact she said that she accepted my excuses but also said that she needed some time alone to process her feelings, without even texting. But the morning after I woke up with lots of texts written in the middle of the night saying the most resentful things, that I ruined everything and she doesn't even know me, she never really known me. And aside this relationship we've been friends as teenagers, so we actually know A LOT each other! That hurts.
That morning, after replying to all those things, trying to apologise and telling how sorry I am, I asked I Ching a more open question. What should I do with her? 59.5 - 4
Then I realized what the 5th line, the strong ideal, could refer to. It's not that I actually cheated on her, but that I didn't care about her values enough. So I decided to read an essay of Andrea Dworkin (a radical feminist writer) about pornography and I told her about that. I humbly told her that I underestimated the importance of the matter and that I wanted to educate myself. She replied that it seemed a good idea. But after trying to text her again, she wrote me that she was still a lot upset and that she needed time apart to process her feelings. She explicitly asked not to text her and that she will be back when she made her mind.
Trojina, my view is different from yours as I consider no gender to be inherently monogamous.Watching porn is actually an aid to staying faithful since men are biologically programmed to spread their seed with many women. At least with porn they aren't actually going with other women.
Trojina, my view is different from yours as I consider no gender to be inherently monogamous.
You believe that men are biologically programmed to spread their seeds, while based on many comments of yours, I know that you see the "casual" to be harmful to majority of women.
I don't intend to discuss who is polygamous and who's monogamous, I just wonder if men & women are so inherently different, what's the point of encouraging commited relationships when one should permanently find decent ways to get rid if his sperm in order to remain faithful while the other is always on the verge of being hurt because her man would cheat on her if he doesn't find alternative ways to what the nature wants him to do.
I think it's a very sweet question, this is clearly a very nice guy. But I worry for him that he feels he has no right to masturbate and that he feels he must apologise for it. That's just awful, very repressive. I don't think it bodes well for the relationship if she thinks she can control him masturbating. Of course ideally he would not have told her.That said, I find your query & your lack of tolerance for non-transparency extremely honorable.
Well the fact is you do not need to be sorry. The reading looks like you feel overwhelm on some level, you must be a very emotional person but be careful your emotions don't take you way too far away from yourself. In 62.1 way too much is attempted and 62.6 the message is missed. I think you need some Clarity (30) don't ask this of yourself.Right after she went back home, I asked I Ching how to let her know that I am sorry and that I loved her. I got 62.1.6 -> 30. Really bad omen I thought. So I realized that words won't be enough. In fact she said that she accepted my excuses but also said that she needed some time alone to process her feelings, without even texting. But the morning after I woke up with lots of texts written in the middle of the night saying the most resentful things, that I ruined everything and she doesn't even know me, she never really known me. And aside this relationship we've been friends as teenagers, so we actually know A LOT each other! That hurts.
why partner is duty bound to tell the other they just masturbated. The idea that masturbation is cheating is ludicrous to me. Imagine a 40 year marriage without masturbation, it wouldn't happen. There will be times one partner wants sex and the other doesn't. There will be times where one partner just wants to indulge in a certain fantasy, or just wants to relax so they can sleep. There's many self soothing functions of masturbation, sometimes people masturbate more when they are anxious, it's part of one's relationship with oneself. It doesn't really detract from a relationship unless I guess people end up never turning to each other but I mean I think it's pretty much a fact that all men masturbate and probably most women. Women talk less about it so it may be less obvious but yes most people masturbate.
Then what's the point of doing performance art to keep someone who is naturally inclined to have multiple partners?yes young men are going to be sexually interested in many women which doesn't mean they won't be faithful or that they don't love the one they are with.
It was based on the hypothesis that pornography would help men to remain faithful as it makes them less keen to pursue other females as they are wired to do.
Then what's the point of doing performance art to keep someone who is naturally inclined to have multiple partners?
@Trojina , I see masturbation & pornography two different domains, even if the latter leads to the first more often than not.
No; by performance art I mean the efforts a woman makes to have/ save a committed relationship.I don't understand what you mean by performance art ? You mean pornography
I mean why a woman should try to have/keep a committed relationship with a man who, as you as, is naturally inclined to have multiple partners? Isn't it contradictory?
Yes we are apes. So why is it beyond a woman's dignity to sleep around/have multiple partners/casual relationships? I think the fact that sex is an animalistic instinct is only recognized for men, and women are regarded objects who'll become worthless if act upon the same animalistic instinct out of the stifling social norms.
Certainly. And she as your girlfriend should be reasonable and not bully you.The thing is that as her boyfriend I must respect her values and what she believes in.
Personally I find this relationship quite troubling. The thing that seems to happens a lot in relationships is that each partner thinks that the other SHOULD believe the same thing as they do. There's nothing wrong with pornography if it doesn't become an addiction and for all the other reasons that have been spoken about on here.Certainly. And she as your girlfriend should be reasonable and not bully you.
She is truly hurt about that, it wasn't just bullying for the sake of it. I know her and I know she gets angry as a mechanism of defense. If I could convince her that she is wrong about porn I would have done it. But I actually do feel like it's degradating for women.Certainly. And she as your girlfriend should be reasonable and not bully you.
Anger is not defense, it's a lack of having a coping mechanism.She is truly hurt about that, it wasn't just bullying for the sake of it. I know her and I know she gets angry as a mechanism of defense. If I could convince her that she is wrong about porn I would have done it. But I actually do feel like it's degradating for women.
All right, thanks! I know it shows a person walking alone but I thought it referred to keeping this argument to myself and not bringing that up yet. If it literally meant to be alone I would have to refuse meeting her because she already said that she wants to see me again. And refusing might lead to arguing. But I can wait a couple of days until the party, that's for sure. I'm super busy so I don't even need to find an excuse anyway.@Phaboo that's what the text says
In both lines 10.1 and 10.2, a person is shown walking alone.
Great news that she invited you to a party, that's very 45!
Refuse to argue (or meet with her) till the party. Fingers crossed for you.
Well, a week ago I watched one. I'm not sure why I did it, I think that I felt neglected and maybe a little bit bored, sexually. We have a routine that I grow tired of,
I believe that even if she is "wrong" about pornography, that doesn't matter. The thing is that as her boyfriend I must respect her values and what she believes in. I should add that she never said not to masturbate, we used to tell "I was thinking about you" as an euphemism to say that we just masturbated. It's sweet but this gave me the idea that I couldn't fantasize about anyone else, which is frustrating at some point. Of course I'm going to think about her 99% of the time but the mind just wants to wander sometimes.
Right after she went back home, I asked I Ching how to let her know that I am sorry and that I loved her. I got 62.1.6 -> 30.
But I actually do feel like it's degradating for women
Mmm but what she believes in can't really dictate your private sexual relationship with your own self..I believe that even if she is "wrong" about pornography, that doesn't matter. The thing is that as her boyfriend I must respect her values and what she believes in. I should add that she never said not to masturbate, we used to tell "I was thinking about you" as an euphemism to say that we just masturbated. It's sweet but this gave me the idea that I couldn't fantasize about anyone else, which is frustrating at some point. Of course I'm going to think about her 99% of the time but the mind just wants to wander sometimes
Thank you.
How to act in order to successfully grow together as a couple?
10.1.2.6 -> 45
Interesting...
Yes I will stop being apologetic and I won't accept any more blame not only because I don't deserve any at this point but also because I think it doesn't do any good to her or us as a couple either.
The 62.1.6>30 looks like a picture of what happened, over exposure. You went too far (62.1.6) and overexposed yourself to scrutiny (30). I do find sometimes when asking about arguments Yi just gives a fairly clear picture of what the argument centred around.
In 62 we have a small bird trying to cross a large sky and the risk he takes is not staying close to the ground where he would be safer. Instead he soars high up into the sky, and I think this would be you putting idealism and ideology above your own simple sexual appetite. 62.1.6>30 you went too far in your wish to be transparent and it's hurt you like it hurts the little bird to fly too high
Yes I'm already skeptical about her works but I have at least to finish the essay and doing researches before I can bring up this conversation.The whole issue is standing on very shaky very unreal ground and it will be so as long as your sexual appetite is regulated by Dworkin's book. That isn't feminism, it's one branch of it and it's written by a woman who actually believed all penetration is rape. It's hardly a balanced standard for a healthy sex life.
Line 1 is plain and simple going forward in a straight forward way. There's no complication, you are advised to make no complication.
If you are happy with her now of course continue but I don't feel all this, what you've said and the readings, bode too well for the things you have asked about.
I know it might sounds like a toxic relationship from these readings and what I've told, but she has proven to be a beautiful person so many times
She even used to ask me to practice soft bondage in the first months we've been together. It wasn't something that we practiced before with other people but she wanted to try it with me. Now she says that she's too feminist to roleplay about male dominance, something like that. It's ridiculous I think, tbh. She liked it, there was no harm in it, it didn't gave me the right to "dominate" her irl, so why restricting yourself like that? What's next? Oh right. Almost breaking up because I watched a porn.
Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).