Trying to recover a relationship after a fight: 25.1.2 > 6

[I_Criss]

Hello community,
I'm new here and basically new to I Ching, too.

I had a very intense and beautiful relationship with a girl for some months, but after what seemed to be just a stupid argument (on the phone, you figure!), she totally closed in herself and refused to even allow me to have another conversation. This is going on for some time now and I've tried to forget her, but it's quite painful how things ended, no real explanation, and keeps hurting more than I thought.

Finally, I Ching arrived quite unexpected in my life and I asked the oracle:
"I thought to ask to that common friend for a chat, so to explain myself to her, and maybe the message would arrive to my ex. What's your opinion about it?"

So, after the answer, 25.1.2>6, I felt quite encouraged by the first hexagram "Innocence/Not expecting", and actually I'm trying to be "not expecting" anything from it, not a re-start of the relationship, i.e., but only the peace of mind for both of us, since I feel sorry for how things went. (Line 1 and especially Line 2 have been a good teaching for me).
So I'm quite decided to follow this idea and ask this friend (actually she's just an acquaintance, to me) to have a conversation.

What puzzles me is the relating hexagram, 6 - Conflict. I really don't know how to interpretate that as a change. Would it be "Conflict" the primary hexagram, I would take it for a clear "NO", but here...

My guess: is it just an advise of what to expect, like "Ok, go on, talk to her friend with a pure mind, just explain how you feel and your message will arrive to her. Then be ready to receive her anger in response and remain calm, don't try to reply with any animosity"

Hope this is not just my wishful thinking, so please give me any kind of impression on all this, I will receive it very happily.

Thank you soooo much for you attention! (And excuse my English, it's not my first language)

Peace

 

[my_key]

Hi Criss01

Hopefully here are a few pieces that can fit into your puzzle:

What puzzles me is the relating hexagram, 6 - Conflict. I really don't know how to interpretate that as a change. Would it be "Conflict" the primary hexagram, I would take it for a clear "NO", but here...

There is no one answer to what the relating hexagram means. This is where there are a few rules to understand but none that can not be broken.

One way of looking at it is to see it as the context surrounding aspects of change in your situation. What is held in the space around the time held by your question.

Insights can also be gained by connecting Primary and Secondary with the words 'through' or 'its" . Something like, using your words:

"Innocence/Not Expecting" through " Conflict" - What is unavoidably going to come into being as a natural part of experiencing this change. This is what you will have to be walking through or into.

"Innocence/Not Expecting" it's " Conflict" - the Conflict that is owned by or inherent in this particular path of Innocence

or there may be as many other interpretations as you would like to bring to the party. The reading says to you what it says to you. Trust it!

If this were my reading I'd interpret it something like this. If my interpretation doesn't speak to you then please ignore it.

Finally, I Ching arrived quite unexpected in my life and I asked the oracle:
"I thought to ask to that common friend for a chat, so to explain myself to her, and maybe the message would arrive to my ex. What's your opinion about it?"

So, after the answer, 25.1.2>6,

25 <> 6

'Without Falsehood' through 'Contention'

While Contention can be seen as heated disagreement (conflict) it carries a more hopeful meaning of having a fair chance of being successful i.e. when after a long hard season the football team is still in contention for the League title.

This I would see as the context for your question - the space in which it resides. Right now this space is devoid of connection and not keeping the dialogue open in such circumstances would immediately close the way. At the moment though all you can do in this situation is connect with people in ways that will lessen the chance of argument. In this context there is no value in you 'stepping into the Great Stream'. How this can be best viewed is as a warm embrace for you and your first steps. Warmth would come from how you engage with wise people around you or even to seek out your inner wisdom. Then to look for ways that you can best serve others and then and only then taking steps towards that.

25 speaks to you of a way forward as being one that is unplanned and not based in any form of falsehood. This calls upon you to be true to your core self and not to be influenced by matters that do not emanate from this core. Disaster strikes when you listen to lesser others or to parts of your ego that have been wounded or hurt by what has been going on with your girlfriend.

You are guided to act from a place of spontaneity rather than convoluted plans that go round the houses or introducing middlemen. Embracing matters without falsehood normal involves simple and direct acts.To be in contention of success you might have to face an inner conflict which prevents you from speaking from your heart directly to your girlfriend. Nurture things in the situation that are truly going to take you in the direction you truly want to go.

25.1 - You are coming towards a point of arrival in your life. The time will again be right where, like I Ching, something unexpected will arise and you will act upon it. This unexpected arrival will help you to see clearly the real purpose held in this situation of relationship for you. Leave any negativity behind and act.

25.2 - This will challenge the beliefs you hold now of how to walk in this world, especially around what has become of this relationship. You don't have to go looking or do anything special. One day it'll be sitting there and you'll just happen to notice something sitting in your lap. You'll know without a shadow of a doubt it is a real truth. This will instantaneously show you a way forward that enriches the harmony and virtue of you and your life in general.

You will be carried along to this point by the gentle waves of nuclear hexagram 53 'Developing Gradually' to a time and place where there is less falsehood in the way you decide to go about your business. More honourable and respectful ways to develop best advantage for all in any given situation.

... or there may be other interpretations that you find more compelling.

Good Luck

 

[I_Criss]

Hi Criss01

Hopefully here are a few pieces that can fit into your puzzle:

There is no one answer to what the relating hexagram means. This is where there are a few rules to understand but none that can not be broken.

One way of looking at it is to see it as the context surrounding aspects of change in your situation. What is held in the space around the time held by your question.

Insights can also be gained by connecting Primary and Secondary with the words 'through' or 'its" . Something like, using your words:

"Innocence/Not Expecting" through " Conflict" - What is unavoidably going to come into being as a natural part of experiencing this change. This is what you will have to be walking through or into.

"Innocence/Not Expecting" it's " Conflict" - the Conflict that is owned by or inherent in this particular path of Innocence

or there may be as many other interpretations as you would like to bring to the party. The reading says to you what it says to you. Trust it!

If this were my reading I'd interpret it something like this. If my interpretation doesn't speak to you then please ignore it.


25 <> 6

'Without Falsehood' through 'Contention'

While Contention can be seen as heated disagreement (conflict) it carries a more hopeful meaning of having a fair chance of being successful i.e. when after a long hard season the football team is still in contention for the League title.

This I would see as the context for your question - the space in which it resides. Right now this space is devoid of connection and not keeping the dialogue open in such circumstances would immediately close the way. At the moment though all you can do in this situation is connect with people in ways that will lessen the chance of argument. In this context there is no value in you 'stepping into the Great Stream'. How this can be best viewed is as a warm embrace for you and your first steps. Warmth would come from how you engage with wise people around you or even to seek out your inner wisdom. Then to look for ways that you can best serve others and then and only then taking steps towards that.

25 speaks to you of a way forward as being one that is unplanned and not based in any form of falsehood. This calls upon you to be true to your core self and not to be influenced by matters that do not emanate from this core. Disaster strikes when you listen to lesser others or to parts of your ego that have been wounded or hurt by what has been going on with your girlfriend.

You are guided to act from a place of spontaneity rather than convoluted plans that go round the houses or introducing middlemen. Embracing matters without falsehood normal involves simple and direct acts.To be in contention of success you might have to face an inner conflict which prevents you from speaking from your heart directly to your girlfriend. Nurture things in the situation that are truly going to take you in the direction you truly want to go.

25.1 - You are coming towards a point of arrival in your life. The time will again be right where, like I Ching, something unexpected will arise and you will act upon it. This unexpected arrival will help you to see clearly the real purpose held in this situation of relationship for you. Leave any negativity behind and act.

25.2 - This will challenge the beliefs you hold now of how to walk in this world, especially around what has become of this relationship. You don't have to go looking or do anything special. One day it'll be sitting there an you notice something sitting in your lap. You'll know without a shadow of a doubt it is a real truth. This will instantaneously show you a way forward that enriches the harmony and virtue of you and your life in general.

You will be carried along to this point by the gentle waves of nuclear hexagram 53 'Developing Gradually' to a time and place where there is less falsehood in the way you decide to go about your business. More honourable and respectful ways to develop best advantage for all in any given situation.

... or there may be other interpretations that you find more compelling.

Good Luck

Wow! What an answer I got, thank you so much!!

I've been meditating on the oracle response for almost a week so far, and I think I'll take some days to digest this here, too. So, maybe I'll give you a more specific impression in the following days, but for now I can tell you that I appreciate a lot and that there are many hints that I will follow.

Only clarification I should give for the moment, which I didn't write before for brevity, is that getting directly to her is something I've tried very after the argument, but that caused a lot of anger in her, saying I was harassing her.
After a lot of thinking and deepening, I've understood/discovered that this "strange" behaviour is the consequence of past traumas of her, so I cannot blame her. I've understood I've been too direct with such a delicate human being, you know.

Actually, this is exactly what got me hesitating even on this "moderate" action I'm planning to take through her friend.
And once more, I would leave her alone if this feeling of unresolved story wasn't so persisting in me. Sure there's a great teaching for my life I'm about to understand, as you suggested.

Thanks a lot!

 

[rosada]

I’m seeing these hexagrams as saying while your suggestion of talking with a mutual friend in hopes word will get back to your ex and lead to a reconciliation may seem like “Innocent behavior” to you it actually might lead to way more 6. Conflict.

This makes sense to me because she has already told you she doesn’t wish to continue the friendship so trying to get a message to her through a friend may only make her angry.
25.1 If you can maintain your innocent intentions and behavior, talking with the friend should be alright.
25.2 However, if you are doing this as a ploy to get her to talk to your ex then that is no longer Innocent Behavior. You must talk to the friend strictly because you want to talk to the friend. Like it would be okay if talking to the friend was more of a feeling of getting your side of the story heard for your own healing and not as a ploy to reach your ex. Indeed, who knows, maybe if you talk to the friend - but strictly because you just need to get completion and not to rekindle the romance! - then you may be able to talk it out and talking to the friend would be like a really good therapy session and you’ll come away with your head clear and ready to move on!

I note that 6. says “If rights and duties are agreed to in advance all cause for conflict disappears.” So I’m thinking you are being advised to explain to the friend why you want to talk and be very clear what you hope will be the result. You say to the friend, “Could I just talk to you about what happened between X and me? You know her and maybe you can explain to me better what happened or just let me talk out my story to you so I can clear my head? Do you mind? It would help me a lot.” Bottom line, talk to her if it makes you feel better but don’t count on it leading to anything more.

So sorry you are having to go through this.I hope you are keeping an I Ching journal. At least now you’ll have an experience to go with 25.1 and 25.2 and 6!

 

[I_Criss]

Thanks, Rosada, some interesting insights here, too!

Since yesterday I've been deepening into what relating hexagrams might mean. I discovered that right here in the forum there are quite old but very interesting threads about it, as well as some entries in the blog from Hilary. I've seen that the idea of the relating hexagram as a future evolution of the situation is just one possibility. Actually, thinking of it as the background situation, instead, clarified a lot the doubts in my reading.

This doesn't mean I don't need to be cautious or detached from any specific goal, for sure!

And yes, I instinctively began an I Ching journal to note castings, responses and my reflections on all this. As I said, I Ching arrived quite randomly in my life about one week ago, but I feel like taking this randomness quite seriously