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ugh. 2 guys and 3 questions...

legume

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hello dear fellow diviners... i keep wondering about 2 situations and could surely use some objective look at the results I Ching's provided me with. as a bit of a context - i'm single but consensually nonmonogamous and not looking for a deep commitment at the moment, however i am interested in finding a deeper connection with people and gave myself about 3 years to be ready for anything truly serious (i'm talking possibly babies making, or at least being ready to settle down somehow, as read somewhere that's about the time needed to renew most of the cells in the body in the healing process - right now just taking better care of myself)...

so, guy number 1 - we've met only twice so far... both times had a lot of fun (a lot of sex basically and great, and i mean really great talks, all this completely sober), which was super unusual for me, as i generally take things slow and am rarely interested in becoming physical with someone until i form much more of an emotional bond... he's in a committed but open relationship with someone else, which is perfect for me at the moment but we both seem to keep our guards up and keep communication between meetings to a minimum... weirdly, anytime we do manage to get in touch, it always seems to come from this place of mutual trust and openness. but when these doors are shut, the communication doesn't really work and either me or him, we just take forever to respond...

question - what are the chances of establishing something long-lasting with him? 38.5.6 > 58

even though 38 is generally about opposition / estrangement, lines 5 and 6 seem to actually point to overcoming those initial difficulties in communication i mentioned. also the imagery of initial flame on the lake (something very fugitive) changing into "interconnecting pools" or lake doubled could bode an actual long-term friendship... so i'm pretty much at peace while still quite hopeful here. but, any other thoughts?


guy number 2 - he caught my eye at work, but never thought of anything serious, he's a colleague, after all... we don't work very close together, though close enough to see each other often, while some office parties got us even closer (the last one maybe just a tad too close, but there was alcohol involved and it was so loud we couldn't talk any other way, than by ending up in each others arms...) - i didn't think much of it, other than he's cute and might be a kindred spirit in this hellish environment. he seemed to send some signals however, at some point actually saying "too bad that we work together" and kept engaging in innocent :bag: flirt... we started casually sharing lunch and stories or talking more on the work chat. and about a month in of this confusing friendliness he suddenly mentions he's got a girlfriend, that she wants a pet, but he's not ready for such a commitment. i did respond with friendly advice and kept it on the light side, even though it really left me quite boggled. :eek:uch: so i asked:

question 1 - why didn't he tell me before he has a girlfriend? 37.1.4 > 33
question 2 - what could actually happen between us? 29.6 > 59

here i'm still pretty confused, even though read both wilhelm & bradford hatcher's lines...
it could mean soo many things.

q1 - line 1: firm seclusion / boundaries maintain the family - maybe he tries to keep his work and private life as separate as possible (he seems to be quite a party boy, as in, booze and drugs involved, though that could be just my impression, yet we talked quite a bit and he keeps worrying about his image in the business environment)... then line 4, wilhelm: she is the treasure of the house - finally admitting to the importance of his gf and opening up to me about it / or enriching the family - idea of getting a pet that bothered him enough to mention it? or maybe he's also nonmonogaomus and i could be the enrichment? :D
change to 33 gives me either the idea of him retreating / distancing himself from whatever bond we started to form, back to the safety of his relationship, or him retreating from the commitment he currently has, to maybe advance at some point (either with me or generally, to still have a bit more fun in life), or he's a well educated player and knows that to keep my interest, it's best to withdraw for a bit... either way, maybe the lingering idea / need to retreat within himself was the reason he finally spoke out of it to me?

the answer to q2 is even more confusing, especially since i somehow cannot get rid of the image of kinky sex from 29.6 now... :duh: apologies. that's obviously in lines with the lines though and as sinful as it gets. as to 59, dispersion, dissolution, scattering... but also success / fulfillment & crossing the great water...

some of my less evil friends tell me to just forget about him... while the more evil ones joke "but what if he's the one"? they all know i'm not looking for mr right one and don't believe in just one soulmate... but hey, what if? maybe in some ways we're meant for each other :confused:

and i keep receiving a lot of 59 lately. could the I Ching be telling me to stop looking for solutions? ;) thank you in advance for no judgment and more insight :bows:
 

marybluesky

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Hello Legume!

What are the chances of establishing something long-lasting with him? 38.5.6 > 58
The alienation(38) can give way to joyful openness (58).
38.5: " Regret vanishes; the ally bites through the skin. What fault is there in joy?" You get closer to each other & see beyond the surface. There will be joyful sharing.
38.6: "Disharmony results in isolation; see a pig covered with mire, a wagon carrying devils. First you draw the bow, later you put the bow down. It is not an enemy but a partner. Going on, it is fortunate if you encounter rain."You are suspicious- because of external or internal obstacles- but after the mist clears you can see how this man has the potential to be a real partner for you. To reach the joyful openness (58) you should express yourself emotionally, maybe sexually (rain).

Why didn't he tell me before he has a girlfriend? 37.1.4 > 33
He didn't mention his committed relationship (37) so that you don't retreat (33).
37.1 :"The family dwelling stands within an enclosure -- regret vanishes." Maybe he has a rule not to openly talk about it in order to enjoy other opportunities to some degree and not "regret" losing them...
37.4: "A wealthy family; greatly auspicious." But he wants to keep his girlfriend because of benefits- is the girl rich?

What could actually happen between us? 29.6 > 59
That would be a highly emotional situation where you felt deeply trapped (29) which eventually led to your dispersion- moving in different direction and separation (59)...
29.6: "He is tied with black ropes and surrounded by thorny vines. He cannot set himself free for three years. Foreboding." It would take you lots of time to release yourself from this unpleasant situation and heal.
Good that your relationship is already over.

The first guy sounds more trustworthy and the cast about him is positive overall. I only want to add something- notice that he is in a committed open relationship, so he may not be the ultimate serious partner you seek despite of all good things you share.

Good Luck!
 

legume

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wow, many thanks, marybluesky, this is some great information. also, didn't know james dekorne but it seems like another very useful resource!

as to the first reading and guy number 1, this all rings very true. and indeed, didn't have him in mind as the ultimate serious partner (we actually discussed this, as well as the kids, on the very first date, so things were pretty clear straight away), but wondered if we can still somehow move forward, as so far, he seems like a valuable connection and someone i would like to have (maybe more of) in my life... there is a definite mental, even spiritual and sexual bond already, but it seems we're both quite afraid of getting emotionally attached.

your interpretation of 37.1.4 > 33 is very interesting and again very helpful. if the girl is rich, not sure, but from the things he said this may well be the case...

you also made me realise that my last question grammatically refers more to the past than any future possibilities or overall potential of current situation... my bad. but in such case, what you're saying again really resonates, as i already got emotionally involved, that is a bit infatuated, which left me feeling a little trapped, or maybe played, yet i find it difficult to let go somehow...

but i wouldn't say that relationship is over though, as it never really started and only next month we might actually go for a drink, when hopefully i can actually ask him openly about these things.

i shall post another update then, after i hear his reasoning, as would be curious to see how well it matches with the I Ching answers. thank you so much!
 

legume

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Why didn't he tell me before he has a girlfriend? 37.1.4 > 33
He didn't mention his committed relationship (37) so that you don't retreat (33).
as an update, this is indeed pretty much in line with what he admitted to.
1 - he wanted to enjoy "the chase" for a bit longer (so my intuition was correct as well, it was very much part of him playing the game, though still not sure to what extent some of his behaviour was premeditated) and 2 - he didn't want to push me away...

as to the guy number one and establishing "something" long lasting - The alienation(38) can give way to joyful openness (58) - we had a brief exchange of messages and i'm afraid the alienation could be the long lasting bit, at least for the time being ;) i cannot exclude the possibility of us finding the right moment to eventually open up more, but it just hasn't arrived yet (and probably won't come up any time soon).
 

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