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Very scared about my daughter...please help??

kdedeaux4

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Last night I had a long talk with my daughter. I am very concerned and frightened for her! She is 13 and seems to be going through some kind of depression and she's scared of the way she feels right now. I'm very scared as well, as I worry that this is connected to my struggles for the past years and my ineffective method of dealing with them. On the other hand, she is 13 and of course is dealing with many changes in herself and her life all on her own, so I'm praying this is more about her and the typical struggles through adolescence.
We have a great relationship and I feel so lucky she has come to me to discuss this.
Typically, I'd not connect myself at all to this experience she's having (she's her own person, of course!), but I was grabbed roughly to attention when she described how she's been feeling inside for the past few weeks and her description was exactly the way I would describe how I've been feeling for the past five years! I know why I feel how I have/do, but we couldn't really come up with any viable "reason" why she would feel this way. She just doesn't get why she's having this feelings and I can't help but wonder if it's related to her watching me struggle with this for so very long:(:(:(
I am very scared and worried about this!!
I asked the IC why she is so sad and received hex 9.4.5 to 14.
Line 4 sounds very ominous..yet seems to fit well with the feelings she's described to me(she was crying as she explained it to me even:( ) Line 5 seems to hold some sense of positivity I think? And 14 sounds positive.....???
Please help me with insight into this situation?

Question 2: We have decided as a family to move in June to Nevada where my children's father now lives. My daughter seems to want this, but I know she's also a little worried about this drastic change. So I also asked the IC about us moving and received hex 58.1.3.4.6 to 57. It seems the move is a good idea?

Your insights would be most welcome!! As a parent, this entire situation is incredibly scary and I really want to investigate and be open to all possibilities and messages the IC is offering.
BIG thanks for the time and experience the people here offer to me in trying to find my way through the past few years and now...I'm so grateful for the kindness I've felt in this community that I don't have the words to express it adequately...
:bows::bows::bows:

Namaste':hug:
 

lucia

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Your daughter is sad because the puberty switch got flicked - I love the lines you got for this.....

9.4.5>14 cultivating her personal resources

to me 14 is usually very individual - personal - those talents (in the broadest sense) we have to work with. It is the context that 9 is operating within - what she is cultivating!

9.4 is a fine line to get (and is it just me who sees the menstrual imagary in relation to this particular question......) it calls for confidence in the process and determination then anxieties go away.
9.5 echoes your fine communication with her so listen up I think there is advice for you here too. Approach this as an example of confidence in womanhood - don't communicate your anxieties to her but don't bsht either "there is truth and confidence in a bond" no? Both lines talk about truth and confidence and 14 says it is HER path - you are in a supporting role!

The physical and mental sides of puberty were fairly gradual for me but the chemical/emotional was almost overnight! Like I woke up different one day bham! It would have helped me at the time if someone had communicated these things to me but they didn't because of the times and so I was very confused and at times very sad. I didn't have truth and confidence anywhere around me - your daughter is lucky. It's rough watching our kids grow sometimes but it is their journey not ours. As I answered this after your other thread I think this is a piece of the "disentangling" you maybe have to do too. hope this helps a bit.

L
 

willowfox

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I asked the IC why she is so sad and received hex 9.4.5 to 14.

Yes, it could well be about puberty but these lines seem to be addressing you instead, because even though it all seems very scary to you, it really isn't at all, if fact you need to tell her that when you were her age that you went through the same thing to allay her fears, as she is looking to you for direction and council. Therefore be positive when you discuss her apparent fears, this will help her to overcome her own fears.
Its all about cooperation and sincerity, help her to help herself by clarifying that her fear is not real at all but just an illusion that she can banish by realizing that there is in fact nothing to fear.
 

arabella

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Agreeing with Willow Fox. Especially contemplating a move, the unknown for adolescents is more scarey than anything. Be strong and tell her there is nothing "weird" here and don't let her label her feelings with things like "depression" which sounds like an illness. Help her to choose wholeness for herself and think about directions she can take in a new place, activities that help her meet people who will be friends. There's a lot happening for kids in the age where they are straddling childhood and adulthood. Let her know that competence isn't magic, it is learned and we can all learn it. My kids and I have moved around the world together through a similar period of their lives. It's hard, but a real growth experience. Just stay strong and remember to have some FUN. Anxiety is more easily dispelled when you are laughing out loud. XO
 

kdedeaux4

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Thank you all SO very much! Your insight has really touched on this and helped me feel I understand more and thus, less afraid!!! Thank you..thank you..thank you!!
I have discussed this with my daughter again today, sharing with her some of the thoughts and insights you all shared with me here, and I sincerely believe she is much less fearful of these strange and overly melancholy emotions as well! I felt that it was probably mostly related to hormonal/puberty issues added to our current and upcoming changing circumstances, but I tend to second guess myself as a mother and never want to miss seeing anything that could possibly be "bigger"....or trivialize a potentially serious issue. Communication is open, as she has shared her fears and feelings with me, so I do feel it's a learning and growing issue for us both respectively on life, womanhood, identity, emotions, parenting, communication, fears, etc, etc... Given everything happening AND the difficult age-time-frame here, I'm sure this is just the beginning of a long, challenging, but hopefully wonderful journey for both of us:p

I am so relieved to hear such reassurance and thoughts/experiences from you all...and very, very grateful!!!
xoxo,
~Krista:)
 

bradford

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I don't see 09.4 as ominous at all
Be true; the bleeding stops, anxiety leaves; Not wrong

Sounds hopeful to me.
It sounds like this will pass once she can get the problem into larger frames of reference and a broader perspective on things. She's just too close to what she's feeling and that makes it seem too big. Remember that 09 is about the power of small things to push you around.
 

bamboo

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K,
I like all the responses you got....

just a thought in terms of my own parenting experiences.....and because the hex is 9, which I relate to intuitive messages and signals........I have at times also been shocked ( and dismayed) to discover that my own child seemed to express the very things I had been grappling with personally, and these were things that I had not discussed with her, so it seemed particularly unnerving. I suppose as human beings, we are more psychically connected to one another than we might imagine - and parents and childrn even more so. I do think we hand down our health as well as our wounds, in ways that even surpass our hands-on teaching.

at first this kind of thinking seemed frightening, but then it gave me hope. as we heal ourselves, and take responsibility for our issues and for becoming well, our children benefit. even perhaps generations to come are affected. I love what Lucia made reference to....having "truth and confidence" around in a parent can make all the difference. I dont think it matters so much what our issues are, what matters is our truthfulness and willingness to face those issues, and our confidence in the fact that we can do this, that challenges can be faced and met. This is the ideal blueprint to give to the young. Your willingness to explore and listen and to be present to your daughter assures her that life can be managed, no matter what the difficulty.

For myself, I found this to be a major boost to the "growing up" that parenting required of me! I realized I didnt have to just step up the plate for my child, but also for myself when I needed it...because somehow children know our issues without us ever voicing them, and they benefit from the ways in which we manage them and care for ourselves.

agreeing, your daughter is lucky.
 

willowfox

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Remember, you are mother, guide, teacher, councilor and example to your daughter.
 

kdedeaux4

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WF and Bamboo: You're so right on!! Parenting is the toughest and most rewarding job ever. It's so hard to be regularly faced with so many inadequacies and fears of not "getting it right", knowing that a child depends on you so much for how they develop and learn.... I don't mind facing my imperfections constantly though and knowing that I don't have the luxury of not thinking through my own character and always trying to make the best possible choices at any given time. It IS a lot of pressure though...
Nothing in my entire life has ever made me wish so much that I were a perfect human being with ALL the right answers and ALL the right solutions than being a mom....keeps me on my toes when otherwise I might get lazy!
Lucia and Bamboo: Thank you for saying my daughter is lucky...I really needed to hear and remember that! I am truly very lucky as well:):)
 

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