Waiting waiting waiting...when will it end?

[cal val]

Hi there. Before I pose my question, I want to thank Hilary for providing me with the opportunity to benefit from the insights of others on the I Ching and the collective unconscious. This is my first post. I exchanged emails with Hilary some time ago. Hilary, to refresh your memory, I'm the one whose boyfriend called at 10:24 just after I'd asked the I Ching when he would call again, and it answered Hexagram 10 change to 24. At any rate, I never really had a need to post here until now. Hopefully your answers will help me retain my sanity. And, hopefully, my understanding of the I Ching will be sufficient enough one day to help someone else who posts here.

I know what's going to happen in my life. I'm going to enjoy the creative success I long for and with a partner with whom I'll feel content. I know this from a combination of psychic experiences I've had over the years. But in the meantime, I'm STUCK...waiting. I'm stuck in a place (geographically) that I can never call home. In spite of the fact I have looked for and found positive aspects of this area to enjoy while I wait, the negatives are so negative, I often consider it to be very close to a nightmare. I'm alone here and a stranger in a strange land, there are immovable obstacles to my creativity that prevent me from accomplishing what I want and some rather frightening things have happened to me here.

I know where I fit on this earth, where my creative energy is so abundant it almost overwhelms me, but I can't get there for a number of reasons, the biggest being financial. I'm a 'just-do-it' kind of person, and I want to take action to get out of here. In fact, I have quite aggressively looked for and pursued opportunities to get out (in spite of advice from the I Ching) only to meet with failure and obstruction.

The I Ching keeps telling me wait (hexagram 5). And most of the changing lines in hexagrams regarding my course of action that AREN'T hexagram 5 say it's not time to act yet but to wait.

The I Ching also tells me I have to travel for everything to happen (which I already knew), but I have to wait here for the time being. And I've been waiting in this place (across the country from where I grew up and lived most my life) for a year and a half already! Waiting in such a frightening and unwelcoming place wouldn't be so difficult if I knew when it was ending. Even convicts know when their prison terms are ending, but it just seems like my 'waiting' term is never going to end.

I found the section on Lise Heyboer's site "From GUI to GUA," (under Origins on her menu) - http://www.anton-heyboer.org/i_ching/origins/index-or.htm), and I'm not sure I understand it. I'm in tune with nature and the earth's elliptical wobble around the sun, so I understand the concept of the shadows changing their length across the lines as we move through the months, being longest at the winter solstice and shortest at the summer solstice. So...

I threw the coins like I normally do for an answer, all the while focusing on the concept of the length of the shadow falling over the lines on the tablet as she illustrates, and I asked when is the waiting ending. I got Hexagram 13 change to 44. According to my understanding of Lise's explanation, 44 would be about a month after the summer solstice (uggghhh). I don't know how to interpret the 13 though. Is there a formula for a broken line inside solid lines or a solid inside broken? Or do you suppose the I Ching gave me an answer that included a month AND a day? Or did I go at divining a month all wrong? Thanks for any insights you can provide.

 

[hilary]

Hello Val,

Thank you for coming - and for sharing that extraordinary '10.24' reading. (Has anyone else ever encountered such a thing, or is Val unique?)

In my inbox this morning, 'coincidentally', were your post and this link:
http://www.kajama.com/index.asp?IssueId={6882C71C-D37A-11D6-BAC8-00C04FA0788A}&Id={6882C80B-D37A-11D6-BAC8-00C04FA0788A}&PageNum=1
(Sorry I can't make that clickable: you'll need to do lots of cutting and pasting.)
Do have a look - I know the article will be a bit much for some, but I think it has quite a lot to say about the quality of Waiting hexagram 5 is talking about. Whatever you wait for (or attend to) with sincerity and confidence does come.

I feel a little funny saying this to you in the light of your past experience with the I Ching and time, but I don't think there is a single, time-tested, well-established method of divining specific months and days with traditional I Ching divination.

There are 12 hexagrams associated with months; there's even a chart associating every hexagram with a month. There's also the practice of pre-defining the meaning of the moving lines in your answer (obviously you have to do this before you start!) to represent specific periods of time - one line per month, or whatever.

But my own feeling is that - especially 'under the auspices' of Hexagram 5 - the I Ching tends to talk in human, individual time more than in calendars - quality of time rather than quantity. Why else would we have so many hexagrams that don't coincide with sundial patterns? (LiSe wrote a wonderful story-cum-vision-cum-poem of how these came about - I must try to find the link to it.)

So 'when' might also be 'how' - 'when your inner clock points to a time of 13 with 44'.

(Does anyone else think this is a sensible way to go? Or should I be showing more respect to what Val was focussing on when she divined?)

 

[hilary]

Ah - here's LiSe's 'gui to gua' page, with the story of the shamanka on Oct 21st:
http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/I_Ching_community/messages/48/444.html

And reading from that months chart in the back of Blofeld, he associates #44 with June and #13 with July; by the system he describes, the date represented by the primary hexagram would be the relevant one.
Has anyone ever tested this chart out in practice?

 

[acornhill]

Val,
I am very inexperienced at this but maybe being a novice can provide a new outlook to your problem. Is it possible that the message to wait has more to do with time rather than location? I cannot beleive it is in your best interest to stay put in such a negative place. Maybe you should wait for success, but be taking measures to get yourself to a place where you can be successful. I realize finances can be a hinderance, but there has got to be a way to somehow relocate. I live near Santa Fe, New Mexico, center for all kinds of arts. Very open, very culturally diverse and very accepting. I think it is a mistake to get bogged down in what month and what day action should take place.

Good Luck

 

[pam]

Hilary and Val,

I have used Blofeld's chart to determine when a period of depression and anxiety would end, but although the month came out "April", I had no way of telling that the year was TWO YEARS from the next April and that the time I had to wait was actually 2 - 1/2 years (NOT 1/2 year). Sure enough, April of that year 2 years in the future was when things finally started to become easier and I felt a definite change for the better. I don't know of any way to find the year except perhaps to ask "This year?" etc. and see if that results in any clarification. (unfortunately, I didn't realize this at the time) Sometimes the I Ching seems to be gentle on the inquirer by not revealing just how long the progress out of depression might be. Increasingly hopeful answers might be the best you can achieve. Also, the amount of stress you are under when asking sometimes affects the answer - asking at a time of total despondency gets a more negative answer than when you have just taken a positive step in the right direction.

But leaving a place isn't always possible if the I Ching says wait. Maybe all efforts to leave in the right direction are blocked. Any premature flight might be to the wrong place.

Good luck from me too, Val.

 

[heylise]

I have put the story about the shaman divining on Gui-day on the same page as the Gui to Gua hexagram pictures (the two gui's are different characters). In the mail Hilary mentions, all lay-out disappeared, so it is one big page of words after words. On the website it is divided in parts.

I think it is very dangerous to ask the Yi for concrete answers. First because all systems to find a date and things like that have been made later, in a more or less intellectual way. They are not part of the original Yi.
Second because one can easily shift the decision-making to the Yi, instead of taking the responsibility oneself.
IMO the Yi gives 'mythical' answers. Your intuition can understand, but they are not meant for human-made time, place or yes-no choices. Mythical time is not linear, it has things like sunrise, summer, sleeping-time, or cold places, safe places, and advice like 'if you do .., then ..'. But no hours, geography or decisions.

For your intuition it gives incredibly appropriate answers, but I am afraid I cannot trust the rest very much.

LiSe

 

[lindsay]

Dear Val,

First, I would like to second LiSe?s remarks about the mythical, intuitive nature of the Yi?s responses. Sometimes it seems the very details we crave to know most are the vaguest part of the Yi?s answer. Is it possible to want to know an answer too much? In my experience, the Yi rarely satisfies my strongest desires, especially when my desire is so big that nothing else seems important.

Second, I would like to introduce another consideration about waiting that is sometimes called ?the dark night of the soul.? It seems there is often a long dry spell in the creative process when everything looks dark and nothing seems possible. We wish for inspiration, we hope to move forward, we desire consummation ? but nothing can be done. We are empty, weak, frustrated. Many become depressed, and wonder if anything will ever be right again. Others try to force the situation, to engineer resolution ? but all such efforts are thwarted. This time is like being adrift in the Sargasso Sea. How we thirst and suffer and curse our lives for being so utterly boring and empty and useless.

Then, unexpectedly, the time of waiting is over. We are filled with energy and light, we move ahead confidently, we see everything as new and sparkling with possibility. The time has come to create.

I don?t know why we have these terrible spells of waiting, and I don?t understand what triggers their demise. But I do know there is a ?right? time to do everything important, and we often have to wait a good long time before we find it. The trick is to last, to endure, to stay in the game. It is ironic that creative people spend as much time struggling for survival as they do making new things.

Waiting usually serves some purpose. It is a wonderful teacher. Your time will come.

Lindsay

 

[cal val]

Wow! So many responses and so soon after my post. Thank you all very much!

Hilary...

Thanks for the Kajama article. Patience is not my strong suit. I'm a focused, high energy, "just-do-it" kind of person. Actually, I've been doing creative visualization for years. I studied under Maria Papapetros. I do it whenever I have a few minutes and on my way to sleep. Unfortunately, it doesn't work when you get what you want, and don't think what you got is quite what you want, and then have an epiphany five years later that it's exactly what you need. *slaps forehead* I won't bore you with the details, but I'm waiting to get it back. I've done all I can to re-open the door and invite it back. I let the I Ching guide me through the entire process. The last effort I made, the I Ching said, "That was mahvelous dahling. Now just wait."

I don't know who Blofeld is, but I don't see how he can associate 44 with June. Wilhelm and Baynes associate 44 with the latter part of June and the beginning of July...roughly, and I think it's because they translated a 13-month calendar into a 12-month calendar rather than translating the sun's transitions as Lise's sundial illustrations do. I now believe they're a month off.

Visualize the sundial in Lise's illustrations as laying on a flat surface in a north-south orientation with the pointer at the south end at about 50º latitude (pointer at the north end in the Southern hemisphere). Now translate the pointer's shadow as breaks in lines. At the summer solstice when the sun is directly overhead, the shadow will not project over the lines at all. So, for about 15 days prior to June 20, 21 or 22 and 15 days following, there will be only solid lines. So hexagram 1 actually shows on the sundial from approximately June 5 to July 6. Then as the sun moves south, the pointer casts more and more of a shadow until the winter solstice when it casts the longest shadow of the year...over all the lines making all of them broken lines. That would mean that hexagram 2 would appear on the sundial between approximately December 5 and January 6. That, of course, will only work for six months since there are only six lines, but the solution is elementary. We simply change positions. At the Summer Solstice we look at the sundial from the south. At the Winter Solstice we look at it from the north.

Lise...

Thanks so much for your help and insight.

As to the 13 changing to 44. After reading your translation of 44, I intuit that it's not representing time for me. It's actually very uncanny that your translation of 44 is exactly in line with the change that's recently occurred in me...the epiphany I mentioned in my response to Hilary.

I met a man in an interactive 3D program where I create 3D environments. We were great friends and then we fell in love. We crossed the ocean to meet each other on our home 'turfs'. He's a wonderful loving, caring, giving, sensitive man, the consummate gentleman who has treated me with more respect and loved me stronger than any man I've ever known. The physical attraction was immediate and strong. However, I soon discovered he has a dark side that scared me and that I rejected. I tried to return the relationship to the level of friendship and keep myself open for someone that could give me more emotional stability. However, I've recently realized he's my muse. When he was in LA and I would watch him, I wanted to paint him in this pose or that pose. I never felt so inspired by anyone before. And when I was in England with him, everywhere we went, everything I saw (him included - http://geocities.com/lalakatz/scotsman1.jpg ) became a painting in my mind. I was painting, painting, painting. I've recently realized that I've done my best work as an emotional response to his dark side. I haven't done anything nearly as good since. With him I can continually surpass myself creatively. He's the key to my future success.

You wrote:

"No creativity can emerge without a marriage of opposites. In most cultures there are myths of the first hierosgamos, creating the world in the beginning, and always renewing itself in order to renew life.
Opposites are contrary to one another, but they are of the same kind. God and goddess, man and woman, thought and action, energy and matter, yin and yang.
If the mind is too straight to conceive of opposites, one can never be an artist, nor a sage."

So I believe when the I Ching gave me 44, it was just reaffirming my recent realization...that I NEED his dark side as opposed to my light.

Acornhill...

Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts with me. When I've talked about selling everything I can to get the capital to leave here and go ANYWHERE but here, the I Ching has said just wait right where you are. I don't know yet why, but I've no doubt I will soon learn.

Regarding New Mexico, it's very beatiful indeed. When I was coming across country, I took tons of pictures in New Mexico, and I know about the artist community there, and Georgia O'Keefe, etc. It's a wonderful place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there. Too far from an ocean, and I don't like a dry climate. Besides that, if you've read everything previous to this, you know it's not where I want to be.

Pam...

You got it when you said 'premature flight' That's exactly what the I Ching says. And all efforts I've made to go in the direction I want have been blocked...no doubt for a very good reason which I hope to learn soon.

THANKS!


Lindsay...

"We wish for inspiration, we hope to move
forward, we desire consummation"

Are you an artist? If you read what I wrote to Lise above, you'll see you struck a chord loudly and clearly. You know!

Actually, I continue to create, mostly in Photoshop since I don't have room here to paint, and I continue to grow artistically, but I know what I can do if I can be with my muse again, and it's so much more. Besides that, now that I've reconciled myself to his dark side...I miss him.

"Even Sissy knows, having a way with birds, that the spirit cannot soar with only one wing." -- Tom Robbins in Even Cowgirls Get the Blues

You mentioned the Sargasso Sea. Have you read any Jean Rhys? Her stuff is great. She was a very gifted writer and a very tortured soul. Her novel, "The Wide Sargasso Sea" is very good, as are her earlier works from the late 20s and early 30s.

 

[gene]

Val

I am a little curious, hexagram #5 is about a specific kind of waiting. Not sure if you got any changing lines with this, but when I read your post I was first struck by the ruler of this hexagram which is line #5. It says, Waiting at meat and drink. Other lines speak of being mired down, and waiting for the enemy, but the hexagram as a whole carries the idea of enjoying and celebrating with food and drink while waiting. Baynes secondarily calls this hexagram nourishment. I understand you are unhappy where you are, but could there be something you are missing? The Image in #5 says "The superior man eats and drinks; is joyous and of good cheer." Is there possibly another perspective you could be employing in the process? It may be hard to accept, but I have the feeling that is part of the answer, change your attitude, and perhaps the waiting will be over. Just a thought.

Gene

 

[cal val]

Hi there Gene --

Thanks for the thoughts but...

don't EVEN get me started about the food in this town! *grin* Actually, I did finally find some local cuisine that I like: fried chicken with hot sauce from a gas station/quick mart. Other than that, the haute cuisine in this town is the restaurant at the Howard Johnsons. I'm not kidding.

No Gene, this is NOT the best place to eat, drink and be merry while waiting. I won't go into the specifics of this town, but it's a good location if you're doing a film about the Depression. Lots and lots of boarded up and decaying buildings. The population has been on the decrease for the last 20 years or so. It was once very alive, I understand, but now is clinically dead.

However, it is set in beautiful country. I've had the great good fortune to experience all sorts of new fauna and flora here. I've experienced two stunningly beautiful Autumns and will soon experience my second Magnolia-filled Spring...IF I'm still here.

When I get to work many mornings (my workplace is on the river), one or two Great Blue Herons put on a thrilling display for me by taking off in flight when I get close. And the local geese gather in the river near my workplace in great numbers and squaw loudly, then fly off in formation much to my delight. I'd never seen herons or geese fly in formation or any of the new fauna I've seen since I've been here.

THAT is my meat and drink here -- nature. And that is the primary positive aspect for me that I mentioned in my original post.

The mindset of the majority (a very HIGH percentage) of the people in this town is what makes me a stranger in a strange land. Change my attitude? That would mean I would have to embrace conventionalism, conservatism and Christianity and make the church the center of my life. And that ain't gonna happen unless Jesus of Nazareth walks through my front door and shows me two valid forms of ID. I'm an atheist.

I've been here just over a year and a half and only recently met my first fellow atheist. When he realized I'm an atheist as well, he just went off like he was starved for someone to share his views with...in a whisper. And he looked around paranoid, and got quiet everytime anyone got close enough to hear. It didn't surprise me. There's a lot of 'peer pressure' here to 'get with Jesus'. By the way, this town's nickname is The City of Churches. Enough said?

Change my attitude about waiting? The way I usually deal with waiting in long lines is to chat with friends if it's a line for a movie, or read a book if it's a line at the DMV. I'm all for time management. IF there was something social to do in this town other than attend Church functions, I'd do it, but there isn't. I'm not exaggerating. That's the complaint I hear most here -- there's nothing to do. I joined the art league as soon as I arrived and attended my first meeting/class (they all take turns hosting the meetings/classes). That evening's host spent the entire class telling us how Jesus inspires her.

When I came here, it was to help family with a blunderous property investment they'd just made (sight unseen), and I was only going to stay about three months and then go on to Europe. In spite of the fact my family phoned me when I was on my here and said "Go back. Don't come here. This town is horrid!", I looked forward to the sojourn and the opportunity to experience a new locale and the cultural differences. Well things happened and things changed, and here I am a year and a half later. I've experienced the new locale and the cultural differences, and some very hard times due to the local economy. Enough already. I'm ready to move on.

I apparently approach the I Ching differently than a number of the people who post here. It's nothing mystical for me. It's my way of talking with my wiser self, my 'unconscious' self, and the collective unconscious. And the collective unconscious for me, when I boil it down to the essence of what I believe it to be, is an organized collection of the manifestations of the synapses of our brains and nervous systems...the waves we emit...a collection of all our thoughts and feelings...omniscience. It's not an old man with a white beard sitting on a throne in the clouds, it's not a threatening 'spiritual' thing of any kind. I can be myself with it. I can curse at it when it gives me advice I don't want or understand. It accepts me as the blundering fool that I am on the conscious level, and it's patient with me. I talk to it. It talks to me. I tell it what I want to do. It tells me if it's a good idea or a bad idea. Sometimes it tells me a better direction. It has kept me out of a few messes, and helped me get past some pretty difficult times with my sanity in tact. And I think I've just figured out what the waiting is about.

I let someone go in a sense a few years ago. I was in conflict...unsure...not ready...blah blah blah. And he was hurt. Over the years we tried to reconnect. I tried to reconnect as friends, he went straight to romantic love, and he felt hurt that I just wanted to be friends. All the while I ignored the I Ching's efforts to steer me back toward a union with him, and I finally cut off all contact. This last August, we reconnected again. He tried to talk and play as friends, but he just couldn't do it. He said his feelings were too strong. And HE cut off contact. It was shortly after that I had my epiphany. I'm now listening to the I Ching and taking it's advice regarding him. It advised me to be honest with him about the change in my feelings and what I want from/with him, and then to let him go...and wait.

My frustration about waiting resulted because I recently got news that he's waiting to hear from me again. He tried to call here a few times over the holidays, but I wasn't home. The one time I was home, he hung up as soon as I said hello. I wanted to follow-up but the I Ching said wait. I couldn't understand why. Well today, the I Ching said to make contact again this weekend. And it dawned on me what we're doing here. It's gentle penetration of sorts...and moving at the right times...gaining his trust back in slow and small steps. And it's working. I know because he sends me his feelings. I didn't like the ones he sent after our breakup...very fearful. I hated getting them. Wished I wasn't so receptive to other people. But I like the ones I'm getting now...very loving...and confident. And by the 'tone' of the feelings I'm receiving, I don't think I'll be waiting much longer. And now that I know what the I Ching is helping me do, the waiting is not so unbearable.

 

[gene]

Hi Val

I am glad you are getting it figured out. Actually, I noticed a little grin, ha ha, as you talked about the food, so maybe there really is reason for enjoyment and good cheer. You would probably think I would disagree with you since I am not an atheist, but in reality, I do not. Just have a few different names for the same thing. As for Jesus? Well, I don't see him too differently than the Sage or the Superior man in the I Ching. I grew up not too far from towns where you had to be a certain religion or nobody would shop at your business, if they knew anyway. Or, if you were that religion, promotions and elections to office seemed much easier to attain. I'll have to admit, I am glad I didn't grow up directly in those towns. Well, sounds like you are doing okay, so hopefully it will all work out soon.

Gene

 

[anita]

Hi Val,

Hexagram 5 is a very positive one in my experience. And the wait can be as short as a couple of days or a week. I think the line you received just means that you ought to enjoy yourself - in whatever manner- as you wait.

Best for your Quest

Anita

 

[lindsay]

I?ve discovered there is something very special about Val besides her ability to write long and fascinating postings. If you want to give yourself a rare treat, go to Val?s profile and click on her Home Page URL. What a wonderful portfolio!

I don?t think we?ve ever discussed here the relationship between art and the Yi. Actually I?ve been thinking about this subject for a long time, because I have observed there appear to be very few visual images inspired by the Yi. I know of one book of rather mediocre paintings (to my eye) based on the 64 hexagrams, and I?ve seen another book of indifferent black-and-white photographs also purporting to illustrate the essence of each hexagram. A couple of other books have bland, cartoonish illustrations. But on the whole I don?t think I?ve ever seen a seriously good work inspired by the Yi.

In music the only name I?ve ever heard associated with the Yi is John Cage, but his music seems to me, well, not terribly accessible.

Some people say the Yi is a bookish, intellectual, totally abstract preoccupation, uncongenial to artistic representation. Does anyone make paintings inspired by Kant?s metaphysics or write music based on Talmudic law? But I say the Yi is full of compelling concrete images and visual relationships. And what about astrology? Astrology is even more abstract and left-brained than the Yi, and yet there is actually a large body of visual art referencing astrological concepts. And who has not heard about the music of the spheres? One need go no further than Holst to hear astrology in music.

So why is the Yi continually spurned as a subject of art? Is there something about the Yi that deadens rather than stimulates creativity? Or maybe the Yi is just not known well enough among artists? What do you think?

Lindsay

 

[hilary]

Yes, I've been enjoying Val's art, too...

About Yi art - I did hunt some out a few months ago for the newsletter's links section. Here it is.

 

[lenardthefast]

Hi Val,
Have been following your postings and I agree that they are fascinating. I have empathy for your situation as it seems to parallel my own. Except for the food (grins), I find myself in a place where I feel totally alone intellectually. When talking to fellow workers here I constantly, after a pregnant silence, find myself saying "Hey guys, that was a joke!"

I was so distraught over the holidays I actually contemplated suicide. Then, on Dec. 31st I was walking in circles around my apartment, crying my eyes out, asking the question out loud over and over "Why do I have to do this alone?" (I've always had a partner in the past.) As soon as I stopped asking the question out loud I heard this tiny voice from inside me say "Open the book. stupid". Honest, this happened, no hyperbole! So, I picked up the Wilhelm version and just let it fall open. It opened to page 504, Fu/Return.

I have to say that after reading Fu in its entirety I was crying so loudly it disturbed my neighbors dog, but it was tears of joy now, not those of self-pity. Suddenly, it all made sense, everything was as 'clear as an unmuddied brook', to quote Malcolm McDowell in "A Clockwork Orange". I realized I had exactly what I had visualized when I left California to take this job clear across the country. I had a job that allowed me to work at home on the cpu, I had lots more time to practice music and I needed to be alone and free from external influences because I REALLY do wish to discover the One inside me. I, like you, believe that when we consult the Yi, we are actually conversing with our own subconscious thru the symbols, the only language it knows.

Since that day of epiphany I have been happier each day more than the last and all sorts of good things have started happening in my life. My sales have skyrocketed, my music is improving daily, my boss has given me a raise, I can now walk on water(just kidding;-)) and I realise that if I did have an ongoing relationship at this time, it would, without exactly the right partner, probably be a distraction in my search for my inner self.

I don't know if this is any help regarding your question, but it just seemed to fit.

Namaste
Leonard

 

[lindsay]

Dear Leonard,

Yes, it is very sad to be away from home. I have moved many times in my life -- one year I moved 7 times up and down the east coast of the US -- and I know homesickness when I see it.

Can I offer you some advice? Homesickness is a siren's song. It can break your heart so sweetly, but ultimately it lures you into the rocks to shipwreck. Resist. My experience tells me you cannot honestly say how you feel about a place until you have lived there for six months to a year. The first six months can be very difficult.

After six months or so, if you still long for home in another place, then perhaps you should consider returning there. Someone like Val, who has lived a year and a half in a place that continues to feel like exile, needs to leave as soon as possible. There is no doubt she is in the wrong place. Maybe that will also happen to you, maybe not -- it is too soon to say.

In the meantime, all you can do is what you are doing -- that is, be brave and try to remember why you left home in the first place. After 6 or 8 months, if you are still unsure, take a short trip to an unfamiliar place, check into a hotel alone for the weekend, and do nothing but figure out your next move -- to stay or to go?

Who knows, perhaps the Yi can help.

I wish you the best,

Lindsay

 

[lenardthefast]

Hi Lindsay,

Thank you for your compassion and advice. I guess I didn't clarify my post as well as I thought. For, you see, I had a real epiphany and I'm like, excited and thrilled and I see clearly now that where I'm at is where I dreamed to be last year; in a situation where I work at home on the cpu, have lots of time to practice music and I get paid for it, to boot.

I had gotten distracted from my dream in the last six weeks because of the homesickness, leaving living in the redwoods on the Pacific Coast, leaving all my friends, moving to a coal-mining town near the East Coast...and those feelings were so strong that I totally lost sight of my REAL goal, which was to seek and find myself. My inner self, the Divine One mentioned in Fu.

Its only been eight or ten days since the epiphany, and every day I get stronger and feel more dynamic. Just as it said in the Yi, the effect is manifesting itself, and what was only a potentiality is becoming....me. I feel g-r-e-a-t!

Thank you, Lindsay, for your compassion and consideration.

To quote Jules in the restaurant scene in 'Pulp Fiction'; "I had a moment of Clarity"...and it sure feels gooood!

I love all of you.

Namaste'
Leonard

 

[cal val]

Responding to Gene, Anita, Lindsay, Hilary & Lenardthefast

Gene...

Yes I still retain my sense of humor, ESPECIALLY about myself. My personal quote in my profile will give you a clue as to how seriously I take myself.

I had "Men Are From Mars,..." on my bookshelf for seven years before I finally read it. I don't like self-help books. They tend to help people continue to intellectualize their feelings. I didn't order it. I simply neglected to send my Book-of-the-Month Club card back on time. But I was on the computer late one night and had the television on for one of those rare occasions I turn it on and heard John Gray giving some really sound advice about dating to an audience of women. It caught my attention, so I pulled the book down and took it to work with me the next day to read at lunch. I didn't get very far in my reading before the tears started flowing. And I normally have more control than that. It hit a nerve. I saw mistakes I'd made because of my lack of understanding and learned so much about men it made them all that much more lovable. Great book. EVERYone should read it.

Anita...

Thanks! Comments like yours just help all the more to ease the frustration of waiting.

Lindsay...

What a very kind thing to say about my website! Thank you! I'd love to say the same about your profile or website, but you seem to be a well-kept secret. DANG!

Your comments about illustrating the Yi got me thinking. Some would be very difficult to illustrate and some very easy. I might just try my hand now that you have me thinking.

Hilary...

Thanks for the links. I've visited a couple of those sites. Interesting visual interpretations.

Lenardthefast...

*HUGS* Glad you only contemplated. Glad you had your epiphany also. Glad things are working out for you. Just glad all over...aren't I? *grin*

I've always enjoyed doing it alone. I've never bought into the a-woman-is-not-complete-until-she's-married attitude. Have always thought a partner would be too distracting...until recent years.

 

[hilary]

(Another quick, totally off-topic post on a popular page. There's a page about our new chat room that no-one seems to have found yet. Please visit and comment!)

 

[lindsay]

Dear Leonard,

Yes, I understand . . . the epiphany. But what about the day after the day after the epiphany? Epiphany is a religious term, but religious people are rather suspicious of epiphanies. One can climb the mountain, see the whole world from the top in a glance, but sooner or later, one has to come down from the mountain. Then what? One has only one's (fading) memory. There is a joke (so ancient it has a beard) about the old sage who attains enlightenment, but just as he is about to reveal the meaning of life to his disciples, he forgets exactly how it goes. . . .

And that is why religious people argue that mysticism is ephemeral in its effects, and the most potent long-term approach to spiritual transformation is ritual. And ritual (in secular terms) is . . . habit. Repetition and discipline. Ever wondered why serious religious folk go to monasteries? Perhaps we should take care to develop good habits and stick to them. Epiphanies are fun, but fleeting. Habits get you through life. Look at animal behavior. No one is more attached to habitual behavior than my dog. Eat, walk, poop, sleep. Eat, walk, poop, sleep. Is that simply mere doggishness? My cat, regular as clockwork, would disagree.

More important is the fact that good habits can change your life. Transformation is a catchy term for something that rarely happens, but when it does, I believe it happens through shock or through repetition (conditioning).

All I am suggesting, Leonard, is that one should not depend too much on an epiphany to create one's new life. Otherwise LSD or peyote buds would be the answer for us all. Instead, I think it would be a good idea to center your new life in its current setting, day in, day out. I'm afraid you are going to have to work at it. But you know that.

Lindsay

 

[louise]

Can we take it then Lindsay that your dog is well on the way to spiritual transformation (and your cat of course) ?

 

[lindsay]

Dear Louise,

As far as I can see, both of them are already at one with their brains.

Some impulse postings, so ravishingly clear in the mind of the poster at the time, turn out to be just plain stupid. Here's a good example. But in a way, it does inadvertently support my main (and only) point: we should be wary of using epiphanies for roofbeams.

Louise, you have the best nose for humbug I have ever seen! Thanks. I'll try to make sure somebody is home on this end in future postings.

Lindsay

 

[louise]

To be truthful I did not write that post in the interests of pointing out humbug - the child in me just delights in anthropomorphism - any mention of your dog, or cat in your posts just fills me with an irrepressible mirth. I'm daft enough to easily imagine your dog as an unacclaimed sage - going about her ordinary business of walking, eating, sleeping, pooping whilst concealing the light of enlightenment shining within her furry chest. Even in your serious posts I note your cat usually has an opinion.

 

[gene]

Starting today, when I try to read this post, there is blue on the left side of the screen and I cannot read the type on the deepest blue part of the screen. I changed to netscape last night, due to troubles with internet explorer, but I don't think that happened last night. Is there a way to fix this?

Thanks,
Gene

 

[gene]

Reminds me of the old adage, before enlightment, chop wood, carry water, after enlightment, chop wood, carry water, or, should we say, eat, sleep, etc, ha ha.

Gene

 

[lindsay]

Dear Hilary,

Yes, I am also having trouble seeing these web pages. Beginning last night, the text of posted messages no longer justified itself to fit the screen. I have to scroll left to right a considerable distance to read a single line of text. I'm using IE 5 Mac version. The only thing that seems to help is to text zoom about 75%. That puts most of the text on the screen, but it's so small I can barely read it. Same question as Gene: is this me or thee?

Lindsay

 

[lenardthefast]

Hi Gene,

Did you by any chance move something magnetized near your screen? Strong EMF can certainly wreak havoc with the color separation, fortunately, it goes away with time. Just a thought, as I am receiving the site with same 'Clarity' ;-)), as usual.

Leonard

 

[hilary]

Hm, the site also looks as normal to me, though I will check on David's computer (he has IE5, though Windows). Is this all pages of the forum, only some, or all pages of the site?? Have you tried clearing your browser cache and reloading the page? Gene, do you mean that the text of messages is running into the usual-width LH margin? This sounds like a different problem from Lindsay's, so maybe they're unrelated... Could you both save a garbled page and email it to me (as an attachment) so I can look at the source? And does the dog have any comments?

Meanwhile I'll get the forum software to regenerate the pages, just in case...

 

[lindsay]

Dear Hilary,

My problem is not your problem. Same result on random pages from other websites. I intend to question the pets very closely about this matter. Who knows what goes on when we are asleep? Thanks.

Lindsay

 

[gene]

When I went back to internet explorer, it seems to work just fine. Must be something about netscape. Fortunately I can use IE for most things, but somethings that require a password that I entered before Jan 3, when Mercury went retrograde, I can't get into.