What do I need to know 54>51

[becalm]

I've started dating a guy, no intimacy although it's clear there's an attraction and he wants to but I'm not ready to go there yet.

He's a busy guy and wants to ring every night but not get together all that often. That holds no interest for me. Partly due to the fact that I don't have the need to talk a lot and can find it quite exhausting and partly because I think he kinda wants to do whatever he wants to do when he wants to do it and just have someone to hang out with when it suits him . Not quite a 'booty' call but yeah!!

So I told him I'd prefer to spend time with him than have nightly phone calls. He knows I don't talk a lot. A girlfriend visited on the weekend, who was travelling through the town I live, and after about 4 hours I could feel I was straining my voice and she said that's because you're not used to talking so much.

What do I need to know about my 'relationship' with him Hex 54.2>51

Not sure about the Shock maybe he's a bit Shaken up because I know in past relationships the women have accepted the way he wants to run things.
Hexagram 54 - Is he not putting me first or does he think I'm not putting him first? hahahaha Maybe both of us!!

Line 2 - Looks like I can see what's going on but I'm preferring to do my own thing rather than come second.

 

[rosada]

The Marrying Maiden describes you being in a somewhat imbalanced or difficult situation about to enter a new relationship. I think line 2 position says you are a capable single woman connecting with a man who is not as socially adept and you are having to sort of steer things along. I think it's encouraging for the long term if you like the guy (you'll have to hang in there a bit but things will sort themselves out) but if you want things right right away you'll probably just 51. break it off.

 

[becalm]

Rosada - thank you!
I've got some many 'unknown' things going on and I just can't seem to make a decision. Just when I make one something will come in and ask me to rethink.
Usually I can work people out straight away but both him and the potential employers' behaviours have me somewhat baffled.
This man's track record with women doesn't sound that great so maybe you're right about is lack of social adeptness - I'm sure I've confused him as well but we do seem to really like each other.
I've had moments this week where I just think end it with him but something has stopped me.
I know I have a track record for just moving on when things are confusing or not moving fast enough but in this instance I'd like to hang in there.

 

[Willem D]

Rosada - thank you!
I've got some many 'unknown' things going on and I just can't seem to make a decision. Just when I make one something will come in and ask me to rethink.
Usually I can work people out straight away but both him and the potential employers' behaviours have me somewhat baffled.
This man's track record with women doesn't sound that great so maybe you're right about is lack of social adeptness - I'm sure I've confused him as well but we do seem to really like each other.
I've had moments this week where I just think end it with him but something has stopped me.
I know I have a track record for just moving on when things are confusing or not moving fast enough but in this instance I'd like to hang in there.

Hi Becalm,

Isn't what you describe hex. 51
- "Just when I make one something will come in and ask me to rethink."
- "I just think end it with him but something has stopped me."
You want to go in a direction (ending it) but are suddenly stopped.

54.2

Legge: The second line, dynamic, shows her blind of one eye, and yet able to see. There will be advantage in her maintaining the firm correctness of a solitary widow.

The way I see this is that although your are partially "blinded" because of the all thoughts you have about this situation and this person you still see clear and are able to stick to the original feeling .

I've started dating a guy, no intimacy although it's clear there's an attraction

To me "the firmness of a solitary widow" means not being distracted.

Hex. 51 is of course not only shock, but also change and surprise

So 54.2 > 51 could be saying "don't be distracted by what is going on around and in you, stick to the original feeling and things will change for the better (or "you'll be surprised")"

Hope this will help you!

 

[becalm]

Willem D Thank you That makes a lot of sense and a clearer perspective.

 

[Trojina]

I've started dating a guy, no intimacy although it's clear there's an attraction and he wants to but I'm not ready to go there yet.

He's a busy guy and wants to ring every night but not get together all that often. That holds no interest for me. Partly due to the fact that I don't have the need to talk a lot and can find it quite exhausting and partly because I think he kinda wants to do whatever he wants to do when he wants to do it and just have someone to hang out with when it suits him . Not quite a 'booty' call but yeah!!

So I told him I'd prefer to spend time with him than have nightly phone calls. He knows I don't talk a lot. A girlfriend visited on the weekend, who was travelling through the town I live, and after about 4 hours I could feel I was straining my voice and she said that's because you're not used to talking so much.

What do I need to know about my 'relationship' with him Hex 54.2>51

Not sure about the Shock maybe he's a bit Shaken up because I know in past relationships the women have accepted the way he wants to run things.
Hexagram 54 - Is he not putting me first or does he think I'm not putting him first? hahahaha Maybe both of us!!

Line 2 - Looks like I can see what's going on but I'm preferring to do my own thing rather than come second.

How do you do it in lockdown ? Find men to date that is ? Maybe you are out of lockdown there ? There's no chance of dating here in the UK.


Anyway a guy who just wants to talk on the phone a lot raises a red flag to me for the same reasons you mention. It's a similiarish thing to friends who only want to text but not speak. I do end up thinking 'what is the point ?'. Like you I couldn't be bothered with this. He's not offering you his full presence really is he. There's also the fact as you say it leaves him space to pick you up as and when he wants.


That's my not so humble opinion - but what about your answer




I quoted Hilary's input from wikiwing. She has written a thought for every zhi gua/relating hexagram

'With one eye, can see.
Harvest in the constancy of shadow people.'


With one eye you can see - but not everything, or not in three dimensions. There will also be things you don't see.


Shadow people are hermits; their constancy is the kind of truth to self that doesn't care whether anyone is watching. And their divination (the other translation of zhen) is clear-sighted, unbiased. You may not be able to see everything that's going on with other people, but if you have this kind of understanding and constancy, it might not matter.


54 zhi Hexagram 51, the Marrying Maiden's Shock. Often a 'marriage' that isn't what you'd hoped for, so that you feel disappointed or abandoned. Hermit's constancy, stillness at the heart of the storm, looking to Hexagram 52. The hermit is like 51's priest with the sacred ladle - not reacting to loss (fan yao, 51.2), not reacting to not being able to fix everything.

As we are in 54, Marrying Maiden I see the lines as about the woman, I have the idea some translations say 'widow's constancy' not 'shadow people'. Anyway to me this is a line for the woman, you. I think it's telling you that you can't see very far only your own bit of world and that is fine, it means you can be constant and go your own way. Wilhelm's translation refer to the solitary man's constancy....and then writes about the woman in his commentaries.


I think it's really clear you are better off by staying close to yourself/your own life. Look at Wilhelm's translation



'A one eyed man who is able to see.
The perseverance of a solitary man furthers.'

The perseverance of a solitary becalm furthers. Go your way, keep to your own realm.

It's true it may not mean break with him, it may mean you can relate to him in a limited way but I really can't see this as close relationship where you share your lives.


I think you know that's not on offer. I think this answer says it's not on offer but of course don't shut anything down before you really want to.

As Hilary has written i think the shock is more to do with an underlying sense of abandonment with this. Look at the fan ya of 51.2. At first maybe you thought he was offering more and so you had to adjust to mainly phone calls which is quite depressing.

 

[becalm]

Thanks Trojina...I shut down his idea of nightly phone calls straight away and I'm guessing he probably doesn't like it, but we're not having a relationship like that - we're either working towards a committed relationship or we're not.
Obviously it's too early to say whether we want to do that but Start as you mean to Continue I always say. The patterns you create at the beginning, of any kind of relationship, is how it generally stays unless someone steps into change it and then it usually falls apart.
I think if I wasn't the person I've become today after all these awful years I think it would be a case of "I don't know where I stand with this guy" and I'd be living in Uncertainty. As the reading states I'm a Hermit that now sits in her own Power and I am just continuing to work towards what I want in my life and if this relationship becomes part of it and I want it to, Bonus!!

We don't really have lockdown where I am hence why we can socialise. There are some limitations like large gatherings and only 10 to any classes you go to, that sort of thing but all in all not much has changed in the area I live. There are also limitations on crossing the borders into other states but that's also somewhat lenient.

 

[rosada]

Further thoughts..
54.2-51 Seems to emphasize you’re at a critical juncture here. 54.2 has a feeling of disappointment about it and leading to 51 that seems to say the whole thing could blow up right now but is that advice or a warning or just the IC stating a fact? The whole Art of Conversation is such a drag. You can really like someone and recognize they have a noble character, but if they aren’t good at making small talk the relationship never has a chance to get off the ground. Maybe try asking the I Ching something like “What’s good about him for me?”

 

[becalm]

What’s good about him for me? Hexagram 54.2.4>24

Hahaha that's a bit funny!! I think we've exhausted Line 2 but Line 4 could be hang in there even if it takes a while to get what I want from this or there's someone better going to come along. although it didn't really answer the set question

I sent him a text this morning saying I've been really unwell and I can't make our planned meet up tomorrow. Usually he takes ages to respond but this morning he responded straight away saying how about Sunday then!! Hahaha he's a school teacher and would be at work right now so I didn't expect him to respond until at least this afternoon.....hmmmm

 

[Trojina]

Further thoughts..
54.2-51 Seems to emphasize you’re at a critical juncture here. 54.2 has a feeling of disappointment about it and leading to 51 that seems to say the whole thing could blow up right now but is that advice or a warning or just the IC stating a fact? The whole Art of Conversation is such a drag. You can really like someone and recognize they have a noble character, but if they aren’t good at making small talk the relationship never has a chance to get off the ground. Maybe try asking the I Ching something like “What’s good about him for me?”

Why are you so unwilling to see what the I Ching is clearly stating.

 

[Trojina]

What’s good about him for me? Hexagram 54.2.4>24

Hahaha that's a bit funny!! I think we've exhausted Line 2 but Line 4 could be hang in there even if it takes a while to get what I want from this or there's someone better going to come along. although it didn't really answer the set question

I sent him a text this morning saying I've been really unwell and I can't make our planned meet up tomorrow. Usually he takes ages to respond but this morning he responded straight away saying how about Sunday then!! Hahaha he's a school teacher and would be at work right now so I didn't expect him to respond until at least this afternoon.....hmmmm

So now you have confirmation...and I think the line 4 would refer to another person rather than him. You delay making a commitment, you keep to yourself and you will find someone better. It's really very clear, there is little to no ambiguity here.


You don't have to break it off if you don't want but Yi's answer is pretty clear you are better moving forward without him.

 

[Trojina]

I guess regardless of what we think Yi is saying here in your shoes I'd just be watching his behaviour. If it turns out he's rarely going to be physically there with you that can't really go on. I think at our age we have outgrown that kind of elusive male.

 

[becalm]

I guess regardless of what we think Yi is saying here in your shoes I'd just be watching his behaviour. If it turns out he's rarely going to be physically there with you that can't really go on. I think at our age we have outgrown that kind of elusive male.

Absolutely agree! I'll see what happens on Sunday. I like him but I'm not attached to him or that it has to be anything in particular.

 

[Topher]

How do you do it in lockdown ? Find men to date that is ? Maybe you are out of lockdown there ? There's no chance of dating here in the UK.


Anyway a guy who just wants to talk on the phone a lot raises a red flag to me for the same reasons you mention. It's a similiarish thing to friends who only want to text but not speak. I do end up thinking 'what is the point ?'. Like you I couldn't be bothered with this. He's not offering you his full presence really is he. There's also the fact as you say it leaves him space to pick you up as and when he wants.


That's my not so humble opinion - but what about your answer




I quoted Hilary's input from wikiwing. She has written a thought for every zhi gua/relating hexagram






As we are in 54, Marrying Maiden I see the lines as about the woman, I have the idea some translations say 'widow's constancy' not 'shadow people'. Anyway to me this is a line for the woman, you. I think it's telling you that you can't see very far only your own bit of world and that is fine, it means you can be constant and go your own way. Wilhelm's translation refer to the solitary man's constancy....and then writes about the woman in his commentaries.


I think it's really clear you are better off by staying close to yourself/your own life. Look at Wilhelm's translation



'A one eyed man who is able to see.
The perseverance of a solitary man furthers.'

The perseverance of a solitary becalm furthers. Go your way, keep to your own realm.

It's true it may not mean break with him, it may mean you can relate to him in a limited way but I really can't see this as close relationship where you share your lives.


I think you know that's not on offer. I think this answer says it's not on offer but of course don't shut anything down before you really want to.

As Hilary has written i think the shock is more to do with an underlying sense of abandonment with this. Look at the fan ya of 51.2. At first maybe you thought he was offering more and so you had to adjust to mainly phone calls which is quite depressing.

Hey I want to tell you when I have received 54.2 the person of the query(the girl of the other post ) was hiding stuff I wouldnt know and this would shock if you really knew what it was(but I could deduct what it was and to be honest I wasnt too shocked) (and she was hiding many things but I dont want to put my personal experience on this reading, only that there is something the iching suggest this person is hiding(or whoever is asking doesnt want to see but more likely the first case)

 

[rosada]

I see 54.2.4 -24 as saying the courtship phase of this relationship is slow and careful.

You have been the 54.2 - 51 solitary one-eyed traveler for so long you've learned how to survive okay on your own and this new energy comes as a surprise. But now, if you hang in there..

54.2.4 - 24 you have this opportunity to join with another, to get back on the path you always dreamed of to lead you to a real home.
---

You said you wanted to see more of him and he quickly offered suggestions for getting together. The man is teachable!!! Don't give up! Indeed, YOU were the one who had to cancel. Maybe the avoiding contact is coming from your energy field! Or maybe it's just in the stars. Anyway, nice and easy does it.

 

[becalm]

I see 54.2.4 -24 as saying the courtship phase of this relationship is slow and careful.

You have been the 54.2 - 51 solitary one-eyed traveler for so long you've learned how to survive okay on your own and this new energy comes as a surprise. But now, if you hang in there..

54.2.4 - 24 you have this opportunity to join with another, to get back on the path you always dreamed of to lead you to a real home.
---

You said you wanted to see more of him and he quickly offered suggestions for getting together. The man is teachable!!! Don't give up! Indeed, YOU were the one who had to cancel. Maybe the avoiding contact is coming from your energy field! Or maybe it's just in the stars. Anyway, nice and easy does it.

It is a surprise - I a sked him what he get's up to outside of work and pretty much all the hobbies he said and the way he is creatively is the same as me, we think the same about a lot of things and we're both vegetarians who drink little alcohol. Most men I meet are drinkers.
I said I wanted to meet a guy who surfs and he's a state champion surfer even at 60 years old - I found video footage of him online and he's amazing plus he practises yoga daily.
Having said all that I'm not enamoured with him but yes Line 2 - I know I'm not seeing the whole picture yet. Hahaha definitely a solitary traveller taken by surprise at this point.
He's a also had a successful career as a teacher but he's over it and wants to retire from that and do something else but he does sound like he's got a hefty mortgage.
He kind of sounds like he's not that comfortable with the amount of debt he's in re the mortgage and maybe he's concerned about it in terms of not having a certainty of a wage but sounds like he's determined to stop teaching in 2 years.
The story re covering his mortgage and having a retirement 'fund' - bought land, built 3 townhouses, rents them out and made himself a flat in the garage saying it's just basic with a kitchenette and small bathroom. I don't whether he's embarrassed about or whether he's got his plan for things and is hoping to meet someone who fits in perfectly with that and that's why there's all this Hexagram 54 going on and the delays of Line 4.

Personally I'm doing what I'm doing and not getting distracted from that for him or anybody else which is almost a first for me.....usually I try to fit in with others lives to make it work!!

 

[rosada]

I'm rooting for you!

 

[becalm]

Quirky thing....two days after I told him I didn’t want to talk on the phone I got viral sore throat. It’s not healing at all but it’s not something I can take antibiotics for. It’s sooo sore I’m getting little sleep.

 

[rosada]

Awww...so sorry.

 

[becalm]

Awww...so sorry.

Thank you I can’t remember the last time I had a sore throat and definitely nothing like this. I’m certainly not having problems speaking up re the Throat Chakra....

 

[becalm]

I had to cancel my date with him today because I'm not well enough to go, better, but not enough to go on a date or go much of anywhere.
So it's making me wonder whether this - The Judgement of 54 from Hilary

Receiving Hexagram 54 often reflects a very insecure, frustrating situation.

(Insecure) Neither of us knows where this is going as we don't know each other very well and not being to spend time together is frustrating and a constant delay (Line 4)

 

[rosada]

I think of 54 as being on a road and there is no off ramp so you just have to go with the flow for awhile. The hexagram says don't try to guide things or make anything happen - just stay present, do the next logical thing. Particularly don't force it.

 

[rosada]

I hope you're feeling better today!

Curious tale: Yesterday I went to a huge rummage sale. Before we left the house my husband suggested we visualize ourselves finding something we wanted. As I couldn't think of anything I actually needed I said, "Okay I'm visualizing myself saying, 'Wow, what a surprise! I found something I wasn't even looking for!'" Then off we went and lo and behold I found a sweater for $3 much like the $90 one I had been admiring in a fancy dress shop window. I thought, "Hunh, that's probably the surprise I was visualizing." But then I wasn't sure if I actually wanted it after all and wandered off. Immediately, I started coughing - a really bad persistent dry cough, like something was stuck in my windpipe and I thought, "OMG, everyone here is going to be thinking I have COVID. I guess it's time for me to leave." Then I thought of you getting a sore throat after telling your friend you didn't want to talk and something clicked. Like, I realized I'd programed the Universe to give me a surprise and well, if I wasn't going to accept it there was no point in me staying at the sale. With that I went back to where the sweater was and picked it up. The coughing stopped!
Moral of the story, just as visualizing with my husband led my manifesting a sweater, I think you might find whatever you say to your friend has powerful results. Say something healthy to him the next time he calls like, "I feel so much better after talking to you!" and see what happens!

p.s. I love my new sweater.

 

[moss elk]

Like, I realized I'd programed the Universe...

Now,
Everything
makes sense.

 

[becalm]

Just a small update: We went on our 2nd date finally and it was really lovely but short because he's super busy. So not sure anything's relevant to the reading yet....

 

[becalm]

Hey I want to tell you when I have received 54.2 the person of the query(the girl of the other post ) was hiding stuff I wouldnt know and this would shock if you really knew what it was(but I could deduct what it was and to be honest I wasnt too shocked) (and she was hiding many things but I dont want to put my personal experience on this reading, only that there is something the iching suggest this person is hiding(or whoever is asking doesnt want to see but more likely the first case)

At first I was inclined to think this wasn't relevant to our situation because I knew something about him that he didn't know I knew.....but now it makes sense.
So I called him on it this morning by text and waiting on his response. I could've confronted him in person but I was giving him a chance to tell me, which he didn't. This will either be the end to this situation before it gets started or it will bring about a bit more honesty.
As Trojina says - At our age we've outgrown rubbish scenarios!!

I'm guessing he'll either respond or just 'ghost' me.....

Will he respond to my text Hex 49.3.5>51

Line 3 - I won't be calling him on it more than once - so I'm not sure about thrice discussed.
Line 4 - Things are now out in the open

Hex 49>51 - Things will be Shaken up and it will bring about a Transformation of the 'relationship'

 

[rosada]

Be sure to let us know!!!

 

[Trojina]

Just a small update: We went on our 2nd date finally and it was really lovely but short because he's super busy. So not sure anything's relevant to the reading yet....

If someone keeps banging on about how busy they are they are it can amount to continually relegating you to second place which is where you are in 54.

 

[becalm]

If someone keeps banging on about how busy they are they are it can amount to continually relegating you to second place which is where you are in 54.

Oh right hahaha I guess it is a reflection of this reading, agreed! I called him on that too
Me: Sounds like you're a bit too busy for dating.....(he didn't like that)
Him: It's just these past couple of weeks and I do work full time.
Me; Fair enough but whatever you prioritise outside of work is what you're most interested in
Him: Silence

I accept Surfing is his passion and probably a priority over anything else but apart from that.

 

[becalm]

Update: For more than one reason I’ve decided to end this short lived but telling relationship despite being very sad to let it go. It was absolutely the right thing for me to do.
Thank you for all your input. All of it makes sense with this man.