What do I need to know about my current internship? Hex 63.1 to 39

[dancingfox]

Hi all

Since September I started going back to school. It's been a huge change in my life. For the past 15 years or so I have been working as a commercial employee in the private sector. Now I am studying for something entirely different: postgraduate orthopedagogy. For those unfamiliar with the term: It is a pedagogical discipline. You learn to work in a very broad field with people who have some kind of stagnation or disorder, who need specialized support in their daily lives.

It's a 3 year course and I have a lot riding on this new project, and so far it's all been pretty intense. I am still positive about my motivation and capacities on the project, but the internship hasn't been a walk in the park.

I am an intern in a special institution for people with medium to serious physical and mental disorder. The contact with my clients hasn't been a problem. But the contact with my mentor at the institution has been a riddled with misunderstandings and miscommunication. She is 10 years my junior, and sometimes I wonder if that could be the cause of our problem.

In the beginning I felt utterly lost in my new working environment. It is a sort of a household for 10 people with mental disorders. I have the uneasy feeling that I am not meeting up to the expectations of my mentor, and communication seems to be bogged somehow. We have different shifts, so we don't get to see much of each other. But whenever I do see her she has confrontational feedback for me, and seldom a nice or positive word... Now, maybe it's normal for a beginning intern to be treated like this, but I have my years of experience in a different field. So I am used to more autonomy and open contact, two things I am missing in my new situation.

I have been trying really hard to conform and be open in my internship, but I have this sinking feeling in my stomach that just won' t leave. I have a contract for 1 school-year at this internship, but I am thinking of ending the contract prematurely (after 6 months) and look for another internship in a different field, maybe psychiatry or social welfare. There are a lot of options for a student orthopedagogy in Belgium. My mentor suggested the same, she thinks I might be better suited for something a little less 'soft'. She mentioned this after my first 3 weeks of internship, also not a great sign -_-

Anyway, pondering what to do and feeling a bit lost, so I asked the Yi what I needed to know about this internship.

Got hex 63.1 to 39. Not good, but not bad either. gives me the impression that maybe this obstruction is a lesson I need to learn?

I would very much appreciate input in this matter :bows:

 

[Tohpol]

Since September I started going back to school. It's been a huge change in my life. For the past 15 years or so I have been working as a commercial employee in the private sector. Now I am studying for something entirely different: postgraduate orthopedagogy. For those unfamiliar with the term: It is a pedagogical discipline. You learn to work in a very broad field with people who have some kind of stagnation or disorder, who need specialized support in their daily lives.

Sounds like a fascinating field of work. Isn't it interesting that you are feeling some of that "stagnation and disorder" in your position as you go forward? Whether this is just natural friction in terms of a "lesson" that will make you ultimately stronger, or stepping back before a mistake is made...I tend towards the former.

What do I need to know about this internship?

63.1 to 39

In my own experience, 63 has usually offered an image of something completed and settled, as though you are in the correct place at the correct time - even though it may not feel anything like it and you are having doubts. But since it is at the beginning, and where perhaps where you had to go through a lot of hoops to get there, it can feel a bit irritating to find that the terrain is harder going than anticipated.

Line 1: shows someone breaking their wheels and slowing down - easy does it. You are full of doubts but no harm done. In fact, this may be a worthwhile turnaround or ... recapitulation. The Wikiwing says: "Keep ambition commensurate with abilities," and therefore slow down and let it mature, not too fast, things are still unsettled. But this doesn't necessarily mean change direction. Better slow than fast at this stage. And I'd say for a three year course, with perhaps less than two months in this isn't enough time to really cut your teeth. And such a position does require some "friction."

However, what do you think about this "sinking feeling"? Do you think if your communication to your mentor was better, would that make all the difference? Or is it something much deeper? If it is the former, then I'd ask a follow up question as to how you can improve that relationship and if it is the latter I'd ask confirmation if a more dramatic change in direction is required.

 

[dancingfox]

Isn't it interesting that you are feeling some of that "stagnation and disorder" in your position as you go forward?

That IS interesting isn't it Did I ever mention I am an hsp? (Highly sensitive person). I was extremely stressed out in the very beginning of the schoolyear, I felt like I was constantly on the brink of a panic attack. My hypersensitivity for changes certainly have something to do with all of this.

Maybe I am letting my own doubts and fears getting the better of me. The sinking feeling might also have something to do with the fact that I am in the middle of my exams right now. I have never really seriously studied. I left school at 18 to go backpacking through Europe and never looked back until now.

Yesterday my mentor emailed me about a couple of the assignments I have to carry out during my internship. There was a indeed miscommunication, she assumed that I had to finish these assignments before the end of October, while in fact I had till the end of this semester. A lot of misgivings were cleared up yesterday and the sinking feel made way for optimism.

So... Now I feel a bit silly for posting this long and heavy post

But thank you, Topal, for taking the time to answer my question!

 

[Tohpol]

Not at all, it helps everyone since it clarifies the nature of 63.1>39 in this context. I'm very happy to hear that you are back to your optimistic self.

I wish you all the best in your career - I'm sure you'll be an asset.

 

[dancingfox]

Wow. Can't believe that's only 4 years ago. In the end it was the best decision for me to quit this particular internship after the first semester. I actually did a great job in the end too, but it was a rocky road indeed! But an excellent learning school, looking back. Working with mentally disabled people who need that level of slow and tender care really wasn't for me. But boy, did those sweet folks teach me about me... Not to mention open my eyes about the diversity of people we share our world with. I found out that I have a special talent for empowering people. I got my degree last year and now I work as a jobcoach, helping folks from very diverse, difficult backgrounds find a decent job. Getting my degree was one of my best (and toughest) decisions ever. I had to start believing in myself first, before I could help others make the most of there potential.

 

[diamanda]

Thanks for updating dancingfox. And congrats on your new career!

What I understand from this situation/question/reading and outcome is:
What do I need to know about my current internship? 63.1 > 39
You took the plunge. It was not a mistake, but it couldn't go on.

 

[dancingfox]

Hi Diamanda,

Yes, that's the gist of it. A small sidenote: I did have the option to finish the internship, because by the end of the first semester I was doing a much better job. I still opted for a more suitable internship elsewhere. In the end this decision turned out very well for me.