What does my ex think about me? 43 third line changing

[teal]

We went out for 4 and a half years. He broke up with me about a year ago by making me move out and saying he "needed space". He never came out and said that it's over, but he has a new girlfriend. However, they live several hours apart, and honestly, I think he "traded down".

I still have feelings for him, even though I have life plans that don't include him. But if he wanted me back, I would seriously reconsider my plans.

He recently asked me to come get my furniture that I had left behind, so that means I'll have to see him again soon. So anyway, I asked how he feels about me: 43 changes to 58.

 

[ginnie]

Strength in the cheekbones. Maybe somebody's talking big, somebody's irked (angry), somebody only cares about pleasure . . . who knows, because the question is the wrong way around.

You might do better to try to clarify in your own mind how you feel about this guy, who made you move out.

 

[teal]

Well, since I posted the question I read other people's posts on 43.3 and I have to say it is not flattering, if that is how he feels about me. It seems to say that he sees me as somewhat "inferior", but that he still is sort of attached to me, and has trouble getting over me completely.? And that his new girlfriend is jealous of me, so he won't tell her about our upcoming meeting. That's my interpretation of 43.3.

I am not trying to win him back, but I am having a hard time getting over him. I try to keep my dignity intact by not acting like I want him back, even though I kind of do.

Added as edit: Not understanding the meaning of "strength in the cheekbones" part of the oracle.

He told me that he felt that he was the one doing all the work, and that I was not putting much effort, which I have to admit is true when it came to money. He made a good income, and I did not make much money after I quit my unsatisfying career. My failure to get another good job made me feel lost, inferior, and very unhappy). In other ways, I tried very hard to make him happy, but he was hard to please. So, he has some resentment, yes. He's fussy and critical.

I am recently angry at him after learning he has had a new girlfriend for SEVERAL months now, and did not mention her, despite having several chances to tell me. I felt like he was unfair to me by never telling me it was over... all he would say was "I need a break" and "I don't know". Deep down I knew it was over, but I still feel like he strung me along. He was always so boastful of the fact that he never cheated on me --and I do trust him on that-- but the way he chose to end it made me lose respect for him. And I had so much respect for him!
Even though I cried on the phone a couple of times, I have respect for myself in the way I handled the breakup, in contrast to the weak way he ended it.

Finally seeing the dorky facebook photos of him and his homely, older woman made me want to high-five myself. She is probably very nice, but I'm guessing she's boring as hell. I mean no harm to either of them. I still like my ex. He's a very nice guy, and he tends to attract nice people. If she's who he really wants, then I wish them well, just as I wish to find true love for myself. But, I still have strong feelings for him, even though I was unhappy through a lot of our relationship.

 

[teal]

ginnie, upon your suggestion, I asked "how do I feel about him?" and got 32 with 2nd and 4th lines changing to 15.

I have now read some more into 32 with 2nd and 4th line changes. Duration / Endurance with some caveats, (if that's how to interpret it) is pretty spot-on about how I feel about him. The "no game" part in line 4 I think I understand as a realization that he isn't perfect for me? Or, that I realize that he thinks that I'm not perfect for him? Not fully understanding 32, 2.

I am new to I Ching, but I can already tell that it is the truest form of divination I have tried yet! Before this, I have used the Tarot, which seems a lot more wishy-washy and more subjective. Of course the I-Ching is also subjective, but for some reason, any time I have consulted the I-Ching, I'm almost blown away at the accuracy.

Thanks in advance for any insights!

 

[willowfox]

Line 43.3 suggests that he tolerates you for the present as there is a vague attachment between the two of you, perhaps its because he still has your furniture. But it does indicate that he doesn't want to renew the relationship with you, and its strange that it mentions there are those in his circle who don't like you. You seem to have some "hidden" enemies.

 

[teal]

As for hidden, "enemies" is too strong of a word in my situation, but I can believe that he heard criticism of me from important people in his life, and maybe that's enough. His dad, who is overbearing and controlling of him, and who gives him his paychecks. His mom is considered to be a font of wisdom. They used to like me a lot, but I could tell that towards the end, they were not quite as friendly.

His family is very tightly knit. Here's a tidbit: All 4 siblings are in their 30s (actually the oldest is 40 or 41), and none has ever married or had children! I was the first serious girlfriend for my ex.

We were together a long time, and so it's hard for me.

Edit to add that all 4 siblings are very good looking, charming, smart, nice, funny, fairly wealthy, etc. But yet all siblings, three brothers and a sister, remain single and childless.

 

[willowfox]

They used to like me a lot, but I could tell that towards the end, they were not quite as friendly.

I would now presume that they have lost that "loving" feeling for you, and have "spoken" to the lad. So you know what you are up against.

 

[rosada]

I was reading this thread and your other one, Teal, and I was struck by your comments that you feel this other woman your friend has teamed up with is not as good a catch. I wonder if you might get some resolution by asking the I Ching, "What does he see in her?" I'm thinking here you are ready willing and able but what if he doesn't want a good looking, intelligent, sexy successful woman close by? Maybe someone at a distance really fits in better with his family pattern of not having close relationships. You mentioned your career suffered after teaming up with him - maybe he just brings out the mouse in every woman and with this new lady he's starting out where you would have eventually wound up - not too smart, not too good looking and far away - sure doesn't sound like your best life coach to me!
Well, I'm just trying to paint him in a bad light to encourage you to think maybe he wasn't such a great catch himself. But whatever, we'll be interested to hear how The Return of The Furniture turned out.
-rosada

 

[teal]

I stared at a photo of the two of them and asked "what does he see in her?"
9.2,6
So I guess she really is boring and mousy, but also is responsible and stable in a quiet way? The descriptions of 9 talk about a Virgoesque woman knitting. It seems to fit what I know about her.

 

[willowfox]

It could suggest that he is simply following his parents wishes, they like her and therefore so must he, because it seems that if he does the right thing then "good fortune" will come from following orders.

Is she also from a "well-to-do" family?

 

[teal]

I don't know for sure, but I'm guessing she is not, since she lives in an apartment. He met her through old high school friends who are thoroughly working class. I saw 4th of July photos of her on facebook, and she doesn't look like much of a prize. (Sorry, I know I sound catty)

His dad is a self-made man, a risk-taking enterpreneur who got rich in the housing bubble, but they are not snobby people at all. In fact, they were all really impressed that I have a masters degree, since nobody in their family is college educated. I'm poor right now because my career failed and I have been floundering ever since, but I did feel accepted by his family, for the most part.

It's more likely that my ex complained about me to someone, and whoever it was, maybe his mom, maybe someone else... probably huddled with him and advised him to dump me. Maybe his friends? I don't know... Maybe one of his old high school friends set him up with the dumpy new gal?

I can't imagine the parents like the new girlfriend any better, because she is over 3 years older than he is, and she looks it, too! (oh well, looks aren't everything!)

He and I are close to the same age. We're both scorpios. I like to think that she snapped him up and he went for it because he was lonely, and that she's the "rebound woman", but I could be wrong. If that's who he wants, then I am happy for him!

Oh, and his family business' finances have taken a dive, and they owe a boatload to IRS in back taxes. By sheer coincidence, the ex asked me to move out the day after he got a letter from IRS saying he owes $330,000. A few days ago when we talked, he says taxes still have not been paid and he may lose his house.

Edit to add: maybe she has a good job? something I don't have...

 

[teal]

Eehhh... it was probably Mom and Dad referencing 3rd line changing, because they are so heavy handed in my ex's life. Just, a best guess.

 

[willowfox]

It's more likely that my ex complained about me to someone, and whoever it was, maybe his mom, maybe someone else... probably huddled with him and advised him to dump me. Maybe his friends? I don't know... Maybe one of his old high school friends set him up with the dumpy new gal?

I like to think that she snapped him up

By sheer coincidence, the ex asked me to move out the day after he got a letter from IRS saying he owes $330,000.

Well, the answer says that someone in his circle doesn't like you and doesn't like him associating with you.

"Snapped him up" makes him sound like an item in a sale and her a lobster or something.

Was it coincidence, or did he know beforehand and told you to move out so he could save the money he was spending on you to pay his taxes.

 

[teal]

Look, I realize I'm really catty when mentioning his new girlfriend. Since I have never met her, I shouldn't speculate too much about her.

"By sheer coincidence" was kind of sarcastic on my part, about the timing of the events. I know he was very stressed out by the taxes owed by the family business, which he blames on his dad for not paying. They are all partners in the business, but the dad is in control of everything, and they all suffer the consequences --good or bad-- of the dad's actions.

I fully acknowledge I was not very productive at bringing in money, and I feel terrible about it. My career failure has made me very depressed over the past few years. That's my real problem. The disparity in our incomes made me feel bad about myself. I didn't like being a freeloader, except when he took me on vacations. But seriously, it didn't feel good to be so ridiculously underemployed or unemployed. I told him I wanted to go back to school, but he didn't like that idea.

Willowfox, thank you for the insight about the reading. I still don't know who in his circle doesn't like me, but I suppose since we have broken up, there isn't much to do about it now, anyway.