What he wants from me? 21.4 -> 27

[elizabeth]

Hello,

I recently had dinner with someone I have known for years but rarely see. I can't get him out of my mind, and get strong vibes from him despite the fact he has a live-in girlfriend. I am not about to interfere in a pre-established relationship and am friends with the girlfriend. I asked the YI what this guy wants from me. It said 21.4 and 27.

line 4: Bites on dried gristly meat. Receives metal arrows. It furthers one to be mindful of difficulties And to be persevering. Good fortune.

What does this mean? He is going through a tough time and needs support? (27 being nourishment) I can't help but thinking the Y is answering for me and not for him (ie what I want from him, which is not the question/issue). Comments?

Thanks in advance,
E.

 

[willowfox]

what this guy wants from me. It said 21.4 and 27.

It really seems to be indicating what you want and not what he wants, as he seems to want nothing from you, it just says that you can win this guy if you really try.

 

[elizabeth]

Maybe i need to ask a different question, but that format was actually in the suggested questions area . I've had this issue before, asking about someone else's thoughts/feelings and getting an answer that only reflects my own (which I'm already aware of...)

I would not break up this relationship. So dating the guy is out of the question unless or until his current relationship ends of its own accord. Is there a way to properly ask the Yi about this?

 

[Tohpol]

Maybe i need to ask a different question, but that format was actually in the suggested questions area . I've had this issue before, asking about someone else's thoughts/feelings and getting an answer that only reflects my own (which I'm already aware of...)

I would not break up this relationship. So dating the guy is out of the question unless or until his current relationship ends of its own accord. Is there a way to properly ask the Yi about this?

You could ask:

1) What is the nature of my feelings towards this friend?

That will then give you a basis from which you can ask further questions.

Good luck,

Topal

 

[martin]

I wonder if the Yi is perhaps joking?
You had dinner with him, the Yi gives 27 as the second hex, a hex that is related to eating, and then comments that there was something with the meat ?!
Seriously, how was the meat? Did he like it? Did you?

I'm not sure, but I think it is possible that the Yi jokes because it doesn't want to answer the question (because you know the answer?)

 

[martin]

But it is also possible that the Yi answers your question directly. In that case it means perhaps:

(1) the man is a carnivore!
(2) he wants to eat you or he is at least curious how you taste
(3) there is an obstacle? his relationship? your attitude? (you seem unavailable?) or?

 

[elizabeth]

topal - thanks, but I already know my thoughts on the matter. i want insight into what is going on inside this guy's mind (if anything at all) related to me.

martin -- your last comment is very helpful, thanks. The thing is, the girlfriend was AT this dinner with us, it was a group thing. I get the vibe that I make her nervous but he wants me there. it's very awkward. Yes I'm attracted to him but under no circumstances would i want to break them up. I wouldnt want that on my conscience.

His relationship is definitely one obstacle. My residence in another city would be a second one, altho quite frankly that is more quickly/easily remedied than the girlfriend situation. So its sort of a double whammy. She would have to leave him (or he would have to leave her) and then I'd have to relocate (which I may be doing anyway) in order for things to happen. I am confused in how to relate to him though given all these prickly details.

We actually went to Mexican food. He had shrimp, i had chicken (fajitas, both), and the girlfriend had an enchilada. It was all delicious meat I can say that much
***

Edited to add: I dont know if the Yi can accurately answer complete third party questions, ie, I thought we could ask how someone else relates to us but not how two other people relate to each other. But i asked it that anyway regarding this couple, to try to see what their dynamic is. I asked what is HER relationship to him. It gave me 26.1.6 and 46.
Those changing lines are:
Line 1:
Danger is at hand. It furthers one to desist.
Line 6:
One attains the way of heaven. Success.


Not sure the significance of that as line 1 seems to be a warning (but it couldnt possibly be a warning to HER, which makes me think again the Yi is giving me MY relationship to their relationship ie what I should do. If that is the case, I found the following by Zinion in another interpretation thread,

"26.6 Its a wonderful line that tells you that, if you remain wise and you do what is right in this situation you could achieve your goal, great good fortune!" ),

So maybe here the Yi is saying danger, they have a rel'ship (line 1). Step back and wait and in time (line 6) all will work out. Even though I was not asking how I should approach the situation.. (??)

 

[Trojina]

(Always pays to be aware of game playing. if he gives you subtle signals and nothing overt he may just be slyly enjoying a flirtation with no intentions at all towards you- and i think others always pick up on this kind of thing so his girlfriend probably has some part in it - well i think that sometimes couples draw others into their little dramas -)

 

[elizabeth]

Hmm. Trojan, thanks for that reminder. So quickly I forget that flirtation may mean absolutely nothing. (I am not a big flirter, i think this is why -- if i flirt, its for a reason). But in his case, he's in no position to *do* anything anyway, so I really can't say what would be behind his "vibes". I guess i have to presume he means nothing and is not interested...

 

[Tohpol]

Hmm. Trojan, thanks for that reminder. So quickly I forget that flirtation may mean absolutely nothing. (I am not a big flirter, i think this is why -- if i flirt, its for a reason). But in his case, he's in no position to *do* anything anyway, so I really can't say what would be behind his "vibes". I guess i have to presume he means nothing and is not interested...

Yes, people can just flirt with no intention of doing anything. And this was kinda my original inference. How much are you picking up from him and how much is just your own chemical attraction getting you into "trouble"?

topal - thanks, but I already know my thoughts on the matter. i want insight into what is going on inside this guy's mind (if anything at all) related to me.

Sure. But digging deeper about the core reasons for this attraction is never a bad thing imo. As the Yi's answers can very often give us some surprises on that score. Is it attraction, love, chemicals, infatuation, longing, BS? A waste of time or worth hanging in there?

The nature of "attraction" can be a many headed hydra. Either way, I guess it must be quite powerful...

I hope it all works out.

Topal

 

[elizabeth]

Hi Topal - Well the strange thing is that I cant get this last meeting out of my mind. That has to mean something, (or so I think) and so when that happens for a while I eventually turn to the Yi to figure out what is going on. As you pointed out, I want to know what it is, and I'm still not sure if this is just all in *my* head, reading into a simple hug and kiss on the cheek, smiling at me, "You look great".... could mean nothing, could mean something. I really have no clue whatsoever as far as he is concerned.

To your point also, I would like to know if it would be a waste of time to keep him on my radar or not, I guess that is the deeper question. ie, if I am not reading into it, and there is something there, what does that imply for me? And yet as much as I want the answer, unless he becomes single, I shouldn't even be asking myself that question. But I kept feeling while standing there that he was singling *me* out and ignoring his girlfriend...which is weird. I"ve never ever been in that kind of situation before.

I'm going to see this guy again at a group party next Saturday too...

 

[elizabeth]

Edit function wasn't working so I want to tack this on here.

As a followup question, I took your advice Topal and asked the Yi what the nature of my relationship to this man is. It gave me an interesting reading, hexagram 35.2.6 Progress, leading to Hexagram 40 Deliverance.

Hex 35 Progress - Progress. The powerful prince Is honored with horses in large numbers. In a single day he is granted audience three times.

"In hexagram 35 we find that when one's presence is not yet influencial, one must still persevere. This is done through 'purification' of the self, hopeful for the moment of recognition (8). This progress is noticeable (51) and highly attracting (45). Both in benefit and adversity - (read the line comments.)"

line 2 - Progressing, but in sorrow. Perseverance brings good fortune. Then one obtains happiness from one's ancestress.

Notes on line 2: Sorrow comes from progress not receiving recognition. "There is no alternative to perseverance, even though present circumstances bring unhappiness. In due course someone, man or woman, will bestow gentle affection and instruction." And:
When there is progress there is also apprehension. Testing but advantageous times. Making peace [but keeping one's defenses up (prepared for future possibilities)] leads to success. A taste of power.

So I'm making progress but of what kind? It doesnt tell me if this is an emotion I am passing through without acting on (thus progressing) or if it is progressing towards a relationship (?)

line 6 - Making progress with the horns is permissible Only for the purpose of punishing one's own city. To be conscious of danger brings good fortune. No blame. Perseverance brings humiliation. [OK pretty straightforward -- do not act on your feelings at this time.]

"One who remains aware of the danger he risks is able to avoid mistakes." Point taken.

But hex 40 is Deliverance, loosening of a structure and tension. I'm not sure what or who is being delivered from what though...and when? In what timeframe? I often get stuck on the timing aspect within the Yi. When it says to wait or refrain...for how long??

 

[Trojina]

To your point also, I would like to know if it would be a waste of time to keep him on my radar or not, I guess that is the deeper question. ie, if I am not reading into it, and there is something there, what does that imply for me? And yet as much as I want the answer, unless he becomes single, I shouldn't even be asking myself that question. But I kept feeling while standing there that he was singling *me* out and ignoring his girlfriend...which is weird. I"ve never ever been in that kind of situation before.

...

I gotta say, though this is me not Yi related, this scenario is as old as the hills. You may not have been in this situation before but plenty have. It may not be all in your head, he may be singling you out, but it can still be a game, especially if he does it in view of his girlfriend. If he goes on giving out 'vibes' but never actually makes any direct suggestions its one of those games and its a big waste of time for you because you could find yourself just a pawn in that game. More questions about whats going on in his head won't get you anywhere i don't think. I think the 40 in your last answer was probably signifying freedom from this involvement.

I could be wrong but i have seen this kind of thing play out so many times on this forum and in life, all that you say is so familiar that i can't help but think this is one of those where you could easily spend months trying to figure out whats in his head with him always giving you just a little bit more evidence that somethings really going on to keep you interested. And looking at 35.2 theres sorrow for you in the situation because at the end of the day you are alone and he has someone, it costs you alot more in terms of emotion to invest in this.

In practical terms I guess some kind of time limit for him to actually come out and say what he wants from you is reasonable. How long are you prepared to be waiting around to see whats in his head and getting more and more sucked in ?

In the end these kinds of things can cause you real emotional pain so it pays to be a little self protective I think and perhaps view some of his behaviour with a cynical eye - until he actually comes out with it and lays his cards on the table that is and how long will you give him to do that ? Doing all this in front of his girlfriend actually makes me think hes a bit of a coward, he does it because he knows if shes there hes safe from a 'real' encounter with you - and its not very kind to her is it ?



Oh BTW re your first answer 21 can be about dealing with wrong doing to self or others. Maybe 21.4 encourages you to really bite into this issue to see whats there, which you kind of are doing, but you find
'gristly meat' -old problems, old issues, perhaps something from your past, or the past of this relationship. Also 35.6 talks of taking the leaders being lenient with the followers so somewhere I do feel this man isn't really acting in your best interests, however charming he appears. Perhaps you'd get more of a picture by talking to his girlfriend. It wouldn't surprise me if shes seen him do this with other women, she might even get a kick out of seeing how easy her man gets other women interested - thats what I'm meaning about game playing and you needing to be a little self protective.

Ok it could be hes falling in love (or lust) with you and planning to ditch his girlfriend and ask you out, which is possibly the scenario in your mind, but if that is really the case, like i said before, I reckon a time limit is needed or he could keep you hanging on for ages.

I'll shut up now, lecture over lol

 

[rickmatz]

If the gears in your head are spinning at 1000's of RPMs, you'll be unlikely to ever figure anything out.

Slow down. Clear your mind. Relax.

 

[elizabeth]

Trojan, the lecutre was in fact helpful! I haven't ever been in this situation before, no, so it is new to me. You're right that even imagining being with him is more of an emotional stress point for me -- he's not alone at night!

He can't really ask me out while he is still seeing her. And if he did, I wouldn't agree bc that is cruel to her -- both on my part and on his. So unless he breaks up with her, nothing can happen. But to your point, he DOES strike me as the kind of guy who might want to know what my reaction is (ie will I accept or reject him) *before* he asks me out or makes a move (again maybe just my hopes/wishes...but as far as the type of guy he is I think i'm right on this point). Which yes, that is kind of cowardly and if I'm right he is staying w/her more bc she is safe rather than bc he wants to be. Again projecting/guessing, as who really knows.

As far as timeline, I dont know what I would give him. I'm going to try to just put this out of my head bc I won't be seeing them after this weekend for quite some time, as in probably 6 mos to a year, as I'm leaving the area for a while.

Rickmatz, good point. I'm going off to the gym!