What if he moves-in 1st of May?

[lightofdarkness]

Beware of wishful thinking. This:

"he's worried about moving into the home that i own because he believes it won't be equal"

is not good and needs to be delt with through discussion not through tossing coins (or whatever method you use) The issues mentioned before re "trust of another" are very much present here and so lots of communications a la hex 18 where no stone be unturned in getting the foundations well established, no misunderstandings - if that is not done then the consequences of neglect will emerge.

 

[millie]

i'm with you. got the message clearly about talking through things. he wants to be sure (and me too) that we are setting a good foundation for success longterm. he wants the space to be equal. i do also in theory. i guess i'm just a little scared because i worked so hard for this house and because i've lived alone for so long. i guess the question comes down to trust of myself and opening my heart. i read this back to myself and it sounds petty. i do not intend it like that. this is just all new for me. i do love him. i think i just need to relax and let life happen. i have wanted this and now it's here.

 

[millie]

p.s. why do you call it "wishful thinking?" do you mean if we worry about it then we'll create it?

 

[lightofdarkness]

no - the issue is "i'll open to the union i've prayed for" which can allow you to gloss over issues that in fact do need some 'work'. The positive, idealist, thinking can blind one to 'business' issues that if not delt with can undermine the foundations later.

 

[millie]

ok, you're saying the problem isn't that i'm not open/trusting enough. the problem (maybe poor choice of word) is that there are foundational issues to be discussed. if this is what you mean then i understand.

it is interesting to me that i'm the one who has received 54 twice in connection with questions about moving in. but he is the one worried about being second fiddle. maybe i should ask about what his concerns are - maybe yi will have some insight about something he either hasn't told me or isn't even aware of himself?

 

[white_dog]

Millie, fwiw, I'm in agreement with Chris here. Our wishes can bias answers to fulfilling them.

I've found that when there's a series of readings regarding a particular matter, it's always wise and helpful to return to the first reading of the series, which in this case is: 3. 2,4,5 - 54. Hasty action here isn't recommended, but over time it may work out. Perseverance in small matters (such as taking time to know each other) furthers.

 

[void]

If its not the 'union i've prayed for' now I can't see that moving in will make any difference.

Normally people spend so much time staying over at each others places they have some idea of how living together might be. They spend so much time at each others places eventually they just think it would make more sense to live together.

Seems unusual to me to sit there thinking 'if he moves in will it be the union I prayed for' ? I mean why should it be ? It will be the same as it is now except he won't go home at night and you'll irritate each other more, probably. On the other hand its nice to have someone to come home to on a cold night.

Its like you have a preconceived idea of what it should be like, a slot or a role for him to fit into. I reckon thats the 54, you don't see him as him, just as someone who might be a candidate to play the role of live in partner.

Also of course theres financial stuff to take care of if its your house. I feel when someone moves in with you if its your house theres always a power imbalance cos you see it as your space and them as a 'guest' despite your good intentions. I know from experience of being the house owner, oh and from living with different partners over the years.

I agree with Chris, put the **** coins away and just get on with it, like talking, moving or not moving or whatever. I've never agreed with Chris in my entire life so this is a very special occasion.

 

[millie]

did chris say to put away the coins? i missed that. still, it's a good idea. i know when i start asking a string of questions it's because something is going on i'm having trouble listening to. i need to listen closely to me.

i hope the "union i've been praying for" isn't being misunderstood. i wrote that in response to my 38.6 line which seemed a very clear ansawer to my question about timing. jesed proposed that question and i think it was a good one. i'm not thinking moving in will make the relationship better. there is nothing wrong with the relationship anyway. it's good. mostly all this is me being anxious. that's all.

yeah, the possible power imbalance. that seems to be what we need to discuss. even as white-dog says, go back to the early toss. 3 to 54. that seems to be about difficulty surrounded by power issues.

 

[peace]

Millie:

This all sounds more than a little scary to me.
What is your rush?
Why not get to know him better???

You wrote:

well i'm having second thoughts about the whole relationship. i know that may come across sounding like i'm unstable.

.... he's noted some habits of mine that bother him. and although i do have some room for improvement in these area, it's also mostly just who I am. he needs to decide if he can accept these parts of me without having to bring it up again. there are habits of his that are not my favorite.....

it's the first time i'm feeling bad about myself in this relationship.
------------------------
Yikes!

 

[millie]

hi rosalie, i know you like little of what i say on this board and oh well, that's just the way it is. some people, like me, use the yi and this place to process their feelings. often that means that once something is expressed it's also released. exploring reactions and self discovery are a process. to take as stone anything i write longer than in the following brief amount of time would be to be behind. yes, i wrote what you quoted above and it was real and true for me at the time. but it isn't the definitive statement about me in this relationship. and once again - you offer me nothing that moves forward an interpretation of the readings or hexagrams i received, and instead insist on commenting only psychologically from your personal opinion. if that's what i was looking for i wouldn't be on this forum.

 

[rosada]

Oh come on, Millie! What are you saying, that something you wrote on April 28 is no longer valid on May 1st and therefore it's rude of people to quote you? We're not here just to read your random rants. We assume when you post something it's not just you thinking out loud, but that you are asking for feedback. I tried to give you feedback when I gave you a textbook interpretation of the hexagram you refered to in that April 28 post (58.6 -10) and you blew it off because it didn't suit your purpose. (Did you ever bother to research what Seductive Joyousness is all about? It is not pretty.) When you wouldn't acknowledge your own hexagram, Rosalie was gracious enough to give you a responce that didn't quote the I Ching but simply quoted you in hopes your own words might reach you - and that really curdled your cream. LOL! Look, everybody here - I think - hopes your relationship goes well but the hexagrams you've come up with are what they are and we can't twist their meaning to be something different. Further, what you yourself have written - that you haven't been motivated to clear out space for him in your house and that your wondering if this project is all a little premature - doesn't inspire anyone to feel encouraged. But even so, when it became obvious you were still intent to go forward with this move you were encouraged to go ahead, follow your own instincts and "Just do it!" But that didn't suit you either. Bottom line is, more and more it's looking like you don't want to take any responciblity for this decision. You want to say, "Oh it's LOVE" and be wafted away by a dream. Fine, happy trails. But the I Ching is a Guide, and not The Decider. If you're not willing to take responcibility for your own words and decisions you will find yourself more and more like 54, The Marrying Maiden, in situations where there are fewer and fewer meaningful decisions for you to make.

 

[jesed]

Hi Millie:

"general diagnosis of the Time of our plan to moving together" is no the same than "assessment of the plan that he moves in sometime in May"

Because... what if the best time for move is not in May but August? (just an example). The result of the second way would be negative, but the result of the first way would point succes in August (just an example)

The interpretation I did for your initial answer (3.2.4.5 turning into 54) was "In this answer, seems moving in is the right thing, but in that date is not the right time". I keep this interpretation nowadays: moving is the right thing, the issue is to do it in the right moment.

I sorry later in this post this aspect ("seems moving in is the right thing") was un-seen because overlook the tendential 54 (the future is not written down, one can avoid ending in the tendential if acts propperly in the propper time; and 54 is not only subordination, is also a non-legally-bounded relationship, as Millie's seems would be).

That's why I wrote "I assume that your question is not about to do/no-to-do, but when is better to do".

Best wishes

 

[millie]

thanks to everyone for your contributions to my reading.

 

[mudpie]

The "stuff" in the room where your friend would come has a voice.

It reminds me of a friend who is sorely discontent and wants to sell her house. She will, "as soon as I clear the clutter," she says. But the clutter never clears, and it is a LOT of clutter. The voice of that clutter speaks of much unfinished business. It isn't even enough to say she is afraid of moving and hiding behind the clutter. She is afraid of what moving the clutter will bring, because then the voices will get really loud.

Millie, your "stuff" in your room is perhaps speaking about the fact that you are not feeling ready to commit to this, but the way I see it, you have an opportunity here. Don't sit on the fence and ask the yi to confirm or discourage your hesitancy. Make a space for this man. Move your stuff. Your feelings will tell you if you are moving in the right direction. Then speak your own truth to yourself. Maybe your new voice will surprise you

The worst thing to do would be to do nothing because then you are letting other voices tell you your truth. I think right now the voices of your "stuff," the Yi, and the voices of the people here are not saying very different things. But you need a voice to come from you. Have courage to embody the question, and then embody the answer. Don't think too much.

 

[millie]

hi listener, thanks for the good feedback. the "stuff' is already 1/3 resolved. the fact that i've had resistence to making space for him isn't about him. the stuff was in that room long before i knew him. the resistence to taking care of it also isn't about him. the resistence existed long before i knew him, too. what is about him: the fact that i've now actually moved through the resistence to dealing with the stuff. i want him more than i want the unfinished business of the stuff.

i'm sad that rosada and maybe others think it's not possible for my feelings or behaviors could change in such a short time. strange since yi teaches us that life is all about change. what i wrote on this board is a very simpified version of what's living in my head. sure, i've been displaying some resistence to this move-in. but do not assume that the resistence is my authentic voice of truth. perhaps it's just the maladaptive protector that is holding me back from living a life? I consult the yi, i write, i discuss, i run, and hopefully, in the process, i become clear internally what is garbage and what is truth. when we read this board we only get to see glimpses of people's process and it is a gift. so much more of what happens with people between the time they throw the coins and live their lives is never revealed to us here. and perhaps that's as it should be.

jesed, thanks for clarifying the difference between your proposed time question and the one i answered. at this point i'm not throwing any more coins on this issue. i'm just going to live my life and see where i end up. i believe there are few true mistakes in life, and i do not fear making one of them.

 

[millie]

p.s. listener, yes, thanks for the reminder to embody the situation for myself. that is the process i am working with now. i'm moving forward with clearing the room and i'll see how that goes for me. (so far, so good.) and i've also reminded myself that moving in doesn't mean i'm making a forever committment, it is a transition. i'll know as i'm living it how it works or doesn't work for me. i will always have options.

 

[void]

I'm cross at how you spoke to Rosalie and

is how I feel to you

I had to get that off my chest.

Enjoy your day

Goodbye

 

[void]

I can't resist quoting this its a gem

<blockquote><hr size=0><!-quote-!><font size=1>quote:</font>

when we read this board we only get to see glimpses of peoples process and it is a gift<!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>

Ah so what you've just given us is a gift is it ?

Well thanks very much I'll treasure it forever.

Funny I thought you were the recipient of many gifts here, of which most you used up, acted on then trashed the giver.

Ah but it was YOU who bequethed the great gift of your problem to us ? Aaaah .

 

[white_dog]

Ruff! Ruff! rrrrrrURURURURURUR!!!!

 

[rosada]

You misunderstand me, Millie. I don't doubt your feelings can change. The point is that you never posted that your feelings had changed and then you blasted Rosalie for simply quoting you back to yourself. How was she supposed to know you no longer felt that way? Well, no need to keep discussing this. I just didn't want you to feel "sad'. I'd really like you to feel apologetic!
Whatever....