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What if i commit with gf? 40.1.4.6>41

msmith

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Hello all
I'm currently in a (quite long) distance relationship where we meet up every couple of weeks. She has been increasingly looking for signs of commitment and wants to discuss marriage frequently (even though we have been dating less than 6 months). It's been rocky and we have talked abut splitting up.
I asked IC what if i commit with my gf? 40.1.4.6>41 (release>decreasing)

This has me baffled. Perhaps the 41 reflects the demise of the relationship and 40 suggests to let go?
Line 1 = no mistake (to let go?)
Line 4 = releasing the thumbs partners arrive (?)
Line 6 = prince shoots a hawk on high rampart, nothing that does not bear fruit (?)

Any thoughts on this would be much appreciated. Cheers
 

Trojina

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40 says if there is something you need or want to do then get on and do it but if you don't need or want to do it then don't !

What you want is paramount here. You can't marry someone unless you positively want to. Do you positively want to marry this woman ? Do you think you even know her well enough ?

If you are talking about breaking up and also talking about marrying then it is pretty confusing.

Overall this is time to make your mind up rather than wait and see.

But Yi isn't making your mind up for you. That is your job I'm afraid. You do know whether you want to marry her and after all if you don't know no one else can tell you.

I think 41 suggests releasing the intensity of all this. Less pressure may be needed for you to really know what you want. So don't be pressurised.

Isn't this also the woman who asked you to lend her money ? I get the feeling you'd like someone to tell you to let this go. If you want someone to tell you to let this go it means you want to let it go.
 

Trojina

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Ah yes http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/frie...553-What-if-I-help-gf-financially-62-3-4-gt-2

My personal feeling, well what I pick up from you, is that you are somewhat at sea in this relationship and to me it sounds like she wants financial security and general security from you. Be careful because if you want to stay free I think this woman could easily trap you by getting 'accidentally' pregnant. That's not in the readings BTW that's just my feeling on it

You need to be clear about what you want in long term and 4uc in that thread shows you really are at sea, you aren't clear. Sometimes 4uc can counsel an open learners attitude but here I think it's just saying you really are quite unaware in this situation.

I think she sounds quite grabby and desperate but then I don't know her but from what you say in your shoes I think I'd run a mile...unless of course you love her very much in which case it's all good....but do you ? You can't marry someone you don't love very much and you can't marry someone you don't even really know well and you can't marry someone you only see every few weeks who wants money from you and keeps badgering you to marry her. It's not romantic at all is it. This woman sounds desperate and I'm guessing what she is desperate to do is marry you in order to leave her country to make a better life in your country ? I wouldn't blame her as her life may be hard where she lives but is that what you want. Of course that may not be the situation at all but that's how it sounds.

Then again you don't have to love her to marry her I suppose you may just want her company so it's up to you but I don't much like the sound of how much pressure she is applying here.
 

radiofreewill

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Hi msmith,

I'm with Trojina ~ here's how I read it:

What if I commit with my girlfriend? 40.1.4.6 to 41

40.1 ~ Regardless of what decision you make, neither of you will be hurt.
40.4 ~ Your friends are releasing you from her pressures.
40.6 ~ Get above the situation and calmly observe before taking decisive action.

and, you will decrease (41) the attachments which are preying upon your good judgement.

So, put yourself in a good position to make a good decision for the long run.

I hope this helps!
 

Trojina

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Actually your answer fits so well to your question. You ask about committing and Yi effectively says either commit or let it go but this is absolutely your decision. Line 4 often shows one is getting in one's own way by insisting things work a certain way. Get yourself free of indecision and jump one way or the other and you will get quite a sense of liberation as in line 6.
 

msmith

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Thanks Trojina and Radiofreewill. I think you are right. It will be fine if we break up. It feels that we have quite different value systems that will cause major hurdles. Another one of them is that I am expected to pay for everything (even though she earns the same as me if not more), that kind of thing, traditional vs modern thinking. I think she is insecure mainly because of trauma from a previous marriage that didn't work out and so craves commitment. I am all at sea, i'm in a foreign land, following a career, with no obvious route to a place i'd probably be more comfortable with better choice of partners. It is how it is, I try to accept it and enjoy what i can. Thanks for the assistance with my reading, cheers!
 

msmith

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In addition, she feels I am not pushing for the relationship. Maybe I am not really in love.

I asked IC what if I fight for my gf? 39.3>8

I think this is saying that I would be limping if I did (!). Any further thoughts are welcome. Thanks.
 

Trojina

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Fight for her ? Not sure what you mean ? You mean persist in the relationship ?

I think she is putting too much pressure on you and if someone is exerting a lot of pressure early on in the relationship it's not a good sign. I think 39.3 shows this path with her is a struggle but again it's not making your mind up for you. It's saying you cannot battle on alone you need to find support and allies elsewhere. I guess she could be the support....but it doesn't sound like it. To me this looks like it's just too hard and ironically it is making you more isolated than you would be if you let it go. Maybe there is someone closer to home more on your wavelength that you would receive more support from. She seems to ask a lot from you, money and commitment but what is she giving to you ? Maybe you could ask yourself that.

Also your last reading with 40.4 makes me wonder if you have too fixed an idea of the kind of woman you'd like to be with ? Maybe if you let go of those ideas there may be someone more suitable for you with whom you can have a far more relaxed relationship.
 

msmith

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Hi thanks for that. Re - fight well she would like me to be a knight in shining armour, making her feel secure. It would be nice to have her support - she is the strong woman type; but she wants me to take charge, and it's not my style so it's a bit complicated. I just try to be myself but she wants more. For a long time I did have a fixed idea of a woman I'd like to be with (i.e. from Europe), and recently am more open to the women where I am here, although find it difficult to see how it might work longer term. Cheers.
 

Trojina

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It's never a good idea to marry someone who wants you to be someone you're not
 

radiofreewill

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"What if I fight for my girlfriend?" 39.3 to 8

From Fields' "Zhou Book of Changes":

39.3 ~ "He stumbles ahead and tumbles back."

Imho, you would be much better off asserting your own inner sovereignty, in order to make the best decision for yourself...as opposed to fighting for her, in hopes that she will beknight you? Are you even sure that you want to win that battle?

My advice is to withdraw from the relationship ~ you're getting pounded on, my friend ~ fortify yourself, and hold out for a better relationship dynamic with someone else.

I hope this helps.
 

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